the way you make me feel

so i'm sitting here crying in my room because i just watched the clip of Kevin and Danielle's wedding from Access Hollywood, on youtube.
Danielle is ridiculously lucky.
Kevin is such a great guy.
and this is the video that made me cry


i dont' know what's wrong with me today, i just feel like crying.
I mean first of all i watched five episodes of heroes (three from before the midseason finale, and two that were on tonight for the start of the second half of the season) and i cried during the one, and ALMOST cried during another.
and well i normally dont' cry while watchign tv shoes or movies unless it's Remember The Titans, that movie made me cry, still does usually, and the Guardian i bawled watching that one, oh my gosh and P.S. I Love You, yup that one makes me cry too, but besides that not normally...

i don't know i guess it's whatever.
i pulled myself together by watching Nick sing "the way you make me feel"
(yup thanks holly for those videos :) it helps that Nick can always put me back together when i dont even know i need it) so yeah i'm no longer crying. just feeling sentimental, and kind of sad.
lets get these feelings out ready.go:
okay so it's not like i feel like i need a man, i mean when my time is right God will send this amazingly great guy in my direction and i'll be surprised but that's when i will know the time is right.
it's just i get impatient, because i am a romantic at heart.
it's true.
and i read all of these romance based books and watch all those movies and it kind of makes my heart ache.
i just want to find that love.
that perfect love.
i mean i get that things aren't perfect, but you know i really think love is.
if you find the right person to spend the rest of your life with. it's right there.
it's golden.
i'm just waiting. rather impatiently.
AND DUDE I'M ONLY 20. why am i even thinking about this.
i have so much time... well unless God wants me to die, but idk i don't think i fulfilled my purpose on earth yet.
but anyways i'll be 21 in less than six months.
i graduate college next year.
when does love happen?
well when you least expect it most of the time.
blah.
i don't know.
i guess i'm just being...weird.
i don't know.
does anyone else get these feelings?

actually you know what it is.
it's the fact that i barely slept last night.
i went over to babysit my friends ADORABLE daughter, while my friend went and partied it up with her stupid boyfriend, whom i dislike greatly, and some other people
it's a good thing i adore her daughter or i would have been annoyed.
although i did volunteer.
but the thing is she didn't come home until like 11:30 this morning.
i was like...what if i actually had somewhere to be? she told me she would be home early in the morning, in fact she was thinking pry like 5 in the morning or so cause she said she would sleep downstairs as to not wake anyone up.
but she didn't even come home.
sigh. i just want her to clean her act up.
some of the things her mom told me last night and this morning, they just made me feel so sad for her daughter, it's just not fair for her. but that's why i'm going to be sure i stick around.
that little girl is going to need some good influences in her life, and hello i'll be in the top ten.
oh wow that sounded conceited.
but what can i say her mother is a mess.
goodness.
well anyways i got there at like 6:30 yesterday and played with Livi, she's so adorable and so happy, seriously i got there and if you laugh she starts to laugh because she wants to be a part of whatever you are laughing at.
it's the cutest thing ever.
plus it's fun having an excuse to play with toys again :)
and she has this cool inflatable ball pit.
seriously. i want one.
it's incredibly tempting to go play in it. haha.
so i played with Livi for awhile her mom left at like 9 so i got livi ready for bed.
my friends mom gave livi her bedtime bottle then we talked about different things for over an hour.
then i went into my friends room and watched the disney channel. oh how i missed that channel.
oh how i miss cable in general.
i stayed up til like 1:30 reading then.
i kept expecting livi to wake up but she didn't until around 6:30 in the morning which everyone said was unusual for her.
so i didn't get much sleep.
at 6:30 i made her a bottle, changed her diaper and tried to put her back into her bed but she wouldnt' go so i just let her sleep in the bed with me. haha.
no biggie she was adorable and she didn't move that much, and she was playing with my hand while she was falling asleep, it was adorable.
yes adorable. ahha everything about her is adorable.
so i would say i got about 4 1/2 hours of sleep.
it's shocking i'm still functioning.
i went home at 1.
ate, worked out, read, then took a shower and caught up on MLIA for two hours.
it was relaxing.
and now i'm starting to realize how tired i am.
i need to sleep

so dont' mind my random rant about love above. it has to do with lack of sleep.
as does my crying, i'm sure.
goodness.
well goodnight all much love.