Dinosaur Silly Bands!

So my mom basically called me fat today.
without even saying the words. You know how moms give you that look that says it all. yeah she did that to me.
I was trying on this super awesome dress. It's basically the same style of dress that i look at everytime i go to Rice's been wanting one for years, and i was like today is the day. i tried it on. loved the color, and my mom just gives me that look. my grandma and my mom's friend were like wow you look so good in that! and i don't think they would lie about that. then my mom just gives me that look that's like. you know you have some love handles there you probably shouldn't be wearing that.
i just walked back into the dressing room, and wanted to cry.
i mean i've been working out. i do an ab workout like everyday now. and you know i'm feeling pretty good about myself. considering there is basically no healthy food to eat in my house, and no gym to use.
I'm doing what i can.
and it's worse cause of course i get mad. how can i not. as my mother i think she should know the difference in finding a way to tell me that dress isn't flattering and making me feel like i look horrible in a dress.
and honestly i feel like she never knows.
she always makes me feel fat.
just by the way she words things, and the looks she gives me, when say i'm having a bad day and i get a big scoop of ice cream. that look of disapproval shows up.
anddd i just want to smack her.
and her thing is "i'm just trying to make you happy with how you look"
and i'm like wow. is there ever a day where i have come up to you and said i dont feel happy with myself.
um no.
I'm pretty lucky with the fact that i have pretty good self-esteem.
and the one person who is going to bring that down is my own mother.
half of the time she doesn't even see it.
and then it's even worse because she tries to make ME feel bad for getting mad at the fact that she made me feel fat by saying she's stressing out about moving now.
and i just want to be like oh and that's my fault. and that gives you all the right to make me feel terrible about myself.
NOT.
i just want to remember how this feels when i have kids. and when/if i have a daughter i never want to make her feel fat. I want to reach any dreams she has. and if something doesn't look good on her i want to find a way to support her and let her know that it isn't flattering without making her feel fat.
i need to remember that feeling i had, because i never want anyone to feel the way i did when my mom gave me her stupid mother look.
and she has a stupid obsession with everything being fitted, or having a belt with it, since that used to be the style wearing a belt like around your waist when wearing a dress or a shirt.
and well i never liked that style. i kind of thought it was dumb. but it's not like i'm fashionista, and i know there are people who can pull that look off, but that look wasn't for me, and my mom still insists that i try that style. and i dont want to.
even today when i bought two dresses at rices (this was before the incident where she made me feel fat) she kept going well it isn't fitted at all, it's going to look like a bag when you wear it. and i was like wow. no it won't. and i'm glad my grandma and kathy were there because they were like it looks great,
then of course other people were looking at the dresses that i looked at and my mom was all. "my daughter bought the green one" i was like oh so now you like the dress.
i'm sorry. i know i'm like ranting. but i really needed to get this out.
it just hurt me that she would imply that.
i mean i'm not the skinniest girl on the planet, and i never will be, and honestly i don't want to be that skinny that i look sick. it's disturbing.
and my little brother was so adorable cause i was telling him a bit that my mother basically called me fat, and he was like your not fat, most guys want girls who aren't super skinny. it's better to be average.
and i was like aww. good boy. ahha
i kind of just want to go up to my mom and be like oh sorry mom that i'm not a freaking model.
but then she would probably get all offended and cry.
and that would make me even more annoyed.
so instead i'm going to do my laundry.
probably start taking down posters ( :( ) and rock out to my music. also probably ignore the fact that my mom wants to take more stuff down to my grandma's house to store there. and the fact that she is "stressed" about moving her bedroom furniture because it's "too big" and we won't be able to carry it. and how she can't afford a moving company or a truck. blah blah blah.
i feel like it's not that big. and if she really wants it, we'll figure something out.
heck i would take her bedroom furniture.
which this makes me realize. that you probably are wondering why i'm only saying my mom can't afford a moving company.
and i'm pretty sure i never mentioned it because i dont like talking about it...
but my parents are getting a divorce,
which is one of the main reasons we are moving.
this is one of those things that has a back story, but i dont really feel like writing about it right now at least.
this is also one of those things that makes children rebel.
and it's looking more and more like i'll be one of those children who rebel against both parents.
and it's not even like i'll be rebelling by doing something bad. i just don't want to live with either of my parents.
actually life would be easier if i was back at school.
as much as i dislike homework. i'm pretty sure i'd rather be there now.
yup i'm positive i'd rather be at school now.
freaking so stressed right now. and i probably just made my mom cry.
oh yup she's crying and she's yelling without yelling about her life.
can i go back to school now?

sigh.
on the bright side i bought silly bands today.
dinosaur ones, fruit ones, and band ones.
i guess i should go help my annoying crying mother.
i know everything happens for a reason, but right now life sucks.

wasting my life away watching tv.

yesterday, i was in a super bad mood. i have no idea why, but i was. and i basically didn't want to do anything.
so i watched like four tv movies on the "this" channel that i get. they are all oldies. apparently that's all i get. i watched part of Johnny Be Good, and then watched the entire You've Got Mail, watched some other movies but i dont' remember what they were called. oh well. haha
went to church today then, and had lunch with my friend, whom i have known since Kindergarten. her parents are moving to Texas on Friday, but she's staying here, she's moving in with one of her best friends.
so we talked about everything that's been going on and about moving. it was nice to talk to someone else who is also moving at the same time.
then i came home and basically have been watching the tv show Shark all afternoon. although i did watch some random movie called "Love Is All There Is" it was hilarious, it was a movie that had the twist of romeo and juliet with the main characters playing romeo and juliet in a play for part of the movie. pretty hilarious. the girl looked like Angelina Jolie it was weird.
wasting my life away watching tv. oh well.
i'm going to be painting my dressers though this week! I'm getting paint tomorrow, i think i'm going to paint the dresser darker purple, and the drawers teal, i'm pretty excited!
and tomorrow i'm going to Rice's, favorite place. haven't been there in like a year! super excited :)
also really want to make a bag but my mom keeps saying that i should use a pattern blah blah blah,
i dont' like patterns. they aren't fun
haha.
oh well. that's basically it.
can't believe it's memorial day tomorrow and that my birthday is wednesday. insanity.
well that is all. laterrrrrr

coming out your mouth with your blah blah blah

so i worked again yesterday :)
it was cool.
and i wasn't supposed to work today, but my brother called me and said they were going to be short on people so i went in.
it was interesting because three people came in who were speaking spanish to each other and i basically knew everything they were saying and i should have probably talked to them back in spanish but i still can't really hear out of my left ear. soo that's problematic. but oh well. I also saw two kids i graduated with today! it was kind of weird and i was like hi. and they kind of looked at me weird. like how do i know you. and i was like uh seriously. one of you i have known since first grade, and the other kid was in my homeroom senior year. he sat at my table.
quite awkward... haha
it was pretty sweet...in an awkward way you know haha
i worked 14 hours this week!
yay.
i was oddly cold today. cold being like 68 but this weekend is supposed to be really hot again.
i really am not enjoying this weather since i never know if its going to be hot or cold. intense.
besides that i haven't really done anything today.
i watched A-team on this old school tv channel.
and yesterday i cleaned out a bunch of my childhood games from out of my closet, that i figure we wont be playing in the near future.
plus i figure by the time i have kids they will have cooler games out right?
i dont know my closet shelf is looking empty and it's weird.
i dont like this cleaning things up to move.
sigh.
i just kind of wish we knew where we were moving, that way we could start moving things over there.
that would make it easier.
:/
oh well. well i'm watching medium (i think it's called that...) and it's weird it has zombies in it, well she keeps dreaming about zombies and it's kind of freaking me out...
anyways i'll pry clean a lot this weekend. maybe sew and i'm supposed to see my friend since kindergarten on sunday for lunch. and my birthday is next wednesday. weird.
okay bye!

ps. i dont even like ke$ha but her stupid songs are so catchy...



EDIT!
I CAN HEAR OUT OF MY EAR NOW!!! YESSSS apparently earwax removal stuff actually works! wooo. except now everything seems amplified times a million. since everything feels really loud! it's weird. but i'm glad i can hear now ! yayyy!
and to celebrate i am watching what a girl wants... since Holly tweeted about it. ahha i love that movie :)
ALSO my friend John texted me today! i miss that kid. lots and lots. of course everytime we text each other is about ridiculous things. he texted me because the commercial for hoverround came on.
yup. my group of friends has an inside joke about a scooter that old people ride. hahaha
i responded by texting him about party in the usa. since we also make fun of miley.
it's only because her music is so catchy and John insists she's autotuned haha.
man. I miss my friends.
seriously i haven't seen any of my friends since i got home. it's super sad. but i'm seeing my biffle on my birthday next week! after i slave away at my internship for the morning. haha. oh well
going to watch the movie now!

life

so i decided that my ear might have earwax build up? which sounds gross, but it could also be impacted in there or something. because my ear being clogged def happened after i cleaned my ear.
so i think I'm going to go to walmart tomorrow and buy something that you can clean your ear out with. should be fun.
although i have work at 11. so i haven't decided if i should go before or after work. it might be better before because then i could actually hear...
soo that will be great. to be able to hear again!

lets see today i randomly walked around my yard and took pictures of things that i like. mostly in my backyard though. since i put on a bathing suit top and was soaking up my vitamin d.
it would be awkward to do that in the front yard since sometimes people drive by. and well i almost know everyone who always drives down my road...
oh well.
i also started packing some things up. not that much. i packed like my tour books away and one of my several scrapbooks.
woo.
my mom was on a kick today of getting rid of games we no longer play. it's kind of painful since i have memories with some of those games.
although she was getting rid of some and she was like how about this one? and i was like i don't' care you never let us play it anyway. and she was like oh well maybe i didn't want you to choke on the small pieces when you were younger... then another one she was like oh well it takes a lot of clean up.
i was like oh whatever.
it's pretty interesting since we have a pile of stuff in the garage for salvation army.
and i basically didn't know we had half of that stuff that's out there.
very interesting.
and my mom is getting rid of a lot of stuff.
it's like spring cleaning times a thousand.
I'm afraid of what she will do next month when it's crunch time.
i dont' want her coming near my room. i feel like she'll go crazy and throw everything out...
so scary.
until then I'll slowly pack things up, and get rid of things i think need to be gone.
that's all i can do.

anyways i went to senior high youth group tonight for my internship.
more observing.
there were like ten people around my age there they were "youth leaders" i was kind of shocked. i mean there were like twenty kids from high school there. it was a lot of people. then the pastor who is supervising me pointed me out to everyone and told everyone to come say hi to me afterwards
so i was talking to this girl who is a music therapist and she graduated from my college!! which i thought was cool. although she graduated in 2008 so i never would have met her since i transferred this year and all, but it was still cool. anyways i was talking to her and one of the youth leaders basically gathered everyone up and made them all say 'HI SAM, I'M ...." and they all yelled their name. i was like oh my word.
so i have no idea who anyone is since they all yelled their name at me. but i guess technically i met everyone...haha
then they went and attacked the other new guy.
so i was glad i wasn't the only one.
and my supervisor even admitted he was out to embarrass me and brad (the other dude) today. i was like oh great. he's just like my mom. no wonder they are friends.
ha.
oh well. it was cool. i enjoyed youth group. it's too bad i didn't go when i was in high school. i think i would have liked it.
the thing is i recall it being a popularity thing when i was in high school, and i preferred to not get involved in that.
oh well.
well work at 11 tomorrow :)
yay!
good night!

I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO BE KINGGGGGG!

Had my first day of work yesterday!
Loved it!
brought home a ridiculous amount of ice cream, from all the training i did.
it's almost sickening, but at the same time not. since well i love ice cream haha.
anyways i did five hours of training.
even ended up helping customers. of course i was sort of panicking on the inside but everyone who works there and comes there are all so nice and they were like oh it's fine! when they found out i was training. so that's a relief.
Penny told me she already put me on the schedule for next friday, and friday's are the busy days...
kind of nervous but with everyone there i should be okay.
then i came home, had my mom hassle me about who knows what.
watched Dear John, loved it. almost cried a few times. such an emotional movie.
then watched GLEE! which was fantastic.
my Grandma randomly showed up at my house, my mom was like yelling at her (it was her mom) and i was like i have no idea what is happening so just kept watching Glee.
then i watched Lion King afterwards :)
on VHS of course.
I mean we are getting rid of the rest of those movies so i had to make sure i watch them all.
BUT i know that when i have kids i am so buying every disney movie available.
i think those were good movies to grow up with... even if they give you unrealistic expectations about finding Prince Charming ;)
still love them though, and i'm pretty sure i dreamed about having all my old VHS Disney movies back...or that i went to the store to buy them on DVD haha.
so strange.
well today is supposed to be 92 degrees. I think i'm going to walk around my yard and take pictures of things i love from living here. since i am moving in about a month.
sigh.
also i realized my birthday is a week away exactly.
which i remembered when i was trying to sleep last night and i almost freaked out.
what can i say? i'm not ready to be 21.
oh well.
well going to do some laundry, take pictures and accomplish things. since i work/train tomorrow again at 11!
later !

CHUCK!!!!

Watching Chuck Season finale right now. :)
i love chuck! he's super cool.

I am almost done my laptop bag! just need to sew like two things by hand then i'll be done. i'm not excited though cause my mom told me to do it by hand/ invisible stitching.

I also cleaned my room and did some ab exercises.
and i start work tomorrow!

so i'm kind of freaking out now.
it's about a month that i have to have everything packed up and ready to move. and for a month of that time i'm not even going to be home i'll be at school for peer mentor training/summer orientation.
pretty crazy stuff.

although my mom mentioned something about a vacation earlier. which is interesting.
she wants to go to the beach for a whole week. which we haven't done in like four years. it would be super fun cause she said we could invite friends and that we would rent a beach house. it would be super sweet.
but i'm not going to be get my hopes up for that yet.
still gotta move. and pack.
sigh.
well going to watch Chuck now woot woot.
later.

Iron Man 2

So i went to my cousin's confirmation today. it was nice since i haven't seen those cousins in a pretty long time. missed their faces :)
hung out with that side of the family for a few hours then. had a super good "picnic" with them all.
then my grandma confronted me about our house being sold.
and i was like listen i can't be in the middle of this. i'm sorry but i just can't be.
and basically like put my hands up to make sure she knew i was being serious. and my grandma was like okay i understand and she like looked at my mom.
since my mom didn't tell her we were moving or that our house was sold.
i honestly don't know why she didn't tell her.
i mean i can understand not wanting to tell your mom everything about your life (because i certainly do not tell my mom everything that's going on in my life) but some thing are kind of important. like the fact that we are moving.
whatever.
then we left and as soon as we got home, my brother, my dad and i went to the movie theater to see Iron Man 2. except my brother said the movie was at 3:15 when it was really at 4:15 so we ended up sitting there for an hour, of course we also got super good seats in theater haha.
and i thought the movie was good. what can i say i have a soft spot for robert downey jr.
i mean i know he did bad things in his past, but honestly i dont think i was alive when that went down, and i dont find it to be a big deal. mostly because i dont' personally know him and in his Rolling Stone article he genuinely seemed to be sorry for everything he did in the past.
so you know i forgive him, it's whatevs in my book haha
it was really funny though during the one scene someone in my theater was like "YEAH!" and everyone like laughed because we were all probalby thinking that at that point of the movie.
i kind of like when people really get into the movie like that. makes me happy. haha
so then the movie was over. we ran to the car, dropped my brother off at work. drove home super fast. except we got stuck behind a super slow person. this always happens when i have places to be that i might be late for.
finally got home i ran upstairs grabbed my bible and drove super fast...within the speed limit... and got to bible study like five minutes late.
which is something i have extreme anxiety about.
so the pastor who runs it (who also happens to be my internship advisor) made some guy get up and go get more chairs and told me to sit in his seat. i was like uhh okay.
it was awkward since i was late and everyone stared at me...
but the bible study was good we talked about Hell. although the guy who was the guest speaker didn't even really talk about it, he more so talked about how we arrive there and how it isn't God's fault no matter what, but rather ours.
which i found to be something that you should sort of already realize. but also its nice to go over things like that.
then we had little prayer groups.
afterwards they had food for everyone. which was amazing since i didn't have a chance to eat dinner, since i was running late.
talked to my brothers new friend-girl. she's nice. saw some people who went to my high school. two people i graduated with. the one talked to me the other looked at me like she had no idea who i was...it was awkward.
then there were a lot of people who graduated after me and before me.
saw some cute boys. but they were pry all taken.
well except this one guy he didn't look like he was taken. and i clearly remember him because his sister grew up with me. well she did spanish immersion with me.
it was kind of weird because i always thought her brothers were cute, but they were always way older. but i don't remember how much older they were. cause i mean if its like three years...i dont think that's too bad. especially now that i'm going to be a senior in college.
AH.!
haha
oh well. i think i'll continue to go to bible study
1. because it was very interesting and eye-opening
2. because it gives me hours for my internship
haha/
oh well. so then i came home showered and am now relaxing.
tomorrow i'm going to work more on my laptop case and i think i'm going to start a bag. :)
that's all for now!
good night!

it's summertimeeee

today, i got a new phone! and i absolutely love it. of course i had to go through a lot of trouble to get it. since my mom was all you can't pay your bill on time blah blah blah. when i'm like the only one who pays mine on time/in bulk. so whatever.
but i got the samsung reality from verizon. and i love it. and the screen saver and the wall papers are so cool that i dont even want to change them! ahha. my younger brother also got his first phone ever. he's in 9th grade so i guess it's about time...
idk. i just still always imagine him as virtually being too young to have a computer or a phone. what can i say haha.
i also started working on a cover for my laptop :) it's going to be super cool. i think when that's done i'll post pictures on twitter and then i probably will start working on a purse/over the shoulder bag. which i'm super excited for. :)
my favorite part about summer is well
1. reading harry potter all over again, which i will be starting soon :)
2. sewing. i love sewing :)
3. SWIMMING!
4. getting new music!
5. hanging out and not having homework (even though i have a paper to write for my internship oh well)
6. seeing my friends
7. eating ice cream and not getting weird looks, since it's so hot it looks normal to eat ice cream hahah

and well some other things
anyways i have to go to my cousins confirmation graduation tomorrow. so need to get some sleep! laterr

or not.

or maybe i won't go work on a bag.
haha i think i'll start tomorrow when i'm not tired and can't mess things up badly.
anyways just wanted to post this prayer text i got (it was one of those ones you forward or are supposed to forward to everyone, but i think it was nice anyway )
Dear God,
The girl (or boy) reading this is beautiful, classy and strong and I love her (or him). Help her/him live her/his life to the fullest. Please promote her/him and cause her/him to excel above her/his expectations. Help her/him shine in the darkest places where it is impossible to love. Protect her/him at all times, lift her/him up when she/he needs you the most and let her/him know when she/he walks with you. She/he will always be safe.
Amen

:)
Love you all.

They got nothin' on you babe...nothin' on you.

i think it's weird that my parents...
who aren't necessarily talking to each other at the moment...
both tell me that they like the same song.
my dad told me yesterday that he really liked the song "Nothin' On You" by B.O.B.
(he even did the rap parts when the song came on the radio. it was pretty funny)
then today i'm with my mom (after she dragged me to the grocery store..which i knew would happen) and that song came on and she was like aww i like this song! It's so nice.
all i can say is. i kind of sat there in shock for a moment.
i mean both of my parents like a fairly new pop/rap song and they didn't discuss it or even know that the other person said that.
for some reason this just blows my mind.

and i just thought i would share that with you all.
also my toe ring broke in half today. i have no idea why. but i was thinking about changing it anyway so i guess good timing?
yup.
still haven't slept. i figure i'll just go to bed earlier tonight. plus i want to start working on the laptop cover i have planned for well my laptop :) or one of my bags that i want to make. idk. i have so many options and i'm just really excited! haha.
also my other pair of toms that i ordered awhile back well they are back in stock which means they will ship soon...too bad they are going to be sent to my school...which i am not at.
good thing i did the mail forwarding thing. i wonder if they forward packages...hmm.
also i got my seventeen magazine today and there was a veryyy interesting article about pot.
it said that smoking pot is five times worse for you than regular cigarettes, it's also easier to get than cigarettes or alcohol.
it also said that if you smoke pot you are more likely to get depression or have bad anxiety when you are older.
as well as have tendencies to become schizophrenic, it also says you become slow, as in you do things more slowly.
i don't know about you but the article basically blew my mind. probably because i know someone who smokes pot as well as her boyfriend (i blame her stupid ugly boyfriend for getting her involved in it) and well she always says it's not affecting her at all and that IF she has kids she will have the kids (and not smoke during pregnancy) and continue smoking.
makes me sad. wonder if she knows she's more likely to have all those things happen to her...
pry not. but i don't want to be the one who tells her. she's very outspoken when it comes to drugs, and how she thinks pot should be legalized.
it makes me sad.
but i dont want to become one of those people who think they can fix everyone, because well it's not possible to fix people who dont' want to be changed. you know?
someday she'll realize (like when dumps that lowlife and finds someone much better for her).
sigh.
going to for real go work on a bag now.

your beautiful

so i just realized i have 666 blogs.
so i just need to write this right now and fix that.
not like i'm superstitious about it or anything, it's just weird.
so uh woke up at 745 this morning,
left my house at 830
got to my apartment around 1030, moved out my bed, and my bike.
put in a new smoke detector (since mike wrecked mine last semester and never replaced it...even though he said he was going to !)
had subway for lunch, gave my key to the landowner who showed up just as we were finishing tying down my bed and bike.
then we went to school and visited my friend sam :)
she told me chad was there for the campus wide picnic for seniors and people there for mayterm.
i'm especially sad i didnt get to see him, but it's okay considering i was like half asleep still...
oh well.
then we drove home. and now it's 348 and my mom just left my room after asking me super annoying questions about getting my bed. for example
" did it look like anyone slept on your bed while you were gone?"
i was like seriously. why would they do that? that's so dumb, they didn't even know my bed was still there.
sometimes i wonder about her mind.
i also told her that i was extremely tired then she was like asking me questions and i was like ugh stop and she was like whats wrong.
i wanted to be like oh i dont know I JUST TOLD YOU I'M TIRED WOMAN!
honestly she never listens.
and she's especially annoying me now. when i'm tired.
sigh.
i need sleep.
and i really dont' want to go grocery shopping with my mom, but somehow i'll end up being dragged along...
sigh.
i need to like wash my face or something to wake up.
have a good day!

"Ryan you have a woof on line one."

so today i went to a baseball game. they won! 8 to 3 or something of that sort.
ahha.
all i know is i got super tan. ahha.
it was fun though dont' get me wrong. it was just weird since it was like education support day or something. so there was a bunch of children there. and well they should be in school!!! haha
it was also interesting since i went with this girl whom i usually see like once a summer, and she talks a lot, and asks questions and then doesn't wait for me to answer them.
it's kind of weird. she also changes the subject A LOT.
SO i basically had no idea what was happening the entire time.
oh well.
then i came home got some chik-fil-a
then did some laundry. cleaned some of my room.
laid on my bed and sort of took a nap for two hours. can't be sure if i passed out, or not, but i'm pretty sure i did.
i was also listening to my music which calms me :)
haha.
so then when i woke up no one was hear. and it was kind of weird.
but then my dad and brother came back and we went and got my brother's car and went out to dinner.
it was good.
and now i'm watching the season finale of the office and 30 Rock.
then gotta go to bed since i have to get up early AGAIN to go up to my apartment to get my bed and bike. give the dude my key back and peace out from there AND NEVER GO BACK.
dumbest apartment ever.
haha.
was going to look at an apartment but now my friend keeps insisting that they might not have it available anymore even though she told me before that they didn't need renters so they probably wouldn't have any for awhile. so i have no idea why she would lie about that. unless she's planning to take it. which would be kind of mean...
don't get it.
oh well.
i also want to make some bags this week, and a cover for my laptop, should be sweet.
and i can't wait to start work next week! :)
anyways going to watch the office now :)

I'm Only Me When I'm With You

bahahhaha. oh my gosh. please look at Garbo's latest blog. so funny. it was a thing that is a text to movie animation. greatest thing. please watch it.
In case you dont know his blog i'm pretty sure it's http://itsthegrogblog.blogspot.com/
watch and be amazed :)

anyways today I sort of cleaned my room. but then i kind of really didn't
my best friend bought our Camp Rock Tour tickets.
I'm still thinking it's going to be kind of lame. but hey i love those boys so you know we do what we can for them. right?
so we got row R. in the front section. so it should be good :)

then i went to my job interview.
and got hired :)
i'm very excited. although they told me i might not get many many hours, but then again there is a chance i could if a lot of people go on vacation. so that's good. i'm hoping for many hours. :)
I also met with my supervisor for my internship at the church, and he gave me a paper telling me everything that i can do. soo i'm aiming for those 200 hours :)
gotta start planning everything to make sure i can handle it all!
also someone invited me to a baseball game tomorrow. for free.
so i guess i'm gonna go. although i have to be at her house at 9:30 in the morning. which i wanted to do my wash too. so i'll be getting up a lot earlier than i like. and friday i'm heading back up to school to get my bike and my bed and my dad insists we go early. so that we can be back earlier in the day. plus i might ask my dad if we can check out an apartment up there for next year.
i also really have to finish cleaning my room, since i took that box out of the closet my mom put everything in.... now i have a lot of things that i dont know what to do with... well it's a lot of papers that i'm not sure if i need or not. and also a lot of magazines. it's pretty intense. haha.
also uploading more music onto my laptop :)
it's nice added all my jonas music, demi, selena, now onto taylor.!
also added some avril. so i can rock out to sk8er boi. haha :)
also watching some weird movie on "this" some random channel that shows a bunch of movies all the time. they are all old school movies. ahha.
well gotta clean...and such :)
fare splendid!

creepy guys freak me out.

so i basically have been trying to clean my closet the entire day, and i've been failing.
so i ended up reading the the pile of mail i acquired while away.
then i got a call.
and i was like what is happening.
it was from my dad and he told my brother rolled his car.
but it ended up he didn't completely roll it, it was only on it's side, and my dad couldn't get out of work, plus his car was in the shop so i went over to be with my brother.
no worries, he's okay, just a little shook up.
he's pretty lucky.
i mean what makes it worse is that it rained all day. so the roads were slick and i don't know if he took the turn too sharp, or if his tires just lost traction. all i know is, i showed up and his car was on it's side and my brother was sitting in the back of the state troopers car, and i was like freaking out.
i like jumped out of my car, and the cop got out of his and was like giving me a questioning look as to what i was doing and i was like He's my brother, and he was like oh then he explained to me what was going on.
so i sat back in my car
and seriously all the people who drove by who STARED as they drove by. made me so mad. I HATE that people think that they have a right to look at car accidents.
honestly i hate looking at car accidents, and when i drive by i almost never look. it terrifies me.
and then there were those stupid guys who drove by who had that stupid sick smile on their face like the car in the ditch on it's side was awesome.
i never have wanted to give someone the middle finger as i did at that moment.
i didn't of course because well the cop was there, and that's not who i am. but they made me mad.
the cop was very nice though, it was raining and i was wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt and my toms and my brother was wearing flip flops and shorts with his coat and the cop was like look at you wearing shorts. and my brother was like, well it's not like i thought i would be standing outside for long periods of time.
the cop also put on his gloves which made me laugh, and he was like i think it's cold out, and i was like shivering standing nearby and i was like oh it is cold out.
haha
also the guy who towed the car, umm SO CREEPY. and gross. and he like kept looking at me like he was going to talk to me and i wanted to be like um i'm not involved in anything that is happening here, just supporting my brother you CREEPER.
and he was like forty.
blah.
made me want to throw up. so gross.

all i know is, when i was driving over to go be with my brother i was like freaking out. it kept making me think what would happen if he died. and it freaked me out. i mean he's my brother and i love him, even when he does stupid things that make me SO mad. I still love him.
wish he would be more careful.
also it looks like he wont' be going on his roadtrip, at least not tomorrow.
well i'm going to go eat dinner now.
fare the well.

summertime

so i basically did nothing today. i honestly watched like four hours of spanish soap operas. what can i say, i got dragged in. they are so intense...haha
tried to clean under my bed. but i got easily bored with that. and plus i was up until 4:30 in the morning reading. so when i woke up at 11. i was like yeah that's not enough sleep. ahha. so i felt lazy.
although i did accomplish more laundry. still have to wash my comforter and then i should be done.
i'm pretty excited for my interview wednesday. i realllly hope i get the job.
the only problem is...i might get fat from all the ice cream! soo i'm trying to come up with a really good exercise regiment. i mean i hate running and there is a creepy guy who lives down the street so i don't really want to walk around the block. i'll think of something. if you have idea though send 'em my way :)
i think tomorrow i'll try and clean out my closet...since my mom put everything in there
idk. that's about it for now :)
good night!

A little Bit Longer and i'll be fine.

soo.
saturday.
family came.
packed up my car and my mom's car.
said goodbye to Clayton, apparently he is going to China for like three weeks or something for a class.
so he has to move all his stuff to the track house by wednesday.
he is so strange. haha
but honestly i'll pry miss that kid.
even though he was mean to me basically the entire first semester.... OH MY GOSH I JUST REALIZED HE NEVER GAVE ME THE SUPPOSED CHRISTMAS PRESENT.
oh jeez.
haha. uh anyways. so even though he was mean to me basically the entire first semester he turned out to not be that bad, he's very nice and he was pretty considerate, (like offering me that room in the track house where i refuse to live...)
so then we left my apartment. still have to go back there for my bike and bed, i think i'll go up friday...with my dad. since he has a truck to put my bed in.
i also need to apartment search up there. zero fun.
but anyway we left here and went out to lunch at this place called Spuds which has a giant three pound hamburger, which my brother tried. it was kind of sickening. considering i dont really like hamburgers in the first place i kind of wanted to throw up watching him eat it. also someone beat the record by eating it in like fourteen minutes. my brother didn't even get halfway in fourteen minutes...
haha
then i came home...
and saw the sign in my yard saying my house is for sale.
:/
which my mom told me awhile ago but it still shocked me.
and then my mom told me i had to PUT EVERYTHING AWAY. because two different sets of people were coming to look at the house (tomorrow aka sunday) so i spent the rest of my day putting everything away.
i must say my room has never looked so clean. but i also must say that i hate it because my mom cleaned off all my bureaus and threw things in a giant box, well everything on my floor she threw in the box.
it's kind of ridiculous since i feel like i have no idea where anything is...
so i cleaned everything up.
then watched Cheaters. which i laughed at. then felt bad for laughing. but seriously the guy who does it is kind of ridiculous.
then today i went to church. then we couldn't go home since people were looking at the house so we went to the mall. well the outside mall near my house.
and i bought like six new pairs of shorts from old navy. which are all different colors and i love themmmm!
and then we went Francesca's and i bought an adorable skirt and dress.
finally came home. did more laundry (which i did like three loads of laundry saturday as well)
at lunch.
then i went to target with my mom. and i bought these really comfortable flip flops that have owls on the soles. and they are super cute.
and i bought a belt. ahha
went home. my dad gave me my old laptop and i started burning cd's of all the music i want that my brother (who my dad is giving my laptop too. which i don't really agree with since i didn't get my first laptop until my first year of college...) will probably delete...
oh also my mom got a call that someone made an offer on my house.
i'm kind of freaking out. considering i've lived in the same house my entire life. i dont' know what to do.
it's scary.

also my internship is at the church my mom now insists we attend. and it should be okay.
and i applied for a job at the ice cream place both of my brothers work at now.
hopefully they hire me
and well that's basically it for now.
going to clean my room this week. find out what's in that box my mom threw everything into.
and have my interview on wednesday at 1!
goodnight!

sadddddddddddd

So yesterday i spent more time in the library finished my Greek final. it kind of was horrible. they were ancient letters and we had to translate them to english. some of them made no sense at all and it seemed like they were missing words. it was horrible. but once i was finished Sam and i took crazy pictures in the library. it was pretty fun. Went to dinner with Kristin, Kate, John, Steve and Sam.
it was sad. it was the last time we ate together for the semester :(
so sad.
then i hung out with sam for a bit. then we went to steve's apartment and watched The Office, 30 Rock and part of Marriage Ref.
then i came back to my apartment and bought a demi exact.
it's on sale from Urban outfitters :)
THIS DRESS!

that's the dress. it's no longer available! which is pretty crazy :)
although it's strapless. again. which i now have three strapless dresses. and i dont even like strapless things. haha. so this is bad. but i really like all the ones i have. and i dont mind wearing them as strapless. and i think they will be good things to have in my wardrobe for the future.
CONSIDERING I'M A SENIOR NOW.
excuse me while i go hyperventilate.
then i watched A Minute to Win It, the Kevin episode, and i was dying of laughter. Kevin was so into it and Nick was freaking out in the background. i loved it :) and Frankie and Mama and Papa J. so adorable.

anyways.
so today i went and talked to the teacher who is supervising my internship status.
and i found out i only need to do 200 hours in total. which isn't bad at all! that's like ten hours a week. which i can totally handle. Although i also have to do a research paper. but i dont think that's too bad. because surprisingly that counts as time in my internship.
then i had lunch with Steve and John. I'm going to miss them over the summer, and well Steve forever since he's a senior.
so sad :(
afterwards said goodbye to Steve, then talked to John for a bit. then said goodbye to him and he gave me a hug and told me that i can textular message him or call him whenever i want. i was like aw thanks John.
Sam and I decided we are going to visit him this summer. it'll be fun.
hmm i just realized i haven't played guitar in almost two weeks.... well that's bad.
uh anyway. then i helped Sam pack up her car and pack up her ceramics stuff. Chad was there. Last time i'll probably see him :(
he is so nice. he was like bye guys have a great summer. i was like thanks you too!
sigh. he was so cool.
his girlfriend is very lucky.
then said goodbye to Sam
and she left.
and now i am in my room. listening to music. feeling sad.
i'll pry watch Demi's episode of grey's and clean, and pack.
then my lame family will come get me tomorrow.
and i'll get home take everything out of my car and go to target and old navy.
and see my best friend.
yup.
although tonight i might hang out with Jenna, and perhaps Steve since he is staying here for senior week.
and Jenna lives like 15 minutes away.
so yeah.
going to watch Grey's then clean?
okay bye.

Go Speed Racer, GO!!!

SOOO
i have no idea how i did on my earth and space final. all i know is it's done. and that's all i care about.
ALSO. found out i got a 93 on my Rock carving and a 92 on my bronze bowl. some of the highest grades i got in Sculpture. ahha. sounds ridiculous but i don't care. those are two of the project i liked the most. so i'm glad that i did that well on them. :)
also took all my sculpture stuff with me yesterday. it's all in my car ready to go home.
haven't decided when i will go home though.
i pry will go home friday though because that's when all my friends leave. another thing is i will have to come back up for my bed, to do a final "walk around" tour of the apartment so the owners can decide if i deserve my safety deposit back, but that can't happen until we are all moved out. which is stupid because i have no idea when clayton and mike are leaving. but next week is senior week and i'm guessing mike is def staying and clayton will probably stay because he is 21 and all the activities have to do with drinking.
so yeah.
also just finished my theology through film paper. 10 pages about speed racer. :)
i'm so glad. i think it's pretty good.
ALSO! last night hung out with my friends in our friend Steve's apartment, he is a senior so are basically spending as much time as possible with him these last few days.
so we went over there and his roommate Derek was there, he always says interesting things. can't decide if he is creepy or normal yet. haha. and their friend Elizabeth was there.
She told us last friday that she is Bi.
except she likes girls more.
sooo that was interesting because that was really the first time we officially met her.
but hey things come out when everyone is drunk...
anyways
it was Kate, Sam, Steve, Derek, Elizabeth, Joe and Me. and well that was at first. so Kate, Sam and I went in Steve's room to watch Glee because he had it like recording for us. so we watched it and got to skip all the commercials it was awesome. :)
then John showed up part way through but he stayed with everyone else in the living room.
then Kristin showed up. and well her roommate is supposed to be moved out by now but isn't so things are going bad for her.
so she problem solved by...
getting high.
but to each their own.
so after we finished Glee we all watched SPEED RACER in the living room, and it was awesome. and basically everyone loved it. which made me happy. since i adore that movie :)
and when John showed up for lunch today he kept talking about Speed Racer it was really funny.
I'm going to miss everyone over the summer.
well except Joe. he's just gross, and he was reading over my shoulder while i was writing my paper at lunch, since we sat there for like two and a half hours.
and he made suggestions and it annoyed me, because i never asked for suggestions or wanted him to look at my paper at all.
so gross.
haha. anyways i'm in the library now. Gotta get back to my Greek final. Dave from my Greek class came up to me yesterday and said it was really hard, then today he told me he finished it, but doesn't have faith that he did that great. so that makes me nervous. at least it's not due till noon on friday.
soo. Greek final time :/
until later.

ahhh. finals week. :/

so sorry that it seemed like i died.
:/
been doing lots of work. it's finals week, and everything gets so intense, and i'm stressing out.
also i REALLLLLYYY need to call the place where i want to intern at. i just hate talking on the phone so much that i'm really nervous about calling :/
anyways. sunday = time in library, jazz band/concert choir concert (John had a guitar solo in jazz band it was super cool! haha), last day of church for the semester and some time in the art room.
oh saturday during the day i was in the library all day. avoiding my friends. who were avoiding me since they thought i was mad such a mess.
had dinner with sam and john. it was awkward since sam thought i like hated her, and john had no idea what was going on.
but then sam and i talked about it, and everything was fine. hung out with john, kate, sam, steve and steve's friends that night. we watched snl with betty white. she's the bomb.
umm today. i worked on my theology through film final. went to my sculpture "final" we set up all our work and did our final journals and what not. it was super funny because Chad came in and he was like oh what are you guys doing meeting for a final time? i was like umm actually this is our final... he was like ohhh. haha poor Chad. i still think he's really good. i love all of his ceramics. after that spent more time in the library.
they had exam treats tonight. it was amazing. it was like breakfast, and strawberries and watermelon and funnel cake. IT WAS AWESOME. so sam, Kate and i got there like at 830 when it started. then John and Kristin showed up at around 9. and then we all just kind of hung out there for a really long time. and now i REALLLY NEED TO STUDY FOR EARTH AND SPACE. cause i'm kind of freaking out. so nervous :/
soo good night.

drama. is my least favorite thing in the world.

Such a strange day today.
1. Finished my bronze bowl. It looks awesome. I LOVE IT. will take pictures eventually. they won't look good on twitter though. so facebook it will have to be.
2. Finished my rock too, polished it and all, it looks pretty good too.
3. One of my good friends from home texted me and told me how my ex best friend from high school heard i was coming home "for good" as in i was dropping out of school. apparently her mom heard that from my mom? yeah ridiculous. she also said she misses us (as in the me and the two other girls who were in our group that she dropped like we were hot when she got to college...) dont' know if i should believe that. going with i pry won't until she contacts me (which btw she talked to the other two girls and told them she was sorry, never talked to me about it. interesting right)
4. Emotions Dance show. SHB dancing= most hilarious thing of my life. he cannot dance at all. he's like a robot, very stiff. it was hilarious though.
5. My friends drinking. wouldn't have been bad if they were only buzzed. too bad two of them got smashed and i ended up babysitting them. then they took advantage of me, and tried to go to another party at 130 in the morning. and i wasn't having that i basically begged them not to go. but they were like oh we are fine. blah blah blah. and the people we were hanging out with at that time were like no you aren't you are way part your limit go to your dorms and go to bed. but they didn't like that. so i left. i wasn't mad, more like i was disappointed. its like i don't care that they drink, i mean go for it have your fun. but when it comes to the point where you can't think straight or even text things that make sense. then you should stop. but they didnt' want to, they didn't listen to me or two other people. so i left. i didnt' say anything i just left. and my one friend was like Oh she's pissed. in that stupid drunk tone that people get. after i walked past them in the hallway of the apartments on campus. i mean i really wasn't pissed, just sad. i mean i legit thought i was going to cry right then. so instead i power walked to my car, felt like i was hyperventilating. got in my car, and cried. came to my apartment. showered and cried.
they both texted me saying they were sorry.
i just texted them back saying i wasn't mad, i just dont like being taken advantage of, that i hoped they made it back to their rooms and that i would talk to them later. the one who i would consider my best friend on campus called me, but i chose not to answer. instead i was talking to my best friend from home. she helped me calm down. and i feel a lot better about what i did. i mean i babysat them for like three hours. and they were really drunk.
it was too much drama for me to handle tonight. i feel like just doing finals stuff all weekend and just not seeing anyone but i know that will make it worse. but i just might do that. i dont' know we'll see. all iknow is it's 3 in the morning and i was up since 7 yesterday morning. going to bed.

blah blah blah.

sad news my dear friends.
Chad.
is.
taken.


i know. soak it in.
oh i guess we should clarify. IT'S NOT BY ME. although the sad news part should have made that sort of clear. but you know just in case you didnt' get that :)
i know this is very sad. but dont worry i'm taking it fairly well.
good thing too since i only decided recently that i liked him better than shb ahha.
oh well. these things happen.
and well maybe it's for the better?
who knows, i mean he's graduating anyways, and i don't even know that much about him. (besides that he seems awesome and really nice) and it's almost summer. so then i'll go back home.
although truthfully i really dont' want to date anyone from home.
I mean i was thinking about the guys who i grew up with, and well all the good ones are taken and the rest are just weird or they really like to party. which i'm not into that scene.
so i'll just wait til next semester, come back here and start all over again.
except this time i'll be a senior. so i'll only be looking for guys my age. Really not interested in dating younger men. and who knows maybe i'm not meant to end up with someone from college. right? this is a possibility. I'm not giving up, i'm just mentally preparing myself :)
such a sad thing that most of the good guys are taken, or gay. I say most because I mean my guy friends are good guys (well besides Joe, he's just creepy and like i told my friends today if i had to date him or die. i would probably choose to die... and this is its the end of the world kind of scenario. he's really just that creepy, i mean i would probably rather become a lesbian than date him. again it's the end of the world kind of scenario, this applies to andrew too, although andrew isn't really creepy he's just childish and i can't handle that it annoys me.) it's just i'm not sure i would want to date them. I mean i love John he's so funny and nice and he cares about what you think, but he's always really nervous about everything he does. his anxiety like takes over his life, and it's a lot to handle. i mean honestly i think i could handle it, i mean it's really not that big of a deal even when i hang out with him... oh i dont know what i'm saying. haha it's John it's hard to explain what i mean, you almost have to meet him for everything to make sense.
then there is Steve, and i love Steve too, he's so funny and he would probably be able to entertain you for the rest of his life. but man he likes to drink. a lot. i mean he's 21 it's no biggie, but he hates himself, and i can't see someone who hates themself being able to love anyone else. you know?
then there's Chuck, and well i can't necessarily say that i love Chuck, I mean he's a cool guy, but he makes sexual innuendoes out of everything EVERYTHING! even things that normally can't be made sexual. and i feel like if you dated him he would want sex. all the time.
and well i'm waiting until marriage.
so you know.
that sums up the guy friends situation.
although i have other guy friends but they aren't guys who i hang out with or see on a regular basis.
i mean there is Dave from Greek class, who is really cool, he says hi to me all the time and he reminds me of the BA guy from the Breakfast Club. and he's quitting smoking. which i think is cool.
and there's Gavin but he's taken, haha.
man i actually was just thinking about all the guys i do say hi to and that's a lot more than i thought. i didn't even list them all.
there's Cameron, Kyle, Mike and Clayton (the roomies whhhaatt! haha), Tom, hmm that could possibly be it. but that's way more than i expected haha.
woah.
uh anyways enough about that
I FINISHED MY ROCK SCULPTURE TODAY! yeahhH! and i am almost done the final sanding/polishing process. i just need to polish it but i was trying to do that and milton told me that the stuff everyone else is using might not work for me. so i have to ask him about that tomorrow.
also tried cleaning out more of the stuff inside my bronze bowl. which i did, but it's really not coming along. so Milton will also have to be asked about what to do. i hope he doesn't make fun of me for asking.
so even though Chad is taken i'm still going to gush about how when i walked into the room today he was like "Hi how are you?" and i was like ":) good how are you!" and he was like oh good.
it was so nice.
and i still dont understand why he talks to me now. i mean i talked to him like uh twice before all these times that he keeps talking to me now: once in like march when we were introduced and like last week when i told him his ceramics was really cool. i dont know about you, but in my world that usually doesn't suddenly involve saying hi to that person all the time and asking them how they are.
not that i'm complaining since i think it's really awesome of him. it's just interesting. very interesting.
i kind of want to know who his girlfriend is.
just out of interest.
i never want to be the person who breaks up a couple though. i am not interested in doing that at all.
but hey i would be willing to be just friends with Chad. he's pretty cool.

oh it was pretty funny though Chad "raku's" his ceramics, which is this really cool glazing method, but whenever he does that he has to wear a smock and a bandana. i dont know why but he does and it's really funny. so he was wearing his bandana and Milton came over because i was sanding my stone in the area Milton designated the sanding area which was near the sink and the glazes which is where Chad was, but Milton was like what do you call those things some kind of rags? and Chad was like.. a bandana? and Milton was like yeah yeah but dont they have like a special name some kind of rag? i was like umm a do-rag? and Milton was like Oh yeah a do rag! then he like laughed, and i was like oh jeez, and just laughed. Milton is one of a kind. let me tell you. lol, Sam was there with me too and Milton like asked her something about his wild eyebrow. i know he like talked about it before but i kind of didn't pay attention then since i was working on stuff, but when he asked Sam she was like uhh. so it was Chad, Sam and me like looking at Milton like what are you talking about. it was pretty funny.
I'm actually going to miss Milton, he always made me laugh, even though i had no idea what he was talking about half of the time. haha
oh well.

So it definitely sounds like Sculpture is taking over my life, and well it is. haha. but i did have earth and space today, it was boring like normal haha. then theology through film which we watched the rest of The Fisher King, which was a pretty good movie. :)
just so you know. ahah
but now it's time to go to sleep. i have so much to accomplish tomorrow.
ughhhh.
Greek at 8 :(
then do extra credit for earth and space.
lunch at 1230.
work on my bronze bowl until my bronze meeting with milton at 2.
then a meeting with Alix and my peer mentor partner at 330.
then pry back to bronze working for awhile. then dinner. and the Emotions Dance show. where i will die of laughter when SHB goes on the stage and dances. hahahah.
then my friends want to drink and watch Avatar. and well i really just want to come back to my apartment and probably crash. or do work.
need to finish my theology paper. do my greek final. sounds like not that much. but that will take my entire weekend. sigh.
oh also my family decided they dont' want me.
well my brother "texted" me from his itouch saying they can't come help me pack my room up next wednesday because he HAS to go to youth group.
yeah.
i was like what? that's so dumb. so i said fine whatever i'll stay here at school with my friends what do i care.
then my mom emailed me and was like well you can still come home wednesday then we can go back up on saturday to get your stuff. and i was like uh no i'm not doing that.
i legit would rather stay here at school. i basically have no interest in going home. and i still have no idea what i'm doing for my internship my teacher never told me anything. so i'm kind of freaking out.
i also never did talk to the pastor of the church though.
sigh. why am i slacking so much... :/
well i for real need to sleep now. ahhh.
good night.

Sculpture overload.

so uh. i spent an abnormal amount of time in the sculpture room today. i can legit say i have two new blisters appearing. the one on my middle finger seems to have disappeared, well not really since it's kind of sensitive. but i have one on my thumb and pointer finger now. and those are really showing up now.
i'm going to have ridiculous calluses from carving my rock. jeez.
found out my rock is alabaster.
well that's what milton said at least he was like "oh yeah that's alabaster one of the hardest rocks in case you haven't noticed" i was like oh man of course i've noticed i've been spending HOURS working on this thing. jeez.
i should have taken a before and after picture. legit. you would be shocked.
but i really like it. well the way it's turning out at least.
i've decided i'm not giving that to my mom for mother's day as i originally planned. nope.
i jokingly suggested to my friends that i will "give my heart away to someone" (with Chad in mind) and my friends rolled their eyes at me.
which i thought it was funny.
but whatever. i still actually like that idea. i was thinking of doing that like ohhh my wedding night?
i mean my stone is white, and it'll be a heart..
i dont know, i pry wont do that because it seems ridiculous mentioning that. and it's because i'm a ridiculous romantic at heart.
jeez.
anyways
i was in sculpture today and we went down to the bronze pouring area and watched half of our molds be poured (which included mine!! woot woot!) because Milton and his son (Jeremy) and his son's friend (Ben) helped him pour the other half last night. Which Jeremy and Ben showed up again today. and i decided that Ben is a BA version of Patrick, only because of the way his hair was looking while he was wearing his hat.
I'm not that attracted to him because well i like Chad way more. but Ben is pretty funny, he was like talking to us all, asking us questions about school and making jokes it was interesting. he also has this creepy eye tattoo on his shoulder/right above his bicep area, and it's like colored in and it's really creepy...it's like it's staring at you.
really freaked me out.
haha.
but anyways so watched them pour the bronze, it was really hot you could feel the heat (above 2000 degrees) like pouring out, and you could see it like smoking.
intense.
we then went back to the sculpture room for a bit and headed back down like an hour later, and when we were leaving the sculpture room my friend Sam came out of the printmaking room and Milton invited her to come with us. it was pretty funny. so she did and she ended up being the person that hosed down our molds, since they were still pretty hot, well after we broke them out of the molds actually. so she cooled down the bronze.
I have a lot of work cut out for me still though. i have to get out all this slurry from inside of my bowl. it's going to take forever.
so i'll just do that tomorrow.
since i spent like five hours working on my stone today. it looks really good though.
and oh man i was working on that and Chad came in and he was dressed up in a white shirt and black dress pants, and dress shoes, pretty much almost melted into my chair. sooooooo cute. and when he smiles. :)
goodness.
i was like AHHH you are so cute.
it was kind of awkward though cause i like looked up and smiled at him. and there is this girl in my class who knows him and she looked at me then at him then at me and back to him and was like hi chad. and i was like oh puhleassssseee. i know him too, i could have easily said hi to him as well. but i prefer to just smile at him. because he smiles back at me, and he kind of ignored her.
he was just distracted by me being there ;)
hahaha
man. i will really be spending a lot of time in the sculpture room, and not just to see Chad, but because i have things to do in there. need to finish my rock which will at least be another two hours.
have to glaze something and friday i have a time scheduled with milton to work on my bronze bowl!!! YEAH! which will take an hour at least as well.
so stoked.
yup
i mean i didn't even hang out with my friends after dinner tonight i went straight back to sculpture (in high hopes of seeing Chad. but you know i had actual work to do) and Jenna (the one who kept trying to accompany me to the sculpture room everytime i had to work with clay because she likes the clay) was like oh where are you going? and i was like oh just gotta a lot of work to do . byee! and i just kept walking away, because i knew she would want to come with me, and well i really need to concentrate on this (and Chad. haha) and well if Chad was legit there she would talk to him and make him feel uncomfortable. she asks personal questions really fast a lot of the times. it's awkward. so i walked away really fast and didnt give her time to ask me anymore questions about what work i had to do...
I also high fived John when he was leaving to go to band practice he was like bye guys! waving to us and i just went over and high fived him and he was like OH! he really likes when someone randomly does things like that.. but then Jenna, Kate and Liz were like I WANT A HIGH FIVE BLAHBLAHBLAH. and John was like i really need to leave!
i felt bad that i started a trend. but also cool since i started a trend. but pretty bad because John really had to leave lol.
well anyways i have no idea if this blog made any sense since i like jumped around to fifteen things that all have to do with sculpture but didnt necessarily happen in that order...
haha.
on a sad note today at dinner i stood up to leave with my friends and i looked up and SHB's roommate was like staring at me. i was like what the heck. so i walked away really fast. it was creepy.
pretty much hated it.
also my roommates used up all the toilet paper. again.
seriously there was a lot of toilet paper left last night, then i woke up this morning and none.
i was like WHAT IN THE WORLD.
but i dont' feel like buying toilet paper, i bought it last time. but i feel like i'll end up having to buy it again. so annoying.

so anyways have class at ten tomorrow (actually today since it's 1230 am haha) so i should sleep now...
ha Good night!

I'm going crazy.

Pretty much shocked out my mind right now.
CAN'T BE TAMED

that would be the reason why.
i'm like confused by it. i mean i understand what's happening and i get that she did that to tell a story about the song but i'm still like what just happened.
i feel really weird about it.
mostly because i can't imagine any of her younger fans watching that and being okay with it. I mean if i was a parent i would not let my child watch that, i know there are worse things out there (but i wouldn't be letting them watch those either) but it's just she was like half naked, and it was well shocking.
ahha i hate that i keep using shocking as my describer but that's all i can think of to describe what i'm thinking and feeling...


anyways enough about that.
soo i'm getting a blister on my finger from carving my stone so much.
which sounds ridiculous because it's on my middle finger on my middle knuckle. have no idea why i'm getting a blister there.
well i mean i do since i pry hold the thing i'm using really weird. but still i'm like for real a blister!? gross.
also saw Chad for a bit today.
He's been coughing a lot lately, and it's really bad since they are like these hacking coughs that make me think he is going to like cough up his lung which would be so sad. since obviously i have a crush on him.
i was kind of lame today. because i was working on my stone carving (AGAIN) and Sam and Kristin were there (again also haha) and they were like it's looking more like a heart and Chad like turned around from where he was standing and like stared at it from where he was. which he could only see the back of it which the back looks really bad. so that was interesting.
then he told one of the other girls there that he was leaving and he took an abnormally long time to leave. he legit took like ten minutes to leave. i was like alright... then when he actually left he like looked back to where i was sitting, but i'm really slow so i like didn't even look up until after he already looked away.
i dont know what my problem is. it's like i want to date him/ become friends with him. oh i don't know MARRY him ahah. but at the same time i like sabotage myself.
i'm so weird. I guess i'm kind of in the mindset that God will make it happen if it's meant to be.
i just don't know because he is the only one who actually talks to me well now.
shb never talked to me (well except that one time he was here and i freaked out)
Wedding boy hasn't sent me a message since Easter. idk what is up with that.
and well Chad talks to me all the time and smiles at me, and melts my heart basically.
but i really don't know that much about him, besides the fact that his name is EPIC.
for some reason i adore the name Chad, i had a crush on this kid who was a year younger than me and his name was Chad, granted it was Chadwick which i thought was epic, and this Chad's name is Chadston, which i love.
so yeah. what to do what to do.
I don't know he's going to graduate and then I might not ever see him again, which if that happens then it probably wasn't meant right?
this just makes me sad.
I'm going to spend everyday in the sculpture room, now until i leave, Chad and I...we are going to be really good friends by the end of this semester.
the one week that is left that is :(((((
bahhh.
also i'm wearing my favorite shorts tomorrow, that will make me happy, they always make me happy, then i'll smile a lot, and he will see me and be like yeah she seems cool.
ahha.
oh man i'm so weird.

SO ANYWAYS.
i sent my toms back TWO WEEKS AGO, and they emailed me today telling me they got the exchange information >:I not happy. I'm hoping that they will ship them out abnormally fast and i'll get them like mONDAY. but with my luck they will arrive oh next friday. WHEN I AM AT HOME. and the school will have to ship them to me which WILL TAKE LONGER!!!!!
GAHHH.
i just want them now. *cries*
i'm sorry i'm in a ridiculous mood right now.
i think it's from
1. Kickboxing. John was there. we didnt' do abs. we did a lot of squats (WHICH I HATE) and used weights and worked on our arms (which MINE ALREADY HURT FROM STONE CARVING)
2. Chad. he makes me happy and sad. since he's leaving.
3. i'm Ridiculous.
4. I had cake and lemonade today in theology through film class while watching The Fisher King, it was cool.
5. it was sunny out and it rained for like 15 seconds while my friends and i were sitting in the Dell today. it was weird.
6. Finals make me crazy.
7. Quiero mis Toms. :/
8. It's almost 1 in the morning YAY FOR NO GREEK !

so uh yeah.
that really should be it. i should sleep. i'm obviously going crazy.
hahaha.
good night

I'm so Happy!!!!!!

soo I'm in a super good mood today.
or at least I AM NOW!
woo.
ha ha
lets see so i went to guitar, last lesson of the semester :(
but it's okay i got a new song, and now i have like 8 to work on over the summer, plus just regular chords and any random things that he gave me to work on.
then i went to lunch and it randomly down poured. actually it was a torrential downpour. it was pretty interesting. and insane.
then it stopped and i went to sculpture we headed to the "furnace" where we put in our wax figures covered in slurry to have the wax melted out.
my question is how does the slurry not melt. but hey apparently it works. so we shall soon find out!
although i guess we are "scheduling" a time with him sometime this week to pour the bronze, then during our final next week we will be spending time in class polishing it up.
BUT i am SO EXCITED that i don't even CARE.
i can't wait for it to be done. it's seriously my favorite thing i have ever done in that class.
although now that I'm stone carving (i decided to do a heart) it's actually coming along, and it don't mind it as much. it just takes forever and makes my hands hurt haha.
anyways.
after that i got my yoga stuff from my apartment then went and sat on the patio with Kristin and did some work for earth and space, which was terribly boring. which also reminds me i have a lab do for that class this week by Friday, can't forget to do that.
but anyways then we went to dinner. saw shb. my friends and i ignored him and i felt empowered. hahaha
then after dinner i saw Chad walked to the jays and i was so happy. since i haven't seen him since Thursday.
haha.
changed for yoga and went to the sculpture room with Kristin to show her my rock and my predicament on what to do, and chad was there, i almost died when i saw his backpack. that's how i know he is in there haha.
and when he looked i like waved, like a weirdo i might add, and he was like Hi!
i was like melting haha.
then when we were in the other room Kristin was like WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY HI! in a mean whisper (it's only cause she cares, and thinks i should date him ahah) i was like.. i waved...
and she was like NOT GOOD ENOUGH!
i was like okay...
haha.
but then when we left i was like BYE! and he was like BYE! HAVE A GOOD NIGHT!
and i was like walking away already but i was like THANKS YOU TOO!
then i was SO HAPPY the entire way to yoga. :)
then after yoga Kristin was like well this is the plan and she came up with some ridiculous plan that will never work ahha, but it was funny, so i went back to the sculpture room, because i need to carve the stone this week. and he was still there.
didn't really say hi to him this time, but i smiled alot and laughed alot, and basically made myself look really awesome. alot. ahha
then my teacher came in and looked at my carving (he was working on print making stuff since he's an artist he does alot of things in the sculpture room and printmaking haha) and he was like so do you want an A on this. i was like um yes. and he was like okay you have to make it like this and this and this. and i was like....okay. although i really couldn't concentrate with Chad there. jeez. haha. but i sort of know what he wants and Kristin was there so she can help me with that.
ahha. I just know he wants me to make it looks like some kind of birds heart? and it should be rounded and look like it's popping out. which i sort of was already aiming for. haha
although it was hilarious since Kristin isn't in sculpture and she was sitting there carving a piece of rock that came from my rock and he like looked so bewildered to see her there, and she was like oh hi I'm Kristin, I'm Sam's friend.
i was like hahah.
i think he thinks i only have on friend. which is Sam.
but now he knows i have two friends! haha
but whatever Milton always makes fun of me, it's alright i just take it, i think he does it cause i don't really talk that much. that's what everyone does at least.
then Milton was making fun of Chad, (which i just had an insight maybe he makes fun of the people who he thinks are good students, or that he likes...hmm interesting) and he was so cute when he laughed, Chad that is not Milton ahha, and smiled and i like was looking from Milton to Chad and Chad like looked over at me, well i guess sort of up since i was in his line of vision and i like wanted to melt off my chair. ahha
also i was blowing the dust off my rock and i like looked up and Chad was smiling at me, and i couldn't help but smile back hahah.(which Sam said at that point she was like freaking out for me and awwing on the inside of course ahha)
so sad that there is only twoish weeks of school left, wish i could stay here forever and just get to know Chad better.
I mean i miss my friends at home of course, but i would invite them here ! you know!
sigh.
then Chad left at like 945 and Kristin had left but Sam had showed up and Chad was like bye have a good night guys, and i was like thanks you too!
:)
then Sam like whispered to me i really like his ankles,
and i like burst out laughing because lets face it, he does have really nice legs.
mmhmm.
so anyways my carving is coming along. i pry will give it to my mom for mother's day. easy solution. since it will actually look good and i made it! woo!
then I'll have my awesome bronze bowl which Milton was like are you excited to see the outcome of your bronze. and i was like YESSSS! I can't WAIT! It's my favorite thing i have done in this CLASS!
i seriously got really animated and excited and Milton looked amused, Sam laughed at me, and Chad was smiling too.
what can i say. I'm so excited to see it, i hope it turns out good.
:)
anyways I'm like getting all hyped up here, and i need to go to sleep soon. ahha

oh but on the weird side my mom texted me and told me her cousin (my second cousin?) was riding his motorcycle and got hit by a drunk driver? She doesn't really know a lot of details so its kind of weird, and she really confused me a lot when she was texting me, so when I know more i will report on what is happening

so i need to go to sleep now. Good Night!

Cant Back Down.

so life has a funny way of being like stop acting all depressed and do something about it!
so i did.
yesterday i spent a long time coloring :)
it was fun.
i also packed away shoes that i wont' be wearing for the last two weeks of school.
and i did the dishes.
haha.
then i sort of started my theology paper, mostly i just did the header on the first page...haha
then i went to church. at church we had a guest pastor, he has been there before though, but he is still pretty good. although sometimes after he would say something i would get distracted. which really isn't good.
and then at the end we sometimes do a giant group prayer which we did yesterday, and then we hold the hands of the people next to us. well i somehow was next to the guest pastor and John was on the other side of me. and the circle sort of didn't have enough people so i felt like my arms were going to fall off. lol talk about having to use arm strength.
it was interesting holding John's hand. first of all both of them moved around a lot, here we were praying and i felt my arms shaking, and not by me. it was pretty intense. also when i have my eyes closed i sometimes feel like i'm going to fall over, well if i am not in a position where i can hold my ground you know? i always feel like i'm going to fall over when my feet are together. which they were...
haha. anyways i'm just glad andrew didn't hold my hand i pry would have cried
after church we went to dinner
Kristin came with her roommate, who kept telling John to stop talking which i found annoying since John is who he is and he always says crazy things.
also andrew admitted he would never touch my keys or stuff, and i was like good because i pry would punch you in the face and Kristin was like yeah and it would hurt too because of kickboxing. then John was like yeah she punched me in the face and look how i turned out.
i was like oh my gosh John! he is always saying stuff like that, for some reason he thinks he is ugly. which he isn't.
poor guy, has low self esteem.
anyways after dinner Kristin and I went to the library and worked on stuff, then we realized it was thundering
then we went to the jays nest to meet up with Kate and Sam and watched it rain outside.
then John showed up and kept singing Rude Boy, because he likes to remind us all it's a dirty song.
lol. so insane.
well i should get ready for class now. kind of love not having an 8 am class. glad it was cancelled :D
have guitar in an hour and a half. haven't practiced like at all this past week. only practiced like once. he's going to be able to notice... :/
oh well. it's supposed to be nice all week. well minus the rain today, and thunderstorms tomorrow. but it's going to be in the 80's basically all week and one day is supposed to be 90 then for some reason saturday is supposed to be 65? which just seems ridiculous.
hopefully that changes to at least 70. ahha.
okay bye!

TGIS is not for me.

so i've decided i don't like this TGIS stuff. it's annoying.
first of all, it might be better if my friends were here, but since EVERYONE went home for the weekend, except my guy friends, it's really boring.
I mean i spent like five hours in the library today.
which is really sad, since it's a saturday and it was really nice out.
i also had to eat lunch by myself, which is always kind of weird, since people look at you weird... and it's like listen here people i have friends...they just aren't here.
blah.
then i had to eat dinner by myself, but in the jays nest since the marketplace was closed, and they were doing some weird thing outside like an outdoor picnic thing?
idk i got a ticket, after i had lunch, and the lady who swipes our cards in like yelled at me, she was like "you are so lucky we decided to do this, i begged them to do this for you. it's because i love you kids!" (it's because they were selling them during the week, and i said no to it everyday because i kind of figured i wouldn't go to it anyways, but then since i was like well maybe i'll go with John so i decided to get one)
and i was like alright woman. you can stop yelling at me, then ending in a way that is like oh but don't worry i like you. kind of thing. i'm pretty sure she hates me.
and i think it because my friends swiped me in all the time last semester...so whatever. she can get over it.
anyways so i ate in the jays nest and had a quesadilla, which after eating i thought i was going to throw up. i mean i love the quesadillas but there is seriously too much cheese in them. again i love cheese, but it's like overflowing out of it, and after eating it you feel like you are going to die. and on top of that i drank an entire bottle of water so you know that pry didn't help.
sigh.
i kind of just want this weekend to be over.
i mean i dont' because i want to start my greek final that way i dont 'have to do it all at one time, which i sort of started it today, but not really since i was annoyed by the fact he didnt' put the words in the chart and you cant copy and paste the words into the chart.
sigh.
also tgis is weird. plus without my friends here i dont really know what to do. i mean it's not bad since tonight i just hung out in my room...in the dark...and watched Speed Racer and it was awesome. but i sort of feel like i was missing out on the things going on on campus, because John and Steve for sure weren't about to invite me to do whatever they are doing. which i'm pretty sure at this moment they are attending the "Jersey Shore Dance" my school is holding. which if my friends were here we would attend to make fun of people. also i'm pretty sure John and Steve had something to drink before they went, and well since i don't drink it's awkward.
especially like last night when Steve was like you can try some! (of this drink he gets it's called ice 101, but they say the 101 looks like lol so they call it icelol. and i was like uh.. and John was like NOOOOO. and steve was like oh you have to drive and i was like um yeah. and John was like yes she does i'm being a good influence!
i was like wow i have no idea what just happened.
lol. but it pry is because at dinner John was like you can try some of my beer if you want, and i was like uhh the thing is i dont drink at this point. at least not until i'm 21. it's just a personal thing. and he was like oh well that's you cool you don't have to, and i was like i know i don't have to.
oh well.
blah. this weekend just feels lame.
another problem is when this weekend is over...next weekend will be the weekend before finals and i'll need to study a lot for earth and space.
:/ which reminds me i need to print out the study guide for that class going to have to do that tomorrow.
eh whatever.
so i don't know it's really hot in my room right now, but i'm tired so i might go to bed.
good night!

High Rollers!

So I wore the skirt i bought last weekend today, and i love it.
but sadly i did not see Chad.
I was so sad. i went to dip my project in the slurry and i noticed that my teacher added two steps to the board and changed one. i was like WHAT. i was almost done.
so then i was dipping it in the slurry and my teacher asked me how i was doing and if i was almost done, and i was like no. i noticed you added some more, and he was like oh yeah, that threw you off. and i was like yup.
so now i am back down to only having to dip it one more time.
i'm still the farthest along even though i didn't go in until like 4 in the afternoon.
but oh well.
so all the people i normally hang out with over the weekends went home. so i was like cool. now what am i going to do.
so i asked John if he wanted to do dinner.
and then told him he could invite Steve.
soo it ended up just being me and John though. and it was kind of weird, and i felt like people were like looking at us like we were dating, and it was awkward.
then John was like lets go to the lab! so he took me to the lab and showed me all his cool bio stuff that he always talks about, and it was actually really interesting. then he was telling me about a bunch of more science stuff while walking to his room, and then when we were in his room he showed me a video about hot ice. so that was pretty cool.
then he wanted to work on his lab so i went to the library and worked some more on my sculpture paper. i'm basically done. just need to insert pictures. and do the correct bibliography.
and while in the library i figured out how to get onto the wireless there. it was awesome.
ahha.
then John texted me and asked if i wanted to go to the Casino night thing that was happening for TGIS. so we went to that and ended up being there for like two and a half hours. ahha. i mean i am not a gambler i have no desire to be one, and it makes me nervous even though it was like fake money. but still.
although we played the Horse betting one. and i won. which made me laugh.
but then we played the money wheel, and i lost that.
then we kind of just looked at everything then Steve showed up and we were kind of just going around, then wouldn't you know it but SHB was there.
i was kind of annoyed, idk. like i was telling Sam earlier today i just dont' want to like him anymore. or even notice him, and she was like yeah that's a good idea because he almost seems cocky about it now. which is ridiculous. i mean because he has walked by us sitting outside and he like looks at us like yeah i know you see me and think i'm good looking, and to me that is a turn off. almost more so than smoking.
just because who wants a person who is all into themself. at least smoking can be put to an end.
boys ugh.
anyways back to the casino...haha
so steve and john decided to be "high rollers" and they put all their money and my money onto to money wheel, knowing that they probably would lose lol.
but it was fun. then we walked around some more and were about to leave when John's one friend, actually his possible roommate from like last year or something came up to us and he was like "i'm so addicted to this right now you need to help me out." and he ended up asking all of us to get him money. because after losing everything you could 500 dollars more in coins. like a double life kind of thing.which i thought was ridiculous lol. so we ended up watching him play war and it was hilarious because John and Steve kept telling him to be a high roller and at first he was like no no no. but by the end he was like heck yeah, and started trying to get everyone at the table to be a high roller too. it was pretty interesting lol. he also talked to me. which was interesting, because one time when he was fairly drunk and Sam and I were hanging out in John's room he came in and John introduced us and he was like oh yeah I've seen you around before.
and it was kind of weird because even though we are on a small campus no one admits to seeing people around before. lol
so that's why it was interesting he talked to me.
ha.
then we left and we were all just walking and talking, went to the jays and steve got some yohoo. for his ice lol (his alcohol, but no worries he's 21 and it's actually called ice 101 but they think the 101 looks like lol! ha) then steve and john were like on both sides of me and they were like thanks for putting up with us Sam and started like jokingly elbowing me, i was like oh jeez guys. ahha.
it was actually pretty fun hanging out with them. they are so crazy, especially together, and especially since they are both bio majors. ha
so then they went to Steve's apartment, sort of invited me until Steve was like oh you have to drive and i was like uh yeah.
not like i would have drank even if i didn't have to drive. plus his one roommate terrifies me, he has a smile that makes you think of a rapist. so scary.
so i came back to my apartment, and they went to Steve's "quad"
so crazy. i'm glad i hung out with them though.
i wonder what's all going down tomorrow. i feel like i wont end up talking to anyone, because John never eats lunch with us on the weekends and well i'm soo not inviting Joe, he makes me feel uncomfortable and i don't have Steve's number.
so i'll pry go to school. eat by myself. work on my stone carving, and hang out in the library.
hopefully Chad is in the sculpture roooommmm! :)
ahha
okay well i need to go to sleep. so tired, such a crazy day.
oh and its supposed to be 89 degrees tomorrow. it's going to be a hot one!