so i'm back at school.
boo.
but only three weeks left...then i'm home for break!
woo
i'm still panicking about having enough money for rent for next year.
and my mother calls me during yoga and starts telling me i have to pay her for my phone next year and how much it's going to cost and how i really need to do that so she can get a house.
i was like great thanks mom. like i'm not stressed enough about money as it is.
and with finals coming up.
she's so considerate.
whatevs.
can't deal yo.
anyways i am almost done revising my one paper need to do an introduction paragraph and look at the suggestions john made about it and add my greek translation then i'm done!
woo.
but i have to write a five page paper by thursday about communion
and a two page one my friday about the book of daniel
excitement.
so much to do. goodness.
still can't believe there is only two weeks of classes then finals.
INSANITY!
ahh.
anyways i'm going to write a letter back to someone, then do some homework then sleep! woo.
hah.
thus is life.
also i have had the song ur so gay by katy perry stuck in my head all day... the music video is hilarious.
i mean if you don't take it the wrong way, .i think it's funny.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
Speak Now
SO i was thinking about Christa Black's tumblr response to someone earlier this week, the one about boys and heartache. I dont' know why but this quote really stuck out to me
“I gave my heart to someone—the thing that my life flowed out of—my emotions, my days, my speech…everything. I handed that heart to someone who had never fought to pursue it, or even shown interest to earn it.
Your soul is your mind, your will, and your emotions, and I’d handed him my soul without him doing anything. It did nothing to affect him…but it was ruining every day of my life.”
i don't know why but it just really stuck in my head.
actually i do know why.
i mean i feel like i do this all the time.
i start to like a guy and i just give him my all without him even knowing. i know it's real bad to do that, but sometimes i guess you just can't help it.
but i've decided i need to be stronger. i need to not give my heart and soul to a guy, especially if he doesn't even care.
I don't know if this sounds weird.
but i mean i keep mentioning how i might possibly have a crush on my best guy friend.
and you know, being home for thanksgiving i realized that i actually do like him.
and i'm pretty sure it's more than a friend.
i don't know dumb things remind me of him, and i want to be like haha oh this reminds me of john, and say that to someone but then i'm like wow. everyone is going to shoot me if i start being like that.
i mean they won't actually shoot me, but they would be disturbed.
and lets be serious my brother and my dad want me to date him anyway.
sam and nina would probably completely back me if i was like so i like him.
my problem is i dont know if he feels that way.
and i can't put myself out there like that, especially if it would ruin our friendship.
i'd rather be his friend than nothing at all.
he's been a rather amazing friend to me since i've known him and i don't want to lose that.
which brings me back to handing someone my heart and soul without them knowing it or earning it.
i mean he definitely should not know. i mean i never said anything to him.
when weirdo kate thought we were having a secret love affair i told him, and i asked him if he thought it was weird she thought that and he said yes.
which i dont know kind of hurt. because i couldn't tell if he meant it would be weird for us to actually of had one, or for her to randomly decide someone is having one.
idk. obviously i overthink things.
such a downfall.
but anyways. i've decided he never asked for my heart and soul, so i'm taking it back.
or i'm reeling it in.
i dont' want to give him something he never asked for, and i'm tired of always feeling hurt when things seem to change.
i mean i always like a guy too much and then i always feel hurt when they date someone else.
so i'm ending it. i'm going to be a strong person and not let my heart and soul just do whatever it wants. i'm taking control and i'm not going to let them just go to anyone. i'm going to wait until someone deserves it and asks for it.
yup.
this also made me think about T.Swift's whole thing about "speaking now" because you never know what will happen.
and i really dont think i can do it.
i don't know, i just don't think i was built for the speak now kind of thing.
maybe someday i'll try my hand at it.
...
anyways hope you all had a wonderful week and thanksgiving and black friday!
my week got much better when i arrived home. i really missed being home.
thanksgiving was strange. idk, it really just was. and my grandmother offered to set me up with a nice quiet boy, the grandson of one of her friends. i just laughed.
i'm kind of thinking whatever is meant will happen.just my philosophy.
didn't go black friday shopping. i wanted to. but i'm absolutely broke. seriously have like four dollars in my checking account and enough in savings for rent and the electric bill for next month :/
kind of freaking out about that. but it's going to all work out...
also had my wisdom teeth consultation today.
getting all four out on december 28th.
not excited at all. in fact i'll probably be super nervous that day.
i know it's like minor surgery, but i'm getting anesthesia. first time for that. and they said it's intravenous.
which um makes me want to cry a bit. absolutely hate needles. but oh well. this way my teeth and gums won't rot like they so lovingly told me. :l
blah.
i've been watching way too much tv this whole time ive been home. like seriously i watched Mary Poppins, Elf, Pretty Woman and the news (well the news was at my aunts house i have no idea why my cousins were watching that) yesterday. today i watched the last hour of Enchanted, The end of back to the future 2, and the entire back to the future 3. Toy Story 3 (well on dvd) and i watched part of a boy named charlie brown.
pretty much am doing nothing in front of the tv.. terrible.
although i did have like 6 loads of laundry to do the past two days. i have no idea how that happened but i got it all done.
oh and depressing news. my school does a junior/senior formal dance.
well they posted the date.
February 26.
this is depressing because last year it def happened in like april.
this gives me so much less time to get a date. so unprepared for this. and i have to buy a dress too. life. goodness.
whatevs. so i'm going to read HP4. so good night!
“I gave my heart to someone—the thing that my life flowed out of—my emotions, my days, my speech…everything. I handed that heart to someone who had never fought to pursue it, or even shown interest to earn it.
Your soul is your mind, your will, and your emotions, and I’d handed him my soul without him doing anything. It did nothing to affect him…but it was ruining every day of my life.”
i don't know why but it just really stuck in my head.
actually i do know why.
i mean i feel like i do this all the time.
i start to like a guy and i just give him my all without him even knowing. i know it's real bad to do that, but sometimes i guess you just can't help it.
but i've decided i need to be stronger. i need to not give my heart and soul to a guy, especially if he doesn't even care.
I don't know if this sounds weird.
but i mean i keep mentioning how i might possibly have a crush on my best guy friend.
and you know, being home for thanksgiving i realized that i actually do like him.
and i'm pretty sure it's more than a friend.
i don't know dumb things remind me of him, and i want to be like haha oh this reminds me of john, and say that to someone but then i'm like wow. everyone is going to shoot me if i start being like that.
i mean they won't actually shoot me, but they would be disturbed.
and lets be serious my brother and my dad want me to date him anyway.
sam and nina would probably completely back me if i was like so i like him.
my problem is i dont know if he feels that way.
and i can't put myself out there like that, especially if it would ruin our friendship.
i'd rather be his friend than nothing at all.
he's been a rather amazing friend to me since i've known him and i don't want to lose that.
which brings me back to handing someone my heart and soul without them knowing it or earning it.
i mean he definitely should not know. i mean i never said anything to him.
when weirdo kate thought we were having a secret love affair i told him, and i asked him if he thought it was weird she thought that and he said yes.
which i dont know kind of hurt. because i couldn't tell if he meant it would be weird for us to actually of had one, or for her to randomly decide someone is having one.
idk. obviously i overthink things.
such a downfall.
but anyways. i've decided he never asked for my heart and soul, so i'm taking it back.
or i'm reeling it in.
i dont' want to give him something he never asked for, and i'm tired of always feeling hurt when things seem to change.
i mean i always like a guy too much and then i always feel hurt when they date someone else.
so i'm ending it. i'm going to be a strong person and not let my heart and soul just do whatever it wants. i'm taking control and i'm not going to let them just go to anyone. i'm going to wait until someone deserves it and asks for it.
yup.
this also made me think about T.Swift's whole thing about "speaking now" because you never know what will happen.
and i really dont think i can do it.
i don't know, i just don't think i was built for the speak now kind of thing.
maybe someday i'll try my hand at it.
...
anyways hope you all had a wonderful week and thanksgiving and black friday!
my week got much better when i arrived home. i really missed being home.
thanksgiving was strange. idk, it really just was. and my grandmother offered to set me up with a nice quiet boy, the grandson of one of her friends. i just laughed.
i'm kind of thinking whatever is meant will happen.just my philosophy.
didn't go black friday shopping. i wanted to. but i'm absolutely broke. seriously have like four dollars in my checking account and enough in savings for rent and the electric bill for next month :/
kind of freaking out about that. but it's going to all work out...
also had my wisdom teeth consultation today.
getting all four out on december 28th.
not excited at all. in fact i'll probably be super nervous that day.
i know it's like minor surgery, but i'm getting anesthesia. first time for that. and they said it's intravenous.
which um makes me want to cry a bit. absolutely hate needles. but oh well. this way my teeth and gums won't rot like they so lovingly told me. :l
blah.
i've been watching way too much tv this whole time ive been home. like seriously i watched Mary Poppins, Elf, Pretty Woman and the news (well the news was at my aunts house i have no idea why my cousins were watching that) yesterday. today i watched the last hour of Enchanted, The end of back to the future 2, and the entire back to the future 3. Toy Story 3 (well on dvd) and i watched part of a boy named charlie brown.
pretty much am doing nothing in front of the tv.. terrible.
although i did have like 6 loads of laundry to do the past two days. i have no idea how that happened but i got it all done.
oh and depressing news. my school does a junior/senior formal dance.
well they posted the date.
February 26.
this is depressing because last year it def happened in like april.
this gives me so much less time to get a date. so unprepared for this. and i have to buy a dress too. life. goodness.
whatevs. so i'm going to read HP4. so good night!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
life is funny.
aww garbo blogged :)
so cute.
um anyways.
lets talk about how hilarious my life is.
like legit.
HILARIOUS.
Okay so this week was pretty normal.
monday went to dinner, then yoga. (love yoga i always feel SO GOOD afterwards)
tuesday, we had nina and john over for dinner. then i went to this extra credit speaker about the amish. it was pretty interesting. he wrote a book about them too. It's by Donald Kraybill. he actually teaches at my school. haha
Wednesday, normal day of classes, we had "Thanksgiving Dinner" at school.
I somehow ended up sitting next to John and Kristin, which was relieving.
of course Kate was basically sending me death glares. and i was like whatever. it's not like i asked him to sit next to me. seriously.
afterwards you get like a free photo if your group dresses up, so we got one, although by that time John and Courtney already left for jazz band. so it's going to be weird.
afterwards went to the library to print some things out, then went to hang out in a music practice room with nina and sam.
then kate showed up and like yelled at us to get out of there. it was really rude, and weird.
i mean she had to teach a lesson in there but she really said it in a mean way.
but whatever.
then nina, sam and i went to the christmas tree lighting which was beautiful :)
we sang christmas carols and heard The Night Before Christmas. and had weird hot chocolate that tasted like coffee... i didn't drink it all because i really don't like coffee.
then finally went back to the apartment to do work.
except i never got any done because Kate texted me suddenly saying "we need to talk"
which lead into a two hour falling out via text.
freaking long and annoying.
i think i might just post the texts on here, because they are worthy of being remembered.
so yeah she texted me around ten being all we need to talk
and i didn't respond because i was like seriously why are you saying that through texts?
and plus it was ten and i was trying to do work
then 18 minutes later she sends me this
"I feel like you have not been treating me in an appropriate manner lately. you do not have the right to treat me this way. I feel like we have been friends for long enough that you owe it to me to at least say something to me about it."
i was like seriously. she wants to do it through texts. so i was like do you really want to do this through texts
and she was like
"I've tried everything else. I have no more options left."
which i feel is a lie. she talked to me ONCE about her drinking. and this whole thing was so much bigger than that. i just couldn't believe that she honestly thought she had no more options left.
i didn't respond right away after she said that because i was thinking of what to say and responding (my response was seven "pages" of texts).
so she was like "if you don't want to talk to me now when do you want to talk?"
right after she said that i sent her my seven page response.
basically i told her that she never listens, how i feel that she is a bully, how i dont think it's nice that she makes personal jokes about people's lives like extremely personal things. and how i don't think our friendship is doing anything helpful for either of us. and that i think she changed and not for the better. i also told her that she doesn't make good first impressions and that i alot of people have said that. which my brother did and i've heard it from other people too. i've never asked straight out though.
her response
"I dont' understand what you're talking about sam. I haven't made jokes out of personal things that i can ever remember. I haven't done anything remotely close to bully you. if anything you are a bully to me. how do you think i felt when you told me i couldn't sit next to you at church two weeks ago. and maybe if you would actually treat me like a friend you would realize that i'm not the same person i was last fall when you decided to start being so rude to me. it is not your place to judge me and ask what people think of me when you don't make a good first impression either."
so at this point i had to be like kate you always used to make fun of my back, (she also made fun of other things that are personal which were rude) i told her i was joking at church and that i was going to let her sit there but then she threw my papers on the ground and that was just intense. then i told her i didn't think she changed for the better. and i told her i never judge people and i wouldn't ask people questions like that. that people tell me things like that.
so i have no idea if i really have ever bullied her. i dont' think i have. i mean i probably haven't been the nicest person ever to her. i mean i know i could have been nicer. but why fake it.
and i have heard about so many people who do not like her. and it's ridiculous. i mean my brother said she was fake after knowing her for like three hours. that's just bad. and i don't know what she is saying that i don't make a good first impression. she honestly can't say that because i was extremely accepting to her when she first showed up, and she's NEVER invited anyone up here to visit for her to say that. and i'm always nice to all the people she invites into the group. i mean i'm shy but i am still nice to them.
so in response to me she said
"it definitely felt like you meant i couldnt' sit there.i do not remember making fun of your back. but if you can jokingly tell me not to sit by you can you be mad for me making fun of you? i'm sorry if you think i have changed for the worse. but it's because i just can't take your cruelty anymore. i'm honestly tell you it needs to stop. i'm tired of you not saying hi or bye to me. and just ignoring my presence that makes me feel so bad about myself."
i was like well there is a complete difference in joking about things and making fun of someones medical problems. and i was like id id't realize i had to say hi to you personally. ( i usually just say hi to everyone at the same time. so much easier) and i told her she creates way to much drama
"there wouldn't be any drama if you would treat me like a human being. i think it's a lot different too. no one has a problem with your back, and i'm sorry you're sensitive about it, but you should have said something. it was so humiliating and embarrassing when you publicly made fun of me at church in front of my boss and co workers. don't you think about that"
so i'm just wondering what she thinks i treat her like...an alien? i don't know. anyways i did say something when she initially made fun of my back, and she still did it. and i never publicly made fun of her in front of the entire church and her boss. unless she's saying that when i told her she couldn't sit there. i mean that's just being ridiculous because people do those kinds of jokes all the time. and if anything she made the scene by throwing my papers on the ground. i don't know. i mean i know in the beginning of the semester i jokingly said that i wasn't happy about being back at school because of kate at church. but then i laughed and was like i'm just kidding.
of course she made a HUGE deal about that and wouldn't let me forget i said that, even though i was like i was KIDDING.
anyways i responded with well i think everyone is sensitive about medical problems. and i told her that i just don't think our friendship is really worth it. probably some other things but i dont really remember, my phone erases messages i send once i start texting other people.. haha
her
"well you know what sam, everyone has medical problems, i have ptsd, and when you say mean things to me whether or not you mean it as a joke it deeply affects me, and thanks to you i have been in a pretty deep depression. i'm having nightmares and i can't focus. i'm sorry my friendship is ruining your life."
i was like i'm sorry kate i didn't know you had that. and i never said our friendship was ruining my life i just said you are holding me back. i need to focus on my future.
on a sidenote. no one knew she had/has ptsd. in fact she never mentioned it. so how was anyone supposed to know. and ptsd is post traumatic stress disorder. SO you only get that after i serious event... like war, a terrible car accident, hurricanes or tornadoes, well weather like that that destroys everything, and like child molestation or rape.
one source i looked at said maybe child bullying if it was really bad. but i feel like all children get bullied in some way. so i don't think that can be a real reason for ptsd. but i don't really know.
also i dont' think it's fair that she's blaming her entire deep depression on me. i mean she's been making me feel depressed too, but she's not the only cause. school has been stressful and i just need a break. and honestly i'm not the only one who had been avoiding her. but i think because i'm the only one she feels is a threat for dating john she's going against me. i mean sam has a b/f and so does kristin. nina doesn't but kate pry thinks john wouldnt date her and courtney also has a b/f so it's legit only me. last year when sam and i were single she really didn't like us when she liked john. although she was really mad at sam because she felt she flirted with him all the time. and now i guess she thinks i do... i'm really not. i'm just treating him like a good friend. ridiculous.
she said
" You said i was holding you back and i don't understand how i'm doing that. the only reason this friendship is having a negative effect on us is because you are unwilling to forgive me and treat me like you would a friend."
i said that i forgive everyone.
she said
"do you realize that doesn't make any sense? if you forgive me then why are you treating me this way?"
i said. i forgive you kate, but that doesn't mean i forget. i just don't think this friendship will go anywhere and it' not doign any good for either of us.
so her last response was
"well the bottom line is that we have the same friends, so we're going to see each other. i try to treat you kindly and all i ask is that you do the same for me."
i was just that sounds reasonable
and then we were done.
and i was like wow. i think that legit means our friendship is over.
kind of weird.
but you know i actually felt better afterwards, i mean i felt bad because that was a rough way to end a friendship if you could call it a friendship.
but i really felt like a weight had lifted off of me.
then luckily thursday i was going up to Penn State with sam to see ali for her birthday. :)
so thursday i had class. was a bit worried about seeing kate, but it didn't happen
after class left for penn state.
it was sort of raining which was annoying. but we rocked out the whole way there.
we got there and hung out with ali. had dinner. then kim showed up. then ali's sister and sister-in-law got there so we went to their hotel room. had some smirnoff.
then headed out. it was like 10 by that point. but it was cool. we went to this bar called the saloon lounge. but sam couldn't get in because she's only 20 . so that was awkward. but i sat with sam in mcdonalds then ali and her sisters and kim came and found us then we went to this other bar where there was an outside patio so sam could still talk to us.
so i had had a jagerbomb with ali and her sisters. (kim left at midnight since she had an 8 am)
then we went outside and hung out with sam. it was crazy.
and well i had a smirnoff at their hotel room then the jagerbomb. and some of ali's sister's jack and coke.
so i started to feel it a bit.
plus i was tired. so it was kind of hilarious.
Ali's sisters had some guy go up to her and hug her and then kiss her on the cheek and ask her if she wanted birthday sex.
it was crazyyyyy.
but ali said no she wasn't ready for that. she was also drunk at that point. so it was significantly more interesting.
but somehow ali's sister got that guys shirt for her.
so ali now has his shirt as a souveneir.
haha. it smelled really good. ahha
anyways after that bar we went back to her sister's hotel room had some more smirnoff. she also had beer. but i do not enjoy beer at all. so that was rough. but we stayed up until like four.
ali kept saying the most hilarious things ever.
her sister was playing music from her phone and ali saw that she had airplanes. and she was like "this song is crazy but hayley williams awesome. but seriously why write a song about airplanes. airplanes are just shooting stars that crash into buildings and kill people'"
that was pretty great. then we had like a dance party for a bit but finally it got the point where we like laid on the bed
then ali sam and i slept on a bed together. and you know how the bed goes vertical well we slept horizontal on it. so all of our legs were like hanging off the side. i was also in the middle and sam and ali pretty much snuggled up to me in the night. ahha. it was strange. but i was really warm.
haha.
so we got up on friday at like 10:30
went back to ali's dorm helped her pack her stuff up. said goodbye to her and her sisters as they left for home. then sam and i walked around downtown for a few hours.
then we headed back to etown.
got back to etown at like 5. showered. tried to nap. i couldn't fall asleep so i ate dinner. sam fell asleep for like four hours.
so in the meantime i was texting nina who said kate was bad mouthing me at dinner.
apparently she said
"sam basically told me that she's never been friends with me and she shuts herself down when she's around me. she doesn't say hi to me or anything and i'm like you know what just go away. she said i'm holding her back from her future."
so lets play three lies and a truth.
truth. i did say that i shut down around her. and that she holding me back.
but i NEVER said that we were never friends. i do say hi to EVERYONE including her. and she in fact never said just go away.
so that was fun.
and it's interesting that she is now spreading rumors. trying to get people to hate me. but it's okay the people she was talking to i probably wouldn't really be friends with anyways because i never see them. and so kate can hang out with them all she wants. i don't mind.
i'll just be angry if she tries to get john against me.
he's one of my best friends. so that's NOT happening.
and nina and sam are basically already on my side. i have no idea about kristin. in fact i haven't seen or talked to kristin since wednesday night. so you know that's cool.
i feel she'll pry side with kate.
but i guess that's okay. i really am not interested in having showdowns or something so whatever
and i fear kate will try to start something every time she seems me but i'm not going to do that.
anyways after nina left dinner i went and hung out with her at this game night thing for awhile then she had to go to work so i came back to the apartment and started watching hp1. sam finally woke up and watched it with me. it was like midnight by that point and i was kind of tired but at the same time not so we started watching pirates of the caribbean. and then i fell asleep on teh recliner.
so that was awesome. haha
woke up at 3:20 brushed my teeth and went to sleep.
that was great.
yesterday. mostly hung out
then went to see HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART ONE.
and i cried within the first ten minutes. and i almost cried in the middle and then i cried at the end.
i was pretty much a mess.
didn't really think i would cry that much but i did.
it was crazy.
sam was laughing at me. but i mean harry potter had been part of about half of my life. i can't help it.
after that had dinner with nina and her sister who came up to visit.
kate was actually in the marketplace so that was slightly terrifying but we avoided her.
then went to see eat pray love for free in the auditorium. which was a good movie.
sam left to visit her boyfriend for the night so i hung otu with nina and her sister. and john and katie and some other girl.
we went to folklore which is like a coffee shop. then hung out in katie's room until like 2 in the morning.
it was fun.
:)
this weekend is probably the most fun i have had in awhile. so that was awesome.
so now i'm trying to finish my portfolio to hand in before thanksgiving so i don't need to worry about it anymore i also need to practice guitar.
i'm also waiting for john to be like we need to talk about kate.
but so far that hasn't happened.
so that's good.
i mean i want to tell him my side but i feel like it's going to be awkward.
blah.
anyways need to get work done now!
have a marvelous day :)
so cute.
um anyways.
lets talk about how hilarious my life is.
like legit.
HILARIOUS.
Okay so this week was pretty normal.
monday went to dinner, then yoga. (love yoga i always feel SO GOOD afterwards)
tuesday, we had nina and john over for dinner. then i went to this extra credit speaker about the amish. it was pretty interesting. he wrote a book about them too. It's by Donald Kraybill. he actually teaches at my school. haha
Wednesday, normal day of classes, we had "Thanksgiving Dinner" at school.
I somehow ended up sitting next to John and Kristin, which was relieving.
of course Kate was basically sending me death glares. and i was like whatever. it's not like i asked him to sit next to me. seriously.
afterwards you get like a free photo if your group dresses up, so we got one, although by that time John and Courtney already left for jazz band. so it's going to be weird.
afterwards went to the library to print some things out, then went to hang out in a music practice room with nina and sam.
then kate showed up and like yelled at us to get out of there. it was really rude, and weird.
i mean she had to teach a lesson in there but she really said it in a mean way.
but whatever.
then nina, sam and i went to the christmas tree lighting which was beautiful :)
we sang christmas carols and heard The Night Before Christmas. and had weird hot chocolate that tasted like coffee... i didn't drink it all because i really don't like coffee.
then finally went back to the apartment to do work.
except i never got any done because Kate texted me suddenly saying "we need to talk"
which lead into a two hour falling out via text.
freaking long and annoying.
i think i might just post the texts on here, because they are worthy of being remembered.
so yeah she texted me around ten being all we need to talk
and i didn't respond because i was like seriously why are you saying that through texts?
and plus it was ten and i was trying to do work
then 18 minutes later she sends me this
"I feel like you have not been treating me in an appropriate manner lately. you do not have the right to treat me this way. I feel like we have been friends for long enough that you owe it to me to at least say something to me about it."
i was like seriously. she wants to do it through texts. so i was like do you really want to do this through texts
and she was like
"I've tried everything else. I have no more options left."
which i feel is a lie. she talked to me ONCE about her drinking. and this whole thing was so much bigger than that. i just couldn't believe that she honestly thought she had no more options left.
i didn't respond right away after she said that because i was thinking of what to say and responding (my response was seven "pages" of texts).
so she was like "if you don't want to talk to me now when do you want to talk?"
right after she said that i sent her my seven page response.
basically i told her that she never listens, how i feel that she is a bully, how i dont think it's nice that she makes personal jokes about people's lives like extremely personal things. and how i don't think our friendship is doing anything helpful for either of us. and that i think she changed and not for the better. i also told her that she doesn't make good first impressions and that i alot of people have said that. which my brother did and i've heard it from other people too. i've never asked straight out though.
her response
"I dont' understand what you're talking about sam. I haven't made jokes out of personal things that i can ever remember. I haven't done anything remotely close to bully you. if anything you are a bully to me. how do you think i felt when you told me i couldn't sit next to you at church two weeks ago. and maybe if you would actually treat me like a friend you would realize that i'm not the same person i was last fall when you decided to start being so rude to me. it is not your place to judge me and ask what people think of me when you don't make a good first impression either."
so at this point i had to be like kate you always used to make fun of my back, (she also made fun of other things that are personal which were rude) i told her i was joking at church and that i was going to let her sit there but then she threw my papers on the ground and that was just intense. then i told her i didn't think she changed for the better. and i told her i never judge people and i wouldn't ask people questions like that. that people tell me things like that.
so i have no idea if i really have ever bullied her. i dont' think i have. i mean i probably haven't been the nicest person ever to her. i mean i know i could have been nicer. but why fake it.
and i have heard about so many people who do not like her. and it's ridiculous. i mean my brother said she was fake after knowing her for like three hours. that's just bad. and i don't know what she is saying that i don't make a good first impression. she honestly can't say that because i was extremely accepting to her when she first showed up, and she's NEVER invited anyone up here to visit for her to say that. and i'm always nice to all the people she invites into the group. i mean i'm shy but i am still nice to them.
so in response to me she said
"it definitely felt like you meant i couldnt' sit there.i do not remember making fun of your back. but if you can jokingly tell me not to sit by you can you be mad for me making fun of you? i'm sorry if you think i have changed for the worse. but it's because i just can't take your cruelty anymore. i'm honestly tell you it needs to stop. i'm tired of you not saying hi or bye to me. and just ignoring my presence that makes me feel so bad about myself."
i was like well there is a complete difference in joking about things and making fun of someones medical problems. and i was like id id't realize i had to say hi to you personally. ( i usually just say hi to everyone at the same time. so much easier) and i told her she creates way to much drama
"there wouldn't be any drama if you would treat me like a human being. i think it's a lot different too. no one has a problem with your back, and i'm sorry you're sensitive about it, but you should have said something. it was so humiliating and embarrassing when you publicly made fun of me at church in front of my boss and co workers. don't you think about that"
so i'm just wondering what she thinks i treat her like...an alien? i don't know. anyways i did say something when she initially made fun of my back, and she still did it. and i never publicly made fun of her in front of the entire church and her boss. unless she's saying that when i told her she couldn't sit there. i mean that's just being ridiculous because people do those kinds of jokes all the time. and if anything she made the scene by throwing my papers on the ground. i don't know. i mean i know in the beginning of the semester i jokingly said that i wasn't happy about being back at school because of kate at church. but then i laughed and was like i'm just kidding.
of course she made a HUGE deal about that and wouldn't let me forget i said that, even though i was like i was KIDDING.
anyways i responded with well i think everyone is sensitive about medical problems. and i told her that i just don't think our friendship is really worth it. probably some other things but i dont really remember, my phone erases messages i send once i start texting other people.. haha
her
"well you know what sam, everyone has medical problems, i have ptsd, and when you say mean things to me whether or not you mean it as a joke it deeply affects me, and thanks to you i have been in a pretty deep depression. i'm having nightmares and i can't focus. i'm sorry my friendship is ruining your life."
i was like i'm sorry kate i didn't know you had that. and i never said our friendship was ruining my life i just said you are holding me back. i need to focus on my future.
on a sidenote. no one knew she had/has ptsd. in fact she never mentioned it. so how was anyone supposed to know. and ptsd is post traumatic stress disorder. SO you only get that after i serious event... like war, a terrible car accident, hurricanes or tornadoes, well weather like that that destroys everything, and like child molestation or rape.
one source i looked at said maybe child bullying if it was really bad. but i feel like all children get bullied in some way. so i don't think that can be a real reason for ptsd. but i don't really know.
also i dont' think it's fair that she's blaming her entire deep depression on me. i mean she's been making me feel depressed too, but she's not the only cause. school has been stressful and i just need a break. and honestly i'm not the only one who had been avoiding her. but i think because i'm the only one she feels is a threat for dating john she's going against me. i mean sam has a b/f and so does kristin. nina doesn't but kate pry thinks john wouldnt date her and courtney also has a b/f so it's legit only me. last year when sam and i were single she really didn't like us when she liked john. although she was really mad at sam because she felt she flirted with him all the time. and now i guess she thinks i do... i'm really not. i'm just treating him like a good friend. ridiculous.
she said
" You said i was holding you back and i don't understand how i'm doing that. the only reason this friendship is having a negative effect on us is because you are unwilling to forgive me and treat me like you would a friend."
i said that i forgive everyone.
she said
"do you realize that doesn't make any sense? if you forgive me then why are you treating me this way?"
i said. i forgive you kate, but that doesn't mean i forget. i just don't think this friendship will go anywhere and it' not doign any good for either of us.
so her last response was
"well the bottom line is that we have the same friends, so we're going to see each other. i try to treat you kindly and all i ask is that you do the same for me."
i was just that sounds reasonable
and then we were done.
and i was like wow. i think that legit means our friendship is over.
kind of weird.
but you know i actually felt better afterwards, i mean i felt bad because that was a rough way to end a friendship if you could call it a friendship.
but i really felt like a weight had lifted off of me.
then luckily thursday i was going up to Penn State with sam to see ali for her birthday. :)
so thursday i had class. was a bit worried about seeing kate, but it didn't happen
after class left for penn state.
it was sort of raining which was annoying. but we rocked out the whole way there.
we got there and hung out with ali. had dinner. then kim showed up. then ali's sister and sister-in-law got there so we went to their hotel room. had some smirnoff.
then headed out. it was like 10 by that point. but it was cool. we went to this bar called the saloon lounge. but sam couldn't get in because she's only 20 . so that was awkward. but i sat with sam in mcdonalds then ali and her sisters and kim came and found us then we went to this other bar where there was an outside patio so sam could still talk to us.
so i had had a jagerbomb with ali and her sisters. (kim left at midnight since she had an 8 am)
then we went outside and hung out with sam. it was crazy.
and well i had a smirnoff at their hotel room then the jagerbomb. and some of ali's sister's jack and coke.
so i started to feel it a bit.
plus i was tired. so it was kind of hilarious.
Ali's sisters had some guy go up to her and hug her and then kiss her on the cheek and ask her if she wanted birthday sex.
it was crazyyyyy.
but ali said no she wasn't ready for that. she was also drunk at that point. so it was significantly more interesting.
but somehow ali's sister got that guys shirt for her.
so ali now has his shirt as a souveneir.
haha. it smelled really good. ahha
anyways after that bar we went back to her sister's hotel room had some more smirnoff. she also had beer. but i do not enjoy beer at all. so that was rough. but we stayed up until like four.
ali kept saying the most hilarious things ever.
her sister was playing music from her phone and ali saw that she had airplanes. and she was like "this song is crazy but hayley williams awesome. but seriously why write a song about airplanes. airplanes are just shooting stars that crash into buildings and kill people'"
that was pretty great. then we had like a dance party for a bit but finally it got the point where we like laid on the bed
then ali sam and i slept on a bed together. and you know how the bed goes vertical well we slept horizontal on it. so all of our legs were like hanging off the side. i was also in the middle and sam and ali pretty much snuggled up to me in the night. ahha. it was strange. but i was really warm.
haha.
so we got up on friday at like 10:30
went back to ali's dorm helped her pack her stuff up. said goodbye to her and her sisters as they left for home. then sam and i walked around downtown for a few hours.
then we headed back to etown.
got back to etown at like 5. showered. tried to nap. i couldn't fall asleep so i ate dinner. sam fell asleep for like four hours.
so in the meantime i was texting nina who said kate was bad mouthing me at dinner.
apparently she said
"sam basically told me that she's never been friends with me and she shuts herself down when she's around me. she doesn't say hi to me or anything and i'm like you know what just go away. she said i'm holding her back from her future."
so lets play three lies and a truth.
truth. i did say that i shut down around her. and that she holding me back.
but i NEVER said that we were never friends. i do say hi to EVERYONE including her. and she in fact never said just go away.
so that was fun.
and it's interesting that she is now spreading rumors. trying to get people to hate me. but it's okay the people she was talking to i probably wouldn't really be friends with anyways because i never see them. and so kate can hang out with them all she wants. i don't mind.
i'll just be angry if she tries to get john against me.
he's one of my best friends. so that's NOT happening.
and nina and sam are basically already on my side. i have no idea about kristin. in fact i haven't seen or talked to kristin since wednesday night. so you know that's cool.
i feel she'll pry side with kate.
but i guess that's okay. i really am not interested in having showdowns or something so whatever
and i fear kate will try to start something every time she seems me but i'm not going to do that.
anyways after nina left dinner i went and hung out with her at this game night thing for awhile then she had to go to work so i came back to the apartment and started watching hp1. sam finally woke up and watched it with me. it was like midnight by that point and i was kind of tired but at the same time not so we started watching pirates of the caribbean. and then i fell asleep on teh recliner.
so that was awesome. haha
woke up at 3:20 brushed my teeth and went to sleep.
that was great.
yesterday. mostly hung out
then went to see HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART ONE.
and i cried within the first ten minutes. and i almost cried in the middle and then i cried at the end.
i was pretty much a mess.
didn't really think i would cry that much but i did.
it was crazy.
sam was laughing at me. but i mean harry potter had been part of about half of my life. i can't help it.
after that had dinner with nina and her sister who came up to visit.
kate was actually in the marketplace so that was slightly terrifying but we avoided her.
then went to see eat pray love for free in the auditorium. which was a good movie.
sam left to visit her boyfriend for the night so i hung otu with nina and her sister. and john and katie and some other girl.
we went to folklore which is like a coffee shop. then hung out in katie's room until like 2 in the morning.
it was fun.
:)
this weekend is probably the most fun i have had in awhile. so that was awesome.
so now i'm trying to finish my portfolio to hand in before thanksgiving so i don't need to worry about it anymore i also need to practice guitar.
i'm also waiting for john to be like we need to talk about kate.
but so far that hasn't happened.
so that's good.
i mean i want to tell him my side but i feel like it's going to be awkward.
blah.
anyways need to get work done now!
have a marvelous day :)
Sunday, November 14, 2010
need to get out of this funk.
I feel annoyed at everything today.
i don't know what's wrong with me but i'm just like blah. and almost anything that anyone does is bothering me alot. maybe i should just go to sleep. then wake up in a better mood.
idk.
whatever.
last week i barely saw kate is was amazing.
i didn't see her monday for dinner, or tuesday.
saw her wednesday for like five minutes.
didn't see her thursday
and friday saw her for like thirty minutes.
and didn't see her at all yesterday or today.
i'm not going to lie it was awesome.
although she still managed to annoy me.
Friday John randomly asked to come over and i was like umm sure.
he was acting really weird and i was like what the heck is wrong with him.
and sam, john and i were watching youtube videos and he was like sam i have to talk to you. like mouthing it to me and i was like what the heck.
so we like went into the kitchen and i was like this is so weird and he was like don't worry this isn't about me and i was like um okay.
then he like sat down and i just stood there and he was like so sunday night kate asked me to come over.
and i was like oh brother.
i don't even want to hear this anymore.
but he continued on and he was like i wasn't there or anything but kate said you were really mean to her at church and you didn't want her to sit next to you or something and she cried to me, she was like bawling for an hour and a half.
i just looked at john and i was like listen. i jokingly told her she couldn't sit there and she threw my papers on the ground.
i was like that annoyed me.
and then i told john that i'm planning on telling her we shouldn't hang out anymore.
and he was like oh what really.
he was like super shocked but i was like yes. she just depresses me and always complains about how mean i am to her so why should we hang out if she doesn't like anything i do. and he was like oh well i guess that makes sense.
and i was like yeah.
then i just kind of stood there.
idk i felt like crying friday, i was just kind of feeling depressed (my grandmother was in the hospital getting a pacemaker and i haven't seen her in four years... i suck as a grandchild) then he tells me that. and i was just like uh
so john was like are you okay.
and i was like no.
and he was like oh no i'm sorry and i was like no listen i'm just not having a good week then i told him about my grandmother and that i don't need kate bringing me down more.
then john told me this like sort of depressing story which made me want to cry more and he was like telling me he has emotions and i was like um i know you have emotions john. idk it was weird.
but then we all went to dinner and he was acting kind of weird, he kept trying to make me laugh and i really wasn't like at all. which made him not be sure what to do. but i was just like i dont feel like laughing.
after dinner i had an awesome jam session with nina though. she played piano and i played guitar and we tried to teach sam guitar. it was fun
so it made up for my depressing day.
then yesterday sam's parents came up and dropped off a microwave table and a recliner.
then we went to target, the christmas store and friendly's which was awesome. they are all in this little shopping center together like thirty minutes away
at the christmas store i bought a shot glass with a pirate on it. haha
it's my first shot glass and i have only ever had two shots before. and i don't really like them. but it had a pirate on it. sooo i really wanted it. ahha
but i really enjoyed going to target, i miss that store so much.
so nina came over at like ten
and sam's bf was here.
we tried to have john over but he was doing work again. super lame.
i dont know he's been acting really weird lately. and we haven't legit hung out with him in like two weeks. whatever though maybe when he's done everything for grad school he'll lighten up and hang out again.
apparently he's trying to set up a five year plan.
i wanted to be like listen. you can do that but it won't happen like that, at least most likely. i mean God does whatever he wants.
and i'm pretty sure John isn't including like getting married in his five year plan. or at least having a girlfriend. so like what is her going to do when that happens.
maybe i should say if? but i'm seriously thinking when. he's a good guy.
i don't know.
i still think i might possibly have a crush on him. but then when i think about having a relationship with him i think it would be weird. i mean i would have to drive us on dates since he only has a bike here. and he's always doing work.
i don't know
whatever. it's up to God.
and it doesn't matter i'm sort of annoyed at him right now anyway. cause i'm feeling annoyed with everything!!!
BLAH.
i need to do homework and go to bed.
schedule my classes tomorrow. that should be exciting...
sigh.
going to do homework. need to get out of this funk.
i don't know what's wrong with me but i'm just like blah. and almost anything that anyone does is bothering me alot. maybe i should just go to sleep. then wake up in a better mood.
idk.
whatever.
last week i barely saw kate is was amazing.
i didn't see her monday for dinner, or tuesday.
saw her wednesday for like five minutes.
didn't see her thursday
and friday saw her for like thirty minutes.
and didn't see her at all yesterday or today.
i'm not going to lie it was awesome.
although she still managed to annoy me.
Friday John randomly asked to come over and i was like umm sure.
he was acting really weird and i was like what the heck is wrong with him.
and sam, john and i were watching youtube videos and he was like sam i have to talk to you. like mouthing it to me and i was like what the heck.
so we like went into the kitchen and i was like this is so weird and he was like don't worry this isn't about me and i was like um okay.
then he like sat down and i just stood there and he was like so sunday night kate asked me to come over.
and i was like oh brother.
i don't even want to hear this anymore.
but he continued on and he was like i wasn't there or anything but kate said you were really mean to her at church and you didn't want her to sit next to you or something and she cried to me, she was like bawling for an hour and a half.
i just looked at john and i was like listen. i jokingly told her she couldn't sit there and she threw my papers on the ground.
i was like that annoyed me.
and then i told john that i'm planning on telling her we shouldn't hang out anymore.
and he was like oh what really.
he was like super shocked but i was like yes. she just depresses me and always complains about how mean i am to her so why should we hang out if she doesn't like anything i do. and he was like oh well i guess that makes sense.
and i was like yeah.
then i just kind of stood there.
idk i felt like crying friday, i was just kind of feeling depressed (my grandmother was in the hospital getting a pacemaker and i haven't seen her in four years... i suck as a grandchild) then he tells me that. and i was just like uh
so john was like are you okay.
and i was like no.
and he was like oh no i'm sorry and i was like no listen i'm just not having a good week then i told him about my grandmother and that i don't need kate bringing me down more.
then john told me this like sort of depressing story which made me want to cry more and he was like telling me he has emotions and i was like um i know you have emotions john. idk it was weird.
but then we all went to dinner and he was acting kind of weird, he kept trying to make me laugh and i really wasn't like at all. which made him not be sure what to do. but i was just like i dont feel like laughing.
after dinner i had an awesome jam session with nina though. she played piano and i played guitar and we tried to teach sam guitar. it was fun
so it made up for my depressing day.
then yesterday sam's parents came up and dropped off a microwave table and a recliner.
then we went to target, the christmas store and friendly's which was awesome. they are all in this little shopping center together like thirty minutes away
at the christmas store i bought a shot glass with a pirate on it. haha
it's my first shot glass and i have only ever had two shots before. and i don't really like them. but it had a pirate on it. sooo i really wanted it. ahha
but i really enjoyed going to target, i miss that store so much.
so nina came over at like ten
and sam's bf was here.
we tried to have john over but he was doing work again. super lame.
i dont know he's been acting really weird lately. and we haven't legit hung out with him in like two weeks. whatever though maybe when he's done everything for grad school he'll lighten up and hang out again.
apparently he's trying to set up a five year plan.
i wanted to be like listen. you can do that but it won't happen like that, at least most likely. i mean God does whatever he wants.
and i'm pretty sure John isn't including like getting married in his five year plan. or at least having a girlfriend. so like what is her going to do when that happens.
maybe i should say if? but i'm seriously thinking when. he's a good guy.
i don't know.
i still think i might possibly have a crush on him. but then when i think about having a relationship with him i think it would be weird. i mean i would have to drive us on dates since he only has a bike here. and he's always doing work.
i don't know
whatever. it's up to God.
and it doesn't matter i'm sort of annoyed at him right now anyway. cause i'm feeling annoyed with everything!!!
BLAH.
i need to do homework and go to bed.
schedule my classes tomorrow. that should be exciting...
sigh.
going to do homework. need to get out of this funk.
Monday, November 8, 2010
the one the wind and waves obey is strong enough to save you.
Alright so i finished my essay with over 4000 words... the limit was 4,500. i would have surprised myself to have reached that. but i was surprised i even hit 4,000. like what the heck!
anyways. so this weekend. lets see.
kate annoyed me all last week. idk i tried to be civil and just let it roll off my shoulders but it doesn't work like that. at least not with her.
so anyways. my brother came to visit and he showed up friday at like 4:30. so that was exciting (even though he skipped his last two classes of the day...so bad) but it was cool we went to dinner at like 5:45 or something and i introduced Kate to my brother and she was all "oh i know you two look a like" then she touched my face. i was like um don't touch my face kate. and she was like i'm sorry sam. then she went to the other sam and was like sam doesn't care if i touch her face lets do a cheek kiss sam!
and sam was like um what.
anyways i don't like when people touch my face. i have sensitive skin, enough so that just because she touched my face i could break out from it. and i don't know if she washed her hands or whatever before touching my face.
ugh.
and she didn't know he was my brother and i was introducing him with his name. so i dont understand why she was like i know.
but whatever.
she was annoying during dinner but i just talked to my brother and nina most of the time.
afterwards we went to kate and kristin's room and it was pretty boring. we got invited to this tupperware party in the lounge of their dorm so went to it and part way through a fire alarm went off so we had to leave.
but it was whatever since i had just won a tupperware thing. although all the options were like super small things and i ended up with this hanger thing which you can hang recipes on or the lady said she uses them for her wet bathing suits at the beach. so i was like cool.
anyways after wards when everyone was leaving i saw one of my peer kids so i was talking to her for awhile meanwhile kate, kristin and sam had gone back to kate and kristin's room and i was like whatever.
so when my brother and i got back there i was like interesting...kristin was drinking. but you know that's whatevs and kate pulled something out of the fridge and was like oh this should be ready now pretending that it was only like crystal light mix with water. but come on now. how dumb does she think i am like seriously.
she also had a yoohoo. and our friend steve last year used to put ice 101 in yoohoo's and he said they tasted like thin mints. so for kate to be drinking yoohoo was obviously her putting vodka in it.
she always does this thing now of being like "dont tell sam" (referring to me) and i'm like really. do you think i'm that dumb that i don't realize you are drinking right now. plus she starts getting all flushed and stuttering.
she must think i'm an idiot.
but whatever. so we watched two episodes of it's always sunny in philadelphia. then i was like this is so boring.
and kate was being dumb.
so finally we were like lets leave.
plus sam's friends meghan and gretel were coming up so we actually had a reason to leave.
so we came back to the appointment and we asked my brother what he thought of kate and he was like she just seems really fake. and i was like HA oh my gosh. she is. she's like the fakest person ever.
my brother saw that probably within an hour of knowing her.
like that's sad.
whatever.
so it was only like 9 at that point so we hung out for awhile sam's friends showed up at like 11 we went to john's quad he wasn't there yet. he was "taking care of somebody" which obviously means someone was drunk. he's too kind to just leave them there. so while in John's quad we were hanging out then Kristin, Joe and Steve showed up and we were all like STEVE! since he graduated last year. he's so great.
Joe is on my good side right now for saying kate is a hypocrite because she used to get mad at joe for drinking and he was like i haven't had a drink in awhile and kate gets drunk every weekend now. what a hypocrite
i was like haha oh joe you don't need to tell me, i completely agree.
so now i think i'm being a bit over nice to Joe but what can i say i'm so stoked he called her a hypocrite. ahha
so at like 11:45 we headed to Rocky horror. a lot of the seats were filled so we ended up in the front. i was like oh man please don't let this be a show where they touch you or something. that freaks me out. i somehow ended up in the front row but luckily sam's friends were like we'll switch with you we don't mind the front row and i was like THANK YOU!
so i ended up in the third row. my brother sat next to me on the right and john on the left. sam, gretel and steve were in front of me and in the front row was kristin, joe, and meghan.
nina showed up after work and kate randomly appeared out of nowhere and like followed nina. we had only saved a seat for nina since no one knew kate was coming since she complained that it sounded dumb anyways. but whatever
so nina got the seat and kate was like nina you took my seat but sam told nina we had saved it for her. so that was good.
the show was crazy and interactive, but it was fun. random dancing and shouting. :)
i liked it.
afterwards we were hanging out and it was kind of funny since it was steve, john, kate and my brother on the left. sam, kristin, joe, meghan and gretel on the right and me and nina kind of in the middle. but whatever.
then kate started asking my brother these dumb questions and he just stared at her and she hates that so she started poking his nose ring and i kind of flipped because i hate when people touch my face without my allowing them too. so for her to just do that and his nose ring. that could make it get infected or something. so i was like kate stop that. don't touch people's piercings that's so rude . and John just chimed in and was like YEAH! how would you like if someone touched your leg piercing and kate was like haha i dont' have a leg piercing. and john was like DO you want one...
it was so great and i was like ahha oh john always knowing when i need comedic relief. he's so good.
my brother then texted me and was like hey it's okay i can take of myself and i was like yeah i know i'm sorry and he was like i was about to make her cry!
and i was like haah that would have been great. she just stresses me out.
it was good though because then i was like telling him when we finally left to go to john's quad which i have no idea why we were all doing that at 2 in the morning i was kind of exhausted but whatevs. so i just told her she creates too much drama and i dont' need that and he was like you dont think yelling at her just created drama. and i was like sigh you are probably right. and he just laughed and was like it's okay don't worry about it.
so we made it back to john's quad and everything was okay until kristin went to her car and came back with alcohol and i was like oh man i can't be here anymore like seriously kate is already trashed and kristin was too. too much. my brother saw it and was like hey it's okay then sam was like lets go. and i was like thank goodness so we left. my brother an di talked until 4:30 in the morning which was nice :)
i enjoyed it.
the next day we slept until like noon. i made pancakes then at one i met nina and had some hot chocolate with her. came back at 2 my brother decided to stay another night. so kind of just hung out all day. went grocery shopping had dinner in our apartment. my brother called John to have him come over (he seemed to enjoy that, he called him twice the night before too) but JOhn was all i'm doing work. which he probably was. so it ended up we all did work. my brother watched the breakfast club at like ten so i watched taht with him then worked on my research paper. my brother went to sleep after the movie
i stayed up to see the time switch for daylight savings then i fell asleep. woke up sunday at like 11:30 my brother got ready to leave. i did some more work had breakfast. my brother left at 1. it was kind of sad i'm glad he came though :)
sam and i met up with nina...kate and kristin (and kristin's two friends) were there too for cabaret. it was weird and hilarious. but it was cool.
afterwards nina sam and i went to the jays and hung out then went to church.
nina was sitting in a row so me and sam sat with her and kate was all guys wah wah wah and we were like what, it's not like she was sitting alone she was sitting with some girl named stephanie. but then she was like fine i'll just move and i was like no you can't sit next to me (half serious half joking) and she was like whatever and she like half crumpled my bulletin and threw it on the ground. i was like wow.
you jerk i would have eventually let her sit there. but i was like i can't handle this. i went to the bathroom to like calm myself donw. came back to church and didn't talk to her the entire service. or at dinner.
i just can't deal anymore.
i had my guitar lesson today and she KNOWS when i have it and she was sitting in the chair right in front of my guitar stuff. ON PURPOSE. she didn't turn around or say hi or anything. and iw as like fine i'm not going to say hi either i made faces at nina which was fun then nina was like BYE SAM! and made a heart sign at me and i waved. nina is so great.
meanwhile nina said kate was all sad.
but you know whatever.
apparently she told nina that she's never going to drink again.
i find this hilarious.
i also don't believe her but whatever.
didn't go to dinner tonight mostly to avoid her. so nina came over and we had dinner in the apartment :)
sam was working on a presentation for class with her partner on campus. so it was nice.
then i went to yoga it was wonderful and relaxing.
i love yoga.
and now i should do homework.
i've basically decided i dont' need kate to bring me down anymore.
i'm thinking of telling her nothing good comes out of our friendship so we shouldn't hang out anymore. she'll pry cry. but i don't really care. because it's true. she just stresses me out and produces drama. nothing i need. so yeah.
that's basically it. homework time. now that it's 11:25. oh jeez.
just scheduled senior portraits for wednesday! that's scary.
but i figure if i don't get them done my mom would be angry. so whatevs.
so yeah okay bye!
anyways. so this weekend. lets see.
kate annoyed me all last week. idk i tried to be civil and just let it roll off my shoulders but it doesn't work like that. at least not with her.
so anyways. my brother came to visit and he showed up friday at like 4:30. so that was exciting (even though he skipped his last two classes of the day...so bad) but it was cool we went to dinner at like 5:45 or something and i introduced Kate to my brother and she was all "oh i know you two look a like" then she touched my face. i was like um don't touch my face kate. and she was like i'm sorry sam. then she went to the other sam and was like sam doesn't care if i touch her face lets do a cheek kiss sam!
and sam was like um what.
anyways i don't like when people touch my face. i have sensitive skin, enough so that just because she touched my face i could break out from it. and i don't know if she washed her hands or whatever before touching my face.
ugh.
and she didn't know he was my brother and i was introducing him with his name. so i dont understand why she was like i know.
but whatever.
she was annoying during dinner but i just talked to my brother and nina most of the time.
afterwards we went to kate and kristin's room and it was pretty boring. we got invited to this tupperware party in the lounge of their dorm so went to it and part way through a fire alarm went off so we had to leave.
but it was whatever since i had just won a tupperware thing. although all the options were like super small things and i ended up with this hanger thing which you can hang recipes on or the lady said she uses them for her wet bathing suits at the beach. so i was like cool.
anyways after wards when everyone was leaving i saw one of my peer kids so i was talking to her for awhile meanwhile kate, kristin and sam had gone back to kate and kristin's room and i was like whatever.
so when my brother and i got back there i was like interesting...kristin was drinking. but you know that's whatevs and kate pulled something out of the fridge and was like oh this should be ready now pretending that it was only like crystal light mix with water. but come on now. how dumb does she think i am like seriously.
she also had a yoohoo. and our friend steve last year used to put ice 101 in yoohoo's and he said they tasted like thin mints. so for kate to be drinking yoohoo was obviously her putting vodka in it.
she always does this thing now of being like "dont tell sam" (referring to me) and i'm like really. do you think i'm that dumb that i don't realize you are drinking right now. plus she starts getting all flushed and stuttering.
she must think i'm an idiot.
but whatever. so we watched two episodes of it's always sunny in philadelphia. then i was like this is so boring.
and kate was being dumb.
so finally we were like lets leave.
plus sam's friends meghan and gretel were coming up so we actually had a reason to leave.
so we came back to the appointment and we asked my brother what he thought of kate and he was like she just seems really fake. and i was like HA oh my gosh. she is. she's like the fakest person ever.
my brother saw that probably within an hour of knowing her.
like that's sad.
whatever.
so it was only like 9 at that point so we hung out for awhile sam's friends showed up at like 11 we went to john's quad he wasn't there yet. he was "taking care of somebody" which obviously means someone was drunk. he's too kind to just leave them there. so while in John's quad we were hanging out then Kristin, Joe and Steve showed up and we were all like STEVE! since he graduated last year. he's so great.
Joe is on my good side right now for saying kate is a hypocrite because she used to get mad at joe for drinking and he was like i haven't had a drink in awhile and kate gets drunk every weekend now. what a hypocrite
i was like haha oh joe you don't need to tell me, i completely agree.
so now i think i'm being a bit over nice to Joe but what can i say i'm so stoked he called her a hypocrite. ahha
so at like 11:45 we headed to Rocky horror. a lot of the seats were filled so we ended up in the front. i was like oh man please don't let this be a show where they touch you or something. that freaks me out. i somehow ended up in the front row but luckily sam's friends were like we'll switch with you we don't mind the front row and i was like THANK YOU!
so i ended up in the third row. my brother sat next to me on the right and john on the left. sam, gretel and steve were in front of me and in the front row was kristin, joe, and meghan.
nina showed up after work and kate randomly appeared out of nowhere and like followed nina. we had only saved a seat for nina since no one knew kate was coming since she complained that it sounded dumb anyways. but whatever
so nina got the seat and kate was like nina you took my seat but sam told nina we had saved it for her. so that was good.
the show was crazy and interactive, but it was fun. random dancing and shouting. :)
i liked it.
afterwards we were hanging out and it was kind of funny since it was steve, john, kate and my brother on the left. sam, kristin, joe, meghan and gretel on the right and me and nina kind of in the middle. but whatever.
then kate started asking my brother these dumb questions and he just stared at her and she hates that so she started poking his nose ring and i kind of flipped because i hate when people touch my face without my allowing them too. so for her to just do that and his nose ring. that could make it get infected or something. so i was like kate stop that. don't touch people's piercings that's so rude . and John just chimed in and was like YEAH! how would you like if someone touched your leg piercing and kate was like haha i dont' have a leg piercing. and john was like DO you want one...
it was so great and i was like ahha oh john always knowing when i need comedic relief. he's so good.
my brother then texted me and was like hey it's okay i can take of myself and i was like yeah i know i'm sorry and he was like i was about to make her cry!
and i was like haah that would have been great. she just stresses me out.
it was good though because then i was like telling him when we finally left to go to john's quad which i have no idea why we were all doing that at 2 in the morning i was kind of exhausted but whatevs. so i just told her she creates too much drama and i dont' need that and he was like you dont think yelling at her just created drama. and i was like sigh you are probably right. and he just laughed and was like it's okay don't worry about it.
so we made it back to john's quad and everything was okay until kristin went to her car and came back with alcohol and i was like oh man i can't be here anymore like seriously kate is already trashed and kristin was too. too much. my brother saw it and was like hey it's okay then sam was like lets go. and i was like thank goodness so we left. my brother an di talked until 4:30 in the morning which was nice :)
i enjoyed it.
the next day we slept until like noon. i made pancakes then at one i met nina and had some hot chocolate with her. came back at 2 my brother decided to stay another night. so kind of just hung out all day. went grocery shopping had dinner in our apartment. my brother called John to have him come over (he seemed to enjoy that, he called him twice the night before too) but JOhn was all i'm doing work. which he probably was. so it ended up we all did work. my brother watched the breakfast club at like ten so i watched taht with him then worked on my research paper. my brother went to sleep after the movie
i stayed up to see the time switch for daylight savings then i fell asleep. woke up sunday at like 11:30 my brother got ready to leave. i did some more work had breakfast. my brother left at 1. it was kind of sad i'm glad he came though :)
sam and i met up with nina...kate and kristin (and kristin's two friends) were there too for cabaret. it was weird and hilarious. but it was cool.
afterwards nina sam and i went to the jays and hung out then went to church.
nina was sitting in a row so me and sam sat with her and kate was all guys wah wah wah and we were like what, it's not like she was sitting alone she was sitting with some girl named stephanie. but then she was like fine i'll just move and i was like no you can't sit next to me (half serious half joking) and she was like whatever and she like half crumpled my bulletin and threw it on the ground. i was like wow.
you jerk i would have eventually let her sit there. but i was like i can't handle this. i went to the bathroom to like calm myself donw. came back to church and didn't talk to her the entire service. or at dinner.
i just can't deal anymore.
i had my guitar lesson today and she KNOWS when i have it and she was sitting in the chair right in front of my guitar stuff. ON PURPOSE. she didn't turn around or say hi or anything. and iw as like fine i'm not going to say hi either i made faces at nina which was fun then nina was like BYE SAM! and made a heart sign at me and i waved. nina is so great.
meanwhile nina said kate was all sad.
but you know whatever.
apparently she told nina that she's never going to drink again.
i find this hilarious.
i also don't believe her but whatever.
didn't go to dinner tonight mostly to avoid her. so nina came over and we had dinner in the apartment :)
sam was working on a presentation for class with her partner on campus. so it was nice.
then i went to yoga it was wonderful and relaxing.
i love yoga.
and now i should do homework.
i've basically decided i dont' need kate to bring me down anymore.
i'm thinking of telling her nothing good comes out of our friendship so we shouldn't hang out anymore. she'll pry cry. but i don't really care. because it's true. she just stresses me out and produces drama. nothing i need. so yeah.
that's basically it. homework time. now that it's 11:25. oh jeez.
just scheduled senior portraits for wednesday! that's scary.
but i figure if i don't get them done my mom would be angry. so whatevs.
so yeah okay bye!
>:/
so my brother came up to visit this weekend. :)
it was awesome. saw rocky horror picture show on friday night.
hilarious. sat between my brother and John and they were like tag teaming off of each other.
so great.
Kate showed up drunk.
i ignored her while we were there. i mean i was too busy laughing at John's random shouting (since you do that at those random showing things they do) and my brother doing the same thing.
also at the random dancing we did, that was crazy. haha.
some other stuff happened (eventually i'll go into more detail) and i yelled at kate. almost punched her in the face...
she was drunk enough that she didn't remember it because she tried to sit next to me at church today. and i was like what the freak are you serious. i sort of jokingly (mostly serious though) told her she couldn't sit there. i would have eventually let her sit there but before i could move my papers she threw them on the ground.
i was like wow.
so i "went to the bathroom" to take some time to relax and not flip out on her.
i just don't get her.
she apparently was drunk thursday night too.
so wonderful.
she drinks more than i do.
sigh.
i'm honestly contemplating talking to her and being like listen our friendship does nothing productive for me or you. you act super fake around me and i don't tell you anything about my life because it's not worth it you'll just make fun of me for it.
so lets just be civil but i don't think it's worthwhile for either of us to hang out anymore.
i feel like if i do that though she'll try to manipulate everyone to be on her side...
although honestly i know sam adn nina would side with me. john would secretly side with me but still hang out with kate and kristin would flip out on me.
but whatever.
i can't take it anymore. it's my senior year of college, why should i have to deal with all of this stuff on top of my stressful academics.
it's really not necessary.
and i wouldn't stop going to everything just because she would be there i mean i enjoy all the things we go to. so she couldn't stop me.
whatevs. i'm thinking it might be time to set into motion "operation exile kate"
although exile sounds kind of terrible. it's more like just take her out of my life.
anyways i'll write more about this weekend tomorrow probably. after i finish this essay that i'm 700 words away from being done with. it's also 12:09 and i'm tired but i need to finish it by 11 tomorrow (well today) night. but i don't want to do it later.
sigh.
oh and just for a laugh. my brother thinks i should date john.
okay well back to the essay.
it was awesome. saw rocky horror picture show on friday night.
hilarious. sat between my brother and John and they were like tag teaming off of each other.
so great.
Kate showed up drunk.
i ignored her while we were there. i mean i was too busy laughing at John's random shouting (since you do that at those random showing things they do) and my brother doing the same thing.
also at the random dancing we did, that was crazy. haha.
some other stuff happened (eventually i'll go into more detail) and i yelled at kate. almost punched her in the face...
she was drunk enough that she didn't remember it because she tried to sit next to me at church today. and i was like what the freak are you serious. i sort of jokingly (mostly serious though) told her she couldn't sit there. i would have eventually let her sit there but before i could move my papers she threw them on the ground.
i was like wow.
so i "went to the bathroom" to take some time to relax and not flip out on her.
i just don't get her.
she apparently was drunk thursday night too.
so wonderful.
she drinks more than i do.
sigh.
i'm honestly contemplating talking to her and being like listen our friendship does nothing productive for me or you. you act super fake around me and i don't tell you anything about my life because it's not worth it you'll just make fun of me for it.
so lets just be civil but i don't think it's worthwhile for either of us to hang out anymore.
i feel like if i do that though she'll try to manipulate everyone to be on her side...
although honestly i know sam adn nina would side with me. john would secretly side with me but still hang out with kate and kristin would flip out on me.
but whatever.
i can't take it anymore. it's my senior year of college, why should i have to deal with all of this stuff on top of my stressful academics.
it's really not necessary.
and i wouldn't stop going to everything just because she would be there i mean i enjoy all the things we go to. so she couldn't stop me.
whatevs. i'm thinking it might be time to set into motion "operation exile kate"
although exile sounds kind of terrible. it's more like just take her out of my life.
anyways i'll write more about this weekend tomorrow probably. after i finish this essay that i'm 700 words away from being done with. it's also 12:09 and i'm tired but i need to finish it by 11 tomorrow (well today) night. but i don't want to do it later.
sigh.
oh and just for a laugh. my brother thinks i should date john.
okay well back to the essay.
Monday, November 1, 2010
love the lord your God...
so lets talk about how i worked on that paper all weekend and MY TEACHER MOVES BACK THE DUE DATE TO NOVEMBER 22. that's like three weeks from now.
i was like HAHAH. great.
just great.
but you know it's cool because i'm basically done with that paper, and that means when that time comes i'll just read it and see what i think about it and rework somethings.
maybe i'll still finish it up like now. so i dont need to worry about it then.
whatever. it just seems like i'm an overachiever now. so ridiculous. haha
but i decided to start my other research paper today. it's due next monday. but i won't have that much time this weekend. i'm writing it on 1 John 4:7-21. so yeah
I'm going to borrow my friends Bible's if they have different versions to compare them. it should be good. hopefully.
also found a site online that has different versions like right next to each other it's pretty cool.
if you want to check it out gooooo
HERE
at least that's what i'm comparing so you can look at it :)
so yeah. i pry should get my stuff together to go to dinner and then yoga afterwards even though i still have like twenty some minutes. maybe i'll practice guitar for a bit. i'm learning a new song that has new chords i've never played before! and i have to slide my fingers on the strings. well i dont' have to but it makes it easier for switching chords.
my fingers are going to be peeling... haha
OH AND my brother is coming to visit on friday :)
i'm so excitedddd!
this week...it's going to get better. :)
bye!
i was like HAHAH. great.
just great.
but you know it's cool because i'm basically done with that paper, and that means when that time comes i'll just read it and see what i think about it and rework somethings.
maybe i'll still finish it up like now. so i dont need to worry about it then.
whatever. it just seems like i'm an overachiever now. so ridiculous. haha
but i decided to start my other research paper today. it's due next monday. but i won't have that much time this weekend. i'm writing it on 1 John 4:7-21. so yeah
I'm going to borrow my friends Bible's if they have different versions to compare them. it should be good. hopefully.
also found a site online that has different versions like right next to each other it's pretty cool.
if you want to check it out gooooo
HERE
at least that's what i'm comparing so you can look at it :)
so yeah. i pry should get my stuff together to go to dinner and then yoga afterwards even though i still have like twenty some minutes. maybe i'll practice guitar for a bit. i'm learning a new song that has new chords i've never played before! and i have to slide my fingers on the strings. well i dont' have to but it makes it easier for switching chords.
my fingers are going to be peeling... haha
OH AND my brother is coming to visit on friday :)
i'm so excitedddd!
this week...it's going to get better. :)
bye!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)