so lets talk about how my weekend has been lame. good. annoying. weird. and lame.
starting with lame. all friday night and all day saturday i worked on my freaking research paper. it's half way done. i really should be working on that now too because i want to get it done so i can move onto my next one. that would be wonderful.
but whatever instead i'm wonderfully procrastinating again. i mean i'm going to get it done because i need to and i want to make sure i give myself enough time to work on the other one.
sigh.
anyways. so after working on my paper all day sam, kate, john, courtney and i took one of the buses to the Messiah v. Etown soccer game. it was the "marshmellow bowl" so everyone throws marshmellows. it's really intense. and you would think marshmellows wouldnt hurt but they do. i got hit in the head like six times and i was like wow. i do not like you people.
but anyways it was nice because our friend Jenna goes to Messiah (she was the crazy one who was at messiah transferred to etown then transferred back to messiah.) so we saw her and it was nice. i missed her a lot. like her crazy random singing and how she always just puts kate in her place. it was wonderful.
except for kate who showed up like super grumpy or something i dont' know, she just didn't say hi to anyone and apparently was expecting me and sam to be all KATE oh my gosh blah blah blah. and i'm never like that. so idk what she wants but you know whatevs.
anyways the soccer team lost 3-1. it was kind of sad but oh well. i don't really like soccer anyway so it's not like i even knew what was happening. haha.
but anyways afterwards we got back to the school and sam and i hosted our little halloween get together.
it was kind of awkward at first because kate and courtney and nina came over like right away. and sam and i were originally planning on changing then picking everyone up but you roll with the punches. i wore this detective outfit.
and unfortunately we have no pictures because our friends never want to take pictures. it's lame
but anyways. so nina came with me when i picked up john, and john was in a toga. that was kind of hilarious. and weird.
because he wasn't wearing a shirt and he's like SO self-conscious like he wears white t-shirts under v-necks.
so um yeah. that was crazy.
so yeah sam was a hooker at a dead guys funeral. i was a detective. nina was a martini (she dressed in black and had like an olive on a stick it was sweet), Kate was a grandma and courtney was a nurse.
and sam's b/f came up but he didn't dress up. so lame. ahah. it's alright though.
so we turned on some music, and well i didn't think it was too loud. i mean i guess it was loud for our apartment but it shouldn' have been loud enough for like the other apartment around us to hear. but that was a wrong guess on my part because the guy who lives under us came and knocked on our door and told us to turn it down because we kept waking up his kids.
i was like oh...
it was awkward and i felt kind of bad. but i still didn't think it was that loud.
john had brought beer over for himself so he was drinking that, and sam and i had a mike's hard lemonade. well i had one, sam had two and she has like four shots. which i only had one shot too. it was a pomegranate kind which was surprisingly good. i mean it burnt still but it was fine. and this was throughout our time hanging out in our apartment so it's not like it happened after he came to our door. cause that would have been weird. haha. so yeah after he came to our door we turned everything off and we went on campus to the dance. and those dances freak me out they are so weird. like really weird. and i really just don't like how people dance there. like it makes me want to throw up. i mean it was strange because John started dancing with a girl like that and i was like oh my word i'm scarred for life. scarred.for.life.
it was just strange.
also sam and her b/f left because you need an id to get in and sam forgot hers and kate doesn't dance so she didn't come and courtney went back to her room. so it was just me nina and john. and john just did his thing so me and nina just kind of danced not in the center and sort of watched john and were like dang. haha
so crazy.
then the dance was over and i was kind of like wow now i have to walk back to my apartment in the dark.
i was like oh man. and nina was like i don't want you to do that. and iw as like i don't want to do that. so we waited for john. and he knows a lot of people so he was talking to everyone then he came over with this girl from the music dept that nina knows and so we were like talking until three in the morning. ridiculous. finally we all left. nina was walked back to her dorm by the other girls and john walked with me back to his quad then he asked me if i wanted him to walk me back to my apartment and i was like um yes. please. and he was like alright no problem just let me put on clothes. and i was like haha oh gosh. that's weird. but he did then he walked me back and we talked until 4:30 in the morning standing outside in the cold. so weird.
but i'm glad he walked me back and we had a nice conversation even though i felt like i was going to fall over and sleep on the ground. we just talked about random things
and about kate.
apparently she still thinks everyone hates her and a bunch of other things and she told john to talk to me and sam about her and how we are mean to her.
i was like oh my word.
it's really not like that at all. i know sometimes i dont' talk to her during meals but it's not like it's on purpose sometimes i just dont' have anything to say. and she always thinks i'm mad at her. it's ridiculous.
i can't really stand it.
i feel bad for john and nina because they are always in the middle of everything.
sigh.
so yeah kate also apparently told nina that she thinks everyone likes me and sam better than her. freaking crazy.
it's whatever.
so i need to work on my paper. so i'm going to do that now.
fare thee well.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Friday, October 29, 2010
someday i'll be big enough so you can't hit me.
just want taylor's secret messages from within her lyrics on here.
1. Mine - TOBY
2. Sparks Fly - PORTLAND OREGON
3. Back to December - TAY
4. Speak Now - YOU ALWAYS REGRET WHAT YOU DONT SAY
5. Dear John - LOVED YOU FROM THE VERY FIRST DAY
6. Mean - THOUGHT YOU GOT ME
7. The Story of Us - CMT AWARDS
8. Never Grow Up - I MOVED OUT IN JULY
9. Enchanted - ADAM
10. Better Than Revenge - YOU THOUGHT I WOULD FORGET
11. Innocent - LIFE IS FULL OF LITTLE INTERRUPTIONS
12. Haunted - STILL TO THIS DAY
13. Last Kiss - FOREVER AND ALWAYS
14. Long Live - FOR YOU
anyways life has been hectic.
planning a lovely small halloween get together for my friends and i on saturday. well i'm not the only one planning it.
so you know it's aight.
kate is still annoying me. so you know. whatever. apparently my friend kristin who i told last year that my parents were getting divorced and i told her not to tell anyone ended up telling kate and i'm really not happy about that. i mean that's personal information that maybe i didn't want to share with her.
so i'm not happy about that. not one bit.
but whatever.
i need to vacuum my room!
and stuff. haha. so later.
1. Mine - TOBY
2. Sparks Fly - PORTLAND OREGON
3. Back to December - TAY
4. Speak Now - YOU ALWAYS REGRET WHAT YOU DONT SAY
5. Dear John - LOVED YOU FROM THE VERY FIRST DAY
6. Mean - THOUGHT YOU GOT ME
7. The Story of Us - CMT AWARDS
8. Never Grow Up - I MOVED OUT IN JULY
9. Enchanted - ADAM
10. Better Than Revenge - YOU THOUGHT I WOULD FORGET
11. Innocent - LIFE IS FULL OF LITTLE INTERRUPTIONS
12. Haunted - STILL TO THIS DAY
13. Last Kiss - FOREVER AND ALWAYS
14. Long Live - FOR YOU
anyways life has been hectic.
planning a lovely small halloween get together for my friends and i on saturday. well i'm not the only one planning it.
so you know it's aight.
kate is still annoying me. so you know. whatever. apparently my friend kristin who i told last year that my parents were getting divorced and i told her not to tell anyone ended up telling kate and i'm really not happy about that. i mean that's personal information that maybe i didn't want to share with her.
so i'm not happy about that. not one bit.
but whatever.
i need to vacuum my room!
and stuff. haha. so later.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
She should know there's nothing that I do better than revenge.
So yesterday was hilarious.
I was at restorative yoga, preparing to be so relaxed
then my friend Kristin tells me that Kate thinks that John and me are having A SECRET LOVE AFFAIR.
uh yes.
i was like UM WHAT HAHAHA
except my laugh was extremely fake because i was like oh my gosh. that's awkward.
then i was like is it obvious that i can't decide if i like him, and what does she mean by secret love affair does it seem like he likes me, or like acts like he does? that's intense.
then i was freaking out the entire restorative yoga class. so i got no relaxation. it's a shame since i needed it.
but yeah. i'm still like really a secret love affair.
me and john.
goodness.
she also is apparently thinking about NEXT SEMESTER and the JUNIOR/SENIOR formal dance at the END OF APRIL.
i was like what the heck why is she thinking about that? i mean seriously that's next year. way far away.
but Sam (my roommate) jokingly told Kate awhile ago that i would be going with John because it makes the most sense, and Kate doesn't like that.
and i'm like dude what does it matter.
i mean seriously that's so far away. and i'll go with whoever i want to go with. heck i'll go alone. oh wait i'm just kidding i refuse to go to another dance alone ever again.
but anyways.
why does it MATTER. that's in APRIL.
goodness.
she's much too worried about that.
but it doesn't matter because she'll drink it away this weekend when she "pre-games" before me and sam's halloween party.
um yes. she plans on getting drunk before our halloween party.
it's a bit ridiculous. since Sam, John and I are going to the soccer game against our rival (Messiah, how funny that our rival is Messiah. it sounds like we are rivaling Jesus. intense) so our "party" isn't going to start until like 9:30 and she plans on "pre-gaming" from 5 until then. that's almost 5 hours. that's ridiculous. she's going to be trashed.
and she plans on coming as a grandma. her grandma voice is the most annoying thing i have ever heard.
don't think i can deal.
and she'll be drunk so she'll be over the top :(
i dont even want to have a halloween party anymore because of her.
I'm so sad i was really excited for halloween, i was going to be a detective.
:/
she ruins everything.
i'm also not having a great day because i had a midterm today for a 100 level class, worth three credits (most classes are four here) and it was the hardest one i have ever taken
sigh.
i have so much to do this week and next.
i have another test tomorrow.
and i need to write two research papers by next friday.
there goes all sleep i was planning on having.
woe is me.
sigh.
i need a break.
like thanksgiving break except that would be bad because then everything would have been due already, including my portfolio for my life meaning class which i haven't really worked on...
i'm so dead.
so much to do so little time.
perhaps i should spend more time doing work rather than blogging about it.
but what's the fun in that?!!!!
gahhh.
well i need to do something else.
it's 5:45 perhaps i'll eat dinner.
goodbye.
I was at restorative yoga, preparing to be so relaxed
then my friend Kristin tells me that Kate thinks that John and me are having A SECRET LOVE AFFAIR.
uh yes.
i was like UM WHAT HAHAHA
except my laugh was extremely fake because i was like oh my gosh. that's awkward.
then i was like is it obvious that i can't decide if i like him, and what does she mean by secret love affair does it seem like he likes me, or like acts like he does? that's intense.
then i was freaking out the entire restorative yoga class. so i got no relaxation. it's a shame since i needed it.
but yeah. i'm still like really a secret love affair.
me and john.
goodness.
she also is apparently thinking about NEXT SEMESTER and the JUNIOR/SENIOR formal dance at the END OF APRIL.
i was like what the heck why is she thinking about that? i mean seriously that's next year. way far away.
but Sam (my roommate) jokingly told Kate awhile ago that i would be going with John because it makes the most sense, and Kate doesn't like that.
and i'm like dude what does it matter.
i mean seriously that's so far away. and i'll go with whoever i want to go with. heck i'll go alone. oh wait i'm just kidding i refuse to go to another dance alone ever again.
but anyways.
why does it MATTER. that's in APRIL.
goodness.
she's much too worried about that.
but it doesn't matter because she'll drink it away this weekend when she "pre-games" before me and sam's halloween party.
um yes. she plans on getting drunk before our halloween party.
it's a bit ridiculous. since Sam, John and I are going to the soccer game against our rival (Messiah, how funny that our rival is Messiah. it sounds like we are rivaling Jesus. intense) so our "party" isn't going to start until like 9:30 and she plans on "pre-gaming" from 5 until then. that's almost 5 hours. that's ridiculous. she's going to be trashed.
and she plans on coming as a grandma. her grandma voice is the most annoying thing i have ever heard.
don't think i can deal.
and she'll be drunk so she'll be over the top :(
i dont even want to have a halloween party anymore because of her.
I'm so sad i was really excited for halloween, i was going to be a detective.
:/
she ruins everything.
i'm also not having a great day because i had a midterm today for a 100 level class, worth three credits (most classes are four here) and it was the hardest one i have ever taken
sigh.
i have so much to do this week and next.
i have another test tomorrow.
and i need to write two research papers by next friday.
there goes all sleep i was planning on having.
woe is me.
sigh.
i need a break.
like thanksgiving break except that would be bad because then everything would have been due already, including my portfolio for my life meaning class which i haven't really worked on...
i'm so dead.
so much to do so little time.
perhaps i should spend more time doing work rather than blogging about it.
but what's the fun in that?!!!!
gahhh.
well i need to do something else.
it's 5:45 perhaps i'll eat dinner.
goodbye.
Monday, October 25, 2010
let's hear the applause. come on show me how much better you are.
(Holly I love you and i completely would LOVE to cut her out of my life slowly...and truth be told i'm working on it... and she hasn't noticed.)
SO at dinner on Saturday it was Kate, John and me, but John's roommate from last year randomly joined us (he still creeps me out a bit. such a strange boy) and apparently Kate went to his apartment. now to me this was shocking because she claims to think he is weird. but who goes to someone's apartment if you think they are weird?!
uh yeah no one.
She likes the attention he gives her.
sickening.
anyways one of John's friends Caroline showed up and sat with us too. and they were talking about super weird movies that they've seen. i mean they were kind of freaky (like human centipede and teeth) but i mean it was funny the way they were talking about it. i mean i've seen my share of freaky movies ( i watched this weird one on tv once called frogs. we didn't have cable and it was randomly on around halloween haha. and alfred hitchcock's birds is freaking scary) so i was just laughing like you know that sounds funny. i probably wouldnt watch them but i dont care hearing about them. and kate was all EWWW STOP TALKING ABOUT THAT I'M GOING TO THROW UP EWW EWE BLAHBLAHBLAH. i was like oh my word girl shut it. and i just like looked at John and i was like nope i've never heard of those movies tell me about them.
:)
so bad. haha.
of course afterwards kate was all John i want to see professor pumpkin (john and his quadmates got a kitten, it's illegal to have pets except fish. but they are all seniors and being rebels ahha) i haven't seen him in a week (WAH WAHWAH. that's what i was thinking at least haha) and John was like panicking and trying to think of something to not get her to come but he's TOO NICE. so he was like well i mean i really need to study so you can see him but you have to leave then.
Um kate is the last person in the world who would go over there and leave after seeing pumpkin.
and i was like NOOOO. well in my mind. but then i was like dang it. so then i went over just so John didn't have to be alone with her. see i'm nice :) ahha
but i'm also allergic to cats. and well John really likes pumpkin and he kept like picking him up and i just could see the hair and i was like i'm going to die.
i mean it takes me a long time to start feeling it if the cat just is like acting normal but with everyone picking him up (also kate like purposefully stood near me when she picked him up the first few times. i was like you so know i'm allergic jerkface.) i started to feel it within an hour.
yup somehow we ended up there for an hour.
I mean John tried to be like i need to study but Kate was all you dont need to study blahblahblah.
so rude.
but John started showing us parodies (he is OBSESSED with a california girls parody by the key of awesome) and we watched a few but he was like oh sam has seen this before i dont want to bore her.
i was like HAHAHA. yessss.
and kate was like i haven't seen them. and John was just like nope. and like ignored her. i was like oh John you are awesome haha
but then we watched a video of Justin Bieber getting hit by a water bottle. and sorry if you like him but i laugh everytime. it's just hilarious. i mean he's like "I just love you guys" then BAM he gets hit. and he's like "oww. i have no idea why she just threw that at me"
and some of the videos have it from different angles. it's awesome.
i mean i personally do not like him so you know it's hilarious for me.
but anyways Kate didnt think it was that funny, but then again she can be a serious fun killer if she wants things to go differently. but whatever. John and I didnt care and we laughed at it.
John kept putting up all these parodies and they were crazy.
then John's roommate came back and he was pretty funny.
John also talked about how he was hanging out with his lab partner the night before because they had interesting beer bottles which he showed us, and kate was all where did you get these and John was like oh at my lab partners then he looked at me and made this hilarious face like oh yeah check it out i'm making her jealous.
and i had to like contain myself because kate looked at me like what are you doing. and i was like oh gosh.
it was so awesome though.
then my friend Nina texted me because i had asked her to hang out. she also knows Kate, she actually met Kate first and she's like not enjoying the way Kate is either. so we hung out to vent it was awesome.
NIna is super cool. so i'm really enjoying getting to know her :)
shes a freshman by the way haha.
anyways so i left John's quad and i was like sorry i gotta go and John's roommate was like what we aren't fun enough for you. and iw as like umm no hahah i'm allergic to cats and i'm starting to feel it. and then he was like oh...
it was great hah.
then John like looked at me like oh man how can i get rid of kate and i was like well bye. but John was like wait do you want some hot tea or something?! and i was like uh no thanks haha.
i mean i have no idea what hot tea would have done with me if my eyes were starting to itch and my throat was feeling a bit bad.
but it's nice that he thinks tea can fix all.
anyways so i hung out with nina for like four hours then. we vented a lot about kate. i could tell it was much needed for nina. but then we talked about other things. it's freaky how much our lives are similar. but it's cool. I'm glad she became my friend :) i'm thinking she can replace kate in my friendship circle.
how much of a burn would that be. i mean kate brought her in and then she replaces her.
thus is life.
haha.
anyways enough about kate and her psychoness.
TODAY. in the mail i received my TAYLOR SWIFT CD! and i'm so happy. it's pretty awesome. i mean there are a lot of kind of slow songs that make me feel sad, but then she has other ones that are so upbeat that you are like YESSS. ahah and Better than revenge makes me super happy.
I mean i never liked Camilla she was a creep.
okay maybe not a creepy, but obviously using Joe for his fame. LAME YO.
but whatevs.
also i didnt' have a guitar lesson today because some kids were visiting and wanted to talk to my guitar teacher so he emailed me YESTERDAY to ask if it was okay and i was like fine. but he made me go to campus to reschedule THEN we dont even RESCHEDULE he was like we can just do that next week. i was like WHY AM I HERE RIGHT NOWWWW.
but whatever. John has his lesson before me so i just talked to John for a bit. he invited me to go to the lab with him (for like the sixth time in like two days) and i was like uh haha. i don't know. apparently he thinks i would like it. he was like you could divide some cells or something! i was like maybe some other time.
i mean i was in the lab with him last year he explained everything he was doing then to me and let me look through the microscope at a bunch of things and i was like my mind if going to explode.
me and science dont go well together.
but oh well.
also found out i have two research papers to write within two weeks.
sort of have research. but mostly dont
it's going to be real fun.
next semester i'm taking the easiest classes that i can find without making them seem to obviously easy. i mean i need 18 credits to graduate and i only need one class to fulfill my major.
14 free credits.
i'm def taking guitar again so that leaves me with 13. all my friends are like TAKE THIS TAKE THIS. and i'm like oh my word.
nina told me to take aural skills. which would be hilarious since i would never need that again.
and john told me to take some science class. because apparently he goes into the lab during that class time and it would be cool for him to wave to me apparently.
he also said he dances and sings during that class. i was like oh my hha.
then Kristin is asking about all these classes she wants to take and i'm like dude i haven't looked at ANYTHING yet. except the class i need and guitar.
i def need an advising session asap.
oh well.
haha.
so yeah i need to get ready to go to dinner.
restorative yoga afterwards. my ABSOLUTE favorite type of yoga. it's like extended nap time in yoga poses but you even bring pillows. love :)
so farewell :)
SO at dinner on Saturday it was Kate, John and me, but John's roommate from last year randomly joined us (he still creeps me out a bit. such a strange boy) and apparently Kate went to his apartment. now to me this was shocking because she claims to think he is weird. but who goes to someone's apartment if you think they are weird?!
uh yeah no one.
She likes the attention he gives her.
sickening.
anyways one of John's friends Caroline showed up and sat with us too. and they were talking about super weird movies that they've seen. i mean they were kind of freaky (like human centipede and teeth) but i mean it was funny the way they were talking about it. i mean i've seen my share of freaky movies ( i watched this weird one on tv once called frogs. we didn't have cable and it was randomly on around halloween haha. and alfred hitchcock's birds is freaking scary) so i was just laughing like you know that sounds funny. i probably wouldnt watch them but i dont care hearing about them. and kate was all EWWW STOP TALKING ABOUT THAT I'M GOING TO THROW UP EWW EWE BLAHBLAHBLAH. i was like oh my word girl shut it. and i just like looked at John and i was like nope i've never heard of those movies tell me about them.
:)
so bad. haha.
of course afterwards kate was all John i want to see professor pumpkin (john and his quadmates got a kitten, it's illegal to have pets except fish. but they are all seniors and being rebels ahha) i haven't seen him in a week (WAH WAHWAH. that's what i was thinking at least haha) and John was like panicking and trying to think of something to not get her to come but he's TOO NICE. so he was like well i mean i really need to study so you can see him but you have to leave then.
Um kate is the last person in the world who would go over there and leave after seeing pumpkin.
and i was like NOOOO. well in my mind. but then i was like dang it. so then i went over just so John didn't have to be alone with her. see i'm nice :) ahha
but i'm also allergic to cats. and well John really likes pumpkin and he kept like picking him up and i just could see the hair and i was like i'm going to die.
i mean it takes me a long time to start feeling it if the cat just is like acting normal but with everyone picking him up (also kate like purposefully stood near me when she picked him up the first few times. i was like you so know i'm allergic jerkface.) i started to feel it within an hour.
yup somehow we ended up there for an hour.
I mean John tried to be like i need to study but Kate was all you dont need to study blahblahblah.
so rude.
but John started showing us parodies (he is OBSESSED with a california girls parody by the key of awesome) and we watched a few but he was like oh sam has seen this before i dont want to bore her.
i was like HAHAHA. yessss.
and kate was like i haven't seen them. and John was just like nope. and like ignored her. i was like oh John you are awesome haha
but then we watched a video of Justin Bieber getting hit by a water bottle. and sorry if you like him but i laugh everytime. it's just hilarious. i mean he's like "I just love you guys" then BAM he gets hit. and he's like "oww. i have no idea why she just threw that at me"
and some of the videos have it from different angles. it's awesome.
i mean i personally do not like him so you know it's hilarious for me.
but anyways Kate didnt think it was that funny, but then again she can be a serious fun killer if she wants things to go differently. but whatever. John and I didnt care and we laughed at it.
John kept putting up all these parodies and they were crazy.
then John's roommate came back and he was pretty funny.
John also talked about how he was hanging out with his lab partner the night before because they had interesting beer bottles which he showed us, and kate was all where did you get these and John was like oh at my lab partners then he looked at me and made this hilarious face like oh yeah check it out i'm making her jealous.
and i had to like contain myself because kate looked at me like what are you doing. and i was like oh gosh.
it was so awesome though.
then my friend Nina texted me because i had asked her to hang out. she also knows Kate, she actually met Kate first and she's like not enjoying the way Kate is either. so we hung out to vent it was awesome.
NIna is super cool. so i'm really enjoying getting to know her :)
shes a freshman by the way haha.
anyways so i left John's quad and i was like sorry i gotta go and John's roommate was like what we aren't fun enough for you. and iw as like umm no hahah i'm allergic to cats and i'm starting to feel it. and then he was like oh...
it was great hah.
then John like looked at me like oh man how can i get rid of kate and i was like well bye. but John was like wait do you want some hot tea or something?! and i was like uh no thanks haha.
i mean i have no idea what hot tea would have done with me if my eyes were starting to itch and my throat was feeling a bit bad.
but it's nice that he thinks tea can fix all.
anyways so i hung out with nina for like four hours then. we vented a lot about kate. i could tell it was much needed for nina. but then we talked about other things. it's freaky how much our lives are similar. but it's cool. I'm glad she became my friend :) i'm thinking she can replace kate in my friendship circle.
how much of a burn would that be. i mean kate brought her in and then she replaces her.
thus is life.
haha.
anyways enough about kate and her psychoness.
TODAY. in the mail i received my TAYLOR SWIFT CD! and i'm so happy. it's pretty awesome. i mean there are a lot of kind of slow songs that make me feel sad, but then she has other ones that are so upbeat that you are like YESSS. ahah and Better than revenge makes me super happy.
I mean i never liked Camilla she was a creep.
okay maybe not a creepy, but obviously using Joe for his fame. LAME YO.
but whatevs.
also i didnt' have a guitar lesson today because some kids were visiting and wanted to talk to my guitar teacher so he emailed me YESTERDAY to ask if it was okay and i was like fine. but he made me go to campus to reschedule THEN we dont even RESCHEDULE he was like we can just do that next week. i was like WHY AM I HERE RIGHT NOWWWW.
but whatever. John has his lesson before me so i just talked to John for a bit. he invited me to go to the lab with him (for like the sixth time in like two days) and i was like uh haha. i don't know. apparently he thinks i would like it. he was like you could divide some cells or something! i was like maybe some other time.
i mean i was in the lab with him last year he explained everything he was doing then to me and let me look through the microscope at a bunch of things and i was like my mind if going to explode.
me and science dont go well together.
but oh well.
also found out i have two research papers to write within two weeks.
sort of have research. but mostly dont
it's going to be real fun.
next semester i'm taking the easiest classes that i can find without making them seem to obviously easy. i mean i need 18 credits to graduate and i only need one class to fulfill my major.
14 free credits.
i'm def taking guitar again so that leaves me with 13. all my friends are like TAKE THIS TAKE THIS. and i'm like oh my word.
nina told me to take aural skills. which would be hilarious since i would never need that again.
and john told me to take some science class. because apparently he goes into the lab during that class time and it would be cool for him to wave to me apparently.
he also said he dances and sings during that class. i was like oh my hha.
then Kristin is asking about all these classes she wants to take and i'm like dude i haven't looked at ANYTHING yet. except the class i need and guitar.
i def need an advising session asap.
oh well.
haha.
so yeah i need to get ready to go to dinner.
restorative yoga afterwards. my ABSOLUTE favorite type of yoga. it's like extended nap time in yoga poses but you even bring pillows. love :)
so farewell :)
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Wonderin'- Toby Mac
so i figure i will let you know that John doesn't care if Kate doesn't want us to hang out with him alone his exact words were
"I'm not her slave and she's not my master...i give you permission to hang out with me whenever you want."
i was like ahha alright John cool
he was confused about how Kate acted last night so i just told him everything kate said and how i was annoyed with her and that i dont want to hang out with her this weekend and john was like that's alright i dont plan on hanging out with her tonight either i want to hang out with my roommate and i was like aww. ahha. then i was like well john you need to tell her no if she asks to hang out. tell her you are doing something important. and he was like alright.
then we were talking about how John thought about how i told him kate liked him and that he realized that she acts weird whenever he mentions he is hanging out with his lab partner (who is a girl). and i was like well yeah she's jealous. and was like but you know what don't let that stop you hanging out with her. i think it's good they hang out more than just outside of the lab. plus she already has a boyfriend. which i found funny. and i told john not to tell kate that. because it's so much more fun when she gets jealous when he hangs out with her. and he laughed and was like alright i'll tell kate i'm going on lab dates, but i'll just leave out the lab part. i was like hahah. that's great.
so glad John is my friend
he then proceeded to explain a bunch of science stuff to me and i was like uh huh. i mean it made sense but woah. i can def not explain to anyone else what he explained to me. haha.
oh well. then we watched miley's who owns my heart music video and contemplated if miley is going to become the next lindsey lohan and if she'll do drugs. i mean honestly she seems like she's going down that path. quite saddening.
then we watched a video of britney spears actually singing. and it was bad.
like she can't sing.
i was shocked.
i was like well there goes my childhood haha. John was like oh no i'm sorry! and i was like hah that's okay. and he was like yeah it's better to know the truth and i was like haha yeah.
then he left to go get his computer worked on at ITS since it's still not working and it's been awhile.
and kate asked me if dinner at 6 was okay and i wanted to be like no.
but i guess i'll go. john better freaking be there though. can't deal with kate alone.
nope nopenope.
well i want to go practice guitar for awhile and study.
so goodbye :)
(notice how i seem to be in a better mood after ranting and talking to john about what happened. too funny)
"I'm not her slave and she's not my master...i give you permission to hang out with me whenever you want."
i was like ahha alright John cool
he was confused about how Kate acted last night so i just told him everything kate said and how i was annoyed with her and that i dont want to hang out with her this weekend and john was like that's alright i dont plan on hanging out with her tonight either i want to hang out with my roommate and i was like aww. ahha. then i was like well john you need to tell her no if she asks to hang out. tell her you are doing something important. and he was like alright.
then we were talking about how John thought about how i told him kate liked him and that he realized that she acts weird whenever he mentions he is hanging out with his lab partner (who is a girl). and i was like well yeah she's jealous. and was like but you know what don't let that stop you hanging out with her. i think it's good they hang out more than just outside of the lab. plus she already has a boyfriend. which i found funny. and i told john not to tell kate that. because it's so much more fun when she gets jealous when he hangs out with her. and he laughed and was like alright i'll tell kate i'm going on lab dates, but i'll just leave out the lab part. i was like hahah. that's great.
so glad John is my friend
he then proceeded to explain a bunch of science stuff to me and i was like uh huh. i mean it made sense but woah. i can def not explain to anyone else what he explained to me. haha.
oh well. then we watched miley's who owns my heart music video and contemplated if miley is going to become the next lindsey lohan and if she'll do drugs. i mean honestly she seems like she's going down that path. quite saddening.
then we watched a video of britney spears actually singing. and it was bad.
like she can't sing.
i was shocked.
i was like well there goes my childhood haha. John was like oh no i'm sorry! and i was like hah that's okay. and he was like yeah it's better to know the truth and i was like haha yeah.
then he left to go get his computer worked on at ITS since it's still not working and it's been awhile.
and kate asked me if dinner at 6 was okay and i wanted to be like no.
but i guess i'll go. john better freaking be there though. can't deal with kate alone.
nope nopenope.
well i want to go practice guitar for awhile and study.
so goodbye :)
(notice how i seem to be in a better mood after ranting and talking to john about what happened. too funny)
All you're ever going to be is MEAN.
Lets talk about how Taylor Swift has successfully written songs that are relevant to my life once again. The single she released this week (aka Mean) umm is basically exactly what i needed to hear. i was telling my best friend B how taylor swift writes songs about my life and B was like "WAIT you dated John Mayer, Taylor Lautner and Joe Jonas and you didn't tell me!?" i laughed because i realized you could easily take that from what i said so i was just like "they made me sign a confidentiality contract"
then we laughed about how crazy that would legit be if that happened.
cause in all seriousness i probably would not date John Mayer, i like his music but he's kind of a jerk.
and Taylor Lautner is adorable but a little too young for me.
i would def date Joe though. mmhmm.
haha.
anyways this isn't a post about who i would date... haha
it's about T.Swift's song Mean. and how legit it matches Kate.
i mean everything but the line about watching football, cause Kate doesn't really do sports.
but anyways. i'm telling you it's like it's about her. cause she is so mean. all the time. and she puts people down all the time to make herself feel better. and i dont' know i just can't deal. so when i heard Mean i was like woah. i know someone like this. then it made me happy because now i just sing this song in my head whenever i'm around kate and it makes me feel better. that probably sounds crazy.
but it's true. and this song just makes me feel good because i'm just like wow. this is true. someday i'll be somewhere where she won't be able to put me down, and i'll be happy and she'll be still ranting about how all her friends in high school stopped being her friend and how she has no friends.
because that's always her back up defense for trying to make everyone stay friends with her.
and i'm always wanting to be like you know what MAYBE IF YOU WEREN'T SO FREAKING MEAN ALL THE TIME PEOPLE WOULD ACTUALLY LIKE YOU.AND WOULDN'T MIND BEING YOUR FRIEND.
but then she would cry. and i hate when people cry. i always feel bad. but i feel like with her i shouldn't feel bad because she is probably one of the meanest people i know, at least with the way she treats people. it's terrible.
sigh. it's just too much for me.
i mean let me tell you about this week.
so i didn't really talk to her at all this week, or really look at her for that matter.
i was just i don't know really annoyed with her from last weekend and i just didn't want to really go to dinner with her there. which sounds bad but i just didn't want to do it, but i mean i would have missed all my other friends so i went and just tried not to be near her.
i mean she's not dumb so she noticed that i wasn't really talking that much and that i was pretty much avoiding her.
and she kept asking everyone else if i was mad at her. which i mean i wasn't, i just wasn't happy with her decisions.
although i must admit it's kind of funny because even when i'm not annoyed with her i tend to avoid sitting next to her anyway because she's super touchy-feely and i legit do not like being touched a lot, especially not when i'm eating. and especially not by her.
so obviously she doesn't notice things like that.
but anyways back to the week.
so thursday at dinner she was acting like SUPER weird. so much weirder than normal. and she was being so much more obnoxious than normal and she purposely moved her seat to be closer to John. which was beyond what i can handle. i mean it's so freaking obvious that she likes him. it's disturbing. i mean John is super oblivious so he didnt really notice anything abnormal. which is a bit endearing but also ridiculous cause she was practically throwing herself at him.
i mean she kept touching him a lot, which he really doesn't like i mean our one friend last year used to do that (she transferred back to the school she had originally transferred in from this year) and it used to bother him a lot. i mean at dinner John was even like it's the return of Jenna!
and then Kate was like HAHAHAHAHAHA SORRY JOHN. like being super loud. and i was like what the heck she needs to calm the freak down.
then she like randomly brought up John's parents who we saw sunday, and she was like "no offense john but your parents weren't as skinny as i expected them to be" and i was like what the freak who says things like that. John kind of laughed it off though then he was like wait what is that supposed to mean. then she said something else and somehow was like what are your parents crack whores John! ahahhahaha.
and then i was really like oh my word she did not just say that.
and John got like super serious and he was like Kate if i ever said something like that to you you would get mad at me. and she was all hahaha no i wouldn't john i would just be like my parents are not crack whores.
and i was like oh my gosh. get me the freak out of here.
John got like really quiet though and i could tell it bothered him cause he like looked at me and he was like sam kate just called my parents crack whores. i was like i know john i know. that's just mean and he was like yeah. and i was like well at least they aren't and he was like yeah you're right. and i was like yeah. then kate was like JOHN BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH and i was just like really kate really. every time John tried to talk to me she would interrupt him and start talking to him and i was just like alright fine kate. fine.
like it's going to be like that. it's seriously exactly like last fall again. ugh.
so anyways she went up to get more water or something and Sam was like... She's drunk. and i was like what. then she texted me it to make sure i got it and i was like um what.
i mean this was THURSDAY NIGHT. like at 6:30 what the freak was she doing getting drunk then.
but apparently her and her roommate had a drink to celebrate how good the roommate did on a test or something. and you know it's whatever for the roommate since she's 21 but why the freak was kate doing that.
i just couldn't believe it.
like it legit upsets me.
she's going to be a freaking alcoholic at this rate.
:/
anyways afterwards we went to fake fireplace, real conversation. which is like one of my favorite things to do on campus on thursday nights. and kate was still being ridiculous so i kind of ignored her.
so maybe that was mean of me. but what the freak was she doing getting drunk.
so anyways friday i didn't see her all day, and it was glorious. then i went to the beer and wine stores with John, because i didn't want to go by myself and i was wondering about prices around here. (i mean i kind of want to just get some to have for like a casual drink on friday or saturday's nothing more than that. maybe like one mike's hard lemonade a weekend. idk) so i was supposed to go to dinner with kate at 6:20 but i told her i probably wouldnt make it and i didn't tell her why because i knew she would have asked to come with me and john and i didn't want that plus she's not 21 so it's kind of not allowed.
so anyways john and i took a really long time. plus he didn't get done in the lab until 6 when originally he said like 4.
so we went and i told him that kate likes him and he was like oh man i'm sorry and i was like it's not your fault and he was like yeah i know but i just i don't think i'm doing anything to make her think i like her and i was like your not.she's just crazy and he was kind of like alright. and i could tell it sort of freaked him out. he also admitted that he was completely oblivious to it and i was like uh yeah i know.
so anyways after we were at the store (where the beer store had a sample of Samuel Adam's winter beer, which is like seasonal and John tried it and like made me try it, which that was the first beer i have ever tried. and it was weird. i mean it was okay. but i have no idea what to compare it to, and John obviously does he's like a beer expert. the whole time we were in the beer store he just kept telling me everything about beer it was intense. ahha.) John was like we should go get a drink. and i was like uh i think we should really eat first. and he was like oh yeah good idea i haven't eaten all day. and i was like yeah lets do that. so we went to jays nest (the campus food thing where you can get food when the cafeteria is closed) and we got some sushi. well i got like a packet of sushi, john got two packets and a luna bar (he knows they are for women but he claims they are super good ,which i agree i really like luna bars haha)
but anyways it was kind of weird i always feel awkward when i'm with John alone, mostly because i can't decide if i like him more than a friend of if he's just like one of my best friends. you know?
but then kate freaking texted me asking me where i was and if she could talk to me. so she showed up and it was SO AWKWARD because she didn't talk at all and john was being nice and asking her about her day and she didn't even like respond so john kept looking at me and i was just like i dont know. so then kate basically made john leave because she was like sam can i talk to you and i was like yeah. what. and then she looked at John and he was like oh what do you want me to leave. and i was like oh brother and she was like yeah. so she made him leave.
then she was like are you mad at me. and i was like no kate i just dont' agree with the decisions you have been making dealing with alcohol. you've been drinking like every weekend and i dont like how last year you said you would never drink and now you do a lot. and she laughed at me and was like i dont drink every weekend. and i was like um yeah you do kate. and she does for the past month she has had a drink every weekend. and then she made some excuse about how she never said she never wanted to drink she just didnt think she would like it and then she tried it and it wasn't as bad as she thought. blah blah blah.and i was like seriously.
whatever. and she was like do you understand what i'm saying. and i was just like yeah. and she was like sam do you and i was like yeah i get it. then she complained about how me and sam always have john over and how she feels left out, especially since we take all those pictures with him. and i'm like we don't have him over all the time. like we barely have him over. we've been at school for like two months now and he's only really come over like ten times. which isn't that much within 8 weeks of school. and we dont' take pictures with him all the time. that happened twice.
she's so irrational. it's only because it's me and sam with john. and she wants john all to herself. which i refuse to do.
i think it's ridiculous. john is my friend and if i want to freaking hang out with him i freaking will.
UGH.
then she was like you were acting so secretive tonight for dinner. and i was like what it didn't matter i was like i wanted to go to the beer store with john to look around. and she was like you wanted to look around and she laughed AGAIN. and i was like (anger boiling what the freak why is that funny. yes i wanted to freaking look around i mean what's wrong with that. i'm not a freaking alcoholic like she is apparently grrrr. like this pisses me off so much even now a day later.) uh yeah i wanted to look around and she was all i thought you didn't like the beer store. and i was like i never said didn't like the beer store it's just not a place i want to go to.
like whatever.
and then she was all like offended i went with john and that we had dinner without her.
and it's dumb because it's not like she didn't eat with other people. she has friends.
of course this was also when she was like i just feel like i have no friends here. and i have seriously heard her say this so much that it's just a lie.
i was just like seriously kate you have friends no one would talk to you if you didn't and she was like well i just dont feel that way no one invites me to things.
it was just legit dumb. i mean obviously i'm not going to invite her to EVERYTHING I DO. first of all i dont want her at everything i do. and second of all she annoys me and apparently will proceed to drink at everything now.
so it's just not happening.
i'm kind of upset my roommate went home this weekend because i know she would have been helpful to talk this out with. i mean i texted her everything that happened and she got really mad about kate saying she has no friends because it's a lie. and about us hanging out with john "all the time"
it's just ridiculous
anyways after her stupid talk with me i left and came back to my apartment. i texted john to ask him if he wanted the wine he left in my car and he was like oh i'll come by sometime tomorrow to get it and i think we have to talk i'm a bit confused.
and i was like what the freak is he confused about.
it's probably the way she treated him when she showed up.
i swear if she ruins my friendship with him i'm flipping out and ending my friendship with her.
i don't need it.
she just puts me down, and stresses me out so whatever.
so yeah. after that i just was in my apartment and i was like this day ended up sucking.
so i watched harry potter and the sorcerers stone and drank the only drink i have in the fridge which was a twisted tea.
and then i watched princess diaries and went to bed.
although it was strange because i woke up this morning not feeling that great, well like i felt nauseous. so i think alcohol makes me feel sick. because everytime i drink (the two times. wooo) i feel sick the next day. and that's pretty bad since i only had one drink (and a sample)
apparently drinking is not for me.
but that's fine with me. i dont need to drink.
unless i'm around kate then maybe i should just black out....
haha just kidding that would be ridiculous.
she does make me want to forget that i'm her friend though. and that's bad.
and she's also the reason i can't wait to graduate and get the freak away from her.
i've pretty much decided she is going to be one of those people i never see/talk to again after college.
i don't need the drama she brings into life.
or the way she puts everyone around me down.
i mean she's not a good friend at all. i can't tell her anything personal about me because she uses it against me all the time.
friends shouldn't do that.
she's basically the only one of my friends who doesnt know that my parents are getting divorced. that's pretty bad.
and it's worse because i don't even want to tell her.
i keep wondering if upon graduation my parents will throw me a graduation party. i also keep wondering if that happens which parent will do it or if they both will and if so if i really need to invite kate.
that's terrible but true. i feel like i pry will have to then she'll find out. although i'm secretly hoping she'll be too busy to show up.
does that make me a bad person? i feel like it does. sigh.
i just don't want her to see my house, my family, my life.
alright now i know that mean.
she just uses everything against me. always. anything you say or do is like stored in her mind to throw back at you if you do anything.
so yeah. now that i ranted about my life i think i'm good for a bit.
John just called me to come over.
he wants his wine and probably to talk about last night.
which i don't want to talk about.
also i'm really awkward on the phone. it's awesome.
so yeah.
thanks for um "listening" to my crazy long rants.
bye
then we laughed about how crazy that would legit be if that happened.
cause in all seriousness i probably would not date John Mayer, i like his music but he's kind of a jerk.
and Taylor Lautner is adorable but a little too young for me.
i would def date Joe though. mmhmm.
haha.
anyways this isn't a post about who i would date... haha
it's about T.Swift's song Mean. and how legit it matches Kate.
i mean everything but the line about watching football, cause Kate doesn't really do sports.
but anyways. i'm telling you it's like it's about her. cause she is so mean. all the time. and she puts people down all the time to make herself feel better. and i dont' know i just can't deal. so when i heard Mean i was like woah. i know someone like this. then it made me happy because now i just sing this song in my head whenever i'm around kate and it makes me feel better. that probably sounds crazy.
but it's true. and this song just makes me feel good because i'm just like wow. this is true. someday i'll be somewhere where she won't be able to put me down, and i'll be happy and she'll be still ranting about how all her friends in high school stopped being her friend and how she has no friends.
because that's always her back up defense for trying to make everyone stay friends with her.
and i'm always wanting to be like you know what MAYBE IF YOU WEREN'T SO FREAKING MEAN ALL THE TIME PEOPLE WOULD ACTUALLY LIKE YOU.AND WOULDN'T MIND BEING YOUR FRIEND.
but then she would cry. and i hate when people cry. i always feel bad. but i feel like with her i shouldn't feel bad because she is probably one of the meanest people i know, at least with the way she treats people. it's terrible.
sigh. it's just too much for me.
i mean let me tell you about this week.
so i didn't really talk to her at all this week, or really look at her for that matter.
i was just i don't know really annoyed with her from last weekend and i just didn't want to really go to dinner with her there. which sounds bad but i just didn't want to do it, but i mean i would have missed all my other friends so i went and just tried not to be near her.
i mean she's not dumb so she noticed that i wasn't really talking that much and that i was pretty much avoiding her.
and she kept asking everyone else if i was mad at her. which i mean i wasn't, i just wasn't happy with her decisions.
although i must admit it's kind of funny because even when i'm not annoyed with her i tend to avoid sitting next to her anyway because she's super touchy-feely and i legit do not like being touched a lot, especially not when i'm eating. and especially not by her.
so obviously she doesn't notice things like that.
but anyways back to the week.
so thursday at dinner she was acting like SUPER weird. so much weirder than normal. and she was being so much more obnoxious than normal and she purposely moved her seat to be closer to John. which was beyond what i can handle. i mean it's so freaking obvious that she likes him. it's disturbing. i mean John is super oblivious so he didnt really notice anything abnormal. which is a bit endearing but also ridiculous cause she was practically throwing herself at him.
i mean she kept touching him a lot, which he really doesn't like i mean our one friend last year used to do that (she transferred back to the school she had originally transferred in from this year) and it used to bother him a lot. i mean at dinner John was even like it's the return of Jenna!
and then Kate was like HAHAHAHAHAHA SORRY JOHN. like being super loud. and i was like what the heck she needs to calm the freak down.
then she like randomly brought up John's parents who we saw sunday, and she was like "no offense john but your parents weren't as skinny as i expected them to be" and i was like what the freak who says things like that. John kind of laughed it off though then he was like wait what is that supposed to mean. then she said something else and somehow was like what are your parents crack whores John! ahahhahaha.
and then i was really like oh my word she did not just say that.
and John got like super serious and he was like Kate if i ever said something like that to you you would get mad at me. and she was all hahaha no i wouldn't john i would just be like my parents are not crack whores.
and i was like oh my gosh. get me the freak out of here.
John got like really quiet though and i could tell it bothered him cause he like looked at me and he was like sam kate just called my parents crack whores. i was like i know john i know. that's just mean and he was like yeah. and i was like well at least they aren't and he was like yeah you're right. and i was like yeah. then kate was like JOHN BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH and i was just like really kate really. every time John tried to talk to me she would interrupt him and start talking to him and i was just like alright fine kate. fine.
like it's going to be like that. it's seriously exactly like last fall again. ugh.
so anyways she went up to get more water or something and Sam was like... She's drunk. and i was like what. then she texted me it to make sure i got it and i was like um what.
i mean this was THURSDAY NIGHT. like at 6:30 what the freak was she doing getting drunk then.
but apparently her and her roommate had a drink to celebrate how good the roommate did on a test or something. and you know it's whatever for the roommate since she's 21 but why the freak was kate doing that.
i just couldn't believe it.
like it legit upsets me.
she's going to be a freaking alcoholic at this rate.
:/
anyways afterwards we went to fake fireplace, real conversation. which is like one of my favorite things to do on campus on thursday nights. and kate was still being ridiculous so i kind of ignored her.
so maybe that was mean of me. but what the freak was she doing getting drunk.
so anyways friday i didn't see her all day, and it was glorious. then i went to the beer and wine stores with John, because i didn't want to go by myself and i was wondering about prices around here. (i mean i kind of want to just get some to have for like a casual drink on friday or saturday's nothing more than that. maybe like one mike's hard lemonade a weekend. idk) so i was supposed to go to dinner with kate at 6:20 but i told her i probably wouldnt make it and i didn't tell her why because i knew she would have asked to come with me and john and i didn't want that plus she's not 21 so it's kind of not allowed.
so anyways john and i took a really long time. plus he didn't get done in the lab until 6 when originally he said like 4.
so we went and i told him that kate likes him and he was like oh man i'm sorry and i was like it's not your fault and he was like yeah i know but i just i don't think i'm doing anything to make her think i like her and i was like your not.she's just crazy and he was kind of like alright. and i could tell it sort of freaked him out. he also admitted that he was completely oblivious to it and i was like uh yeah i know.
so anyways after we were at the store (where the beer store had a sample of Samuel Adam's winter beer, which is like seasonal and John tried it and like made me try it, which that was the first beer i have ever tried. and it was weird. i mean it was okay. but i have no idea what to compare it to, and John obviously does he's like a beer expert. the whole time we were in the beer store he just kept telling me everything about beer it was intense. ahha.) John was like we should go get a drink. and i was like uh i think we should really eat first. and he was like oh yeah good idea i haven't eaten all day. and i was like yeah lets do that. so we went to jays nest (the campus food thing where you can get food when the cafeteria is closed) and we got some sushi. well i got like a packet of sushi, john got two packets and a luna bar (he knows they are for women but he claims they are super good ,which i agree i really like luna bars haha)
but anyways it was kind of weird i always feel awkward when i'm with John alone, mostly because i can't decide if i like him more than a friend of if he's just like one of my best friends. you know?
but then kate freaking texted me asking me where i was and if she could talk to me. so she showed up and it was SO AWKWARD because she didn't talk at all and john was being nice and asking her about her day and she didn't even like respond so john kept looking at me and i was just like i dont know. so then kate basically made john leave because she was like sam can i talk to you and i was like yeah. what. and then she looked at John and he was like oh what do you want me to leave. and i was like oh brother and she was like yeah. so she made him leave.
then she was like are you mad at me. and i was like no kate i just dont' agree with the decisions you have been making dealing with alcohol. you've been drinking like every weekend and i dont like how last year you said you would never drink and now you do a lot. and she laughed at me and was like i dont drink every weekend. and i was like um yeah you do kate. and she does for the past month she has had a drink every weekend. and then she made some excuse about how she never said she never wanted to drink she just didnt think she would like it and then she tried it and it wasn't as bad as she thought. blah blah blah.and i was like seriously.
whatever. and she was like do you understand what i'm saying. and i was just like yeah. and she was like sam do you and i was like yeah i get it. then she complained about how me and sam always have john over and how she feels left out, especially since we take all those pictures with him. and i'm like we don't have him over all the time. like we barely have him over. we've been at school for like two months now and he's only really come over like ten times. which isn't that much within 8 weeks of school. and we dont' take pictures with him all the time. that happened twice.
she's so irrational. it's only because it's me and sam with john. and she wants john all to herself. which i refuse to do.
i think it's ridiculous. john is my friend and if i want to freaking hang out with him i freaking will.
UGH.
then she was like you were acting so secretive tonight for dinner. and i was like what it didn't matter i was like i wanted to go to the beer store with john to look around. and she was like you wanted to look around and she laughed AGAIN. and i was like (anger boiling what the freak why is that funny. yes i wanted to freaking look around i mean what's wrong with that. i'm not a freaking alcoholic like she is apparently grrrr. like this pisses me off so much even now a day later.) uh yeah i wanted to look around and she was all i thought you didn't like the beer store. and i was like i never said didn't like the beer store it's just not a place i want to go to.
like whatever.
and then she was all like offended i went with john and that we had dinner without her.
and it's dumb because it's not like she didn't eat with other people. she has friends.
of course this was also when she was like i just feel like i have no friends here. and i have seriously heard her say this so much that it's just a lie.
i was just like seriously kate you have friends no one would talk to you if you didn't and she was like well i just dont feel that way no one invites me to things.
it was just legit dumb. i mean obviously i'm not going to invite her to EVERYTHING I DO. first of all i dont want her at everything i do. and second of all she annoys me and apparently will proceed to drink at everything now.
so it's just not happening.
i'm kind of upset my roommate went home this weekend because i know she would have been helpful to talk this out with. i mean i texted her everything that happened and she got really mad about kate saying she has no friends because it's a lie. and about us hanging out with john "all the time"
it's just ridiculous
anyways after her stupid talk with me i left and came back to my apartment. i texted john to ask him if he wanted the wine he left in my car and he was like oh i'll come by sometime tomorrow to get it and i think we have to talk i'm a bit confused.
and i was like what the freak is he confused about.
it's probably the way she treated him when she showed up.
i swear if she ruins my friendship with him i'm flipping out and ending my friendship with her.
i don't need it.
she just puts me down, and stresses me out so whatever.
so yeah. after that i just was in my apartment and i was like this day ended up sucking.
so i watched harry potter and the sorcerers stone and drank the only drink i have in the fridge which was a twisted tea.
and then i watched princess diaries and went to bed.
although it was strange because i woke up this morning not feeling that great, well like i felt nauseous. so i think alcohol makes me feel sick. because everytime i drink (the two times. wooo) i feel sick the next day. and that's pretty bad since i only had one drink (and a sample)
apparently drinking is not for me.
but that's fine with me. i dont need to drink.
unless i'm around kate then maybe i should just black out....
haha just kidding that would be ridiculous.
she does make me want to forget that i'm her friend though. and that's bad.
and she's also the reason i can't wait to graduate and get the freak away from her.
i've pretty much decided she is going to be one of those people i never see/talk to again after college.
i don't need the drama she brings into life.
or the way she puts everyone around me down.
i mean she's not a good friend at all. i can't tell her anything personal about me because she uses it against me all the time.
friends shouldn't do that.
she's basically the only one of my friends who doesnt know that my parents are getting divorced. that's pretty bad.
and it's worse because i don't even want to tell her.
i keep wondering if upon graduation my parents will throw me a graduation party. i also keep wondering if that happens which parent will do it or if they both will and if so if i really need to invite kate.
that's terrible but true. i feel like i pry will have to then she'll find out. although i'm secretly hoping she'll be too busy to show up.
does that make me a bad person? i feel like it does. sigh.
i just don't want her to see my house, my family, my life.
alright now i know that mean.
she just uses everything against me. always. anything you say or do is like stored in her mind to throw back at you if you do anything.
so yeah. now that i ranted about my life i think i'm good for a bit.
John just called me to come over.
he wants his wine and probably to talk about last night.
which i don't want to talk about.
also i'm really awkward on the phone. it's awesome.
so yeah.
thanks for um "listening" to my crazy long rants.
bye
Monday, October 18, 2010
there's nothing wrong with staying home?
:/
should be working on a midterm that's due wednesday right now. but i can't seem to focus. plus it doesn't help that i'm completely uninterested in all the questions that he gave us as possibilities.
i decided to write on how religion is more likely to become violent in christianity because of the writings in the Bible.
he wants no more than ten pages which means as long as we get a lot of information in like 8 pages he would be fine with that.
and i'm like at half a page.
i just can't focus on it. because i don't really care for the subject matter.
but i want to get it done so i don't have to worry about it anymore.
i should have worked on it this weekend.
but with it being homecoming weekend that didn't happen.
i mean saturday after my about five hours of sleep, sam and i went to the chorus/jazz band concert and saw our friend steve who graduated last year. it was great. he's so funny :)
after that we went to giant with Kristin and her b/f matt and got pizza.
then we came back to our apartment and Courtney came over too then.
so we had pizza, carrots, chips and then carrot cake.
kristin and matt also had bought some twisted tea. so some people had some of those.
after that kate came over (i'm still annoyed with her, well she just makes it worse. i'll get to that eventually in this post i'm sure.)
so then Sam drove Me, Steve, Kristin and Matt to the bar, after we picked up John as well.
so Sam dropped us off, and we went in and got a table. and it was kind of cool since we were all 21, it was also um nerve-wracking. i mean i'm not a drinker at all. i mean i kind of don't even enjoy alcohol. but it was still cool because we were just like hanging out. Steve and John talked about science stuff which was good for John since he's like the only guy in our group of friends. besides Joe...but we dont' really include him since we aren't even sure if half the stuff he says is legit.
anyways then me and Kristin talked for a bit. then we included Matt.
and well i got a malibu bay breeze. which is cranberry juice, pineapple (or grapefruit) juice and rum. they actually made it pretty well there since i couldn't taste the alcohol that much. which was very nice. haha
then Matt offered to buy me and Kristin a shot called a buttery nipple.
uh yeah. i was like um what.
and kristin was like come on sam i wouldn't let you get a shot that wasn't good. and i was like um i guess.
i mean i kind of wanted ot try one anyway and i didn't have to pay for it so that was nice. haha
anyways it was like some kind of cream and schnapps. it was good. i mean it burned going down at first but then the end flavor was like toffee. so that was kind of amazing. haha.
i mean i would get it again, but i wouldnt' like drink a lot of those because i remember the burn very well...
haha
so then when we got back to the table steve and john were all how was it. blah blah blah and i was like it was fine guys. hah
then steve got this drink called a Milky Way Margarita.
so he let me try a sip of that and it wasn't bad, but it had a lot of alcohol in it, and i was like um i wouldn't get that for myself haha.
i also tried a sip of matt's drink (which was kind of weird since i still don't know how i feel about him, i mean like hanging out with him. i mean i def don't like him. he's dating kristin and he smokes and drinks a lot. not for me. but after that night i think i've decided he's not as gross as i thought he was...) which was long island ice tea, which tasted like lemons, but that drink is a crazy amount of alcohol.
so yeah my experience wasn't too bad.
afterwards sam came to pick us up. We dropped John off on campus so he could go to the lab (seriously he's always in there it's ridic) and then we all came back to our apartment then Matt and Kristin left, and they dropped Steve off at his car. so it was me, Sam , Kate and Courtney. and Courtney had chosen to watch Camp Rock 2 (because she likes Demi!!! i'm super stoked that she does ;) ) and Kate kept trying to put it down, but unfortunately for her it was 3 against 1 for not minding the movie. it was great. then Nina came over and we dropped Courtney off, then we went to John's quad, where there was a keg.
probably the craziest his quad has ever been. i mean we were there at like 1030 and there were a lot of people there. but nina left like almost right away i mean she was exhausted and i could tell she felt uncomfortable. then sam and i left at like 1130. i mean we were exhausted too and we wanted to clean up our apartment after the pizza "party" ahha
also i was annoyed with kate cause she drank straight rum at John's quad because apparently it "tastes" good by itself. i'm like uh rum. that's kind of gross.
idk i feel like she's trying to impress John, because she likes him again.
and meanwhile John is kind of oblivious of it, or so we think, i feel like there is a possibility that he knows she likes him but he choses to ignore it because he does not feel the same way.
i dont know. i feel so bad for him that she likes him again, especially after all the freaking drama that happened last fall when she liked him. like she is living in a dream world thinking he will date her. she was insane last year about it, and sam and i told john all the drama that happened when he wasn't around and how she acted, and he was shocked. and we were like yeah. so i'm positive he would not want that to happen again.
plus she is in a dream world if she thinks that John and her would have ended up together if she hadn't sort of dated Chuck. cause uh they would not have dated.
sorry just needed to mini rant about that.
but anyways so after Sam and I left, apparently like ten minutes later Kate made John walk her back to her dorm. which John is way nice so he obviously did it. but apparently they hung out until like 1:30 in the morning because then John got a text from his roommate that they got busted by campus security, and i was like dang he's lucky that he wasn't there.
although John is like mad because he had special imported German beer, and beer from Maine (he has a strange obsession with beer. like he REALLY REALLY likes beer. apparently he signed up to be a reviewer on some beer website...hahah)
so yeah but he said his roommate is going to reimburse him and that they want to get back at campo by throwing a crazy party where no alcohol is present.
i was like oh man john haha. i'm positive that will be fun.
so yeah.
although it was annoying because John was like sort of telling me and Nina about it and nina was like wait why weren't you in your quad when this happened where were you, and like Kate walked up then and John was like oh i was hanging out with Kate and she got this STUPID look on her face, like a smirk like yeah he was with me, and she like looked at me when she did it. i was like. what the freak is that. i mean to myself of course. but it was annoying. i was like what good for you you hung out with john by yourself. like whatever. i hang out with john all the time.
like WHATEVER.
DUMBBBB.
sigh. so yeah.
obviously i'm a bit annoyed with her.
it's alright i'm trying to let it go. it's real hard because i keep thinking about all the things that happened when she liked John last year, and how she treated us, and how she said she wouldn't drink alcohol. and i'm just like what.the.freak.
i mean i need to let it go because apparently she's going to keep drinking, (straight rum is her thing apparently) and i guess she likes John again. which is bad. because i mean i still can't decide if i do or not. and lets be honest i wouldn't act on it anyway. Kate would freak out. and well i figure if it's meant it'll happen. you know. besides it's my last year here. there's nothing wrong with just being friends.
and going to seminary?
oh gosh. ahha.
that's another thought that freaks me out.
although mentioning that when i talked to John about it friday he told me i should like do it (well not exactly like that but he basically was like you know you can focus on what you like, and then he told me i was a good listener and i was like aww wow. ahha) but he also told me he was going to look up a lutheran seminary for me in midwest, and i was like um alright. i mean i didn't expect him to, but at the bar saturday he was like SAM! and i was like uh yeah and he was like that seminary i mentioned to you?! i was like uh yeah. he was like it's called Val Praizen (or something like that) and i was like oh wow haha thanks.
i mean i'm kind of shocked he remembered. he's such a good friend.
uh anyways now that i've jumped from subject to subject multiple times i need to work on my midterm. legit.
here i come midterm...here i come :/
should be working on a midterm that's due wednesday right now. but i can't seem to focus. plus it doesn't help that i'm completely uninterested in all the questions that he gave us as possibilities.
i decided to write on how religion is more likely to become violent in christianity because of the writings in the Bible.
he wants no more than ten pages which means as long as we get a lot of information in like 8 pages he would be fine with that.
and i'm like at half a page.
i just can't focus on it. because i don't really care for the subject matter.
but i want to get it done so i don't have to worry about it anymore.
i should have worked on it this weekend.
but with it being homecoming weekend that didn't happen.
i mean saturday after my about five hours of sleep, sam and i went to the chorus/jazz band concert and saw our friend steve who graduated last year. it was great. he's so funny :)
after that we went to giant with Kristin and her b/f matt and got pizza.
then we came back to our apartment and Courtney came over too then.
so we had pizza, carrots, chips and then carrot cake.
kristin and matt also had bought some twisted tea. so some people had some of those.
after that kate came over (i'm still annoyed with her, well she just makes it worse. i'll get to that eventually in this post i'm sure.)
so then Sam drove Me, Steve, Kristin and Matt to the bar, after we picked up John as well.
so Sam dropped us off, and we went in and got a table. and it was kind of cool since we were all 21, it was also um nerve-wracking. i mean i'm not a drinker at all. i mean i kind of don't even enjoy alcohol. but it was still cool because we were just like hanging out. Steve and John talked about science stuff which was good for John since he's like the only guy in our group of friends. besides Joe...but we dont' really include him since we aren't even sure if half the stuff he says is legit.
anyways then me and Kristin talked for a bit. then we included Matt.
and well i got a malibu bay breeze. which is cranberry juice, pineapple (or grapefruit) juice and rum. they actually made it pretty well there since i couldn't taste the alcohol that much. which was very nice. haha
then Matt offered to buy me and Kristin a shot called a buttery nipple.
uh yeah. i was like um what.
and kristin was like come on sam i wouldn't let you get a shot that wasn't good. and i was like um i guess.
i mean i kind of wanted ot try one anyway and i didn't have to pay for it so that was nice. haha
anyways it was like some kind of cream and schnapps. it was good. i mean it burned going down at first but then the end flavor was like toffee. so that was kind of amazing. haha.
i mean i would get it again, but i wouldnt' like drink a lot of those because i remember the burn very well...
haha
so then when we got back to the table steve and john were all how was it. blah blah blah and i was like it was fine guys. hah
then steve got this drink called a Milky Way Margarita.
so he let me try a sip of that and it wasn't bad, but it had a lot of alcohol in it, and i was like um i wouldn't get that for myself haha.
i also tried a sip of matt's drink (which was kind of weird since i still don't know how i feel about him, i mean like hanging out with him. i mean i def don't like him. he's dating kristin and he smokes and drinks a lot. not for me. but after that night i think i've decided he's not as gross as i thought he was...) which was long island ice tea, which tasted like lemons, but that drink is a crazy amount of alcohol.
so yeah my experience wasn't too bad.
afterwards sam came to pick us up. We dropped John off on campus so he could go to the lab (seriously he's always in there it's ridic) and then we all came back to our apartment then Matt and Kristin left, and they dropped Steve off at his car. so it was me, Sam , Kate and Courtney. and Courtney had chosen to watch Camp Rock 2 (because she likes Demi!!! i'm super stoked that she does ;) ) and Kate kept trying to put it down, but unfortunately for her it was 3 against 1 for not minding the movie. it was great. then Nina came over and we dropped Courtney off, then we went to John's quad, where there was a keg.
probably the craziest his quad has ever been. i mean we were there at like 1030 and there were a lot of people there. but nina left like almost right away i mean she was exhausted and i could tell she felt uncomfortable. then sam and i left at like 1130. i mean we were exhausted too and we wanted to clean up our apartment after the pizza "party" ahha
also i was annoyed with kate cause she drank straight rum at John's quad because apparently it "tastes" good by itself. i'm like uh rum. that's kind of gross.
idk i feel like she's trying to impress John, because she likes him again.
and meanwhile John is kind of oblivious of it, or so we think, i feel like there is a possibility that he knows she likes him but he choses to ignore it because he does not feel the same way.
i dont know. i feel so bad for him that she likes him again, especially after all the freaking drama that happened last fall when she liked him. like she is living in a dream world thinking he will date her. she was insane last year about it, and sam and i told john all the drama that happened when he wasn't around and how she acted, and he was shocked. and we were like yeah. so i'm positive he would not want that to happen again.
plus she is in a dream world if she thinks that John and her would have ended up together if she hadn't sort of dated Chuck. cause uh they would not have dated.
sorry just needed to mini rant about that.
but anyways so after Sam and I left, apparently like ten minutes later Kate made John walk her back to her dorm. which John is way nice so he obviously did it. but apparently they hung out until like 1:30 in the morning because then John got a text from his roommate that they got busted by campus security, and i was like dang he's lucky that he wasn't there.
although John is like mad because he had special imported German beer, and beer from Maine (he has a strange obsession with beer. like he REALLY REALLY likes beer. apparently he signed up to be a reviewer on some beer website...hahah)
so yeah but he said his roommate is going to reimburse him and that they want to get back at campo by throwing a crazy party where no alcohol is present.
i was like oh man john haha. i'm positive that will be fun.
so yeah.
although it was annoying because John was like sort of telling me and Nina about it and nina was like wait why weren't you in your quad when this happened where were you, and like Kate walked up then and John was like oh i was hanging out with Kate and she got this STUPID look on her face, like a smirk like yeah he was with me, and she like looked at me when she did it. i was like. what the freak is that. i mean to myself of course. but it was annoying. i was like what good for you you hung out with john by yourself. like whatever. i hang out with john all the time.
like WHATEVER.
DUMBBBB.
sigh. so yeah.
obviously i'm a bit annoyed with her.
it's alright i'm trying to let it go. it's real hard because i keep thinking about all the things that happened when she liked John last year, and how she treated us, and how she said she wouldn't drink alcohol. and i'm just like what.the.freak.
i mean i need to let it go because apparently she's going to keep drinking, (straight rum is her thing apparently) and i guess she likes John again. which is bad. because i mean i still can't decide if i do or not. and lets be honest i wouldn't act on it anyway. Kate would freak out. and well i figure if it's meant it'll happen. you know. besides it's my last year here. there's nothing wrong with just being friends.
and going to seminary?
oh gosh. ahha.
that's another thought that freaks me out.
although mentioning that when i talked to John about it friday he told me i should like do it (well not exactly like that but he basically was like you know you can focus on what you like, and then he told me i was a good listener and i was like aww wow. ahha) but he also told me he was going to look up a lutheran seminary for me in midwest, and i was like um alright. i mean i didn't expect him to, but at the bar saturday he was like SAM! and i was like uh yeah and he was like that seminary i mentioned to you?! i was like uh yeah. he was like it's called Val Praizen (or something like that) and i was like oh wow haha thanks.
i mean i'm kind of shocked he remembered. he's such a good friend.
uh anyways now that i've jumped from subject to subject multiple times i need to work on my midterm. legit.
here i come midterm...here i come :/
Saturday, October 16, 2010
My life is like a minefield of drama.
SO can i just say that i legit feel like my life is a minefield of drama. like that game mines or whatever. that you try to avoid the mines because otherwise you lose.
well my life is like that. and i lose a lot, because the mines are drama and i get it all the time.
and you know it's kind of funny because it usually comes from one person.
so hypocrites really annoy me.
(i promise this is relevant to my mine field analogy? metaphor?... wait simile!)
because last year my friend (who sometimes acts like a non-friend) refused to drink at all. and this year she drinks more than i do. which means she like sips other people drinks all the time. and i like never drink.
it really bothers me because she is always like dont' judge me blah blah blah and i'm like i'm not judging, which i'm not i'm just like why can't you stand up for yourself. she stood behind me last year when i didn't drink but she can't stand up for herself, and it's def not like we would all make her drink.
i dont know i think secretly she wanted to drink last year, and this year without me being her shield she just goes all out. it's rather dumb.
and i think it's hypocritical. what's worse is my roommate/friend Sam isn't 21 but has always told us she drinks which is fine but when she does Kate gives her this stupid what we call "mother" face, that's so totally judgmental.
it just bothers me a lot.
sigh. anyways. on the other hand my friend John is so great. haha
yesterday my advisor told me i should go to seminary, which i had thought about for a bit but then i was like i can't afford that. and then when she talked me she basically showed me that i could. and i was like oh wow. my life just changed.
like i can go to seminary if i want..
not to be a pastor but for ministry counseling.
so i kind of was freaking out and i talked to sam about it and she was helpful but then i talked to john about it and well since he's graduating with me and wants to go to grad school it's like a different perspective you know. so talking to him was incredibly helpful. and he was so funny about it he like asked me all these good questions that made me think about it differently and then he was like Sam if this is what you should do it will happen. and i was like oh man thanks John. then he was like said something about how God is first in his life and that will help him and somehow that involved me. but i was like John that's cool cause God is first in my life too. and he was like that's great! (even though i'm pretty sure he should have already known that... but whatevs haha) then he was like i'm glda you weren't freaked out that i said that to you, and i was like that doesn't bother me i think it's great!
and then he told me he prays for me. and i was like aww john. thanks. and he was like i hope that doens't freak you out either.! haha i was like no John it doesn't cause i pray for all of my friends too.
he's a funny kid.
i also called my dad about what my advisor said and my dad was all do you only go to seminary to be a pastor?! i was like ahha no that's what i thought too dad but nope.
then we talked about it and he basically was like i'll check out the school (online) and if you want to do it i'll support you.
and i was like thanks dad.
it makes me happy that i can be surrounded by good people like that :)
but i mean there always is kate. who i can't tell anything to because she uses it against me.
but it's alright because there is this freshman, Nina, who hung out wiht me and sam last night from like 1 in the morning until 7:30 this morning.
um yes. we basically pulled an all nighter talking. bahha.
but me and nina have strangely similar lives. but it's cool i like her, she's a good kid, and she's hilarious.
:)
anyways gotta get ready to go support John playing in Jazz band.
hope i don't fall asleep during the chorus parts since i only got like five hours of sleep. ha.
too funny.
p.s. i'm supposed to go to the bar tonight with John, Kristin, her b/f Matt and our friend Steve who graduated last year.
i'm kind of not feeling it... because me and drinking. idk we aren't that good of friends.
haha
we'll see how it goes i guess.
so bye!
well my life is like that. and i lose a lot, because the mines are drama and i get it all the time.
and you know it's kind of funny because it usually comes from one person.
so hypocrites really annoy me.
(i promise this is relevant to my mine field analogy? metaphor?... wait simile!)
because last year my friend (who sometimes acts like a non-friend) refused to drink at all. and this year she drinks more than i do. which means she like sips other people drinks all the time. and i like never drink.
it really bothers me because she is always like dont' judge me blah blah blah and i'm like i'm not judging, which i'm not i'm just like why can't you stand up for yourself. she stood behind me last year when i didn't drink but she can't stand up for herself, and it's def not like we would all make her drink.
i dont know i think secretly she wanted to drink last year, and this year without me being her shield she just goes all out. it's rather dumb.
and i think it's hypocritical. what's worse is my roommate/friend Sam isn't 21 but has always told us she drinks which is fine but when she does Kate gives her this stupid what we call "mother" face, that's so totally judgmental.
it just bothers me a lot.
sigh. anyways. on the other hand my friend John is so great. haha
yesterday my advisor told me i should go to seminary, which i had thought about for a bit but then i was like i can't afford that. and then when she talked me she basically showed me that i could. and i was like oh wow. my life just changed.
like i can go to seminary if i want..
not to be a pastor but for ministry counseling.
so i kind of was freaking out and i talked to sam about it and she was helpful but then i talked to john about it and well since he's graduating with me and wants to go to grad school it's like a different perspective you know. so talking to him was incredibly helpful. and he was so funny about it he like asked me all these good questions that made me think about it differently and then he was like Sam if this is what you should do it will happen. and i was like oh man thanks John. then he was like said something about how God is first in his life and that will help him and somehow that involved me. but i was like John that's cool cause God is first in my life too. and he was like that's great! (even though i'm pretty sure he should have already known that... but whatevs haha) then he was like i'm glda you weren't freaked out that i said that to you, and i was like that doesn't bother me i think it's great!
and then he told me he prays for me. and i was like aww john. thanks. and he was like i hope that doens't freak you out either.! haha i was like no John it doesn't cause i pray for all of my friends too.
he's a funny kid.
i also called my dad about what my advisor said and my dad was all do you only go to seminary to be a pastor?! i was like ahha no that's what i thought too dad but nope.
then we talked about it and he basically was like i'll check out the school (online) and if you want to do it i'll support you.
and i was like thanks dad.
it makes me happy that i can be surrounded by good people like that :)
but i mean there always is kate. who i can't tell anything to because she uses it against me.
but it's alright because there is this freshman, Nina, who hung out wiht me and sam last night from like 1 in the morning until 7:30 this morning.
um yes. we basically pulled an all nighter talking. bahha.
but me and nina have strangely similar lives. but it's cool i like her, she's a good kid, and she's hilarious.
:)
anyways gotta get ready to go support John playing in Jazz band.
hope i don't fall asleep during the chorus parts since i only got like five hours of sleep. ha.
too funny.
p.s. i'm supposed to go to the bar tonight with John, Kristin, her b/f Matt and our friend Steve who graduated last year.
i'm kind of not feeling it... because me and drinking. idk we aren't that good of friends.
haha
we'll see how it goes i guess.
so bye!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
...and he said Speak Now.
So once again it's been um like 8 days since i've posted on here.
small rundown then i'll write what actually made me come on here...
uh didn't present last week my teacher moved it to well yesterday... ahha
fall break was nice. except i worked everyday. and my arm felt like it was going to fall off. seriously it was sore for days. still kind of is.
didn't really see any friends, unless they visited me at work.
but i went to target...
not like that's equivalent to friends.
ha.
but at target i found the book that made me really excited to present in life meaning and purposeful work.
i mean i still hate presenting, but i'm really excited about this book.
also the reason i'm writing this blog.!
the book is called "The Last Lecture"
it's about Randy Pausch's life. he was a computer science professor at Carnegie Mellon and they do this "journey's" series there (used to be called Last LEcture series) and he did his on really achieving your childhood dreams.
but anyways i read the book that was written based on that lecture and other parts that he added in.
and it just made me think what were my childhood dreams even.
that sounds terrible, but i honestly don't remember. i mean i know i really wanted to learn guitar. and i've always wanted to travel but besides that i can't think of anything. most girls would pry put get married have kids. but honestly i didn't want that when i was younger. i didn't "dream" about getting married until i was like 16.and even then i was like eh.
i mean now i think about it a lot (SINCE EVERYONE is like getting married in my grade. RIDICULOUS) but i dont' think i can ever say that was my childhood dream.
i don't know.
i was a strange child.
anyways this book was amazing, and it was cool reading life from his perspective and seeing how he achieved so many of his childhood dreams. it's amazing. and even though i didn't know him i'm sort of proud of him in a way. it's just kind of cool.
i HIGHLY recommend the book. in fact you can even watch his lecture
HERE
I mean i dont' know i personally prefer reading over seeing the lecture, he adds a lot more to his book and he is still really personable.
what a cool guy.
he really lived his life to the fullest and you know i really want to do that.
and in a way this book made me think about how i sort of am like pessimistic about love right now.
i mean that happens when your parents get divorced about 25(ish) years of marriage
i mean they weren't happy ( i mean my mom probably thought she was but i dont 'think she was)
and i just don't know. i still kind of can't agree with it. i mean the Bible kind of DOES NOT agree with divorce (unless there is cheating or abuse)
but i know if they stayed together no one would have been happy.
it's kind of a weird win-lose-lose-win kind of situation thing.
oh life.
anyways because of that i'm kind of like in this weird thing where i'm like you know SOMEDAY i want to get married, but i NEVER want to get a divorce. like ever.
so it kind of scares me when i think about dating because i don't really like the idea of "dating around" honestly i kind of think it's dumb. i mean i know you're looking for "the one" but i can't deal with heartbreak. heck my parents divorcing was enough for me.
so the next time i date i would love for him to be the guy i marry.
now you're probably asking yourself. why would you do that? so many guys out there, couldn't you find someone better?
etc. etc.
honestly. i dont know. and honestly. i don't care. i think when God sends this guy my way he's going to be the perfect guy FOR me. get that not the PERFECT guy, but the perfect guy FOR ME.
so i'm just waiting.
and i think God knows i'm not ready. since i'm still healing.
it's a big blow to the heart when your parents divorce.
and it's worse when you have two younger brothers who you want to protect, you know in that big sister sort of way.
although i must tell you, they are really funny. when i was home for fall break my youngest brother asked me about the guy in my profile picture on facebook (it's my friend John.) and i was like oh it's just my best guy friend on campus and he was like uh huh. and i was kind of like um seriously. it's my best guy friend on campus. no worries.
(even though we've had this blog talk before. possible crush? who knows. well i mean i should know...but i don't hahaha)
BUT then it was seriously weird, my middle brothers calls me, he CALLS ME. he barely ever calls/texts, he's having a good time at school and i'm really happy for him ( don't tell him this though but i secretly...well not so secretly wish we would talk more and have a better relationship) but i got a little nervous when he called.
i mean i thought something was wrong or something!
turns out he was just asking me about life, seeing what's up. you know acting all non-chalant, then at the end he was kind of like oh um who is that guy in your profile picture?
i was like haha totally the reason he called.
then i had to go through the entire best guy friend spiel again. and he was like whatever you say. and i was like um seriously best guy friend.
then i told him to come visit to meet him.
and then he goes oh i trust you.
and i was like um
1. you trust me about what?
2. obvioulsy if i get a boyfriend i'm telling the family. uh no duh.
3. what is his problem with not EVER wanting to visit.
4. i really WANT him to visit.
5. i like lists.
i mean obvs i didn't say this to him that would have been awkward but i was kind of like um haha okay.. then he was all gotta study bye.
and i was like um okay bye. love you etc etc.
and then we hung up and i just told my dad that it was SUPER weird that he called. and my youngest brother was in the room and i told him that Greg had asked about my profile picture too and my youngest brother was like I WIN BEST BROTHER I ASKED YOU ABOUT IT FIRST!!
and i was like uh woah.haha
but i'm kinda glad to see them looking out for me.
i mean i was bit worried they didn't care.
last time i dated they never questioned it or him at all. and i wish they would have.
so yes.
thats pretty much it.
it's past midnight and i legit have to wake up at like 7:40 am for work in the morning.
sad.times.
on the bright side i love T.Swift's new songs. SUPER stoked for her album
amazon has it for like 8 dollars at the moment well 10.98 with shipping. still a pretty sweet deal. i was all over that one. haha
also i still need Sel's new album, and the CR2 album....slacking majorly here.
if you wanna share...i would love you forever :)
aah.
okay goodnight loves. thanks for listening to my rantings?
small rundown then i'll write what actually made me come on here...
uh didn't present last week my teacher moved it to well yesterday... ahha
fall break was nice. except i worked everyday. and my arm felt like it was going to fall off. seriously it was sore for days. still kind of is.
didn't really see any friends, unless they visited me at work.
but i went to target...
not like that's equivalent to friends.
ha.
but at target i found the book that made me really excited to present in life meaning and purposeful work.
i mean i still hate presenting, but i'm really excited about this book.
also the reason i'm writing this blog.!
the book is called "The Last Lecture"
it's about Randy Pausch's life. he was a computer science professor at Carnegie Mellon and they do this "journey's" series there (used to be called Last LEcture series) and he did his on really achieving your childhood dreams.
but anyways i read the book that was written based on that lecture and other parts that he added in.
and it just made me think what were my childhood dreams even.
that sounds terrible, but i honestly don't remember. i mean i know i really wanted to learn guitar. and i've always wanted to travel but besides that i can't think of anything. most girls would pry put get married have kids. but honestly i didn't want that when i was younger. i didn't "dream" about getting married until i was like 16.and even then i was like eh.
i mean now i think about it a lot (SINCE EVERYONE is like getting married in my grade. RIDICULOUS) but i dont' think i can ever say that was my childhood dream.
i don't know.
i was a strange child.
anyways this book was amazing, and it was cool reading life from his perspective and seeing how he achieved so many of his childhood dreams. it's amazing. and even though i didn't know him i'm sort of proud of him in a way. it's just kind of cool.
i HIGHLY recommend the book. in fact you can even watch his lecture
HERE
I mean i dont' know i personally prefer reading over seeing the lecture, he adds a lot more to his book and he is still really personable.
what a cool guy.
he really lived his life to the fullest and you know i really want to do that.
and in a way this book made me think about how i sort of am like pessimistic about love right now.
i mean that happens when your parents get divorced about 25(ish) years of marriage
i mean they weren't happy ( i mean my mom probably thought she was but i dont 'think she was)
and i just don't know. i still kind of can't agree with it. i mean the Bible kind of DOES NOT agree with divorce (unless there is cheating or abuse)
but i know if they stayed together no one would have been happy.
it's kind of a weird win-lose-lose-win kind of situation thing.
oh life.
anyways because of that i'm kind of like in this weird thing where i'm like you know SOMEDAY i want to get married, but i NEVER want to get a divorce. like ever.
so it kind of scares me when i think about dating because i don't really like the idea of "dating around" honestly i kind of think it's dumb. i mean i know you're looking for "the one" but i can't deal with heartbreak. heck my parents divorcing was enough for me.
so the next time i date i would love for him to be the guy i marry.
now you're probably asking yourself. why would you do that? so many guys out there, couldn't you find someone better?
etc. etc.
honestly. i dont know. and honestly. i don't care. i think when God sends this guy my way he's going to be the perfect guy FOR me. get that not the PERFECT guy, but the perfect guy FOR ME.
so i'm just waiting.
and i think God knows i'm not ready. since i'm still healing.
it's a big blow to the heart when your parents divorce.
and it's worse when you have two younger brothers who you want to protect, you know in that big sister sort of way.
although i must tell you, they are really funny. when i was home for fall break my youngest brother asked me about the guy in my profile picture on facebook (it's my friend John.) and i was like oh it's just my best guy friend on campus and he was like uh huh. and i was kind of like um seriously. it's my best guy friend on campus. no worries.
(even though we've had this blog talk before. possible crush? who knows. well i mean i should know...but i don't hahaha)
BUT then it was seriously weird, my middle brothers calls me, he CALLS ME. he barely ever calls/texts, he's having a good time at school and i'm really happy for him ( don't tell him this though but i secretly...well not so secretly wish we would talk more and have a better relationship) but i got a little nervous when he called.
i mean i thought something was wrong or something!
turns out he was just asking me about life, seeing what's up. you know acting all non-chalant, then at the end he was kind of like oh um who is that guy in your profile picture?
i was like haha totally the reason he called.
then i had to go through the entire best guy friend spiel again. and he was like whatever you say. and i was like um seriously best guy friend.
then i told him to come visit to meet him.
and then he goes oh i trust you.
and i was like um
1. you trust me about what?
2. obvioulsy if i get a boyfriend i'm telling the family. uh no duh.
3. what is his problem with not EVER wanting to visit.
4. i really WANT him to visit.
5. i like lists.
i mean obvs i didn't say this to him that would have been awkward but i was kind of like um haha okay.. then he was all gotta study bye.
and i was like um okay bye. love you etc etc.
and then we hung up and i just told my dad that it was SUPER weird that he called. and my youngest brother was in the room and i told him that Greg had asked about my profile picture too and my youngest brother was like I WIN BEST BROTHER I ASKED YOU ABOUT IT FIRST!!
and i was like uh woah.haha
but i'm kinda glad to see them looking out for me.
i mean i was bit worried they didn't care.
last time i dated they never questioned it or him at all. and i wish they would have.
so yes.
thats pretty much it.
it's past midnight and i legit have to wake up at like 7:40 am for work in the morning.
sad.times.
on the bright side i love T.Swift's new songs. SUPER stoked for her album
amazon has it for like 8 dollars at the moment well 10.98 with shipping. still a pretty sweet deal. i was all over that one. haha
also i still need Sel's new album, and the CR2 album....slacking majorly here.
if you wanna share...i would love you forever :)
aah.
okay goodnight loves. thanks for listening to my rantings?
Monday, October 4, 2010
hello. i love you. wont' you tell me your name.
so. i finished that paper last week. it didn't end up being that bad.
sort of.
i don't know.
but now I'm working on a five page paper due tomorrow. that i forgot about this weekend when i went home.
great times.
this dumb paper is on a 64 page book of RULES. and we are supposed to find the thesis which is non-existent (no seriously i've talked to my class mates and they said they couldn't' find it either) anyways it's on the book The Rule of Saint Benedict.
which is really boring and about the rules of being a monk.
don't know how i'm going to get 5 pages. but i think i'm going to use my friend John's advice. just use a lot of quotations from the book and explain them. which i sort of have to do anyways. but i'm just going to go way beyond what our teacher expects...
in hopes of reaching five pages.
anyways fall break is this week. i'm so excited.
i need a break.
although i'm working every day but i don't really care. i really like working at the scoop :)
free ice cream!!! haha
also this past weekend when i went home i was supposed to hang out with my friend Laura for her birthday. instead she chose to hang out with a boy. :/ and i even knew him from camp. i was like SO NOT COOL.
but it was alright. i went to see another girl from camp cheering at her school with one of my brother's ex-girlfriends..
ahha.
i know that's weird but somehow i become friends with his exes.
not my fault.
:)
anyways so we went to the football game with her brother and her friend Tim that she's known since second grade.
and we were joking about coming up with a story of why we were there but then we stood in the student section and the kids actually asked us why we were there.
so we told them we were starting school there on Monday.
and they believed us.
i was amazed that they thought it was for real. we told them we were all going to be seniors and that we were all related and that our cousin was one of the cheerleaders (our friend that we came to watch cheer)
it was amazing.
but also slightly terrible because these kids who were sophomores went and got this girl who is a senior and brought her up to us and she introduced herself to us.
then she was like asking us about our lives.
it was terrible.
but hilarious.
we told her we moved from texas. but we weren't originally from there since we don't have a texas accent or anything and that our parents are in the military or something.
it was pretty much the craziest night ever.
and every time i hang out with her i end up taking pictures with strangers, or apparently getting a whole new identity.
after the game we all went back to my bro's ex-gf's house and some of her friends came over and then it got so weird because her one friend kept asking tim EXTREMELY personal questions. (ie. boxers/briefs which led to if he was a virgin or not. it was probably one of the most awkward things that i have ever had to witness)
but then we watched Get him to the greek. which was kind of dumb, but kind of not. idk it had funny parts but i still kind of dont like russell brand, or jonah hill.
what can i say those movies aren't really my type.
anyways i really like going home now. i mean i love school and my friends but i like going home and spending time with my dad, i think he gets a little lonely since my youngest brother has to switch between house and house because of the divorce, and my other brother hasn't come home since he's been at school.
and i enjoy being around my dad now, i think this summer was good for our relationship.
:)
and speaking of relationships...
i'm still single! haha.
although i think i have a problem.. i think i'm starting to like my friend John. but the problem is i can't tell if i'm starting to like him or if it's just i like him as my friend.
this is always my problem. and it's terrible.
but the reason i think i actually like him is he said the other week something about starting to like a girl and i kind of was like oh my gosh. and it sort of hurt. not like oh my gosh i'm in pain but sort of like woah what if he dates someone.
i dont know if that sounds weird.
and i dont even know if i want to date john.
he's just himself.
so hard to explain. i mean he's awesome. but he's JOHN.
ahhh.
my life.
also on a sad note i just realized today while i was my guitar teacher's concert at school (which btw he's amazing at playing. i mean he should be he's won a Grammy but he's amazing) that this year at Christmas i'm going to have to go to TWO HOUSES. as in my mom's and my dad's.
and i dont' know what i'm going to do.
it makes me feel awkward
i mean i think i'm going to stay with my dad over winter break.
but the idea of having to go to my mom's house at a separate time is just weird.
:/
this is why if/when i get married i want to stay married FOREVER. and seriously death til us part. like that's legit for me.
i dont' want to ever get divorced. it's a life ruiner.
and i mean i can tell it's sort of made me narcissistic because at church (at school) yesterday we had to draw a picture of our family. and umm i drew a giant x between my parents.
then i felt like crying because we are doing a unit on family at church, and i was just like wow my family is a mess. everyone else had these happy pictures (well except John he drew his cat as a fire-breathing cat, although i guess that's still happy since he's oddly obsessed with cats) and mine just wasn't.
i don't know.
my life just feels like a mess.
on a happy note though. i still love learning guitar. like it feels so good to play. when i actually practice. i really enjoy it.
anyways i need to write this paper and sleep. or well i'm going to fail. and that's not cool.
so sorry for my random weird rants.
p.s. in case you wondering today it was 50 degrees and raining.
so unusual since last week it was like in the 70's. ridiculoussss.
love.
sort of.
i don't know.
but now I'm working on a five page paper due tomorrow. that i forgot about this weekend when i went home.
great times.
this dumb paper is on a 64 page book of RULES. and we are supposed to find the thesis which is non-existent (no seriously i've talked to my class mates and they said they couldn't' find it either) anyways it's on the book The Rule of Saint Benedict.
which is really boring and about the rules of being a monk.
don't know how i'm going to get 5 pages. but i think i'm going to use my friend John's advice. just use a lot of quotations from the book and explain them. which i sort of have to do anyways. but i'm just going to go way beyond what our teacher expects...
in hopes of reaching five pages.
anyways fall break is this week. i'm so excited.
i need a break.
although i'm working every day but i don't really care. i really like working at the scoop :)
free ice cream!!! haha
also this past weekend when i went home i was supposed to hang out with my friend Laura for her birthday. instead she chose to hang out with a boy. :/ and i even knew him from camp. i was like SO NOT COOL.
but it was alright. i went to see another girl from camp cheering at her school with one of my brother's ex-girlfriends..
ahha.
i know that's weird but somehow i become friends with his exes.
not my fault.
:)
anyways so we went to the football game with her brother and her friend Tim that she's known since second grade.
and we were joking about coming up with a story of why we were there but then we stood in the student section and the kids actually asked us why we were there.
so we told them we were starting school there on Monday.
and they believed us.
i was amazed that they thought it was for real. we told them we were all going to be seniors and that we were all related and that our cousin was one of the cheerleaders (our friend that we came to watch cheer)
it was amazing.
but also slightly terrible because these kids who were sophomores went and got this girl who is a senior and brought her up to us and she introduced herself to us.
then she was like asking us about our lives.
it was terrible.
but hilarious.
we told her we moved from texas. but we weren't originally from there since we don't have a texas accent or anything and that our parents are in the military or something.
it was pretty much the craziest night ever.
and every time i hang out with her i end up taking pictures with strangers, or apparently getting a whole new identity.
after the game we all went back to my bro's ex-gf's house and some of her friends came over and then it got so weird because her one friend kept asking tim EXTREMELY personal questions. (ie. boxers/briefs which led to if he was a virgin or not. it was probably one of the most awkward things that i have ever had to witness)
but then we watched Get him to the greek. which was kind of dumb, but kind of not. idk it had funny parts but i still kind of dont like russell brand, or jonah hill.
what can i say those movies aren't really my type.
anyways i really like going home now. i mean i love school and my friends but i like going home and spending time with my dad, i think he gets a little lonely since my youngest brother has to switch between house and house because of the divorce, and my other brother hasn't come home since he's been at school.
and i enjoy being around my dad now, i think this summer was good for our relationship.
:)
and speaking of relationships...
i'm still single! haha.
although i think i have a problem.. i think i'm starting to like my friend John. but the problem is i can't tell if i'm starting to like him or if it's just i like him as my friend.
this is always my problem. and it's terrible.
but the reason i think i actually like him is he said the other week something about starting to like a girl and i kind of was like oh my gosh. and it sort of hurt. not like oh my gosh i'm in pain but sort of like woah what if he dates someone.
i dont know if that sounds weird.
and i dont even know if i want to date john.
he's just himself.
so hard to explain. i mean he's awesome. but he's JOHN.
ahhh.
my life.
also on a sad note i just realized today while i was my guitar teacher's concert at school (which btw he's amazing at playing. i mean he should be he's won a Grammy but he's amazing) that this year at Christmas i'm going to have to go to TWO HOUSES. as in my mom's and my dad's.
and i dont' know what i'm going to do.
it makes me feel awkward
i mean i think i'm going to stay with my dad over winter break.
but the idea of having to go to my mom's house at a separate time is just weird.
:/
this is why if/when i get married i want to stay married FOREVER. and seriously death til us part. like that's legit for me.
i dont' want to ever get divorced. it's a life ruiner.
and i mean i can tell it's sort of made me narcissistic because at church (at school) yesterday we had to draw a picture of our family. and umm i drew a giant x between my parents.
then i felt like crying because we are doing a unit on family at church, and i was just like wow my family is a mess. everyone else had these happy pictures (well except John he drew his cat as a fire-breathing cat, although i guess that's still happy since he's oddly obsessed with cats) and mine just wasn't.
i don't know.
my life just feels like a mess.
on a happy note though. i still love learning guitar. like it feels so good to play. when i actually practice. i really enjoy it.
anyways i need to write this paper and sleep. or well i'm going to fail. and that's not cool.
so sorry for my random weird rants.
p.s. in case you wondering today it was 50 degrees and raining.
so unusual since last week it was like in the 70's. ridiculoussss.
love.
Friday, October 1, 2010
i'm right? you're wrong?
So i know it's been um two weeks since i wrote in here.
It just so happens that i thought about how i needed to post then got sidetracked by other things.
thus is life.
currently i am two hundred words away from being done an essay, but i can't seem to finish it. it's like i have writers block. i am writing the paper about the book "Sinners: Jesus and HIs Earliest Followers" it was actually really interesting, but i just felt like i didn't ahve time to read it within the time period i needed to, so i basically just read the last 100 pages in the last few days and have already forgotten what i started reading when i got the book like two weeks ago. uh yeah. i've been busy. :/
also i'm going to have to do a book "report" presentation on the book next week and my teacher suddenly decided we have to dress up for it because someone suggested that we do. UM FAIL GIRL FAIL.
I mean i get that it's professional to do that or whatever, but it's the day before fall break when i have to present and i don't WANT to.
hmmphh.
sigh.
anyways i started work this week. i get to work 8 hours a week instead of 5 this year! i'm stoked. although it's dumb because we started work this week but can't work next week because of fall break. lamest thing ever.
but at least i'm going to start having a pay check again.
really need to save EVERYTHING.
like i legit can't do shopping. which i'm super upset over...but only because i REALLY want new music.
such as selena's cd (which i know already came out...haven't heard any songs except round and round and a year without rain) and well i just really like being to get new music, and i'm sad that i can't.
also.
um i'm super NOT pumped about Joe dating Ashley Greene.
idk. i just dont like them together. and it seems dumb but it really upsets me that he isn't wearing his purity ring anymore. that's one of the major reasons i loved them. it just made me happy that a band that got so popular was willing to show that they had no problems wearing their purity rings. even withstanding getting made fun of by weird guys who suddenly become famous like Russell Brand.
I mean i'm not going to stop listening to their music, their music has helped me so much that it would be ridiculous to stop. but i'm just confused. and concerned.
i want them to make the best choices they can for their lives.
which again probably seems ridiculous since i dont know them. but i feel like i do. i mean it's been over three years that i've been a fan. (which absurdly sounds like a small amount of time considering how much i've invested in seeing them in concert. maybe it's more than that...)
anyways. i want them to be happy. but i guess i kind of dont' want them to change from who they have been. and i dont know if that makes sense because it's late and i'm still not writing my paper... blah.
but really i just want them to be the guys i fell in "love" with.
ajdf;akfjaoefjaiofjaof
sigh.
okay well i need to write this paper. it needs to get done.
BLAH. it's taking forever.
plus i'm going home tomorrow/which is now today.
even though fall break is next week. that's what happens when you promise people that you will come home for their birthday and someone else that you will see them cheer.
i'm out.
It just so happens that i thought about how i needed to post then got sidetracked by other things.
thus is life.
currently i am two hundred words away from being done an essay, but i can't seem to finish it. it's like i have writers block. i am writing the paper about the book "Sinners: Jesus and HIs Earliest Followers" it was actually really interesting, but i just felt like i didn't ahve time to read it within the time period i needed to, so i basically just read the last 100 pages in the last few days and have already forgotten what i started reading when i got the book like two weeks ago. uh yeah. i've been busy. :/
also i'm going to have to do a book "report" presentation on the book next week and my teacher suddenly decided we have to dress up for it because someone suggested that we do. UM FAIL GIRL FAIL.
I mean i get that it's professional to do that or whatever, but it's the day before fall break when i have to present and i don't WANT to.
hmmphh.
sigh.
anyways i started work this week. i get to work 8 hours a week instead of 5 this year! i'm stoked. although it's dumb because we started work this week but can't work next week because of fall break. lamest thing ever.
but at least i'm going to start having a pay check again.
really need to save EVERYTHING.
like i legit can't do shopping. which i'm super upset over...but only because i REALLY want new music.
such as selena's cd (which i know already came out...haven't heard any songs except round and round and a year without rain) and well i just really like being to get new music, and i'm sad that i can't.
also.
um i'm super NOT pumped about Joe dating Ashley Greene.
idk. i just dont like them together. and it seems dumb but it really upsets me that he isn't wearing his purity ring anymore. that's one of the major reasons i loved them. it just made me happy that a band that got so popular was willing to show that they had no problems wearing their purity rings. even withstanding getting made fun of by weird guys who suddenly become famous like Russell Brand.
I mean i'm not going to stop listening to their music, their music has helped me so much that it would be ridiculous to stop. but i'm just confused. and concerned.
i want them to make the best choices they can for their lives.
which again probably seems ridiculous since i dont know them. but i feel like i do. i mean it's been over three years that i've been a fan. (which absurdly sounds like a small amount of time considering how much i've invested in seeing them in concert. maybe it's more than that...)
anyways. i want them to be happy. but i guess i kind of dont' want them to change from who they have been. and i dont know if that makes sense because it's late and i'm still not writing my paper... blah.
but really i just want them to be the guys i fell in "love" with.
ajdf;akfjaoefjaiofjaof
sigh.
okay well i need to write this paper. it needs to get done.
BLAH. it's taking forever.
plus i'm going home tomorrow/which is now today.
even though fall break is next week. that's what happens when you promise people that you will come home for their birthday and someone else that you will see them cheer.
i'm out.
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