What did i do to your heart?

So i have about an hour and twentyish minutes until i have to leave for lunch to meet up with my friends on time. ha. although they are never on time, so in reality it doesn't matter.
but anyways i'm sitting in the corner of my bed. like literally my back is in the corner between my bedposts and the wall. and i put my pillow there and it's oddly comfortable. who would have thought. haha
YAY! i just got an email back about the job that i want to do! i'm so excited! i hope i can start next week that would be the most amazing thing in the world. I have to get time sheet training though and i'm not sure if i have to get a criminal record check, that would be annoying, those things always take SO MUCH TIME.
so yeah! i almost have a job! it's not like i miss working but i need to get back to work to make money to be able to pay for food and gas and other things like that. :)
yay!
I have training at 4:15 today to learn how to use the payroll system! SO EXCITED! i can start working next week! :) although apparently i can only work five hours a week. which is the lamest thing i have ever heard in my entire life. those are going to be horrible paychecks forever, but at least i'm getting a paycheck.

okay so that's not really why i was writing this blog lol
i really kind of just wanted to write about a few things that have basically been on my mind for awhile now. but i'm not sure how to go about writing this...
okay well i'm just going to start.
so i've been single for oh about a month and a half now i would say, and well i have to say sometimes i hear or see things and i get SO mad because it reminds me of that person. and it's not like our relationship was bad it's just i dont like thinking about it because well it kind of ended rather suddenly. And well i thought i could be friends with him, i really did because it's not like i was mad at how it ended, but the more he tried the more i was just like wow i can't do this. I kind of just needed more time to be like okay i can be friends now, but i couldn't really say that to him because i was the one who was like i never said i didn't want to be friends. but of course everytime he tried to contact me i never responded because i realized i wasnt ready to be friends. I guess i was kind of mean by not responding and i obviously should have gone about it a different way but i didn't. I just really needed to cut all communication at that time, maybe someday we will be friends for real. considering the fact we weren't really even friends before we dated, we were kind of people who like hung out then we like dated right away, which honestly isn't what i wanted. i really wanted to be friends first. It's always better to be friends before you date someone. because then it's not as awkward when you go out on dates. like seriously our first date, most awkward thing in the entire world. probably because i'm SO SHY, and even though i knew him and we had hung out a few times it was like OH MY GOSH this is my FIRST DATE and i wanted to like throw up but at the same time i was excited but so nervous and well i was basically freaking out. which i do alot actually. haha i'm always freaking out. maybe i'm paranoid...
oh woah bad joke. ha.
i only thought of that because i'm listening to them now :)
see i miss them now. but that's something for later.
... um anyways i think i get really anxious about things which is probably really bad,and i stress out easily even though i can sometimes act like i'm not stressing out. Seriously i think i could be an actress, i'm so good at hiding my real emotions sometimes which probably isnt actually a good thing. but it happens. when i need to be i am honest about my feelings but when other things in my life feel like they are falling apart i can act like everything is perfect and that it's not actually falling apart. then i break down when i'm buy myself. but you know those are the things that make you stronger, and the people who matter the most in your life can always tell when you are ready to break and are always there when you need them to be. and even if you dont actually know them they are still there for you. Like the music you listen to, it helps you through those times, even though usually you don't actually know the band/artist. (unless it's Days Difference, we are tight...which by the way their new album came out today.you should go buy it :D )
because that music can carry you those times, they are real people and the bands that actually write their own music you can tell that they have had those kinds of experiences and that they felt what you are feeling and the music just carries you through it all and at the end of the day you know you are going to be okay. and the anxiety and stress may still be there but with the love of your friends and family (and God for me) and the wonderful music helps you get through it and life looks brighter than it may have looked in awhile. So that's what i'm doing i'm listening to my favorite bands/artists singing and i can feel myself feeling better and everything looks so much better.
and that's not even where i thought this blog was going. but it did. hmm.
so yeah right now i'm listening to this GIANT playlist of:
Jonas
Demi
T.Swift
Days Difference (not their new music yet although i guess i am listening to the singles that came from their new cd so it is their new music lol)
Selena
Honor Society
Miley
Rooney
KOL (use somebody, basically)
Boys Like Girls
KSM

and i think that's it. at this moment that's my ideal playlist. :)
so that only took me an hour and 15 minutes to write, because i was answering/sending emails when i felt like i needed to gather my thoughts..haha. and now i have time to spare to head to lunch. yay me!
so job payroll training later today :)
it's going to be a good good day.
iloveyou.
sososomuch.