It's safety dance

So it's spring break~ woo.
originally i was supposed to be in florida. going to disney, the beach. chillaxin'
but instead i'm at home.
i mean today i pretty much vegged... aka watched a lot of tv... saw the ending of some weird johnny depp movie (the astronaut's wife.. it had aliens..freaking weird). watched two episodes of the nanny. then watched Ghost Rider.
also did not eat that healthy so far today...
sigh. my ab workouts going down the drain. but whatevs.
i'm feeling unmotivated. what can i say. i mean i did well this weekend. i painted the last wall in my room. my dad installed my closet clothing rod. so my room is coming together.
i mean i sort of started cleaning. but it's boring. and i don't know where to put a lot of things yet. since half of my stuff is at school it's weird. you know. also some how pinched my hand in my computer charger and it hurts.. oh well.
so i pry should get back to cleaning. or maybe i'll work on my judaism midterm.
pry not. bahha.
and i really wish i could get my tax money back like soon. i reallyyyy want to go to kop (a mall) to go shopping. i miss shopping i haven't gone in forever. i dont' even want to buy that much. i just want floral denim shorts from forever 21 and i just want to at least walk around urban outfitters and american apparel. lesigh.
i think my roommate is going to be mad at me too. when florida fell through i said maybe we could go to nyc. but now i'm not feeling motivated to go (plus i'm broke...well until my tax money comes in) so i feel like if we dont go she's going to be mad. i mean she just really wants to get out of the state.
sigh. sigh sigh.
i mean at the time when i said i wanted to go to nyc i did. but she wants to do so much in one day and i'm like not feeling motivated to do that much. and originally she wanted to stay in the city for the night. which kind of freaks me out, i'm no good with cities... i feel bad. i just don't know.
on a brighter note john randomly emailed me last night. i didn't see it til this morning but it was funny. he said he met the civil engineer of the hanger where t.swift's airplane is! pretty cool. oh he's in tennessee for the week. and he went to the Grand Ol' Oprey last night and recommended the band The Band Perry. which they are pretty good, i like them ahha. it just surprised me i didn't expect to hear from him. so it was nice :)
anyway going to try to clean. my spring cleaning motivation from last week is gone... shame. okay byeee

Speak Now

SO i was thinking about Christa Black's tumblr response to someone earlier this week, the one about boys and heartache. I dont' know why but this quote really stuck out to me
“I gave my heart to someone—the thing that my life flowed out of—my emotions, my days, my speech…everything. I handed that heart to someone who had never fought to pursue it, or even shown interest to earn it.
Your soul is your mind, your will, and your emotions, and I’d handed him my soul without him doing anything. It did nothing to affect him…but it was ruining every day of my life.”

i don't know why but it just really stuck in my head.
actually i do know why.
i mean i feel like i do this all the time.
i start to like a guy and i just give him my all without him even knowing. i know it's real bad to do that, but sometimes i guess you just can't help it.
but i've decided i need to be stronger. i need to not give my heart and soul to a guy, especially if he doesn't even care.
I don't know if this sounds weird.
but i mean i keep mentioning how i might possibly have a crush on my best guy friend.
and you know, being home for thanksgiving i realized that i actually do like him.
and i'm pretty sure it's more than a friend.
i don't know dumb things remind me of him, and i want to be like haha oh this reminds me of john, and say that to someone but then i'm like wow. everyone is going to shoot me if i start being like that.
i mean they won't actually shoot me, but they would be disturbed.
and lets be serious my brother and my dad want me to date him anyway.
sam and nina would probably completely back me if i was like so i like him.
my problem is i dont know if he feels that way.
and i can't put myself out there like that, especially if it would ruin our friendship.
i'd rather be his friend than nothing at all.
he's been a rather amazing friend to me since i've known him and i don't want to lose that.
which brings me back to handing someone my heart and soul without them knowing it or earning it.
i mean he definitely should not know. i mean i never said anything to him.
when weirdo kate thought we were having a secret love affair i told him, and i asked him if he thought it was weird she thought that and he said yes.
which i dont know kind of hurt. because i couldn't tell if he meant it would be weird for us to actually of had one, or for her to randomly decide someone is having one.
idk. obviously i overthink things.
such a downfall.
but anyways. i've decided he never asked for my heart and soul, so i'm taking it back.
or i'm reeling it in.
i dont' want to give him something he never asked for, and i'm tired of always feeling hurt when things seem to change.
i mean i always like a guy too much and then i always feel hurt when they date someone else.
so i'm ending it. i'm going to be a strong person and not let my heart and soul just do whatever it wants. i'm taking control and i'm not going to let them just go to anyone. i'm going to wait until someone deserves it and asks for it.
yup.

this also made me think about T.Swift's whole thing about "speaking now" because you never know what will happen.
and i really dont think i can do it.
i don't know, i just don't think i was built for the speak now kind of thing.
maybe someday i'll try my hand at it.
...


anyways hope you all had a wonderful week and thanksgiving and black friday!
my week got much better when i arrived home. i really missed being home.
thanksgiving was strange. idk, it really just was. and my grandmother offered to set me up with a nice quiet boy, the grandson of one of her friends. i just laughed.
i'm kind of thinking whatever is meant will happen.just my philosophy.
didn't go black friday shopping. i wanted to. but i'm absolutely broke. seriously have like four dollars in my checking account and enough in savings for rent and the electric bill for next month :/
kind of freaking out about that. but it's going to all work out...
also had my wisdom teeth consultation today.
getting all four out on december 28th.
not excited at all. in fact i'll probably be super nervous that day.
i know it's like minor surgery, but i'm getting anesthesia. first time for that. and they said it's intravenous.
which um makes me want to cry a bit. absolutely hate needles. but oh well. this way my teeth and gums won't rot like they so lovingly told me. :l
blah.
i've been watching way too much tv this whole time ive been home. like seriously i watched Mary Poppins, Elf, Pretty Woman and the news (well the news was at my aunts house i have no idea why my cousins were watching that) yesterday. today i watched the last hour of Enchanted, The end of back to the future 2, and the entire back to the future 3. Toy Story 3 (well on dvd) and i watched part of a boy named charlie brown.
pretty much am doing nothing in front of the tv.. terrible.
although i did have like 6 loads of laundry to do the past two days. i have no idea how that happened but i got it all done.

oh and depressing news. my school does a junior/senior formal dance.
well they posted the date.
February 26.
this is depressing because last year it def happened in like april.
this gives me so much less time to get a date. so unprepared for this. and i have to buy a dress too. life. goodness.

whatevs. so i'm going to read HP4. so good night!

someday i'll be big enough so you can't hit me.

just want taylor's secret messages from within her lyrics on here.
1. Mine - TOBY
2. Sparks Fly - PORTLAND OREGON
3. Back to December - TAY
4. Speak Now - YOU ALWAYS REGRET WHAT YOU DONT SAY
5. Dear John - LOVED YOU FROM THE VERY FIRST DAY
6. Mean - THOUGHT YOU GOT ME
7. The Story of Us - CMT AWARDS
8. Never Grow Up - I MOVED OUT IN JULY
9. Enchanted - ADAM
10. Better Than Revenge - YOU THOUGHT I WOULD FORGET
11. Innocent - LIFE IS FULL OF LITTLE INTERRUPTIONS
12. Haunted - STILL TO THIS DAY
13. Last Kiss - FOREVER AND ALWAYS
14. Long Live - FOR YOU

anyways life has been hectic.
planning a lovely small halloween get together for my friends and i on saturday. well i'm not the only one planning it.
so you know it's aight.
kate is still annoying me. so you know. whatever. apparently my friend kristin who i told last year that my parents were getting divorced and i told her not to tell anyone ended up telling kate and i'm really not happy about that. i mean that's personal information that maybe i didn't want to share with her.
so i'm not happy about that. not one bit.
but whatever.
i need to vacuum my room!
and stuff. haha. so later.

She should know there's nothing that I do better than revenge.

So yesterday was hilarious.
I was at restorative yoga, preparing to be so relaxed
then my friend Kristin tells me that Kate thinks that John and me are having A SECRET LOVE AFFAIR.
uh yes.
i was like UM WHAT HAHAHA
except my laugh was extremely fake because i was like oh my gosh. that's awkward.
then i was like is it obvious that i can't decide if i like him, and what does she mean by secret love affair does it seem like he likes me, or like acts like he does? that's intense.
then i was freaking out the entire restorative yoga class. so i got no relaxation. it's a shame since i needed it.
but yeah. i'm still like really a secret love affair.
me and john.
goodness.
she also is apparently thinking about NEXT SEMESTER and the JUNIOR/SENIOR formal dance at the END OF APRIL.
i was like what the heck why is she thinking about that? i mean seriously that's next year. way far away.
but Sam (my roommate) jokingly told Kate awhile ago that i would be going with John because it makes the most sense, and Kate doesn't like that.
and i'm like dude what does it matter.
i mean seriously that's so far away. and i'll go with whoever i want to go with. heck i'll go alone. oh wait i'm just kidding i refuse to go to another dance alone ever again.
but anyways.
why does it MATTER. that's in APRIL.
goodness.
she's much too worried about that.
but it doesn't matter because she'll drink it away this weekend when she "pre-games" before me and sam's halloween party.
um yes. she plans on getting drunk before our halloween party.
it's a bit ridiculous. since Sam, John and I are going to the soccer game against our rival (Messiah, how funny that our rival is Messiah. it sounds like we are rivaling Jesus. intense) so our "party" isn't going to start until like 9:30 and she plans on "pre-gaming" from 5 until then. that's almost 5 hours. that's ridiculous. she's going to be trashed.
and she plans on coming as a grandma. her grandma voice is the most annoying thing i have ever heard.
don't think i can deal.
and she'll be drunk so she'll be over the top :(
i dont even want to have a halloween party anymore because of her.
I'm so sad i was really excited for halloween, i was going to be a detective.
:/
she ruins everything.
i'm also not having a great day because i had a midterm today for a 100 level class, worth three credits (most classes are four here) and it was the hardest one i have ever taken
sigh.
i have so much to do this week and next.
i have another test tomorrow.
and i need to write two research papers by next friday.
there goes all sleep i was planning on having.
woe is me.

sigh.
i need a break.
like thanksgiving break except that would be bad because then everything would have been due already, including my portfolio for my life meaning class which i haven't really worked on...
i'm so dead.
so much to do so little time.
perhaps i should spend more time doing work rather than blogging about it.
but what's the fun in that?!!!!
gahhh.
well i need to do something else.
it's 5:45 perhaps i'll eat dinner.
goodbye.

let's hear the applause. come on show me how much better you are.

(Holly I love you and i completely would LOVE to cut her out of my life slowly...and truth be told i'm working on it... and she hasn't noticed.)
SO at dinner on Saturday it was Kate, John and me, but John's roommate from last year randomly joined us (he still creeps me out a bit. such a strange boy) and apparently Kate went to his apartment. now to me this was shocking because she claims to think he is weird. but who goes to someone's apartment if you think they are weird?!
uh yeah no one.
She likes the attention he gives her.
sickening.
anyways one of John's friends Caroline showed up and sat with us too. and they were talking about super weird movies that they've seen. i mean they were kind of freaky (like human centipede and teeth) but i mean it was funny the way they were talking about it. i mean i've seen my share of freaky movies ( i watched this weird one on tv once called frogs. we didn't have cable and it was randomly on around halloween haha. and alfred hitchcock's birds is freaking scary) so i was just laughing like you know that sounds funny. i probably wouldnt watch them but i dont care hearing about them. and kate was all EWWW STOP TALKING ABOUT THAT I'M GOING TO THROW UP EWW EWE BLAHBLAHBLAH. i was like oh my word girl shut it. and i just like looked at John and i was like nope i've never heard of those movies tell me about them.
:)
so bad. haha.
of course afterwards kate was all John i want to see professor pumpkin (john and his quadmates got a kitten, it's illegal to have pets except fish. but they are all seniors and being rebels ahha) i haven't seen him in a week (WAH WAHWAH. that's what i was thinking at least haha) and John was like panicking and trying to think of something to not get her to come but he's TOO NICE. so he was like well i mean i really need to study so you can see him but you have to leave then.
Um kate is the last person in the world who would go over there and leave after seeing pumpkin.
and i was like NOOOO. well in my mind. but then i was like dang it. so then i went over just so John didn't have to be alone with her. see i'm nice :) ahha
but i'm also allergic to cats. and well John really likes pumpkin and he kept like picking him up and i just could see the hair and i was like i'm going to die.
i mean it takes me a long time to start feeling it if the cat just is like acting normal but with everyone picking him up (also kate like purposefully stood near me when she picked him up the first few times. i was like you so know i'm allergic jerkface.) i started to feel it within an hour.
yup somehow we ended up there for an hour.
I mean John tried to be like i need to study but Kate was all you dont need to study blahblahblah.
so rude.
but John started showing us parodies (he is OBSESSED with a california girls parody by the key of awesome) and we watched a few but he was like oh sam has seen this before i dont want to bore her.
i was like HAHAHA. yessss.
and kate was like i haven't seen them. and John was just like nope. and like ignored her. i was like oh John you are awesome haha
but then we watched a video of Justin Bieber getting hit by a water bottle. and sorry if you like him but i laugh everytime. it's just hilarious. i mean he's like "I just love you guys" then BAM he gets hit. and he's like "oww. i have no idea why she just threw that at me"
and some of the videos have it from different angles. it's awesome.
i mean i personally do not like him so you know it's hilarious for me.
but anyways Kate didnt think it was that funny, but then again she can be a serious fun killer if she wants things to go differently. but whatever. John and I didnt care and we laughed at it.
John kept putting up all these parodies and they were crazy.
then John's roommate came back and he was pretty funny.
John also talked about how he was hanging out with his lab partner the night before because they had interesting beer bottles which he showed us, and kate was all where did you get these and John was like oh at my lab partners then he looked at me and made this hilarious face like oh yeah check it out i'm making her jealous.
and i had to like contain myself because kate looked at me like what are you doing. and i was like oh gosh.
it was so awesome though.
then my friend Nina texted me because i had asked her to hang out. she also knows Kate, she actually met Kate first and she's like not enjoying the way Kate is either. so we hung out to vent it was awesome.
NIna is super cool. so i'm really enjoying getting to know her :)
shes a freshman by the way haha.
anyways so i left John's quad and i was like sorry i gotta go and John's roommate was like what we aren't fun enough for you. and iw as like umm no hahah i'm allergic to cats and i'm starting to feel it. and then he was like oh...
it was great hah.
then John like looked at me like oh man how can i get rid of kate and i was like well bye. but John was like wait do you want some hot tea or something?! and i was like uh no thanks haha.
i mean i have no idea what hot tea would have done with me if my eyes were starting to itch and my throat was feeling a bit bad.
but it's nice that he thinks tea can fix all.
anyways so i hung out with nina for like four hours then. we vented a lot about kate. i could tell it was much needed for nina. but then we talked about other things. it's freaky how much our lives are similar. but it's cool. I'm glad she became my friend :) i'm thinking she can replace kate in my friendship circle.
how much of a burn would that be. i mean kate brought her in and then she replaces her.
thus is life.
haha.

anyways enough about kate and her psychoness.

TODAY. in the mail i received my TAYLOR SWIFT CD! and i'm so happy. it's pretty awesome. i mean there are a lot of kind of slow songs that make me feel sad, but then she has other ones that are so upbeat that you are like YESSS. ahah and Better than revenge makes me super happy.
I mean i never liked Camilla she was a creep.
okay maybe not a creepy, but obviously using Joe for his fame. LAME YO.
but whatevs.

also i didnt' have a guitar lesson today because some kids were visiting and wanted to talk to my guitar teacher so he emailed me YESTERDAY to ask if it was okay and i was like fine. but he made me go to campus to reschedule THEN we dont even RESCHEDULE he was like we can just do that next week. i was like WHY AM I HERE RIGHT NOWWWW.
but whatever. John has his lesson before me so i just talked to John for a bit. he invited me to go to the lab with him (for like the sixth time in like two days) and i was like uh haha. i don't know. apparently he thinks i would like it. he was like you could divide some cells or something! i was like maybe some other time.
i mean i was in the lab with him last year he explained everything he was doing then to me and let me look through the microscope at a bunch of things and i was like my mind if going to explode.
me and science dont go well together.
but oh well.
also found out i have two research papers to write within two weeks.
sort of have research. but mostly dont
it's going to be real fun.
next semester i'm taking the easiest classes that i can find without making them seem to obviously easy. i mean i need 18 credits to graduate and i only need one class to fulfill my major.
14 free credits.
i'm def taking guitar again so that leaves me with 13. all my friends are like TAKE THIS TAKE THIS. and i'm like oh my word.
nina told me to take aural skills. which would be hilarious since i would never need that again.
and john told me to take some science class. because apparently he goes into the lab during that class time and it would be cool for him to wave to me apparently.
he also said he dances and sings during that class. i was like oh my hha.
then Kristin is asking about all these classes she wants to take and i'm like dude i haven't looked at ANYTHING yet. except the class i need and guitar.
i def need an advising session asap.
oh well.
haha.
so yeah i need to get ready to go to dinner.
restorative yoga afterwards. my ABSOLUTE favorite type of yoga. it's like extended nap time in yoga poses but you even bring pillows. love :)
so farewell :)

All you're ever going to be is MEAN.

Lets talk about how Taylor Swift has successfully written songs that are relevant to my life once again. The single she released this week (aka Mean) umm is basically exactly what i needed to hear. i was telling my best friend B how taylor swift writes songs about my life and B was like "WAIT you dated John Mayer, Taylor Lautner and Joe Jonas and you didn't tell me!?" i laughed because i realized you could easily take that from what i said so i was just like "they made me sign a confidentiality contract"
then we laughed about how crazy that would legit be if that happened.
cause in all seriousness i probably would not date John Mayer, i like his music but he's kind of a jerk.
and Taylor Lautner is adorable but a little too young for me.
i would def date Joe though. mmhmm.
haha.
anyways this isn't a post about who i would date... haha
it's about T.Swift's song Mean. and how legit it matches Kate.
i mean everything but the line about watching football, cause Kate doesn't really do sports.
but anyways. i'm telling you it's like it's about her. cause she is so mean. all the time. and she puts people down all the time to make herself feel better. and i dont' know i just can't deal. so when i heard Mean i was like woah. i know someone like this. then it made me happy because now i just sing this song in my head whenever i'm around kate and it makes me feel better. that probably sounds crazy.
but it's true. and this song just makes me feel good because i'm just like wow. this is true. someday i'll be somewhere where she won't be able to put me down, and i'll be happy and she'll be still ranting about how all her friends in high school stopped being her friend and how she has no friends.
because that's always her back up defense for trying to make everyone stay friends with her.
and i'm always wanting to be like you know what MAYBE IF YOU WEREN'T SO FREAKING MEAN ALL THE TIME PEOPLE WOULD ACTUALLY LIKE YOU.AND WOULDN'T MIND BEING YOUR FRIEND.
but then she would cry. and i hate when people cry. i always feel bad. but i feel like with her i shouldn't feel bad because she is probably one of the meanest people i know, at least with the way she treats people. it's terrible.
sigh. it's just too much for me.
i mean let me tell you about this week.
so i didn't really talk to her at all this week, or really look at her for that matter.
i was just i don't know really annoyed with her from last weekend and i just didn't want to really go to dinner with her there. which sounds bad but i just didn't want to do it, but i mean i would have missed all my other friends so i went and just tried not to be near her.
i mean she's not dumb so she noticed that i wasn't really talking that much and that i was pretty much avoiding her.
and she kept asking everyone else if i was mad at her. which i mean i wasn't, i just wasn't happy with her decisions.
although i must admit it's kind of funny because even when i'm not annoyed with her i tend to avoid sitting next to her anyway because she's super touchy-feely and i legit do not like being touched a lot, especially not when i'm eating. and especially not by her.
so obviously she doesn't notice things like that.
but anyways back to the week.
so thursday at dinner she was acting like SUPER weird. so much weirder than normal. and she was being so much more obnoxious than normal and she purposely moved her seat to be closer to John. which was beyond what i can handle. i mean it's so freaking obvious that she likes him. it's disturbing. i mean John is super oblivious so he didnt really notice anything abnormal. which is a bit endearing but also ridiculous cause she was practically throwing herself at him.
i mean she kept touching him a lot, which he really doesn't like i mean our one friend last year used to do that (she transferred back to the school she had originally transferred in from this year) and it used to bother him a lot. i mean at dinner John was even like it's the return of Jenna!
and then Kate was like HAHAHAHAHAHA SORRY JOHN. like being super loud. and i was like what the heck she needs to calm the freak down.
then she like randomly brought up John's parents who we saw sunday, and she was like "no offense john but your parents weren't as skinny as i expected them to be" and i was like what the freak who says things like that. John kind of laughed it off though then he was like wait what is that supposed to mean. then she said something else and somehow was like what are your parents crack whores John! ahahhahaha.
and then i was really like oh my word she did not just say that.
and John got like super serious and he was like Kate if i ever said something like that to you you would get mad at me. and she was all hahaha no i wouldn't john i would just be like my parents are not crack whores.
and i was like oh my gosh. get me the freak out of here.
John got like really quiet though and i could tell it bothered him cause he like looked at me and he was like sam kate just called my parents crack whores. i was like i know john i know. that's just mean and he was like yeah. and i was like well at least they aren't and he was like yeah you're right. and i was like yeah. then kate was like JOHN BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH and i was just like really kate really. every time John tried to talk to me she would interrupt him and start talking to him and i was just like alright fine kate. fine.
like it's going to be like that. it's seriously exactly like last fall again. ugh.
so anyways she went up to get more water or something and Sam was like... She's drunk. and i was like what. then she texted me it to make sure i got it and i was like um what.
i mean this was THURSDAY NIGHT. like at 6:30 what the freak was she doing getting drunk then.
but apparently her and her roommate had a drink to celebrate how good the roommate did on a test or something. and you know it's whatever for the roommate since she's 21 but why the freak was kate doing that.
i just couldn't believe it.
like it legit upsets me.
she's going to be a freaking alcoholic at this rate.
:/
anyways afterwards we went to fake fireplace, real conversation. which is like one of my favorite things to do on campus on thursday nights. and kate was still being ridiculous so i kind of ignored her.
so maybe that was mean of me. but what the freak was she doing getting drunk.
so anyways friday i didn't see her all day, and it was glorious. then i went to the beer and wine stores with John, because i didn't want to go by myself and i was wondering about prices around here. (i mean i kind of want to just get some to have for like a casual drink on friday or saturday's nothing more than that. maybe like one mike's hard lemonade a weekend. idk) so i was supposed to go to dinner with kate at 6:20 but i told her i probably wouldnt make it and i didn't tell her why because i knew she would have asked to come with me and john and i didn't want that plus she's not 21 so it's kind of not allowed.
so anyways john and i took a really long time. plus he didn't get done in the lab until 6 when originally he said like 4.
so we went and i told him that kate likes him and he was like oh man i'm sorry and i was like it's not your fault and he was like yeah i know but i just i don't think i'm doing anything to make her think i like her and i was like your not.she's just crazy and he was kind of like alright. and i could tell it sort of freaked him out. he also admitted that he was completely oblivious to it and i was like uh yeah i know.
so anyways after we were at the store (where the beer store had a sample of Samuel Adam's winter beer, which is like seasonal and John tried it and like made me try it, which that was the first beer i have ever tried. and it was weird. i mean it was okay. but i have no idea what to compare it to, and John obviously does he's like a beer expert. the whole time we were in the beer store he just kept telling me everything about beer it was intense. ahha.) John was like we should go get a drink. and i was like uh i think we should really eat first. and he was like oh yeah good idea i haven't eaten all day. and i was like yeah lets do that. so we went to jays nest (the campus food thing where you can get food when the cafeteria is closed) and we got some sushi. well i got like a packet of sushi, john got two packets and a luna bar (he knows they are for women but he claims they are super good ,which i agree i really like luna bars haha)
but anyways it was kind of weird i always feel awkward when i'm with John alone, mostly because i can't decide if i like him more than a friend of if he's just like one of my best friends. you know?
but then kate freaking texted me asking me where i was and if she could talk to me. so she showed up and it was SO AWKWARD because she didn't talk at all and john was being nice and asking her about her day and she didn't even like respond so john kept looking at me and i was just like i dont know. so then kate basically made john leave because she was like sam can i talk to you and i was like yeah. what. and then she looked at John and he was like oh what do you want me to leave. and i was like oh brother and she was like yeah. so she made him leave.
then she was like are you mad at me. and i was like no kate i just dont' agree with the decisions you have been making dealing with alcohol. you've been drinking like every weekend and i dont like how last year you said you would never drink and now you do a lot. and she laughed at me and was like i dont drink every weekend. and i was like um yeah you do kate. and she does for the past month she has had a drink every weekend. and then she made some excuse about how she never said she never wanted to drink she just didnt think she would like it and then she tried it and it wasn't as bad as she thought. blah blah blah.and i was like seriously.
whatever. and she was like do you understand what i'm saying. and i was just like yeah. and she was like sam do you and i was like yeah i get it. then she complained about how me and sam always have john over and how she feels left out, especially since we take all those pictures with him. and i'm like we don't have him over all the time. like we barely have him over. we've been at school for like two months now and he's only really come over like ten times. which isn't that much within 8 weeks of school. and we dont' take pictures with him all the time. that happened twice.
she's so irrational. it's only because it's me and sam with john. and she wants john all to herself. which i refuse to do.
i think it's ridiculous. john is my friend and if i want to freaking hang out with him i freaking will.
UGH.
then she was like you were acting so secretive tonight for dinner. and i was like what it didn't matter i was like i wanted to go to the beer store with john to look around. and she was like you wanted to look around and she laughed AGAIN. and i was like (anger boiling what the freak why is that funny. yes i wanted to freaking look around i mean what's wrong with that. i'm not a freaking alcoholic like she is apparently grrrr. like this pisses me off so much even now a day later.) uh yeah i wanted to look around and she was all i thought you didn't like the beer store. and i was like i never said didn't like the beer store it's just not a place i want to go to.
like whatever.
and then she was all like offended i went with john and that we had dinner without her.
and it's dumb because it's not like she didn't eat with other people. she has friends.
of course this was also when she was like i just feel like i have no friends here. and i have seriously heard her say this so much that it's just a lie.
i was just like seriously kate you have friends no one would talk to you if you didn't and she was like well i just dont feel that way no one invites me to things.
it was just legit dumb. i mean obviously i'm not going to invite her to EVERYTHING I DO. first of all i dont want her at everything i do. and second of all she annoys me and apparently will proceed to drink at everything now.
so it's just not happening.
i'm kind of upset my roommate went home this weekend because i know she would have been helpful to talk this out with. i mean i texted her everything that happened and she got really mad about kate saying she has no friends because it's a lie. and about us hanging out with john "all the time"
it's just ridiculous
anyways after her stupid talk with me i left and came back to my apartment. i texted john to ask him if he wanted the wine he left in my car and he was like oh i'll come by sometime tomorrow to get it and i think we have to talk i'm a bit confused.
and i was like what the freak is he confused about.
it's probably the way she treated him when she showed up.
i swear if she ruins my friendship with him i'm flipping out and ending my friendship with her.
i don't need it.
she just puts me down, and stresses me out so whatever.
so yeah. after that i just was in my apartment and i was like this day ended up sucking.
so i watched harry potter and the sorcerers stone and drank the only drink i have in the fridge which was a twisted tea.
and then i watched princess diaries and went to bed.
although it was strange because i woke up this morning not feeling that great, well like i felt nauseous. so i think alcohol makes me feel sick. because everytime i drink (the two times. wooo) i feel sick the next day. and that's pretty bad since i only had one drink (and a sample)
apparently drinking is not for me.
but that's fine with me. i dont need to drink.
unless i'm around kate then maybe i should just black out....
haha just kidding that would be ridiculous.
she does make me want to forget that i'm her friend though. and that's bad.
and she's also the reason i can't wait to graduate and get the freak away from her.
i've pretty much decided she is going to be one of those people i never see/talk to again after college.
i don't need the drama she brings into life.
or the way she puts everyone around me down.
i mean she's not a good friend at all. i can't tell her anything personal about me because she uses it against me all the time.
friends shouldn't do that.
she's basically the only one of my friends who doesnt know that my parents are getting divorced. that's pretty bad.
and it's worse because i don't even want to tell her.
i keep wondering if upon graduation my parents will throw me a graduation party. i also keep wondering if that happens which parent will do it or if they both will and if so if i really need to invite kate.
that's terrible but true. i feel like i pry will have to then she'll find out. although i'm secretly hoping she'll be too busy to show up.
does that make me a bad person? i feel like it does. sigh.
i just don't want her to see my house, my family, my life.
alright now i know that mean.
she just uses everything against me. always. anything you say or do is like stored in her mind to throw back at you if you do anything.
so yeah. now that i ranted about my life i think i'm good for a bit.
John just called me to come over.
he wants his wine and probably to talk about last night.
which i don't want to talk about.
also i'm really awkward on the phone. it's awesome.
so yeah.
thanks for um "listening" to my crazy long rants.
bye

...and he said Speak Now.

So once again it's been um like 8 days since i've posted on here.
small rundown then i'll write what actually made me come on here...

uh didn't present last week my teacher moved it to well yesterday... ahha
fall break was nice. except i worked everyday. and my arm felt like it was going to fall off. seriously it was sore for days. still kind of is.
didn't really see any friends, unless they visited me at work.
but i went to target...
not like that's equivalent to friends.
ha.
but at target i found the book that made me really excited to present in life meaning and purposeful work.
i mean i still hate presenting, but i'm really excited about this book.
also the reason i'm writing this blog.!
the book is called "The Last Lecture"
it's about Randy Pausch's life. he was a computer science professor at Carnegie Mellon and they do this "journey's" series there (used to be called Last LEcture series) and he did his on really achieving your childhood dreams.
but anyways i read the book that was written based on that lecture and other parts that he added in.
and it just made me think what were my childhood dreams even.
that sounds terrible, but i honestly don't remember. i mean i know i really wanted to learn guitar. and i've always wanted to travel but besides that i can't think of anything. most girls would pry put get married have kids. but honestly i didn't want that when i was younger. i didn't "dream" about getting married until i was like 16.and even then i was like eh.
i mean now i think about it a lot (SINCE EVERYONE is like getting married in my grade. RIDICULOUS) but i dont' think i can ever say that was my childhood dream.
i don't know.
i was a strange child.
anyways this book was amazing, and it was cool reading life from his perspective and seeing how he achieved so many of his childhood dreams. it's amazing. and even though i didn't know him i'm sort of proud of him in a way. it's just kind of cool.
i HIGHLY recommend the book. in fact you can even watch his lecture
HERE
I mean i dont' know i personally prefer reading over seeing the lecture, he adds a lot more to his book and he is still really personable.
what a cool guy.
he really lived his life to the fullest and you know i really want to do that.
and in a way this book made me think about how i sort of am like pessimistic about love right now.
i mean that happens when your parents get divorced about 25(ish) years of marriage
i mean they weren't happy ( i mean my mom probably thought she was but i dont 'think she was)
and i just don't know. i still kind of can't agree with it. i mean the Bible kind of DOES NOT agree with divorce (unless there is cheating or abuse)
but i know if they stayed together no one would have been happy.
it's kind of a weird win-lose-lose-win kind of situation thing.

oh life.
anyways because of that i'm kind of like in this weird thing where i'm like you know SOMEDAY i want to get married, but i NEVER want to get a divorce. like ever.
so it kind of scares me when i think about dating because i don't really like the idea of "dating around" honestly i kind of think it's dumb. i mean i know you're looking for "the one" but i can't deal with heartbreak. heck my parents divorcing was enough for me.
so the next time i date i would love for him to be the guy i marry.
now you're probably asking yourself. why would you do that? so many guys out there, couldn't you find someone better?
etc. etc.
honestly. i dont know. and honestly. i don't care. i think when God sends this guy my way he's going to be the perfect guy FOR me. get that not the PERFECT guy, but the perfect guy FOR ME.
so i'm just waiting.
and i think God knows i'm not ready. since i'm still healing.
it's a big blow to the heart when your parents divorce.
and it's worse when you have two younger brothers who you want to protect, you know in that big sister sort of way.
although i must tell you, they are really funny. when i was home for fall break my youngest brother asked me about the guy in my profile picture on facebook (it's my friend John.) and i was like oh it's just my best guy friend on campus and he was like uh huh. and i was kind of like um seriously. it's my best guy friend on campus. no worries.
(even though we've had this blog talk before. possible crush? who knows. well i mean i should know...but i don't hahaha)
BUT then it was seriously weird, my middle brothers calls me, he CALLS ME. he barely ever calls/texts, he's having a good time at school and i'm really happy for him ( don't tell him this though but i secretly...well not so secretly wish we would talk more and have a better relationship) but i got a little nervous when he called.
i mean i thought something was wrong or something!
turns out he was just asking me about life, seeing what's up. you know acting all non-chalant, then at the end he was kind of like oh um who is that guy in your profile picture?
i was like haha totally the reason he called.
then i had to go through the entire best guy friend spiel again. and he was like whatever you say. and i was like um seriously best guy friend.
then i told him to come visit to meet him.
and then he goes oh i trust you.
and i was like um
1. you trust me about what?
2. obvioulsy if i get a boyfriend i'm telling the family. uh no duh.
3. what is his problem with not EVER wanting to visit.
4. i really WANT him to visit.
5. i like lists.
i mean obvs i didn't say this to him that would have been awkward but i was kind of like um haha okay.. then he was all gotta study bye.
and i was like um okay bye. love you etc etc.
and then we hung up and i just told my dad that it was SUPER weird that he called. and my youngest brother was in the room and i told him that Greg had asked about my profile picture too and my youngest brother was like I WIN BEST BROTHER I ASKED YOU ABOUT IT FIRST!!
and i was like uh woah.haha
but i'm kinda glad to see them looking out for me.
i mean i was bit worried they didn't care.
last time i dated they never questioned it or him at all. and i wish they would have.
so yes.
thats pretty much it.
it's past midnight and i legit have to wake up at like 7:40 am for work in the morning.
sad.times.

on the bright side i love T.Swift's new songs. SUPER stoked for her album
amazon has it for like 8 dollars at the moment well 10.98 with shipping. still a pretty sweet deal. i was all over that one. haha
also i still need Sel's new album, and the CR2 album....slacking majorly here.
if you wanna share...i would love you forever :)
aah.
okay goodnight loves. thanks for listening to my rantings?

I'm Only Me When I'm With You

bahahhaha. oh my gosh. please look at Garbo's latest blog. so funny. it was a thing that is a text to movie animation. greatest thing. please watch it.
In case you dont know his blog i'm pretty sure it's http://itsthegrogblog.blogspot.com/
watch and be amazed :)

anyways today I sort of cleaned my room. but then i kind of really didn't
my best friend bought our Camp Rock Tour tickets.
I'm still thinking it's going to be kind of lame. but hey i love those boys so you know we do what we can for them. right?
so we got row R. in the front section. so it should be good :)

then i went to my job interview.
and got hired :)
i'm very excited. although they told me i might not get many many hours, but then again there is a chance i could if a lot of people go on vacation. so that's good. i'm hoping for many hours. :)
I also met with my supervisor for my internship at the church, and he gave me a paper telling me everything that i can do. soo i'm aiming for those 200 hours :)
gotta start planning everything to make sure i can handle it all!
also someone invited me to a baseball game tomorrow. for free.
so i guess i'm gonna go. although i have to be at her house at 9:30 in the morning. which i wanted to do my wash too. so i'll be getting up a lot earlier than i like. and friday i'm heading back up to school to get my bike and my bed and my dad insists we go early. so that we can be back earlier in the day. plus i might ask my dad if we can check out an apartment up there for next year.
i also really have to finish cleaning my room, since i took that box out of the closet my mom put everything in.... now i have a lot of things that i dont know what to do with... well it's a lot of papers that i'm not sure if i need or not. and also a lot of magazines. it's pretty intense. haha.
also uploading more music onto my laptop :)
it's nice added all my jonas music, demi, selena, now onto taylor.!
also added some avril. so i can rock out to sk8er boi. haha :)
also watching some weird movie on "this" some random channel that shows a bunch of movies all the time. they are all old school movies. ahha.
well gotta clean...and such :)
fare splendid!

I WON A FISH!

so i have one more class until spring break! ahh!
i started packing today of course, i want to leave here as soon as possible. i guess mostly to miss traffic. but still. my room looks insanely clean it's weird...
but anyways had earth and space today we talked about tectonic plates and some other things that were sort of interesting but sort of really boring at the same time.
i know that's weird.
anyways then i had lunch, and it was weird because normally it's just me and my one other friend but today it was practically everyone. it was crazy!
then i had theology through film we finished watching Awakenings and discussed it. it was a really sad movie though.
it's also based on a true story.
anyways after that class i came back to the apartment practiced guitar for a bit, then cleaned up my room, started packing, i even changed my sheets. it's pretty sweet.
then went to dinner, and then we went to check out the "spring carnival" my school was having. it was basically giving out information about alcohol and what can happen to you and such. we played flip cup, with this juice was horrible, it made me feel kind of sick actually. then we threw darts at balloons and inside the balloons were facts about alcohol, we played four square while wearing drunk goggles, which was kind of horrible because apparently i got the pair that is when you are the most drunk. i have no idea how people do it because after wearing them for like five minutes i thought i was going to throw up. horrible. we tried to make ping pong balls into cups surrounded by soda cans, we played name that tune, which i failed horribly at the first three times. well the first two times both Jenna and John beat me, then the third time they were like trying to help me, but still technically beat me. then we went and played "fish" pong. which was basically beer pong except without beer and the idea was to win a fish!
i failed horribly the first time at that.
then Jenna and John left and Kate and Chuck showed up so we played all the games again well except flip cup cause that was horrible, and four square because i refused to wear those goggles again!
but we played name that tune three or four times and i won every time hahaha. it was awesome, pry because the guy was playing all the music that's basically on my ipod. example.
T.Swift - picture to burn
miley/hannah- rockstar, see you again
jonas- play my music, sos.

AND the best part was the guy KNEW the words to ROCKSTAR! for real, i was like rocking out and he was singing with me! i was like oh man you are awesome.
he also looked like the guy who plays Sylar on Heroes, Kate was like he was not cute at all, but umm i thought he was really cute... haha.
oh well.

so then we went and played fish pong well i did because there were three guys playing alraedy and the one guy needed a partner. it ended up that i got more ping pong balls in the cups of water to get them removed than he did. it was awesome. and i won a fish!!!!
My friends suggested I name it "Pong" since i won it playing fish pong. haha. but i dont know yet. all i know is i can't wait to tell my mom i won a fish playing "beer" pong even though it wasn't even close to beer pong hahaha.
YAY!
sigh. i like cute boys who know my music, and winning fish.
:D
oh yeah i also won glow sticks! well i mean all those games give you tickets then you pick a prize, so i picked glow sticks, since everything else was kind of a fail. haha.
then went to my friends room and we watched the office! i thought it was pretty funny, i sort of adore pam and jim, well mostly Jim he's amazinggggggggg.
and Dwight is sooo ridiculous!
anyways i need to go to bed! i have greek tomorrow then i go home! and i GET MY COMPUTER BACK!!!!!! YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:)
good night!

so why dont' we just dance.

alrighty. so
shb count: 13
yesss.
haha.
uh so i feel like a horrible person because that kid i know from high school totally said hi to me today and i kind of ignored him by accident. i was telling Sam a story and i got really into telling it and i like heard someone say hi sam but it kind of didn't cross my mind that they were talking to me until after they had walked past. then sam was like don't you know him. and then i realized who it was and i was like oh no i'm so mean :(
i mean i'm sure he'll forgive me. but he was with all his friends. and i know how embarrassing that is to say hi to someone and they ignore you.
oh man. :/
anyways yoga started back up today. it kind of made my arms burn. soo i really need to work on that.
kickboxing tomorrow. i fear the pain i will feel for like four days after that.
and well i need to study all my greek words from last semester. it's embarrassing when your teacher calls on you in class and makes you read sentences and translate them, and you don't remember the words in english...
and there are only four people in the class.
fail.
anyways got to read for theology through film and start my greek homework.
good night you lovely people.

PS. i'm learning yellow submarine on guitar now! and soon i'll get to learn taylor! i'm SO excited :D
i really like mr. cullen. he's really not that creepy. ahha :)

What did i do to your heart?

So i have about an hour and twentyish minutes until i have to leave for lunch to meet up with my friends on time. ha. although they are never on time, so in reality it doesn't matter.
but anyways i'm sitting in the corner of my bed. like literally my back is in the corner between my bedposts and the wall. and i put my pillow there and it's oddly comfortable. who would have thought. haha
YAY! i just got an email back about the job that i want to do! i'm so excited! i hope i can start next week that would be the most amazing thing in the world. I have to get time sheet training though and i'm not sure if i have to get a criminal record check, that would be annoying, those things always take SO MUCH TIME.
so yeah! i almost have a job! it's not like i miss working but i need to get back to work to make money to be able to pay for food and gas and other things like that. :)
yay!
I have training at 4:15 today to learn how to use the payroll system! SO EXCITED! i can start working next week! :) although apparently i can only work five hours a week. which is the lamest thing i have ever heard in my entire life. those are going to be horrible paychecks forever, but at least i'm getting a paycheck.

okay so that's not really why i was writing this blog lol
i really kind of just wanted to write about a few things that have basically been on my mind for awhile now. but i'm not sure how to go about writing this...
okay well i'm just going to start.
so i've been single for oh about a month and a half now i would say, and well i have to say sometimes i hear or see things and i get SO mad because it reminds me of that person. and it's not like our relationship was bad it's just i dont like thinking about it because well it kind of ended rather suddenly. And well i thought i could be friends with him, i really did because it's not like i was mad at how it ended, but the more he tried the more i was just like wow i can't do this. I kind of just needed more time to be like okay i can be friends now, but i couldn't really say that to him because i was the one who was like i never said i didn't want to be friends. but of course everytime he tried to contact me i never responded because i realized i wasnt ready to be friends. I guess i was kind of mean by not responding and i obviously should have gone about it a different way but i didn't. I just really needed to cut all communication at that time, maybe someday we will be friends for real. considering the fact we weren't really even friends before we dated, we were kind of people who like hung out then we like dated right away, which honestly isn't what i wanted. i really wanted to be friends first. It's always better to be friends before you date someone. because then it's not as awkward when you go out on dates. like seriously our first date, most awkward thing in the entire world. probably because i'm SO SHY, and even though i knew him and we had hung out a few times it was like OH MY GOSH this is my FIRST DATE and i wanted to like throw up but at the same time i was excited but so nervous and well i was basically freaking out. which i do alot actually. haha i'm always freaking out. maybe i'm paranoid...
oh woah bad joke. ha.
i only thought of that because i'm listening to them now :)
see i miss them now. but that's something for later.
... um anyways i think i get really anxious about things which is probably really bad,and i stress out easily even though i can sometimes act like i'm not stressing out. Seriously i think i could be an actress, i'm so good at hiding my real emotions sometimes which probably isnt actually a good thing. but it happens. when i need to be i am honest about my feelings but when other things in my life feel like they are falling apart i can act like everything is perfect and that it's not actually falling apart. then i break down when i'm buy myself. but you know those are the things that make you stronger, and the people who matter the most in your life can always tell when you are ready to break and are always there when you need them to be. and even if you dont actually know them they are still there for you. Like the music you listen to, it helps you through those times, even though usually you don't actually know the band/artist. (unless it's Days Difference, we are tight...which by the way their new album came out today.you should go buy it :D )
because that music can carry you those times, they are real people and the bands that actually write their own music you can tell that they have had those kinds of experiences and that they felt what you are feeling and the music just carries you through it all and at the end of the day you know you are going to be okay. and the anxiety and stress may still be there but with the love of your friends and family (and God for me) and the wonderful music helps you get through it and life looks brighter than it may have looked in awhile. So that's what i'm doing i'm listening to my favorite bands/artists singing and i can feel myself feeling better and everything looks so much better.
and that's not even where i thought this blog was going. but it did. hmm.
so yeah right now i'm listening to this GIANT playlist of:
Jonas
Demi
T.Swift
Days Difference (not their new music yet although i guess i am listening to the singles that came from their new cd so it is their new music lol)
Selena
Honor Society
Miley
Rooney
KOL (use somebody, basically)
Boys Like Girls
KSM

and i think that's it. at this moment that's my ideal playlist. :)
so that only took me an hour and 15 minutes to write, because i was answering/sending emails when i felt like i needed to gather my thoughts..haha. and now i have time to spare to head to lunch. yay me!
so job payroll training later today :)
it's going to be a good good day.
iloveyou.
sososomuch.

"She's got a boyfriend, and i've got a rockband"

SO dude. i really like Boys Like Girls new album... well more specifically the first four songs. haha. those are the only i listened to...
haha oh well. anyways what did i do this week?
went to class. it was lame. then yesterday my school had a jewelry sale. checked it out. bought a toe ring. hahah
i don't really know why, but i was really inclined to buy one. so i did. and i love it. just about how much i love this ring :
http://www.valou3cap.com/html/Wpure.html

dont' judge...
it was my YAY YOU ARE GOING AWAY TO COLLEGE, AND WORKED REALLY HARD FOR THE PAST TWO YEARS present to myself :)
and it makes me happy. and a lot of people keep complimenting me on it. which also makes me happy :)

anyways what else it was really cold last week and then BAM the past two days have been really hot. like in the 80's which is ridiculous. especially since it's fall now... but it's okay. i sort of like it being hot. except when i like am so hot that i cant sleep at night. that's when it bothers me. but that hasnt really happened, although the heat makes my hand eckzema act up...
haha
Today i had my Greek Exam, and it wasn't that bad, i mean we have practice exams the day before so basically we know what we need to study except sometimes he throws like extra things in that we dont' know about, but usually it's not that bad. although the translating part was kind of hard since the one translation made absolutely no sense.
and last night i decided to watch Glee to see what all the craziness was about. and well i liked it :) ahha. so if i remember i'll pry try to watch that each week. except it's on wednesdays and they are having these dance classes at school for free. like learning how to cha cha, swing dance and ball room dance which i've kind of always wanted to do...so you know i might just have to watch it online later haha.
and right now i'm rocking out to this awesome playlist i made with T.Swift, HS, Demi, Selena..., and Boys Like Girls :) haha i know it's kind of surprising Jonas isn't on there but at this point in time i'm not adding them i'll pry add them later when i realize that i miss them. haha
cause you know i kind of do.
miss them. that is.
but not enough yet that i need to listen to them for like a whole week haha
um but anyways i really want to start working out. it's just i'm kind of too lazy to change into workout clothes and drive back over to the school to go to the gym plus it creeps me out when people are there when i work out. i dont' know why i just feel like i'm being judged. so i was thinking about working out in my room to the workout thing that was in seventeen for october lol. i mean i go to another concert on oct 10th :) so it would be sweet to be you know healthy haha. well i mean it's not like i'm not healthy, i've been eating pretty well. i mean i try to have fruit and veggies everyday. i mean i'm pry not getting my daily requirement for vegetables although i did today. i had broccoli and cucumbers, then i had a banana. which isnt really that great of a fruit but dude at least it's one.
so yeah i want to work out.
now the problem is when to work out. i mean i don't want to be working out when clayton and mike are here that could be potentially awkward, so i need to find a time to work out where i wont be like really smelly for like hours or something you know? although they normally do leave before i go to shower so i could work out right before i go to shower.
there we go. that could work.
just can't start tonight, b/c idk if Mike is having people over again to watch It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Because i try to be social when those people come over. even though they stayed until midnight last time. well Dan, his one friend did, and Mike actually like went to bed, so it was Dan, Clayton and me haha. and i was basically ready to pass out on the couch. haha.
oh well apparently i never talked about that last week hah.
so last Thursday was the premiere of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and Mike nicely told me he was going to have people over to watch it. so i was all prepared to be social and three girls came over...and none of them talked to me, after they said hi, you know since Mike introduced us and all. i was like alright whatever. then the show started and someone called Mike. and he was like oh do you mind if i come over? and we hear the door open downstairs.
yeah it was the kid asking if he could come over lol.
Dan.
he was actually really nice though, and he talked to me and asked me questions so i dont mind him ahha.
but Clayton was missing and his phone was here lol and we were all like hmmm. okay well Mike and Dan were like hmm. i was thinking i'm sure he's fine lol.
and he was fine, he came back after the show and made chili for dan and mike and himself.
and guess who got to clean the bowls the next day.
yeah.me.
i'm such a nice roommate. like seriously what would they do without me.
have piles of dirty dishes in the sink. yeah.
so yeah. i think that's the end of my randomness for today haha.
besides the fact that i was walking ot greek today and this kid rode by on his bike. then later when i was leaving in my car he rode by on his bike and he stared at me for like five seconds it was kind of unnerving. then i saw him at lunch. i was like...hmm.
is that a sign?
haha
and i still cant find this kid that my mom said that my Grandmothers brother said goes to my school..
seriously he's nonexistent.
haha
well later :)

#TEAMTAYLORSWIFT

It's interesting to me that the ONEEEEEEEE award show i choose not to watch (Mike is/was watching baseball in the living room and i wasn't going to make him change the channel) all the drama happens during it. i mean really. what is that about?!
Poor Taylor, she was SO excited to win a VMA and Kanye the ahole West just HAD to go on stage, STEAL the microphone away from her and basically tell her to her face that he felt she didn't deserve it. WHO does that? i mean really. only people with no feelings would do something like that.
please watch for yourself and say that you agree

It's kind of funny though to see how many people are now supporting taylor and hating on Kanye. But dude he deserves it.
Lets get some celebrities direct quotes from twitter.
"FUCK U KANYE. IT'S LIKE U STEPPED 0N A KITTEN."-@katyperry
"Taylor's performance was AMAZING! She deserves her award! Nobody can take that away from her, #teamtaylor all the way!"-@tiffanygiardina
"Kanye west is the biggest piece of shit on earth. Quote me"-@Pink
"My heart goes out to taylor swift. She is a sweet and talented girl and deserved her moment. She should know we all love her."-@Pink (again lol)
"Haha #TeamTaylor! Gotta love it"-@nicksantino (i think he's in the band a rocket to the moon lol)
"#KanyeWestisanasshole RT ;)"-@nicksantino again haha
"Kanye West is such a douche bag. Get over yourself Kanye..."-@nicksantino and again, ahah
"#TeamTaylor"-@David_Henrie
"Wow Kanye has no class. What an egotist. Anyway congrats to Taylor Swift! She earned it -Jon"-@daysdifference
"WOWWWW kanye is OUT of his mind!!! That was ridiculous"-@MikeManning85 (demi's guitarist, whom is amazing :D)
"Boycott Kanye. Team Taylor! - Jeremy"-@daysdifference (they all use the same twitter, they are lame lol they should each get one it would be hysterical)
"Team Taylor!!!!! We Love you Taylor! Kanye West needs to learn some Manners!! And wait his turn."-@Jordansblog (aka Jordan Pruitt)
"Kanye did something incredible tonight. He made me like country music. Kanye is now a Kanyunt."-@danecook

anyways now people are saying that Kanye got escorted out and Taylor was seen crying hysterically back stage. :( poor girl, she deserved that VMA, stupid Kanye way to break a girls heart.
oh he must sing Heartless about himself.
what a jerk.
oh and apparently Kanye won an award but they changed it and gave it to T.I. instead.
now that my friends is what he deserves.
poor Taylor. :(
sigh if i knew her personally i would tell her that she is a beautiful talented girl who does not deserve the hate that Kanye gave to her. I also think that Beyonce should tell taylor personally that she does not feel what Kanye did was right. seriously.
ugh well i must study for my greek practice quiz tomorrow. i know that seems ridiculous but it's better i study now and learn it for the real quiz tuesday.
good night moon.
good night world.
<3


okay fine. i came back already haha. but apparently Beyonce won Video of the Year and let Taylor come up and finish her speech, now that's classy.
going to study Greek now.
LOVELOVELOVE

Dont' Forget

today is 9/11
do you still remember where you were on that fateful day in 2001?
i do.
i was in spanish class. i can still actually picture exactly where i was sitting. i no longer remember who was in front of me or behind me but those details dont' matter, i just remember be scared out of my mind. those were some scary times.
Its nice to see how a nation can stand together though to protect in what we believe.

just don't forget.


so right now. it's raining. and it's cold. and i don't like it. of course i have this window fan. andi want to take it to close my window so that it can be warmer but then if it gets hot out again. i'll have to put it back in...
soo i'll pry just load on the blankets on my bed tonight. lol
plus tonight i'm having my friends over to the apartment and we are going to watch movies :)
hope clayton and mike don't mind.
speaking of them. i think clayton has emerged from his room and is alive. and is watching tv, or it's mike talking to some girl... haha sad that i can't tell.
i can't tell because they are being really quiet...
anyways i uploaded another video from the t.swift concert. i realize it's been two weeks now since then, and i really need to get on uploading the last one lol. i should do that tomorrow. if i remember i will!
so i will do that.
well i need to get ready to head to school for math class.
even though its downpouring i want to check my mailbox before i head to math...
good thing i have an umbrella. sigh.

here's OUR SONG


:)
lateeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerr

"Because in real life the bad guy is actually really cute"

Alright so Taylor's concert on Saturday was amazing.
umm i left my apartment at like 3:20 arrived at PSU at oh 5ish i stood around for awhile and waited for ali to find me. she did
we went to her dorm. i met her roommate.
she was really nice, we went and caught the bus
headed to bjc
got there went in. hit up the merch table. i got a tour t-shirt i loves it, and her tour book. her tour book was only $10! isn't that really amazing? i thought so ahha
went in.
waited til like 7:30 Gloriana came out they sang:
How far do you wanna go?
You say
a song about beign young...i couldn't hear the song name lol
The Way it Goes
Wild at heart

Then Kellie Pickler came on. she came on with the only song i know by her that i actually like
Best Days of your life
two songs i have no idea what the songs names were
Dont You Know your Beautiful
Didn't You Know How Much I Loved You
Anything But Meand i'm guessing Small Town Girl is the last one she did lol

Then we waited. we did the wave while waiting for taylor it went around 9 times. then we did is slow mo and then double time. it was basically awesome lol
so Taylor came on and started with:
You Belong with Me, which i videod i'll get it up eventually post it here, you know the usual.
Then Our Song, also videod
Tell Me Why
Teardrops on my Guitar
Fearless. that's how you know it's the best first date ever. you feel fearless. Taylor is like a psychologist or something lol so therapeutic
Forever And Always
"If boys dont' want to get written about they shouldn't do bad things."
GREATEST THING EVER!! hhaah faux Joe. chairs flying. ahhaha.
Hey Stephen. she appeared in the audience for this! it was crazy!
Fifteen
Tim McGraw
after this song she stood on stage and listened to us cheer for her forl ike ten minutes, she actually started crying and she mouthed "i love you" to us. it was amazing. and she took her earbuds out to hear us all. :)
Then she went on to talk about fairy tales and love stories :)
"Because in real life the bad guy is actually really cute"
White Horse
Love Story
That's the Way I Loved you
Your not Sorry with Comes around by Justin Timberlake remixed in!
Before the next song she was all
"I try to be a nice person but ...If you break my heart, or hurt my feelings, or you mess with my friends in PA, i'm going to have to write a song about you" amazing haha :)
Picture To Burn
I am Only me When I'm With You
Should've Said No.
Awesome rain storm :)
seriously i would say she put on a better show than Demi and even maybe perhaps the jonas brothers.
gasp
!i know!
so amazing. i love her more now. especially since she basically explains every story
sooo great :)
well i have to get ready to go to my next class i'm riding my bike to class haha it's going to suck most likely haha oh wells.
i'll write about my teachers and stuff later :)
LOVELOVELOVE

smoke detectors are awesome...when they aren't waking people up for no reason in the dead of night.

so uh i have like loads to update you. i'll do the taylor concert tomorrow so i'll just update random things from then.
oKAY

so friday after i went to bed at like 2 in the morning my smoke detector went off FOR NO REASON. it was ridiculous. it woke me up from a dead sleep and i was like what the heck is that?! so at first i thought it was my alarm but it wasnt obvs.
so Mike actually ran over to my room and asked me if i was okay. i was like stumblin around my room and had to unlock the door. and i was like umm i guess i am... haha.
so he turned it off and i went to go back to sleep. ten minutes later it went off again i was like wha? so i turned it off that time.
then i almost fell asleep again
and it went off AGAINNNNNNNNNNNNN.
so that time i just took it off of the ceiling. and Mike was like what is wrong with it. and i was like i have no idea.
so then he tried to get the batteries out...but he broke it instead. so you know if i die..
from a fire.
it's mike's fault.
haha. i'm just kidding. mike would never let that happen.
hopefully.
umm anyways
what else.
uh saturday i had lots of orientation things to do again.
i met my advisor.
she's insane.
hahah.
uh it rained. then it was sunny.
finished orientation. left for PENN STATE
arrived there.
i'll write about the concert tomorrow. i should pry go introduce myself to whoever the girl is who sounds like is here... i'm so anti-social.
ha. umm they are spraying somethign right now. lol.
i dont' understand them. haha
okay School tomorrow. 8 am class.
write blog tomorrow about concert.
love.you.

hello. :)
soooo yesterday i moved into my apartment.
right.
yup. i left at like 1ish i guess we could say.
my brother and my dad had come up earlier in the day to set up my bed.
and they kept texting me about meeting up, i am def not a person who can text and drive...safely. so i just was like AHH JUST CALL ME. GOSH. haha.
but it all worked out we met up with them at MIDWAY. had lunch it was actually like 3 when i had lunch i guess. haha.
said bye to them. it was kind of weird and surreal.
arrived at my apartment around four i guess. we unloaded some of my mom's car. quickly RUSHED to campus to buy my books.
came back unloaded my car and my mom's car, but not before my mom cleaned my entire room like a mad woman. she even dusted the fans.
i was like alright mom. that's quite enough haha.
my one set of windows faces a brick wall. it's cool i can handle it. then i have a set of four windows that faces the balcony....
i think that the boys want to chill out there sooo i tried to make sure my blinds are situated in a way that they can't look into my room. lol. i put a nice poster of Johnny Depp RIGHT by that door to guard me. you know. haha.
oh that reminds i have pictures so you know what i'm talking about :)
gotta upload them...
i should also figure out if mike is here. since wowp comes on in two minutes... haha. i know clayton is not here since i just met him earlier, and his friend Phil, and i was retarded enough to still be wearing my name tag from orientation>HAHA.
okay pictures time. :)
the hallway in.

the tv/living room lol

living room

kitchen

balcony

johnny depp protecting the hallway to my room

MY ROOM :)


taDAAAAAAAAAAAAA hahah
anyways it doesn't seem mike is here and i'm watching WOWP movie :)
then psych at 10... hmm guess i'm not taking a shower til like 11 tonight...
anyways so back to today. i woke up at umm like 2 in the morning then 4. when they emptied they freaking dumpsters nearby. and i could HEAR THEM. it was horrible.
then i woke up at 7, then 8 and then my brother called me at 8 and i was like still half asleep and i was like mumbling haha
so i was awake at 8 i didn't leave my room until like 9 and then i found the note mike left me. he's SO nice. seriously
umm so i went at 10 and paid my rent! it was crazy haha
then i got to school at 10:30 and i got my id card. i look like the walking dead in it...
registered my car.
walked around signed in for orientation. got my mail box figured out. you have to like break the mail box to get it open basically it's ridic.
AND there was this kid there trying to get his open too.
and his mom works there. haha.
he got his open too.
then i went to find my orientation group and guess what HE WAS A TRANSFER TOO!
he sat across from me at lunch :)
so then we had to do all of these orientation things. they were kind of lame. i tried to find this field...
i don't think it exists. i ran into Josh (the kid who sat across from me at lunch) well not literally ran into him but he was like oh do you think we can just go there now. i was like i don't see why not. so i was like are you sure it's here and he was like i'm pretty sure but if i'm wrong we can be wrong together. and i was like i would rather be wrong with someone else than by myself. :)
so we went in and we were the only people there. and it was kind of awkward. and i never introduced myself. go me right. ha
so then we had to do all of this other orientation stuff. everyone introduced themselves later on in the day. we had to go to this other room and he sat next to me. he didn't have to but he did.
hah.
we played fruit basket...i think that's what it's called. i really don't like those games. lol .
ate dinner.
came back to my apartment it's pouring rain~!
oh my gosh i met this girl in my group with the same name! :) she's super nice, and i made another friend earlier :D
soo i think i'll be okay. :) i talk to other people in my group too. it's cool
so now i'm relaxing. like i said i met phil and clay when i got back to the apartment. i was awkward...they were taking paper cups. and they were in the kitchen int he way of me getting to my room. and i was wearing a nametag from orientation..haha. i'm so lame.
well i'm going to watch Wizards movie, then Psych when it comes on :)
i'm excited.
well later :)
PS. taylor swift concert tomorrow :)

Happy 4th of July!!!!

YAY! so here i am just chilling in my room. It's really windy today and for some reason it makes me think that it's really cold outside when in reality it's actually very lovely out. in fact i should pry be outside right now....
haha oh welllllllllll
anyways i was thinking about how i never did my own personal review of LVATT. i was going to but i just never got around to it.
which makes me sad... SOOO better late than never i say :)
haha
here we go (again...hahah, sorry i'm so lame)



1. World War III- I feel like this song is very angry. I love how you can hear the horns in it. It's so different than the songs from their last album. i love it. :)
my favorite line would probably be "and you know that's there's lessons left to learn" or "telling lies just to feel happy, but i won't retaliate" can't you just imagine Nick walking around all angry like singing those words. haha oh Nick. he's so old for his 16 yrs of age. :)

2. Paranoid- "I make the most fo all this stress, I try to live without regrets, but I'm about to break a sweat, I'm freakin' out" I enjoy the fact that they use "freakin'out" a crazy amount of times throughout this song. It's so funny. I also like how they talk about running background checks on their exes and how she's freakin' out...wonder who they are talking about... lol

3. Fly With Me-This song is absolutely adorable. :) "If we chase stars to lose our shadows, Peter Pan and Wendy turned out fine. so wont' you fly with me" <3 i love this song. and i love it even more that it was at the end of Night At The Museum 2. it was so awesome :)I love the piano throughout the song too!

4. Poison Ivy- "Everyone's allergic to poison ivy, everyone's allergic to poison ivy, everybody get the itch, everybody hates that. Everyone's allergic to poison ivy"
hahah by far my favorite song on the record. IT'S SO FUNNY!. i mean the fact that they used the idea of poison ivy metaphorically is just amazing. although it's kind of sad that now everytime i see poison ivy i want to sing this song. it happened yesterday actually lol. oh and you know what's great about this song...Garbo co-wrote it with them :) YAYYY GARBOOOOOOOO

5. Hey Baby- So i know this song is kind of angry as well, but i really like it especially this line "Hey Baby why you treatin' me bad, hey darlin' you know you make me mad" I dont' know why but it always gets stuck in my head after i hear this song. it's just really catchy. you know? haha

6. Before the Storm-ft. Miley Cyrus- yeah so i dont' really like this song that much. I mean Nick and Miley sound really good together, i just think this song is really depressing...So i usually skip it. which makes me feel bad, it's basically the only one of their songs that i skip almost every time well besides wylmite, becasue it got overplayed on the radio. and i'm really not a niley lover. i mean if they are happy then i'm happy for them... :)

7. What Did I Do To Your Heart- SECOND favorite song! i LOVE this song. :) it's so country, and i grew up listening to country, this song just makes me happy. Even though its not really that happy of a song. but still. :)
"what did i do to your heart? What did i do to your heart? Did i break it...apart? Did i break it...your heart?" AND i absolutely LOVE that you can hear Kevin singing in this song :) it makes me so happy. YAY KEVIN!

8. Much Better- HMMM who could they possibly be talking about "I've got a rep for breakin' hearts, now i'm done with superstars, and all the tears on her guitar" (taylor swift-tears on my guitar) ahha. you so know Joe was very helpful in the writing of this song...It's kind of weird to think that they wrote this song about Camilla Belle though. since i dont know her i dno't want to say this, but she looks like one of those people who would be really mean to you, without knowing you... kind of like how i think Meghan Fox looks. i mean really Meghan Fox looks like she would kill you if you said hi to her...just my thoughts lol. Anyways i do like this song even though it's about camillabelle. i just ignore that fact. alot. haha. oh and it's really funny that this song is supposed to be about the fans when it so obviously is NOT. but you know i can pretend it's about the fans. no biggie :)

9. Black Keys- This song is so beautiful. Written on the black keys of the piano, so amazing. Nick is a musical genius. i love this line "And the black keys never looked so beautiful, and the perfect rainbow never seemed so dull"and this line "Don't let 'em get inside of your head" and this one "sometimes the fight is better black and white" so amazing.

10. Don't Charge Me For The Crime-ft. Common (yes the rapper)- this song makes me laugh hysterically. I mean i'm glad they wanted to venture out and try new styles, but really rapping? so NOT their thing hahah. But i have to admit I sing along always. haha. another thing i find weird is that it clearly does not have an underlining meaning. like most of their songs do. this one is basically about being charged for a crime... lol

11. Turn Right- Another amazing song. First time i heard it, i almost cried. It's so inspiring and touching. "somehow i'm to blame for this never ending racetrack you call life" and i don't know what else to say about it.

12. Don't Speak- basically it's about not speaking to each other because the love wont' survive. kind of sad but it's still a really good song. i just want to know how Nick is SO mature at his age. It's so crazy. He honestly is like a 40 year old man in a 16 year olds body. the line that speaks the most to me from this song is "there's a lot you don't notice when you read between the lines, the future's out of focus when you're blinded by the light, it's the hope for all the hopeless in the worst of trying times, i resort to being speechless 'cause our love won't survive" it's just so strong. I don't know about you but raeding that makes me feel hope. is that weird? probably. lol

BONUS:
13. Keep It Real- So this is from their tv show JONAS. and this song sounds the most like their last album. which is really funny. But i like how it's about them saying that they can keep it real :) "you can shine bright, but still keep it real" haha. those boys :)


overall i ADORE their new mature sound :) and the horn section! i also think its really funny how they tried to incorporate the title of the song into each song...or maybe they took the title of the cd because they realized it was basically in every song. either way it's cool. lines, vines and trying times :) haha. so i give it an A wooo!
haha


anyways so i've been reading the one girl who is in the Jonas string section while on tour's blog. and she's so inspiring. i feel like if i am ever having a bad day i should read her blog and i would feel better. not like her blog is all happiness but just everything she writes about is just so emotional. she's amazing. so readddddddddddd it!

http://www.christablack.blogspot.com

yay CHRISTA BLACK.

my mom just told me i'm really enjoyable to talk to in a sarcastic way.
woo.
anyways going to church then to watch some fireworks :)
hope everyone is having a great 4th of July.
happy happy day :)

Taylor Swift concert tickets!!!

SOOOOO got some taylor swift tickets!!!!
B and I had to purchase them individually.
and we ended up right next to each other
like how the heck does that even happen?????
it doesnt. ever.
anyways:
section 107, row M, seat 15

that's where we are at. well she's seat 16 lol :)
so yup
August.
Taylor Swift :)

that would be concerts in total: 7
and one concert is already done (Honor Society) soo yayyyy
this looks like the start of a good weird day. but good :)

I'm Freaking OUT.

haha oh Paranoid.
i really can't get over how much i like that song :)
Anyways.
Went shopping today with B
It was soooooooo fun.
We hit up Urban Outfitters, which is not that close.
oh which btw we went to the big mall that's like an hourish away or more
Then we went to American Apparel
and i love that store so much
then we went to several other amazing stores
got my free sunglasses from Charlotte Russe, YAY for Seventeen magazine.
AND they almost took my cover because that's how they know you won't get another free pair. but i was like :O "you're going to take my cover?" and they were like... "uh do you want it?" i was like "haha yessss"
so they let me keep which i am entirely grateful
because apparently other people didn't care and were completely willing to give their covers up.
but not me. nope no way.
haha
then we ended up at Urban Outfitters again. heehee
i love that store insane amounts.
they have SOOO many cute shirts and skirts and sunglasses and well everything basically.
if only i was rich and famous i would shop there like everyday lmao.
so now i'm home and i'm really tired. oh and to ruin my perfect day... as always...
i came home and seriously i had enough time. more than enough time. and i pass my mom and my brother going to a play, that i was going to attend with them.
i was like seriously? you couldn't wait FIVE minutes.
they left like 45 minutes early. the play was 15 minutes away from our house.
it did not make me happy. so i came home and there was no food left for me! haha
go figure.
i was like what is this?! i mean really?
so i had some Eggo's haha
my life is sad.
but ti's cool because i just keep thinking of the awesome time i had shopping and it makes up for it
and now i am watching What I Like About You.
that show makes me laugh. and it always makes me feel better so it's cool
oh and i have some more pictures for you guys yayyy






wooo
haha so i really like those alot. they are from that site i posted in my blog like last weekish..
lol
well i think i'm just going to go relax or something.
ooo guess what my TSwift go on sale next week.
after i spent all my money shopping today.
ahhahah
:|

oh my. found an hq version of Paranoid..well my biffle gave it to me.
but still. OH MY.
<3