need to get out of this funk.

I feel annoyed at everything today.
i don't know what's wrong with me but i'm just like blah. and almost anything that anyone does is bothering me alot. maybe i should just go to sleep. then wake up in a better mood.
idk.
whatever.
last week i barely saw kate is was amazing.
i didn't see her monday for dinner, or tuesday.
saw her wednesday for like five minutes.
didn't see her thursday
and friday saw her for like thirty minutes.
and didn't see her at all yesterday or today.
i'm not going to lie it was awesome.
although she still managed to annoy me.
Friday John randomly asked to come over and i was like umm sure.
he was acting really weird and i was like what the heck is wrong with him.
and sam, john and i were watching youtube videos and he was like sam i have to talk to you. like mouthing it to me and i was like what the heck.
so we like went into the kitchen and i was like this is so weird and he was like don't worry this isn't about me and i was like um okay.
then he like sat down and i just stood there and he was like so sunday night kate asked me to come over.
and i was like oh brother.
i don't even want to hear this anymore.
but he continued on and he was like i wasn't there or anything but kate said you were really mean to her at church and you didn't want her to sit next to you or something and she cried to me, she was like bawling for an hour and a half.
i just looked at john and i was like listen. i jokingly told her she couldn't sit there and she threw my papers on the ground.
i was like that annoyed me.
and then i told john that i'm planning on telling her we shouldn't hang out anymore.
and he was like oh what really.
he was like super shocked but i was like yes. she just depresses me and always complains about how mean i am to her so why should we hang out if she doesn't like anything i do. and he was like oh well i guess that makes sense.
and i was like yeah.
then i just kind of stood there.
idk i felt like crying friday, i was just kind of feeling depressed (my grandmother was in the hospital getting a pacemaker and i haven't seen her in four years... i suck as a grandchild) then he tells me that. and i was just like uh
so john was like are you okay.
and i was like no.
and he was like oh no i'm sorry and i was like no listen i'm just not having a good week then i told him about my grandmother and that i don't need kate bringing me down more.
then john told me this like sort of depressing story which made me want to cry more and he was like telling me he has emotions and i was like um i know you have emotions john. idk it was weird.
but then we all went to dinner and he was acting kind of weird, he kept trying to make me laugh and i really wasn't like at all. which made him not be sure what to do. but i was just like i dont feel like laughing.
after dinner i had an awesome jam session with nina though. she played piano and i played guitar and we tried to teach sam guitar. it was fun
so it made up for my depressing day.
then yesterday sam's parents came up and dropped off a microwave table and a recliner.
then we went to target, the christmas store and friendly's which was awesome. they are all in this little shopping center together like thirty minutes away
at the christmas store i bought a shot glass with a pirate on it. haha
it's my first shot glass and i have only ever had two shots before. and i don't really like them. but it had a pirate on it. sooo i really wanted it. ahha
but i really enjoyed going to target, i miss that store so much.
so nina came over at like ten
and sam's bf was here.
we tried to have john over but he was doing work again. super lame.
i dont know he's been acting really weird lately. and we haven't legit hung out with him in like two weeks. whatever though maybe when he's done everything for grad school he'll lighten up and hang out again.
apparently he's trying to set up a five year plan.
i wanted to be like listen. you can do that but it won't happen like that, at least most likely. i mean God does whatever he wants.
and i'm pretty sure John isn't including like getting married in his five year plan. or at least having a girlfriend. so like what is her going to do when that happens.
maybe i should say if? but i'm seriously thinking when. he's a good guy.
i don't know.
i still think i might possibly have a crush on him. but then when i think about having a relationship with him i think it would be weird. i mean i would have to drive us on dates since he only has a bike here. and he's always doing work.
i don't know
whatever. it's up to God.
and it doesn't matter i'm sort of annoyed at him right now anyway. cause i'm feeling annoyed with everything!!!
BLAH.
i need to do homework and go to bed.
schedule my classes tomorrow. that should be exciting...
sigh.
going to do homework. need to get out of this funk.