exhaustion.

Today I kind of feel like my friendship with someone is kind of gone. I mean she still texts me about coming to dinner, but that's about it. And when i go to dinner i really dont talk to her mostly because she usually just talks about science the entire time with John or talks to Kate. so i usually just talk to nina. or sam.
i don't know. we used to have a pretty good friendship i thought but this semester she's been acting really weird. And i barely ever see her except for dinner. It's just weird. i don't even know why she still invites me to dinner, it's kind of useless.
And dinner's are always scheduled around what Kate can do, it's really annoying.
Like today we are eating at 5. that's in 45 minutes. i'm not even hungry... i mean that could be because i ate some special k like 45 minutes ago... or the fact that we normally dont eat until like 6.
I kind of just don't feel like going. I'm so tired, i haven't been sleeping very well. And I want to make sure my paper is good and then send it in. which i guess i could be doing now. but no thanks. haha.
anyways i don't know i'm feeling kind of sick, i'm afraid that i might have a fever. I"m so cold right now and the heat is on in my room but i can't even feel it. i'm like ready to crawl under my blankets and take a nap or something.
but i would probably miss dinner if i did that.
sigh. i just need to get through this week and next week, then i'm home for break.
I can do it.
sigh.
guess i'll work on my paper for a bit, go to dinner, then wait three hours until the Christmas candle light service which i love.
it's just so cold out. i'm so tired
i need to call my grandma too.
goodness.
well goodbye.

life is funny.

aww garbo blogged :)
so cute.

um anyways.
lets talk about how hilarious my life is.
like legit.
HILARIOUS.

Okay so this week was pretty normal.
monday went to dinner, then yoga. (love yoga i always feel SO GOOD afterwards)
tuesday, we had nina and john over for dinner. then i went to this extra credit speaker about the amish. it was pretty interesting. he wrote a book about them too. It's by Donald Kraybill. he actually teaches at my school. haha
Wednesday, normal day of classes, we had "Thanksgiving Dinner" at school.
I somehow ended up sitting next to John and Kristin, which was relieving.
of course Kate was basically sending me death glares. and i was like whatever. it's not like i asked him to sit next to me. seriously.
afterwards you get like a free photo if your group dresses up, so we got one, although by that time John and Courtney already left for jazz band. so it's going to be weird.
afterwards went to the library to print some things out, then went to hang out in a music practice room with nina and sam.
then kate showed up and like yelled at us to get out of there. it was really rude, and weird.
i mean she had to teach a lesson in there but she really said it in a mean way.
but whatever.
then nina, sam and i went to the christmas tree lighting which was beautiful :)
we sang christmas carols and heard The Night Before Christmas. and had weird hot chocolate that tasted like coffee... i didn't drink it all because i really don't like coffee.
then finally went back to the apartment to do work.
except i never got any done because Kate texted me suddenly saying "we need to talk"
which lead into a two hour falling out via text.
freaking long and annoying.
i think i might just post the texts on here, because they are worthy of being remembered.
so yeah she texted me around ten being all we need to talk
and i didn't respond because i was like seriously why are you saying that through texts?
and plus it was ten and i was trying to do work
then 18 minutes later she sends me this
"I feel like you have not been treating me in an appropriate manner lately. you do not have the right to treat me this way. I feel like we have been friends for long enough that you owe it to me to at least say something to me about it."

i was like seriously. she wants to do it through texts. so i was like do you really want to do this through texts
and she was like
"I've tried everything else. I have no more options left."

which i feel is a lie. she talked to me ONCE about her drinking. and this whole thing was so much bigger than that. i just couldn't believe that she honestly thought she had no more options left.

i didn't respond right away after she said that because i was thinking of what to say and responding (my response was seven "pages" of texts).
so she was like "if you don't want to talk to me now when do you want to talk?"

right after she said that i sent her my seven page response.
basically i told her that she never listens, how i feel that she is a bully, how i dont think it's nice that she makes personal jokes about people's lives like extremely personal things. and how i don't think our friendship is doing anything helpful for either of us. and that i think she changed and not for the better. i also told her that she doesn't make good first impressions and that i alot of people have said that. which my brother did and i've heard it from other people too. i've never asked straight out though.
her response
"I dont' understand what you're talking about sam. I haven't made jokes out of personal things that i can ever remember. I haven't done anything remotely close to bully you. if anything you are a bully to me. how do you think i felt when you told me i couldn't sit next to you at church two weeks ago. and maybe if you would actually treat me like a friend you would realize that i'm not the same person i was last fall when you decided to start being so rude to me. it is not your place to judge me and ask what people think of me when you don't make a good first impression either."

so at this point i had to be like kate you always used to make fun of my back, (she also made fun of other things that are personal which were rude) i told her i was joking at church and that i was going to let her sit there but then she threw my papers on the ground and that was just intense. then i told her i didn't think she changed for the better. and i told her i never judge people and i wouldn't ask people questions like that. that people tell me things like that.


so i have no idea if i really have ever bullied her. i dont' think i have. i mean i probably haven't been the nicest person ever to her. i mean i know i could have been nicer. but why fake it.
and i have heard about so many people who do not like her. and it's ridiculous. i mean my brother said she was fake after knowing her for like three hours. that's just bad. and i don't know what she is saying that i don't make a good first impression. she honestly can't say that because i was extremely accepting to her when she first showed up, and she's NEVER invited anyone up here to visit for her to say that. and i'm always nice to all the people she invites into the group. i mean i'm shy but i am still nice to them.

so in response to me she said
"it definitely felt like you meant i couldnt' sit there.i do not remember making fun of your back. but if you can jokingly tell me not to sit by you can you be mad for me making fun of you? i'm sorry if you think i have changed for the worse. but it's because i just can't take your cruelty anymore. i'm honestly tell you it needs to stop. i'm tired of you not saying hi or bye to me. and just ignoring my presence that makes me feel so bad about myself."

i was like well there is a complete difference in joking about things and making fun of someones medical problems. and i was like id id't realize i had to say hi to you personally. ( i usually just say hi to everyone at the same time. so much easier) and i told her she creates way to much drama

"there wouldn't be any drama if you would treat me like a human being. i think it's a lot different too. no one has a problem with your back, and i'm sorry you're sensitive about it, but you should have said something. it was so humiliating and embarrassing when you publicly made fun of me at church in front of my boss and co workers. don't you think about that"

so i'm just wondering what she thinks i treat her like...an alien? i don't know. anyways i did say something when she initially made fun of my back, and she still did it. and i never publicly made fun of her in front of the entire church and her boss. unless she's saying that when i told her she couldn't sit there. i mean that's just being ridiculous because people do those kinds of jokes all the time. and if anything she made the scene by throwing my papers on the ground. i don't know. i mean i know in the beginning of the semester i jokingly said that i wasn't happy about being back at school because of kate at church. but then i laughed and was like i'm just kidding.
of course she made a HUGE deal about that and wouldn't let me forget i said that, even though i was like i was KIDDING.

anyways i responded with well i think everyone is sensitive about medical problems. and i told her that i just don't think our friendship is really worth it. probably some other things but i dont really remember, my phone erases messages i send once i start texting other people.. haha

her
"well you know what sam, everyone has medical problems, i have ptsd, and when you say mean things to me whether or not you mean it as a joke it deeply affects me, and thanks to you i have been in a pretty deep depression. i'm having nightmares and i can't focus. i'm sorry my friendship is ruining your life."

i was like i'm sorry kate i didn't know you had that. and i never said our friendship was ruining my life i just said you are holding me back. i need to focus on my future.

on a sidenote. no one knew she had/has ptsd. in fact she never mentioned it. so how was anyone supposed to know. and ptsd is post traumatic stress disorder. SO you only get that after i serious event... like war, a terrible car accident, hurricanes or tornadoes, well weather like that that destroys everything, and like child molestation or rape.
one source i looked at said maybe child bullying if it was really bad. but i feel like all children get bullied in some way. so i don't think that can be a real reason for ptsd. but i don't really know.
also i dont' think it's fair that she's blaming her entire deep depression on me. i mean she's been making me feel depressed too, but she's not the only cause. school has been stressful and i just need a break. and honestly i'm not the only one who had been avoiding her. but i think because i'm the only one she feels is a threat for dating john she's going against me. i mean sam has a b/f and so does kristin. nina doesn't but kate pry thinks john wouldnt date her and courtney also has a b/f so it's legit only me. last year when sam and i were single she really didn't like us when she liked john. although she was really mad at sam because she felt she flirted with him all the time. and now i guess she thinks i do... i'm really not. i'm just treating him like a good friend. ridiculous.

she said
" You said i was holding you back and i don't understand how i'm doing that. the only reason this friendship is having a negative effect on us is because you are unwilling to forgive me and treat me like you would a friend."

i said that i forgive everyone.

she said
"do you realize that doesn't make any sense? if you forgive me then why are you treating me this way?"

i said. i forgive you kate, but that doesn't mean i forget. i just don't think this friendship will go anywhere and it' not doign any good for either of us.

so her last response was
"well the bottom line is that we have the same friends, so we're going to see each other. i try to treat you kindly and all i ask is that you do the same for me."

i was just that sounds reasonable


and then we were done.
and i was like wow. i think that legit means our friendship is over.
kind of weird.
but you know i actually felt better afterwards, i mean i felt bad because that was a rough way to end a friendship if you could call it a friendship.
but i really felt like a weight had lifted off of me.
then luckily thursday i was going up to Penn State with sam to see ali for her birthday. :)
so thursday i had class. was a bit worried about seeing kate, but it didn't happen
after class left for penn state.
it was sort of raining which was annoying. but we rocked out the whole way there.
we got there and hung out with ali. had dinner. then kim showed up. then ali's sister and sister-in-law got there so we went to their hotel room. had some smirnoff.
then headed out. it was like 10 by that point. but it was cool. we went to this bar called the saloon lounge. but sam couldn't get in because she's only 20 . so that was awkward. but i sat with sam in mcdonalds then ali and her sisters and kim came and found us then we went to this other bar where there was an outside patio so sam could still talk to us.
so i had had a jagerbomb with ali and her sisters. (kim left at midnight since she had an 8 am)
then we went outside and hung out with sam. it was crazy.
and well i had a smirnoff at their hotel room then the jagerbomb. and some of ali's sister's jack and coke.
so i started to feel it a bit.
plus i was tired. so it was kind of hilarious.
Ali's sisters had some guy go up to her and hug her and then kiss her on the cheek and ask her if she wanted birthday sex.
it was crazyyyyy.
but ali said no she wasn't ready for that. she was also drunk at that point. so it was significantly more interesting.
but somehow ali's sister got that guys shirt for her.
so ali now has his shirt as a souveneir.
haha. it smelled really good. ahha
anyways after that bar we went back to her sister's hotel room had some more smirnoff. she also had beer. but i do not enjoy beer at all. so that was rough. but we stayed up until like four.
ali kept saying the most hilarious things ever.
her sister was playing music from her phone and ali saw that she had airplanes. and she was like "this song is crazy but hayley williams awesome. but seriously why write a song about airplanes. airplanes are just shooting stars that crash into buildings and kill people'"
that was pretty great. then we had like a dance party for a bit but finally it got the point where we like laid on the bed
then ali sam and i slept on a bed together. and you know how the bed goes vertical well we slept horizontal on it. so all of our legs were like hanging off the side. i was also in the middle and sam and ali pretty much snuggled up to me in the night. ahha. it was strange. but i was really warm.
haha.
so we got up on friday at like 10:30
went back to ali's dorm helped her pack her stuff up. said goodbye to her and her sisters as they left for home. then sam and i walked around downtown for a few hours.
then we headed back to etown.
got back to etown at like 5. showered. tried to nap. i couldn't fall asleep so i ate dinner. sam fell asleep for like four hours.
so in the meantime i was texting nina who said kate was bad mouthing me at dinner.
apparently she said
"sam basically told me that she's never been friends with me and she shuts herself down when she's around me. she doesn't say hi to me or anything and i'm like you know what just go away. she said i'm holding her back from her future."

so lets play three lies and a truth.
truth. i did say that i shut down around her. and that she holding me back.
but i NEVER said that we were never friends. i do say hi to EVERYONE including her. and she in fact never said just go away.

so that was fun.
and it's interesting that she is now spreading rumors. trying to get people to hate me. but it's okay the people she was talking to i probably wouldn't really be friends with anyways because i never see them. and so kate can hang out with them all she wants. i don't mind.
i'll just be angry if she tries to get john against me.
he's one of my best friends. so that's NOT happening.
and nina and sam are basically already on my side. i have no idea about kristin. in fact i haven't seen or talked to kristin since wednesday night. so you know that's cool.
i feel she'll pry side with kate.
but i guess that's okay. i really am not interested in having showdowns or something so whatever
and i fear kate will try to start something every time she seems me but i'm not going to do that.

anyways after nina left dinner i went and hung out with her at this game night thing for awhile then she had to go to work so i came back to the apartment and started watching hp1. sam finally woke up and watched it with me. it was like midnight by that point and i was kind of tired but at the same time not so we started watching pirates of the caribbean. and then i fell asleep on teh recliner.
so that was awesome. haha
woke up at 3:20 brushed my teeth and went to sleep.
that was great.
yesterday. mostly hung out
then went to see HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS PART ONE.
and i cried within the first ten minutes. and i almost cried in the middle and then i cried at the end.
i was pretty much a mess.
didn't really think i would cry that much but i did.
it was crazy.
sam was laughing at me. but i mean harry potter had been part of about half of my life. i can't help it.
after that had dinner with nina and her sister who came up to visit.
kate was actually in the marketplace so that was slightly terrifying but we avoided her.
then went to see eat pray love for free in the auditorium. which was a good movie.
sam left to visit her boyfriend for the night so i hung otu with nina and her sister. and john and katie and some other girl.
we went to folklore which is like a coffee shop. then hung out in katie's room until like 2 in the morning.
it was fun.
:)
this weekend is probably the most fun i have had in awhile. so that was awesome.
so now i'm trying to finish my portfolio to hand in before thanksgiving so i don't need to worry about it anymore i also need to practice guitar.
i'm also waiting for john to be like we need to talk about kate.
but so far that hasn't happened.
so that's good.
i mean i want to tell him my side but i feel like it's going to be awkward.
blah.
anyways need to get work done now!
have a marvelous day :)

need to get out of this funk.

I feel annoyed at everything today.
i don't know what's wrong with me but i'm just like blah. and almost anything that anyone does is bothering me alot. maybe i should just go to sleep. then wake up in a better mood.
idk.
whatever.
last week i barely saw kate is was amazing.
i didn't see her monday for dinner, or tuesday.
saw her wednesday for like five minutes.
didn't see her thursday
and friday saw her for like thirty minutes.
and didn't see her at all yesterday or today.
i'm not going to lie it was awesome.
although she still managed to annoy me.
Friday John randomly asked to come over and i was like umm sure.
he was acting really weird and i was like what the heck is wrong with him.
and sam, john and i were watching youtube videos and he was like sam i have to talk to you. like mouthing it to me and i was like what the heck.
so we like went into the kitchen and i was like this is so weird and he was like don't worry this isn't about me and i was like um okay.
then he like sat down and i just stood there and he was like so sunday night kate asked me to come over.
and i was like oh brother.
i don't even want to hear this anymore.
but he continued on and he was like i wasn't there or anything but kate said you were really mean to her at church and you didn't want her to sit next to you or something and she cried to me, she was like bawling for an hour and a half.
i just looked at john and i was like listen. i jokingly told her she couldn't sit there and she threw my papers on the ground.
i was like that annoyed me.
and then i told john that i'm planning on telling her we shouldn't hang out anymore.
and he was like oh what really.
he was like super shocked but i was like yes. she just depresses me and always complains about how mean i am to her so why should we hang out if she doesn't like anything i do. and he was like oh well i guess that makes sense.
and i was like yeah.
then i just kind of stood there.
idk i felt like crying friday, i was just kind of feeling depressed (my grandmother was in the hospital getting a pacemaker and i haven't seen her in four years... i suck as a grandchild) then he tells me that. and i was just like uh
so john was like are you okay.
and i was like no.
and he was like oh no i'm sorry and i was like no listen i'm just not having a good week then i told him about my grandmother and that i don't need kate bringing me down more.
then john told me this like sort of depressing story which made me want to cry more and he was like telling me he has emotions and i was like um i know you have emotions john. idk it was weird.
but then we all went to dinner and he was acting kind of weird, he kept trying to make me laugh and i really wasn't like at all. which made him not be sure what to do. but i was just like i dont feel like laughing.
after dinner i had an awesome jam session with nina though. she played piano and i played guitar and we tried to teach sam guitar. it was fun
so it made up for my depressing day.
then yesterday sam's parents came up and dropped off a microwave table and a recliner.
then we went to target, the christmas store and friendly's which was awesome. they are all in this little shopping center together like thirty minutes away
at the christmas store i bought a shot glass with a pirate on it. haha
it's my first shot glass and i have only ever had two shots before. and i don't really like them. but it had a pirate on it. sooo i really wanted it. ahha
but i really enjoyed going to target, i miss that store so much.
so nina came over at like ten
and sam's bf was here.
we tried to have john over but he was doing work again. super lame.
i dont know he's been acting really weird lately. and we haven't legit hung out with him in like two weeks. whatever though maybe when he's done everything for grad school he'll lighten up and hang out again.
apparently he's trying to set up a five year plan.
i wanted to be like listen. you can do that but it won't happen like that, at least most likely. i mean God does whatever he wants.
and i'm pretty sure John isn't including like getting married in his five year plan. or at least having a girlfriend. so like what is her going to do when that happens.
maybe i should say if? but i'm seriously thinking when. he's a good guy.
i don't know.
i still think i might possibly have a crush on him. but then when i think about having a relationship with him i think it would be weird. i mean i would have to drive us on dates since he only has a bike here. and he's always doing work.
i don't know
whatever. it's up to God.
and it doesn't matter i'm sort of annoyed at him right now anyway. cause i'm feeling annoyed with everything!!!
BLAH.
i need to do homework and go to bed.
schedule my classes tomorrow. that should be exciting...
sigh.
going to do homework. need to get out of this funk.

>:/

so my brother came up to visit this weekend. :)
it was awesome. saw rocky horror picture show on friday night.
hilarious. sat between my brother and John and they were like tag teaming off of each other.
so great.
Kate showed up drunk.
i ignored her while we were there. i mean i was too busy laughing at John's random shouting (since you do that at those random showing things they do) and my brother doing the same thing.
also at the random dancing we did, that was crazy. haha.
some other stuff happened (eventually i'll go into more detail) and i yelled at kate. almost punched her in the face...
she was drunk enough that she didn't remember it because she tried to sit next to me at church today. and i was like what the freak are you serious. i sort of jokingly (mostly serious though) told her she couldn't sit there. i would have eventually let her sit there but before i could move my papers she threw them on the ground.
i was like wow.
so i "went to the bathroom" to take some time to relax and not flip out on her.
i just don't get her.
she apparently was drunk thursday night too.
so wonderful.
she drinks more than i do.
sigh.
i'm honestly contemplating talking to her and being like listen our friendship does nothing productive for me or you. you act super fake around me and i don't tell you anything about my life because it's not worth it you'll just make fun of me for it.
so lets just be civil but i don't think it's worthwhile for either of us to hang out anymore.

i feel like if i do that though she'll try to manipulate everyone to be on her side...
although honestly i know sam adn nina would side with me. john would secretly side with me but still hang out with kate and kristin would flip out on me.
but whatever.
i can't take it anymore. it's my senior year of college, why should i have to deal with all of this stuff on top of my stressful academics.
it's really not necessary.
and i wouldn't stop going to everything just because she would be there i mean i enjoy all the things we go to. so she couldn't stop me.
whatevs. i'm thinking it might be time to set into motion "operation exile kate"
although exile sounds kind of terrible. it's more like just take her out of my life.

anyways i'll write more about this weekend tomorrow probably. after i finish this essay that i'm 700 words away from being done with. it's also 12:09 and i'm tired but i need to finish it by 11 tomorrow (well today) night. but i don't want to do it later.
sigh.

oh and just for a laugh. my brother thinks i should date john.
okay well back to the essay.

let's hear the applause. come on show me how much better you are.

(Holly I love you and i completely would LOVE to cut her out of my life slowly...and truth be told i'm working on it... and she hasn't noticed.)
SO at dinner on Saturday it was Kate, John and me, but John's roommate from last year randomly joined us (he still creeps me out a bit. such a strange boy) and apparently Kate went to his apartment. now to me this was shocking because she claims to think he is weird. but who goes to someone's apartment if you think they are weird?!
uh yeah no one.
She likes the attention he gives her.
sickening.
anyways one of John's friends Caroline showed up and sat with us too. and they were talking about super weird movies that they've seen. i mean they were kind of freaky (like human centipede and teeth) but i mean it was funny the way they were talking about it. i mean i've seen my share of freaky movies ( i watched this weird one on tv once called frogs. we didn't have cable and it was randomly on around halloween haha. and alfred hitchcock's birds is freaking scary) so i was just laughing like you know that sounds funny. i probably wouldnt watch them but i dont care hearing about them. and kate was all EWWW STOP TALKING ABOUT THAT I'M GOING TO THROW UP EWW EWE BLAHBLAHBLAH. i was like oh my word girl shut it. and i just like looked at John and i was like nope i've never heard of those movies tell me about them.
:)
so bad. haha.
of course afterwards kate was all John i want to see professor pumpkin (john and his quadmates got a kitten, it's illegal to have pets except fish. but they are all seniors and being rebels ahha) i haven't seen him in a week (WAH WAHWAH. that's what i was thinking at least haha) and John was like panicking and trying to think of something to not get her to come but he's TOO NICE. so he was like well i mean i really need to study so you can see him but you have to leave then.
Um kate is the last person in the world who would go over there and leave after seeing pumpkin.
and i was like NOOOO. well in my mind. but then i was like dang it. so then i went over just so John didn't have to be alone with her. see i'm nice :) ahha
but i'm also allergic to cats. and well John really likes pumpkin and he kept like picking him up and i just could see the hair and i was like i'm going to die.
i mean it takes me a long time to start feeling it if the cat just is like acting normal but with everyone picking him up (also kate like purposefully stood near me when she picked him up the first few times. i was like you so know i'm allergic jerkface.) i started to feel it within an hour.
yup somehow we ended up there for an hour.
I mean John tried to be like i need to study but Kate was all you dont need to study blahblahblah.
so rude.
but John started showing us parodies (he is OBSESSED with a california girls parody by the key of awesome) and we watched a few but he was like oh sam has seen this before i dont want to bore her.
i was like HAHAHA. yessss.
and kate was like i haven't seen them. and John was just like nope. and like ignored her. i was like oh John you are awesome haha
but then we watched a video of Justin Bieber getting hit by a water bottle. and sorry if you like him but i laugh everytime. it's just hilarious. i mean he's like "I just love you guys" then BAM he gets hit. and he's like "oww. i have no idea why she just threw that at me"
and some of the videos have it from different angles. it's awesome.
i mean i personally do not like him so you know it's hilarious for me.
but anyways Kate didnt think it was that funny, but then again she can be a serious fun killer if she wants things to go differently. but whatever. John and I didnt care and we laughed at it.
John kept putting up all these parodies and they were crazy.
then John's roommate came back and he was pretty funny.
John also talked about how he was hanging out with his lab partner the night before because they had interesting beer bottles which he showed us, and kate was all where did you get these and John was like oh at my lab partners then he looked at me and made this hilarious face like oh yeah check it out i'm making her jealous.
and i had to like contain myself because kate looked at me like what are you doing. and i was like oh gosh.
it was so awesome though.
then my friend Nina texted me because i had asked her to hang out. she also knows Kate, she actually met Kate first and she's like not enjoying the way Kate is either. so we hung out to vent it was awesome.
NIna is super cool. so i'm really enjoying getting to know her :)
shes a freshman by the way haha.
anyways so i left John's quad and i was like sorry i gotta go and John's roommate was like what we aren't fun enough for you. and iw as like umm no hahah i'm allergic to cats and i'm starting to feel it. and then he was like oh...
it was great hah.
then John like looked at me like oh man how can i get rid of kate and i was like well bye. but John was like wait do you want some hot tea or something?! and i was like uh no thanks haha.
i mean i have no idea what hot tea would have done with me if my eyes were starting to itch and my throat was feeling a bit bad.
but it's nice that he thinks tea can fix all.
anyways so i hung out with nina for like four hours then. we vented a lot about kate. i could tell it was much needed for nina. but then we talked about other things. it's freaky how much our lives are similar. but it's cool. I'm glad she became my friend :) i'm thinking she can replace kate in my friendship circle.
how much of a burn would that be. i mean kate brought her in and then she replaces her.
thus is life.
haha.

anyways enough about kate and her psychoness.

TODAY. in the mail i received my TAYLOR SWIFT CD! and i'm so happy. it's pretty awesome. i mean there are a lot of kind of slow songs that make me feel sad, but then she has other ones that are so upbeat that you are like YESSS. ahah and Better than revenge makes me super happy.
I mean i never liked Camilla she was a creep.
okay maybe not a creepy, but obviously using Joe for his fame. LAME YO.
but whatevs.

also i didnt' have a guitar lesson today because some kids were visiting and wanted to talk to my guitar teacher so he emailed me YESTERDAY to ask if it was okay and i was like fine. but he made me go to campus to reschedule THEN we dont even RESCHEDULE he was like we can just do that next week. i was like WHY AM I HERE RIGHT NOWWWW.
but whatever. John has his lesson before me so i just talked to John for a bit. he invited me to go to the lab with him (for like the sixth time in like two days) and i was like uh haha. i don't know. apparently he thinks i would like it. he was like you could divide some cells or something! i was like maybe some other time.
i mean i was in the lab with him last year he explained everything he was doing then to me and let me look through the microscope at a bunch of things and i was like my mind if going to explode.
me and science dont go well together.
but oh well.
also found out i have two research papers to write within two weeks.
sort of have research. but mostly dont
it's going to be real fun.
next semester i'm taking the easiest classes that i can find without making them seem to obviously easy. i mean i need 18 credits to graduate and i only need one class to fulfill my major.
14 free credits.
i'm def taking guitar again so that leaves me with 13. all my friends are like TAKE THIS TAKE THIS. and i'm like oh my word.
nina told me to take aural skills. which would be hilarious since i would never need that again.
and john told me to take some science class. because apparently he goes into the lab during that class time and it would be cool for him to wave to me apparently.
he also said he dances and sings during that class. i was like oh my hha.
then Kristin is asking about all these classes she wants to take and i'm like dude i haven't looked at ANYTHING yet. except the class i need and guitar.
i def need an advising session asap.
oh well.
haha.
so yeah i need to get ready to go to dinner.
restorative yoga afterwards. my ABSOLUTE favorite type of yoga. it's like extended nap time in yoga poses but you even bring pillows. love :)
so farewell :)

Wonderin'- Toby Mac

so i figure i will let you know that John doesn't care if Kate doesn't want us to hang out with him alone his exact words were
"I'm not her slave and she's not my master...i give you permission to hang out with me whenever you want."
i was like ahha alright John cool
he was confused about how Kate acted last night so i just told him everything kate said and how i was annoyed with her and that i dont want to hang out with her this weekend and john was like that's alright i dont plan on hanging out with her tonight either i want to hang out with my roommate and i was like aww. ahha. then i was like well john you need to tell her no if she asks to hang out. tell her you are doing something important. and he was like alright.
then we were talking about how John thought about how i told him kate liked him and that he realized that she acts weird whenever he mentions he is hanging out with his lab partner (who is a girl). and i was like well yeah she's jealous. and was like but you know what don't let that stop you hanging out with her. i think it's good they hang out more than just outside of the lab. plus she already has a boyfriend. which i found funny. and i told john not to tell kate that. because it's so much more fun when she gets jealous when he hangs out with her. and he laughed and was like alright i'll tell kate i'm going on lab dates, but i'll just leave out the lab part. i was like hahah. that's great.
so glad John is my friend
he then proceeded to explain a bunch of science stuff to me and i was like uh huh. i mean it made sense but woah. i can def not explain to anyone else what he explained to me. haha.
oh well. then we watched miley's who owns my heart music video and contemplated if miley is going to become the next lindsey lohan and if she'll do drugs. i mean honestly she seems like she's going down that path. quite saddening.
then we watched a video of britney spears actually singing. and it was bad.
like she can't sing.
i was shocked.
i was like well there goes my childhood haha. John was like oh no i'm sorry! and i was like hah that's okay. and he was like yeah it's better to know the truth and i was like haha yeah.
then he left to go get his computer worked on at ITS since it's still not working and it's been awhile.
and kate asked me if dinner at 6 was okay and i wanted to be like no.
but i guess i'll go. john better freaking be there though. can't deal with kate alone.
nope nopenope.
well i want to go practice guitar for awhile and study.
so goodbye :)
(notice how i seem to be in a better mood after ranting and talking to john about what happened. too funny)

All you're ever going to be is MEAN.

Lets talk about how Taylor Swift has successfully written songs that are relevant to my life once again. The single she released this week (aka Mean) umm is basically exactly what i needed to hear. i was telling my best friend B how taylor swift writes songs about my life and B was like "WAIT you dated John Mayer, Taylor Lautner and Joe Jonas and you didn't tell me!?" i laughed because i realized you could easily take that from what i said so i was just like "they made me sign a confidentiality contract"
then we laughed about how crazy that would legit be if that happened.
cause in all seriousness i probably would not date John Mayer, i like his music but he's kind of a jerk.
and Taylor Lautner is adorable but a little too young for me.
i would def date Joe though. mmhmm.
haha.
anyways this isn't a post about who i would date... haha
it's about T.Swift's song Mean. and how legit it matches Kate.
i mean everything but the line about watching football, cause Kate doesn't really do sports.
but anyways. i'm telling you it's like it's about her. cause she is so mean. all the time. and she puts people down all the time to make herself feel better. and i dont' know i just can't deal. so when i heard Mean i was like woah. i know someone like this. then it made me happy because now i just sing this song in my head whenever i'm around kate and it makes me feel better. that probably sounds crazy.
but it's true. and this song just makes me feel good because i'm just like wow. this is true. someday i'll be somewhere where she won't be able to put me down, and i'll be happy and she'll be still ranting about how all her friends in high school stopped being her friend and how she has no friends.
because that's always her back up defense for trying to make everyone stay friends with her.
and i'm always wanting to be like you know what MAYBE IF YOU WEREN'T SO FREAKING MEAN ALL THE TIME PEOPLE WOULD ACTUALLY LIKE YOU.AND WOULDN'T MIND BEING YOUR FRIEND.
but then she would cry. and i hate when people cry. i always feel bad. but i feel like with her i shouldn't feel bad because she is probably one of the meanest people i know, at least with the way she treats people. it's terrible.
sigh. it's just too much for me.
i mean let me tell you about this week.
so i didn't really talk to her at all this week, or really look at her for that matter.
i was just i don't know really annoyed with her from last weekend and i just didn't want to really go to dinner with her there. which sounds bad but i just didn't want to do it, but i mean i would have missed all my other friends so i went and just tried not to be near her.
i mean she's not dumb so she noticed that i wasn't really talking that much and that i was pretty much avoiding her.
and she kept asking everyone else if i was mad at her. which i mean i wasn't, i just wasn't happy with her decisions.
although i must admit it's kind of funny because even when i'm not annoyed with her i tend to avoid sitting next to her anyway because she's super touchy-feely and i legit do not like being touched a lot, especially not when i'm eating. and especially not by her.
so obviously she doesn't notice things like that.
but anyways back to the week.
so thursday at dinner she was acting like SUPER weird. so much weirder than normal. and she was being so much more obnoxious than normal and she purposely moved her seat to be closer to John. which was beyond what i can handle. i mean it's so freaking obvious that she likes him. it's disturbing. i mean John is super oblivious so he didnt really notice anything abnormal. which is a bit endearing but also ridiculous cause she was practically throwing herself at him.
i mean she kept touching him a lot, which he really doesn't like i mean our one friend last year used to do that (she transferred back to the school she had originally transferred in from this year) and it used to bother him a lot. i mean at dinner John was even like it's the return of Jenna!
and then Kate was like HAHAHAHAHAHA SORRY JOHN. like being super loud. and i was like what the heck she needs to calm the freak down.
then she like randomly brought up John's parents who we saw sunday, and she was like "no offense john but your parents weren't as skinny as i expected them to be" and i was like what the freak who says things like that. John kind of laughed it off though then he was like wait what is that supposed to mean. then she said something else and somehow was like what are your parents crack whores John! ahahhahaha.
and then i was really like oh my word she did not just say that.
and John got like super serious and he was like Kate if i ever said something like that to you you would get mad at me. and she was all hahaha no i wouldn't john i would just be like my parents are not crack whores.
and i was like oh my gosh. get me the freak out of here.
John got like really quiet though and i could tell it bothered him cause he like looked at me and he was like sam kate just called my parents crack whores. i was like i know john i know. that's just mean and he was like yeah. and i was like well at least they aren't and he was like yeah you're right. and i was like yeah. then kate was like JOHN BLAHBLAHBLAHBLAHBLAH and i was just like really kate really. every time John tried to talk to me she would interrupt him and start talking to him and i was just like alright fine kate. fine.
like it's going to be like that. it's seriously exactly like last fall again. ugh.
so anyways she went up to get more water or something and Sam was like... She's drunk. and i was like what. then she texted me it to make sure i got it and i was like um what.
i mean this was THURSDAY NIGHT. like at 6:30 what the freak was she doing getting drunk then.
but apparently her and her roommate had a drink to celebrate how good the roommate did on a test or something. and you know it's whatever for the roommate since she's 21 but why the freak was kate doing that.
i just couldn't believe it.
like it legit upsets me.
she's going to be a freaking alcoholic at this rate.
:/
anyways afterwards we went to fake fireplace, real conversation. which is like one of my favorite things to do on campus on thursday nights. and kate was still being ridiculous so i kind of ignored her.
so maybe that was mean of me. but what the freak was she doing getting drunk.
so anyways friday i didn't see her all day, and it was glorious. then i went to the beer and wine stores with John, because i didn't want to go by myself and i was wondering about prices around here. (i mean i kind of want to just get some to have for like a casual drink on friday or saturday's nothing more than that. maybe like one mike's hard lemonade a weekend. idk) so i was supposed to go to dinner with kate at 6:20 but i told her i probably wouldnt make it and i didn't tell her why because i knew she would have asked to come with me and john and i didn't want that plus she's not 21 so it's kind of not allowed.
so anyways john and i took a really long time. plus he didn't get done in the lab until 6 when originally he said like 4.
so we went and i told him that kate likes him and he was like oh man i'm sorry and i was like it's not your fault and he was like yeah i know but i just i don't think i'm doing anything to make her think i like her and i was like your not.she's just crazy and he was kind of like alright. and i could tell it sort of freaked him out. he also admitted that he was completely oblivious to it and i was like uh yeah i know.
so anyways after we were at the store (where the beer store had a sample of Samuel Adam's winter beer, which is like seasonal and John tried it and like made me try it, which that was the first beer i have ever tried. and it was weird. i mean it was okay. but i have no idea what to compare it to, and John obviously does he's like a beer expert. the whole time we were in the beer store he just kept telling me everything about beer it was intense. ahha.) John was like we should go get a drink. and i was like uh i think we should really eat first. and he was like oh yeah good idea i haven't eaten all day. and i was like yeah lets do that. so we went to jays nest (the campus food thing where you can get food when the cafeteria is closed) and we got some sushi. well i got like a packet of sushi, john got two packets and a luna bar (he knows they are for women but he claims they are super good ,which i agree i really like luna bars haha)
but anyways it was kind of weird i always feel awkward when i'm with John alone, mostly because i can't decide if i like him more than a friend of if he's just like one of my best friends. you know?
but then kate freaking texted me asking me where i was and if she could talk to me. so she showed up and it was SO AWKWARD because she didn't talk at all and john was being nice and asking her about her day and she didn't even like respond so john kept looking at me and i was just like i dont know. so then kate basically made john leave because she was like sam can i talk to you and i was like yeah. what. and then she looked at John and he was like oh what do you want me to leave. and i was like oh brother and she was like yeah. so she made him leave.
then she was like are you mad at me. and i was like no kate i just dont' agree with the decisions you have been making dealing with alcohol. you've been drinking like every weekend and i dont like how last year you said you would never drink and now you do a lot. and she laughed at me and was like i dont drink every weekend. and i was like um yeah you do kate. and she does for the past month she has had a drink every weekend. and then she made some excuse about how she never said she never wanted to drink she just didnt think she would like it and then she tried it and it wasn't as bad as she thought. blah blah blah.and i was like seriously.
whatever. and she was like do you understand what i'm saying. and i was just like yeah. and she was like sam do you and i was like yeah i get it. then she complained about how me and sam always have john over and how she feels left out, especially since we take all those pictures with him. and i'm like we don't have him over all the time. like we barely have him over. we've been at school for like two months now and he's only really come over like ten times. which isn't that much within 8 weeks of school. and we dont' take pictures with him all the time. that happened twice.
she's so irrational. it's only because it's me and sam with john. and she wants john all to herself. which i refuse to do.
i think it's ridiculous. john is my friend and if i want to freaking hang out with him i freaking will.
UGH.
then she was like you were acting so secretive tonight for dinner. and i was like what it didn't matter i was like i wanted to go to the beer store with john to look around. and she was like you wanted to look around and she laughed AGAIN. and i was like (anger boiling what the freak why is that funny. yes i wanted to freaking look around i mean what's wrong with that. i'm not a freaking alcoholic like she is apparently grrrr. like this pisses me off so much even now a day later.) uh yeah i wanted to look around and she was all i thought you didn't like the beer store. and i was like i never said didn't like the beer store it's just not a place i want to go to.
like whatever.
and then she was all like offended i went with john and that we had dinner without her.
and it's dumb because it's not like she didn't eat with other people. she has friends.
of course this was also when she was like i just feel like i have no friends here. and i have seriously heard her say this so much that it's just a lie.
i was just like seriously kate you have friends no one would talk to you if you didn't and she was like well i just dont feel that way no one invites me to things.
it was just legit dumb. i mean obviously i'm not going to invite her to EVERYTHING I DO. first of all i dont want her at everything i do. and second of all she annoys me and apparently will proceed to drink at everything now.
so it's just not happening.
i'm kind of upset my roommate went home this weekend because i know she would have been helpful to talk this out with. i mean i texted her everything that happened and she got really mad about kate saying she has no friends because it's a lie. and about us hanging out with john "all the time"
it's just ridiculous
anyways after her stupid talk with me i left and came back to my apartment. i texted john to ask him if he wanted the wine he left in my car and he was like oh i'll come by sometime tomorrow to get it and i think we have to talk i'm a bit confused.
and i was like what the freak is he confused about.
it's probably the way she treated him when she showed up.
i swear if she ruins my friendship with him i'm flipping out and ending my friendship with her.
i don't need it.
she just puts me down, and stresses me out so whatever.
so yeah. after that i just was in my apartment and i was like this day ended up sucking.
so i watched harry potter and the sorcerers stone and drank the only drink i have in the fridge which was a twisted tea.
and then i watched princess diaries and went to bed.
although it was strange because i woke up this morning not feeling that great, well like i felt nauseous. so i think alcohol makes me feel sick. because everytime i drink (the two times. wooo) i feel sick the next day. and that's pretty bad since i only had one drink (and a sample)
apparently drinking is not for me.
but that's fine with me. i dont need to drink.
unless i'm around kate then maybe i should just black out....
haha just kidding that would be ridiculous.
she does make me want to forget that i'm her friend though. and that's bad.
and she's also the reason i can't wait to graduate and get the freak away from her.
i've pretty much decided she is going to be one of those people i never see/talk to again after college.
i don't need the drama she brings into life.
or the way she puts everyone around me down.
i mean she's not a good friend at all. i can't tell her anything personal about me because she uses it against me all the time.
friends shouldn't do that.
she's basically the only one of my friends who doesnt know that my parents are getting divorced. that's pretty bad.
and it's worse because i don't even want to tell her.
i keep wondering if upon graduation my parents will throw me a graduation party. i also keep wondering if that happens which parent will do it or if they both will and if so if i really need to invite kate.
that's terrible but true. i feel like i pry will have to then she'll find out. although i'm secretly hoping she'll be too busy to show up.
does that make me a bad person? i feel like it does. sigh.
i just don't want her to see my house, my family, my life.
alright now i know that mean.
she just uses everything against me. always. anything you say or do is like stored in her mind to throw back at you if you do anything.
so yeah. now that i ranted about my life i think i'm good for a bit.
John just called me to come over.
he wants his wine and probably to talk about last night.
which i don't want to talk about.
also i'm really awkward on the phone. it's awesome.
so yeah.
thanks for um "listening" to my crazy long rants.
bye

there's nothing wrong with staying home?

:/
should be working on a midterm that's due wednesday right now. but i can't seem to focus. plus it doesn't help that i'm completely uninterested in all the questions that he gave us as possibilities.
i decided to write on how religion is more likely to become violent in christianity because of the writings in the Bible.
he wants no more than ten pages which means as long as we get a lot of information in like 8 pages he would be fine with that.
and i'm like at half a page.
i just can't focus on it. because i don't really care for the subject matter.
but i want to get it done so i don't have to worry about it anymore.
i should have worked on it this weekend.
but with it being homecoming weekend that didn't happen.
i mean saturday after my about five hours of sleep, sam and i went to the chorus/jazz band concert and saw our friend steve who graduated last year. it was great. he's so funny :)
after that we went to giant with Kristin and her b/f matt and got pizza.
then we came back to our apartment and Courtney came over too then.
so we had pizza, carrots, chips and then carrot cake.
kristin and matt also had bought some twisted tea. so some people had some of those.
after that kate came over (i'm still annoyed with her, well she just makes it worse. i'll get to that eventually in this post i'm sure.)
so then Sam drove Me, Steve, Kristin and Matt to the bar, after we picked up John as well.
so Sam dropped us off, and we went in and got a table. and it was kind of cool since we were all 21, it was also um nerve-wracking. i mean i'm not a drinker at all. i mean i kind of don't even enjoy alcohol. but it was still cool because we were just like hanging out. Steve and John talked about science stuff which was good for John since he's like the only guy in our group of friends. besides Joe...but we dont' really include him since we aren't even sure if half the stuff he says is legit.
anyways then me and Kristin talked for a bit. then we included Matt.
and well i got a malibu bay breeze. which is cranberry juice, pineapple (or grapefruit) juice and rum. they actually made it pretty well there since i couldn't taste the alcohol that much. which was very nice. haha
then Matt offered to buy me and Kristin a shot called a buttery nipple.
uh yeah. i was like um what.
and kristin was like come on sam i wouldn't let you get a shot that wasn't good. and i was like um i guess.
i mean i kind of wanted ot try one anyway and i didn't have to pay for it so that was nice. haha
anyways it was like some kind of cream and schnapps. it was good. i mean it burned going down at first but then the end flavor was like toffee. so that was kind of amazing. haha.
i mean i would get it again, but i wouldnt' like drink a lot of those because i remember the burn very well...
haha
so then when we got back to the table steve and john were all how was it. blah blah blah and i was like it was fine guys. hah
then steve got this drink called a Milky Way Margarita.
so he let me try a sip of that and it wasn't bad, but it had a lot of alcohol in it, and i was like um i wouldn't get that for myself haha.
i also tried a sip of matt's drink (which was kind of weird since i still don't know how i feel about him, i mean like hanging out with him. i mean i def don't like him. he's dating kristin and he smokes and drinks a lot. not for me. but after that night i think i've decided he's not as gross as i thought he was...) which was long island ice tea, which tasted like lemons, but that drink is a crazy amount of alcohol.
so yeah my experience wasn't too bad.
afterwards sam came to pick us up. We dropped John off on campus so he could go to the lab (seriously he's always in there it's ridic) and then we all came back to our apartment then Matt and Kristin left, and they dropped Steve off at his car. so it was me, Sam , Kate and Courtney. and Courtney had chosen to watch Camp Rock 2 (because she likes Demi!!! i'm super stoked that she does ;) ) and Kate kept trying to put it down, but unfortunately for her it was 3 against 1 for not minding the movie. it was great. then Nina came over and we dropped Courtney off, then we went to John's quad, where there was a keg.
probably the craziest his quad has ever been. i mean we were there at like 1030 and there were a lot of people there. but nina left like almost right away i mean she was exhausted and i could tell she felt uncomfortable. then sam and i left at like 1130. i mean we were exhausted too and we wanted to clean up our apartment after the pizza "party" ahha
also i was annoyed with kate cause she drank straight rum at John's quad because apparently it "tastes" good by itself. i'm like uh rum. that's kind of gross.
idk i feel like she's trying to impress John, because she likes him again.
and meanwhile John is kind of oblivious of it, or so we think, i feel like there is a possibility that he knows she likes him but he choses to ignore it because he does not feel the same way.
i dont know. i feel so bad for him that she likes him again, especially after all the freaking drama that happened last fall when she liked him. like she is living in a dream world thinking he will date her. she was insane last year about it, and sam and i told john all the drama that happened when he wasn't around and how she acted, and he was shocked. and we were like yeah. so i'm positive he would not want that to happen again.
plus she is in a dream world if she thinks that John and her would have ended up together if she hadn't sort of dated Chuck. cause uh they would not have dated.

sorry just needed to mini rant about that.

but anyways so after Sam and I left, apparently like ten minutes later Kate made John walk her back to her dorm. which John is way nice so he obviously did it. but apparently they hung out until like 1:30 in the morning because then John got a text from his roommate that they got busted by campus security, and i was like dang he's lucky that he wasn't there.
although John is like mad because he had special imported German beer, and beer from Maine (he has a strange obsession with beer. like he REALLY REALLY likes beer. apparently he signed up to be a reviewer on some beer website...hahah)
so yeah but he said his roommate is going to reimburse him and that they want to get back at campo by throwing a crazy party where no alcohol is present.
i was like oh man john haha. i'm positive that will be fun.
so yeah.
although it was annoying because John was like sort of telling me and Nina about it and nina was like wait why weren't you in your quad when this happened where were you, and like Kate walked up then and John was like oh i was hanging out with Kate and she got this STUPID look on her face, like a smirk like yeah he was with me, and she like looked at me when she did it. i was like. what the freak is that. i mean to myself of course. but it was annoying. i was like what good for you you hung out with john by yourself. like whatever. i hang out with john all the time.
like WHATEVER.
DUMBBBB.
sigh. so yeah.
obviously i'm a bit annoyed with her.
it's alright i'm trying to let it go. it's real hard because i keep thinking about all the things that happened when she liked John last year, and how she treated us, and how she said she wouldn't drink alcohol. and i'm just like what.the.freak.
i mean i need to let it go because apparently she's going to keep drinking, (straight rum is her thing apparently) and i guess she likes John again. which is bad. because i mean i still can't decide if i do or not. and lets be honest i wouldn't act on it anyway. Kate would freak out. and well i figure if it's meant it'll happen. you know. besides it's my last year here. there's nothing wrong with just being friends.
and going to seminary?
oh gosh. ahha.
that's another thought that freaks me out.
although mentioning that when i talked to John about it friday he told me i should like do it (well not exactly like that but he basically was like you know you can focus on what you like, and then he told me i was a good listener and i was like aww wow. ahha) but he also told me he was going to look up a lutheran seminary for me in midwest, and i was like um alright. i mean i didn't expect him to, but at the bar saturday he was like SAM! and i was like uh yeah and he was like that seminary i mentioned to you?! i was like uh yeah. he was like it's called Val Praizen (or something like that) and i was like oh wow haha thanks.
i mean i'm kind of shocked he remembered. he's such a good friend.
uh anyways now that i've jumped from subject to subject multiple times i need to work on my midterm. legit.
here i come midterm...here i come :/

My life is like a minefield of drama.

SO can i just say that i legit feel like my life is a minefield of drama. like that game mines or whatever. that you try to avoid the mines because otherwise you lose.
well my life is like that. and i lose a lot, because the mines are drama and i get it all the time.
and you know it's kind of funny because it usually comes from one person.
so hypocrites really annoy me.
(i promise this is relevant to my mine field analogy? metaphor?... wait simile!)
because last year my friend (who sometimes acts like a non-friend) refused to drink at all. and this year she drinks more than i do. which means she like sips other people drinks all the time. and i like never drink.
it really bothers me because she is always like dont' judge me blah blah blah and i'm like i'm not judging, which i'm not i'm just like why can't you stand up for yourself. she stood behind me last year when i didn't drink but she can't stand up for herself, and it's def not like we would all make her drink.
i dont know i think secretly she wanted to drink last year, and this year without me being her shield she just goes all out. it's rather dumb.
and i think it's hypocritical. what's worse is my roommate/friend Sam isn't 21 but has always told us she drinks which is fine but when she does Kate gives her this stupid what we call "mother" face, that's so totally judgmental.
it just bothers me a lot.

sigh. anyways. on the other hand my friend John is so great. haha
yesterday my advisor told me i should go to seminary, which i had thought about for a bit but then i was like i can't afford that. and then when she talked me she basically showed me that i could. and i was like oh wow. my life just changed.
like i can go to seminary if i want..
not to be a pastor but for ministry counseling.
so i kind of was freaking out and i talked to sam about it and she was helpful but then i talked to john about it and well since he's graduating with me and wants to go to grad school it's like a different perspective you know. so talking to him was incredibly helpful. and he was so funny about it he like asked me all these good questions that made me think about it differently and then he was like Sam if this is what you should do it will happen. and i was like oh man thanks John. then he was like said something about how God is first in his life and that will help him and somehow that involved me. but i was like John that's cool cause God is first in my life too. and he was like that's great! (even though i'm pretty sure he should have already known that... but whatevs haha) then he was like i'm glda you weren't freaked out that i said that to you, and i was like that doesn't bother me i think it's great!
and then he told me he prays for me. and i was like aww john. thanks. and he was like i hope that doens't freak you out either.! haha i was like no John it doesn't cause i pray for all of my friends too.
he's a funny kid.
i also called my dad about what my advisor said and my dad was all do you only go to seminary to be a pastor?! i was like ahha no that's what i thought too dad but nope.
then we talked about it and he basically was like i'll check out the school (online) and if you want to do it i'll support you.
and i was like thanks dad.
it makes me happy that i can be surrounded by good people like that :)

but i mean there always is kate. who i can't tell anything to because she uses it against me.

but it's alright because there is this freshman, Nina, who hung out wiht me and sam last night from like 1 in the morning until 7:30 this morning.
um yes. we basically pulled an all nighter talking. bahha.
but me and nina have strangely similar lives. but it's cool i like her, she's a good kid, and she's hilarious.
:)

anyways gotta get ready to go support John playing in Jazz band.
hope i don't fall asleep during the chorus parts since i only got like five hours of sleep. ha.
too funny.

p.s. i'm supposed to go to the bar tonight with John, Kristin, her b/f Matt and our friend Steve who graduated last year.
i'm kind of not feeling it... because me and drinking. idk we aren't that good of friends.
haha
we'll see how it goes i guess.
so bye!

hello. i love you. wont' you tell me your name.

so. i finished that paper last week. it didn't end up being that bad.
sort of.
i don't know.
but now I'm working on a five page paper due tomorrow. that i forgot about this weekend when i went home.
great times.
this dumb paper is on a 64 page book of RULES. and we are supposed to find the thesis which is non-existent (no seriously i've talked to my class mates and they said they couldn't' find it either) anyways it's on the book The Rule of Saint Benedict.
which is really boring and about the rules of being a monk.
don't know how i'm going to get 5 pages. but i think i'm going to use my friend John's advice. just use a lot of quotations from the book and explain them. which i sort of have to do anyways. but i'm just going to go way beyond what our teacher expects...
in hopes of reaching five pages.

anyways fall break is this week. i'm so excited.
i need a break.
although i'm working every day but i don't really care. i really like working at the scoop :)
free ice cream!!! haha
also this past weekend when i went home i was supposed to hang out with my friend Laura for her birthday. instead she chose to hang out with a boy. :/ and i even knew him from camp. i was like SO NOT COOL.
but it was alright. i went to see another girl from camp cheering at her school with one of my brother's ex-girlfriends..
ahha.
i know that's weird but somehow i become friends with his exes.
not my fault.
:)
anyways so we went to the football game with her brother and her friend Tim that she's known since second grade.
and we were joking about coming up with a story of why we were there but then we stood in the student section and the kids actually asked us why we were there.
so we told them we were starting school there on Monday.
and they believed us.
i was amazed that they thought it was for real. we told them we were all going to be seniors and that we were all related and that our cousin was one of the cheerleaders (our friend that we came to watch cheer)
it was amazing.
but also slightly terrible because these kids who were sophomores went and got this girl who is a senior and brought her up to us and she introduced herself to us.
then she was like asking us about our lives.
it was terrible.
but hilarious.
we told her we moved from texas. but we weren't originally from there since we don't have a texas accent or anything and that our parents are in the military or something.
it was pretty much the craziest night ever.
and every time i hang out with her i end up taking pictures with strangers, or apparently getting a whole new identity.
after the game we all went back to my bro's ex-gf's house and some of her friends came over and then it got so weird because her one friend kept asking tim EXTREMELY personal questions. (ie. boxers/briefs which led to if he was a virgin or not. it was probably one of the most awkward things that i have ever had to witness)
but then we watched Get him to the greek. which was kind of dumb, but kind of not. idk it had funny parts but i still kind of dont like russell brand, or jonah hill.
what can i say those movies aren't really my type.

anyways i really like going home now. i mean i love school and my friends but i like going home and spending time with my dad, i think he gets a little lonely since my youngest brother has to switch between house and house because of the divorce, and my other brother hasn't come home since he's been at school.
and i enjoy being around my dad now, i think this summer was good for our relationship.
:)

and speaking of relationships...
i'm still single! haha.

although i think i have a problem.. i think i'm starting to like my friend John. but the problem is i can't tell if i'm starting to like him or if it's just i like him as my friend.
this is always my problem. and it's terrible.
but the reason i think i actually like him is he said the other week something about starting to like a girl and i kind of was like oh my gosh. and it sort of hurt. not like oh my gosh i'm in pain but sort of like woah what if he dates someone.
i dont know if that sounds weird.
and i dont even know if i want to date john.
he's just himself.
so hard to explain. i mean he's awesome. but he's JOHN.
ahhh.
my life.

also on a sad note i just realized today while i was my guitar teacher's concert at school (which btw he's amazing at playing. i mean he should be he's won a Grammy but he's amazing) that this year at Christmas i'm going to have to go to TWO HOUSES. as in my mom's and my dad's.
and i dont' know what i'm going to do.
it makes me feel awkward
i mean i think i'm going to stay with my dad over winter break.
but the idea of having to go to my mom's house at a separate time is just weird.
:/

this is why if/when i get married i want to stay married FOREVER. and seriously death til us part. like that's legit for me.
i dont' want to ever get divorced. it's a life ruiner.
and i mean i can tell it's sort of made me narcissistic because at church (at school) yesterday we had to draw a picture of our family. and umm i drew a giant x between my parents.
then i felt like crying because we are doing a unit on family at church, and i was just like wow my family is a mess. everyone else had these happy pictures (well except John he drew his cat as a fire-breathing cat, although i guess that's still happy since he's oddly obsessed with cats) and mine just wasn't.
i don't know.
my life just feels like a mess.

on a happy note though. i still love learning guitar. like it feels so good to play. when i actually practice. i really enjoy it.
anyways i need to write this paper and sleep. or well i'm going to fail. and that's not cool.
so sorry for my random weird rants.
p.s. in case you wondering today it was 50 degrees and raining.
so unusual since last week it was like in the 70's. ridiculoussss.
love.

all you need is love..

So.
Nick Jonas is legal.
hahahahahahah.
poor kid, i really doubt he knows what to expect.
anyways.
so having internet finally is fantastic.
except now i'm on here instead of sleeping..
haha it's okay i don't have class until 11 anyway! woo
so lets see
this past weekend my roommate went home so my other friends came over (Kate, John) and then Kate invited two freshmen over. and well they are still growing on me. it just takes awhile to accept new people into the group.
but anyways before that happened we had been watching The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, WHICH I LOVE and eating Margherite Pizza, WHICH I ALSO LOVE!
so most of the time you sit through the movie for the first time and try to figure it out without talking.
well not freaking kate. she talked and talked and i was like girl. shut it.
i mean i thought that. because i love that movie, and at the end of the movie Kate was all i don't understand that movie at all.
and i was like wow. i wonder why.
then i kind of freaked a bit and iw as like WELL MAYBE IF YOU ACTUALLY WATCHED THE MOVIE INSTEAD OF TALKING YOU WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD IT!
and then i went and did the dishes while Kate and John talked with the freshmen.
but a couple of minutes later john came out into the kitchen and he was all WHAT ARE YOU DOING!
and i was like um the dishes. and he was like WHY REMEMBER I'M SUPPOSED TO DO THEM THIS TIME!
i was like ahha oh john thanks, but i'll just do them.
and so it ends up John makes me feel better :)
love that kid.
then we got out my guitar and john was playing it, and i'm such a creep i recorded him playing.
what can i say. i love when he plays guitar. it has an intense calming effect on me.
hmm.
i just realized that i can now listen to him play whenever i want to calm myself down.
haha.
although i guess technically i could play. but i dont' think it has the same effect yet.
anyways so after the movie and some guitar playing we went over to John's quad (which just so happens to be on campus right down the street) and John had some beer (he's obsessed, he's seriously like a beer person, also he's 21 so no worries ;) ) and well he kept offering me beer and i was like i dont know i never had beer before and then he was like oh right well you should try such and such beer for your first time. and i was like uh sure...
haha.
he didn't have any though. so i still havne't tried beer.
!
haha
whatevs. i dont 'care that much.
so anyways Kate. who is not 21. asked to try a sip of John's beer.
now this wouldn't be a big deal since we are in college and all. except last year she kind of HATED when anyone drank anything.
so it's funny that she "drinks" now.
i say "drinks" since having a sip at the end of the bottle isn't a legit drink. but it's just the fact that she tries some.
also John made some homemade raspberry vodka (as in he had vodka and added real raspberry juice. or whatever he explained the process and iw as like oh cool... and didn't understand anything of it since he used big science words that i have no idea what they mean. what a science nerd he is. haha. it's kind of awesome though...anywayssss) and JOhn took a shot and kate was all I WANT TO TRY SOME. and i was liek HECK NO. i'm freaking 21 if anyone is trying John's vodka IT'S ME. so i refused to let Kate try any before. so John gave me alot (or a little...considering i never had vodka before either i say it's a lot haha) at the end of the bottle and i just drank it down. and then kate was all SAM in her annoying mother voice I WANTED TO TRY SOME. and i was like yeah yeah. so she had um the end of the bottle again. like that part you can never get out. but whatever.she said she got some out.
all i know is. VODKA FREAKING BURNS.
seriously i felt it for like three hours afterwards.
quite dangerous.
haha.
i mean it seemed good...
actually i have no idea i just felt the burn. bhahah
anyways Kate annoyed me all night. and i just didnt like how she is all into drinking now, except not really. i feel like if Sam (my roommate) and Kristin had been there drinking she would have gotten mad. she's kind of like a hypocrite i guess.
i don't know.
she also always makes fun of everyone. and it's so rude. luckily i have a high enough self esteem that i freaking dont care what she says about me. but when she puts down John, who just so happens to have a low self-esteem, and calls him fat, i sort of feel like yelling at her. I mean the poor kid is freaking skinny. i mean he was like a skeleton last year, and he gained thirty pounds ( i know that sounds like a lot but i believe most of it is muscle, and he looks healthy now! haha) so it's good.
he looks normal.
it's just super rude of her, and she keeps asking him for all his clothing that he no longer fits in. which i also find to be rude.
just dont get her.
although today i jokingly said something about how i can only handle her in small doses (because some other girl who kate doesn't like said that) and she was like don't say things like that. you guys always yell at me for saying mean things to john because he has a low self esteem, well so do i.
and then it got awkward. because it was kind of like um i was joking obviously, (although it sort of happens to be true. she gets on my nerves if i'm around her for too long) and she dishes out mean comments to EVERYONE yet if she gets one back she like cries about it.
it's quite annoying.
so i've decided that i kind of dont' care anymore. i mean i'm not going to go around just saying mean things to her, but i'm not going to sensor myself in that aspect around her, if she can't tell when i'm joking then what kind of friend is she anyway?

so enough about that.
yesterday Sam and I wrote John this moral boosting card, and we've decided to do one every week for him. it was so fun. and we sent it today through our school mail, it doesn't seem like he got it. cause he didn't say anything, but it was really funny. we put a sticker inside of it that said Mr. Wonderful.
haha.
i really hope he likes it :)

also my school had a poster sale today and yesterday.
and i bought some pretty sweet posters. i mean i didn't buy any ginormous full sized ones because honestly i have way too many of those here, and at home, so i bought like medium sized ones. well ones that are like a quarter of the size of a giant poster.
but kind of like four times the size of a postcard...
haha i dont know if that makes sense but whatever.
i really like them :)

also my peer partners and i have decided to try for tie-dye and pizza or some sort of food again. it's going to be in two weeks.
i'm pretty stoked. I LOVE TO TIE-DYE so i hope a lot more people come.
and lastly this weekend is Michelle's wedding.
i grew up with Michelle, and well we are both 21, so to me it's freaking weird to be getting married now.
i mean i'm sure she'll be happy and have a great life and what not. but i can't imagine being married right now. like it's weird.
she didn't really go to college though, she works at a bank and sort of did community college because they paid for it but i don't think she really continued with that, and well he works at the grocery store and sort of did community college too.
i just hope for the best for both of them.
meanwhile i freak out because i dont like that people are ALREADY getting married.
plus i dont' have a date for the wedding and michelle guilt-tripped me into bringing my mother.
which will not be a good time.
so i'm contemplating getting drunk.
which is terrible since i've never been drunk in my life.
heck i've had one alcoholic beverage, church wine and a sip of vodka.
quite the partier i am.
but whatever my mom drives me mad and i don't know if i can handle her for that long.
it's kind of been nice not having to deal with her...well since before summer camp basically.
wow. that sounds terrible. but she always seems to find a way to make me feel bad about myself,
plus she has all of my winter clothing in storage, and i keep asking her to get out so i can bring it back with me, i mean i really have no time to get it myself. but she refuses to do it either. it's her way of trying to make me hang out with her while we get my clothing out storage.
what she doesn't realize is that will not be a good time for her because i know myself and i will not be a happy person at all. so whatever.
i need my winter jacket and scarves and sweatshirts though.
i mean i'll kind of freeze without them or catch pneumonia or something.
so yeah.
life is ridic.

also i took up two shifts at home for work this weekend, because i need the money and i can't start work study until the 27th. super dumb if you ask me.
so i need to sleep now. ahha
i'm sure i'll update more now that i have internet!
peace.love. and nick jonas is legal. ha.

you know what

you know what i really don't like?
when you go to someone's going away party because they are leaving for boot camp, and they don't show up on time for their own party.
and then while they are there they only talk to you for like two minutes
AND you haven't seen said person for a very long time. over six months.
it's kind of disappointing.
although said person's new guy seems much nicer than the old one.

also i don't like being able to sample any ice cream flavor i want at any time. it's getting really bad.


but you know what i love?
when my camp friends visit me at work. :)
they make my night. i love it.
they make the night so much better.
and they even can tell.
since one of them pointed at that my whole face like brightened up when they showed up.
which is true since i was about to fall asleep behind the ice cream counter before they got there :)
I <3 camp friends.

i also enjoy house sitting, and sitting and watching tv in said house and eating all their wonderful food...although it's also making me fat since i basically eat everything they have :/

Don't Build your house on the sandy land.

(what what)
Don't build it too near the shore.
well it might be kind of nice but you'll have to build it twice
and you'll have to build your house once more.
you have to build your house upon the rock (JESUS)
the firm foundation on the solid spot
well the storms may come and go but the peace of God you will know.

:)
sorry its another camp song stuck in my head.
this time it was because i was at bible study and they mentioned Matthew 7:24 and wouldn't you know it, it's where that camp song is based from. ahha.
so ridiculously i have that song stuck in my head now.

anyways. i'm home from camp.
and i'm kind of sad.
I mean it was like six weeks of my summer.
Where i had an amazing time, made amazing Christian friends, whom i just now realize i really needed the support that they all gave me.
it's basically awesome.
Also this last week of camp was hilarious.
probably because i was sooo tired that i laughed at everything even if it wasn't funny.
let me just think of hilarious stories from the week
well last sunday my dad and brother dropped me off because my dad needed my car.
so at camp there was this kid named Jeff. he's six years younger than me, and i'm pretty sure he had a crush on me. but it's alright. anyways we were walking down to the pavillion in the rain and he was under my umbrella, because he couldnt' stand to get wet and he was like so uh who was that boy who was with you was that your brother? and i was like oh yeah that was my younger brother. he was like oh...how old is he? and i was like he's your age and he was like oh cool...yeah he's big.
and i just burst out laughing. because Jeff was like super skinny and i felt like i would step on him and he would break.
but i greatly enjoyed that he thought my youngest brother was big.
so funny.
so i got stuck in a cabin with a girl who liked to tell me her life story and how she loved this one guy we worked with and he liked her back and blah blah blah. and it was kind of annoying, so i got to the point where i just let her talk AT me, not to me. just AT me and basically i would just not give her any advice like i had been doing because it was getting ridiculous. for one thing we weren't allowed to date and she was like trying to set up secret meeting times with him. which was dumb, even leadership was on her for that, as in they were watching her. anyways so she sang the cabin awake the other day. and it was kind of terrible because she was losing her voice so it kept cracking and it was basically the worst way to wake up. considering she was waking the campers up. and me and another staff member who had still been sleeping as well. i kind of wanted to punch her. mostly because i'm not a morning person.
but Nicole (the other staff member) was hilarious and took it to a whole new level and sang her around the cabin (singing someone around is basically only done in the dining hall, so for someone to be sung around the cabins is ridiculous) of course the girl who sang to wake everyone up proceeded to sing around the cabin. it was painful to my ears. she was singing "rise and shine and give God the glory glory." repeatedly so Nicole remixed it and it was awesome. then one of the campers even told the girl who sang us awake that she needed to stop singing because she sounded like Hannah Montana. which was HILARIOUS. even though i love Miley. i can admit that sometimes she doesn't sound that great.
so it was pretty epic ESPECIALLY when the girl who was singing THOUGHT that i said it. it basically made it better. ahha
then when we went to eat we for real sang her around the dining hall the entire meal. we barely let her sit since it was unlimited songs/parades. it was awesome.

lets see on wednesday night i was in the craft room with Liv and Phil and Isaac came downstairs to do crafts.
yeah.. they did crafts
Phil was making a boat and Isaac was finishing some project he had been working on all summer.
anyways there were lie 80 million flies down in the craft room and Phil was using popsicle sticks. next thing you know he was going around killing flies by bending the popsicle stick back (within reason, as in it didn't break) and killing all the flies. it was gross and hilarious at the same time. because i was tired i was laughing so hard that i was like tearing up. and Isaac was looking at me so weirdly and i was just like i really need to go home and he was like you need to go home? and i was like um yes i'm so ridiculously tired that i'm laughing at dumb things.
and then i laughed more.
and now Phil won't let me forget that he killed all those flies and that i wouldn't stop laughing.
so great.

oh and another story with Isaac then!
so the girl who sang the cabin awake is known to go around and tell people random facts during conversations for no reason, or for not even being apart of a conversation and just walking up and tell you something about her life then leave.
so she of course did that to Isaac while i was standing there and after she walked away he was like you know i should just write down everything she tells me in a notebook and write a book. and i was like you know i should do that too, we could write a best seller and he was like awesome lets do it.
so we had a pretty awesome bonding moment. because then we were talking about how it would become her favorite book and she would be like i can relate to this person so much, and it would be because it was about her life.
it probably seems mean that we talked about that, but it's mostly because she seriously tells anyone anything about her life that you reallly didn't want to know like how much she has left after she paid tuition. and things like that. information that isn't necessary to share.

i also learned how to play "up the river down the river", well we just call it River at camp. it's pretty cool and i'm getting better at it. i greatly enjoyed playing it with Jacob last night though. we had staff weekend this weekend. it was so fun. after the campers left saturday we had our meeting then super cleaned camp then basically did crazy staff things all weekend. it was awesome. we played lots of games well i played River with Sam and UJ while eveyrone else played Hocker and Ultimate. then we had swimming, then we did our banquet which was hilarious especially since they gave everyone ridiculous awards that were hilarious. and there was great food. afterwards we got a nice gift. well if you were there all summer you got a zip up hoodie, but i missed a week so sadness. then everyone got a nice long sleeved shirt. it's pretty awesome :)
then we did more swimming, then to victory hall where the guys played elimination for awhile and i played "JV" river with some people, it was only because there were too many people who wanted to play so we did "varsity" and JV. it was pretty hilarious because then they guys slowly stopped playing and joined in River. so then we had three games of river going.
anyways my favorite River friend is now Jacob. he's hilarious and when eveyrone is tired things get so much more hilarious.
plus i love Jacob's laugh it's so infectious. it's amazing :)

anyways after we were in victory hall we went to the dining hall and had food at 1 in the morning. there was ice cream, as in good ice cream not the lame kind they serve when children are there, bagel bites, soft pretzel and jalapeno poppers. then more river was played and i went to bed at like 2:30
then we got up this morning had breakfast at 9. had to drag all of our stuff down to the pavillion because another group of people rented the camp out and they needed all the cabins immediately.
so we ate then found out that the stupid renter people needed the pavillion so we dragged all our stuff to the day camp tent/put it in the back of the directors truck to drive over to the tent.
then we had a small morning service at the chapel, which was awesome. then we did testimonies as staff and well people cried. including me. it's kind of ridiculous how many times i cried this summer already. and most of the times it wasn't like i'm so sad crying it was like i'm telling my story and this is when i cry crying. i mean i talked about God placing me at camp to help me deal with my parents divorce and having to move and how i feel like being there helped me heal and i felt intense love from everyone. and then i cried. but it's okay because other people cried before me.
and then my one friend Andrea told me she cried when i was talking and i was like well you made me cry when you told your testimony.
then we all had to say goodbye to everyone and more crying was involved and lots of hugging. and Phil made me laugh because he was like yeah so i killed all those flies for you and i was like haha oh man yeah i appreciated that then i like started to walk away and he was like you were really tired that night weren't you and i was like um yes i was, and he was like yeah becasue you were laughing really hard and it really wasn't that funny, and i was like haha yeah i was really really tired that night.
then more hugging happened wiht other people and SM (the boy who basically creeped me out all summer because he was always ridiculously happy) gave me this ridiculous bone-crushing hug for like thirty seconds. and he was like thanks so much for all you did in crafts, while squeezing me and i was like ummyeah no problem and i was like trying to get away. it was awkward.
then i walked away as fast as possible from him. and my dad came and i took all my stuff away and didnt' cry at all on the way home. so proud. but i still feel like at any possible moment i might break down because of how much i miss those people.
also remind me to look up a band called Tenth Avenue North.
and i took a four hour nap today. it was glorious and i greatly enjoyed.
i also went to bible study which was awesome..
and we were in little prayer circles and this guy whom i have never seen before at bible study (but then again i've been missing for like seven weeks) was like oh by the way we are the same age. (well after i told them to pray for me to help with dealing with being out of the wonderful christian bubble of camp and having the wisdom to handle going back to school and everyone there not necessarily being Christian and being in my senior year of college) and i was kind of like okay. because God did do a pretty good job with him...
but it was weird because he like mentioned his family and a wife but i don't know if he was like saying that to help explain what he was talking about because it would make sense in that context. he also had just talked about seeing a cute girl and having to remind himself he was there for God and not to find a girl.
so i was basically really confused and had no idea why he said that.
so strange.
anyways after bible study i went to the store to buy some necessities and i completely forgot that in the real world there are automatic doors.
i seriously haven't seen one in what feels like at least a month when it's actually probably only two weeks. but i just forgot that they existed.
it's kind of sad.
hah.
anyways i need to go to sleep now i'm still exhausted and i'm hanging out with my little brother tomorrow so i have to be awake at like 9:45 to be prepared to pick him up from lifting to hang out.
yay.
good night :)

TGIS is not for me.

so i've decided i don't like this TGIS stuff. it's annoying.
first of all, it might be better if my friends were here, but since EVERYONE went home for the weekend, except my guy friends, it's really boring.
I mean i spent like five hours in the library today.
which is really sad, since it's a saturday and it was really nice out.
i also had to eat lunch by myself, which is always kind of weird, since people look at you weird... and it's like listen here people i have friends...they just aren't here.
blah.
then i had to eat dinner by myself, but in the jays nest since the marketplace was closed, and they were doing some weird thing outside like an outdoor picnic thing?
idk i got a ticket, after i had lunch, and the lady who swipes our cards in like yelled at me, she was like "you are so lucky we decided to do this, i begged them to do this for you. it's because i love you kids!" (it's because they were selling them during the week, and i said no to it everyday because i kind of figured i wouldn't go to it anyways, but then since i was like well maybe i'll go with John so i decided to get one)
and i was like alright woman. you can stop yelling at me, then ending in a way that is like oh but don't worry i like you. kind of thing. i'm pretty sure she hates me.
and i think it because my friends swiped me in all the time last semester...so whatever. she can get over it.
anyways so i ate in the jays nest and had a quesadilla, which after eating i thought i was going to throw up. i mean i love the quesadillas but there is seriously too much cheese in them. again i love cheese, but it's like overflowing out of it, and after eating it you feel like you are going to die. and on top of that i drank an entire bottle of water so you know that pry didn't help.
sigh.
i kind of just want this weekend to be over.
i mean i dont' because i want to start my greek final that way i dont 'have to do it all at one time, which i sort of started it today, but not really since i was annoyed by the fact he didnt' put the words in the chart and you cant copy and paste the words into the chart.
sigh.
also tgis is weird. plus without my friends here i dont really know what to do. i mean it's not bad since tonight i just hung out in my room...in the dark...and watched Speed Racer and it was awesome. but i sort of feel like i was missing out on the things going on on campus, because John and Steve for sure weren't about to invite me to do whatever they are doing. which i'm pretty sure at this moment they are attending the "Jersey Shore Dance" my school is holding. which if my friends were here we would attend to make fun of people. also i'm pretty sure John and Steve had something to drink before they went, and well since i don't drink it's awkward.
especially like last night when Steve was like you can try some! (of this drink he gets it's called ice 101, but they say the 101 looks like lol so they call it icelol. and i was like uh.. and John was like NOOOOO. and steve was like oh you have to drive and i was like um yeah. and John was like yes she does i'm being a good influence!
i was like wow i have no idea what just happened.
lol. but it pry is because at dinner John was like you can try some of my beer if you want, and i was like uhh the thing is i dont drink at this point. at least not until i'm 21. it's just a personal thing. and he was like oh well that's you cool you don't have to, and i was like i know i don't have to.
oh well.
blah. this weekend just feels lame.
another problem is when this weekend is over...next weekend will be the weekend before finals and i'll need to study a lot for earth and space.
:/ which reminds me i need to print out the study guide for that class going to have to do that tomorrow.
eh whatever.
so i don't know it's really hot in my room right now, but i'm tired so i might go to bed.
good night!

I can't do this all on my own....i'm no superman

So yesterday Rachel came to visit, and she slept over to today.
It was pretty awesome! Well i mean i woke up yesterday and did my Greek homework, went to lunch. THEN finally she arrived. haha.
Sam was here with me and we pretty much told Rachel about everyone in our group. who can be a fun-sucker and who is awesome. Then she was telling me some things about back home. and it was interesting...
we can definitely say that some people disappoint me beyond belief.
Like i don't' even know what to say to those people next time i see them because i am so disappointed in them. and i really hate when that happens. It makes me sad. at the one point when she told me a couple of things i could feel my face turning red because I was SO mad and i could also feel my eyes like filling with tears because i was so upset at the same time. which is incredibly ridiculous, but that's what was happening. sigh.
anyways so we filled her in on everything about school, then we showed her some people on facebook who we creep on... like shb. hahaha.
and wedding boy too actually.
then we went to school and showed her around campus. went into Sam's dorm then we went to John's window and yelled into his window. ahhaa. then he pulled out the screen and had us crawl through the window again. it was pretty fun.
went to dinner, it was pretty empty, pry because Relay For Life was going on so a lot of people were there. and Sam's parents showed up because they had some papers for her to sign. so they were at dinner too. then wouldn't you know it but SHB showed up. and Sam's mom was like oh look who it is. and i was like what. and she mouthed his name to me and was like what you didn't think i knew?! i was like. OH MY WORD. lol
it was hilarious and crazy. and Rachel told me she approves haha.
it was a pretty fun dinner, because John is so entertaining, although it was weird because Kate kept sending this glaring looks at Rachel. it was really weird and i have no idea why she was doing that. it was also pretty rude. I mean Rachel was here visiting me and i told her that my friends are nice then Kate starts doing that.
pretty rude.
but whatever.
then we went and checked out relay for life for a bit. saw the boys A Capella group perform, and they are pretty awesome. then we went and hung out in the Jays nest until like 11, then Rachel and I came back to my apartment and talked until like 2 in the morning. but at like 130 Clayton came back with some random kid who apparently cut his hand really bad... I don't know, but they didn't want to go to the hospital for some reason. makes me wonder if he was drunk and underage... but you know whatever. it's his life.
all i know is this morning i walked by the living room and like looked at him still on the couch and like woke up and looked at me. and i was like oh snap awkward. lol
and i have no idea who that kid even was.
oh and it was also weird because when Rachel found out where Clayton was from she was like NO WAY. and found out that like they have a lot of mutual friends or at she knows people who know of clayton. also Rachel's cousin even knows him. SO WEIRD!
anyways so today Rachel and I went to lunch. and only Kate was there and it was awkward, because Kate kept like looking at me and not really looking at Rachel and I was kind of like weirded out. I mean if she had such a problem with her why did she even come to lunch. but whatever.
then Rachel had to leave because she had to work at 6:30. BUT I was so glad she came up :)
it was super fun.!
and now i should finish my Greek homework and figure out when i have all these papers due, and probably start my Greek paper that's due next Monday...
hahah. okay
bye!!!