...and he said Speak Now.

So once again it's been um like 8 days since i've posted on here.
small rundown then i'll write what actually made me come on here...

uh didn't present last week my teacher moved it to well yesterday... ahha
fall break was nice. except i worked everyday. and my arm felt like it was going to fall off. seriously it was sore for days. still kind of is.
didn't really see any friends, unless they visited me at work.
but i went to target...
not like that's equivalent to friends.
ha.
but at target i found the book that made me really excited to present in life meaning and purposeful work.
i mean i still hate presenting, but i'm really excited about this book.
also the reason i'm writing this blog.!
the book is called "The Last Lecture"
it's about Randy Pausch's life. he was a computer science professor at Carnegie Mellon and they do this "journey's" series there (used to be called Last LEcture series) and he did his on really achieving your childhood dreams.
but anyways i read the book that was written based on that lecture and other parts that he added in.
and it just made me think what were my childhood dreams even.
that sounds terrible, but i honestly don't remember. i mean i know i really wanted to learn guitar. and i've always wanted to travel but besides that i can't think of anything. most girls would pry put get married have kids. but honestly i didn't want that when i was younger. i didn't "dream" about getting married until i was like 16.and even then i was like eh.
i mean now i think about it a lot (SINCE EVERYONE is like getting married in my grade. RIDICULOUS) but i dont' think i can ever say that was my childhood dream.
i don't know.
i was a strange child.
anyways this book was amazing, and it was cool reading life from his perspective and seeing how he achieved so many of his childhood dreams. it's amazing. and even though i didn't know him i'm sort of proud of him in a way. it's just kind of cool.
i HIGHLY recommend the book. in fact you can even watch his lecture
HERE
I mean i dont' know i personally prefer reading over seeing the lecture, he adds a lot more to his book and he is still really personable.
what a cool guy.
he really lived his life to the fullest and you know i really want to do that.
and in a way this book made me think about how i sort of am like pessimistic about love right now.
i mean that happens when your parents get divorced about 25(ish) years of marriage
i mean they weren't happy ( i mean my mom probably thought she was but i dont 'think she was)
and i just don't know. i still kind of can't agree with it. i mean the Bible kind of DOES NOT agree with divorce (unless there is cheating or abuse)
but i know if they stayed together no one would have been happy.
it's kind of a weird win-lose-lose-win kind of situation thing.

oh life.
anyways because of that i'm kind of like in this weird thing where i'm like you know SOMEDAY i want to get married, but i NEVER want to get a divorce. like ever.
so it kind of scares me when i think about dating because i don't really like the idea of "dating around" honestly i kind of think it's dumb. i mean i know you're looking for "the one" but i can't deal with heartbreak. heck my parents divorcing was enough for me.
so the next time i date i would love for him to be the guy i marry.
now you're probably asking yourself. why would you do that? so many guys out there, couldn't you find someone better?
etc. etc.
honestly. i dont know. and honestly. i don't care. i think when God sends this guy my way he's going to be the perfect guy FOR me. get that not the PERFECT guy, but the perfect guy FOR ME.
so i'm just waiting.
and i think God knows i'm not ready. since i'm still healing.
it's a big blow to the heart when your parents divorce.
and it's worse when you have two younger brothers who you want to protect, you know in that big sister sort of way.
although i must tell you, they are really funny. when i was home for fall break my youngest brother asked me about the guy in my profile picture on facebook (it's my friend John.) and i was like oh it's just my best guy friend on campus and he was like uh huh. and i was kind of like um seriously. it's my best guy friend on campus. no worries.
(even though we've had this blog talk before. possible crush? who knows. well i mean i should know...but i don't hahaha)
BUT then it was seriously weird, my middle brothers calls me, he CALLS ME. he barely ever calls/texts, he's having a good time at school and i'm really happy for him ( don't tell him this though but i secretly...well not so secretly wish we would talk more and have a better relationship) but i got a little nervous when he called.
i mean i thought something was wrong or something!
turns out he was just asking me about life, seeing what's up. you know acting all non-chalant, then at the end he was kind of like oh um who is that guy in your profile picture?
i was like haha totally the reason he called.
then i had to go through the entire best guy friend spiel again. and he was like whatever you say. and i was like um seriously best guy friend.
then i told him to come visit to meet him.
and then he goes oh i trust you.
and i was like um
1. you trust me about what?
2. obvioulsy if i get a boyfriend i'm telling the family. uh no duh.
3. what is his problem with not EVER wanting to visit.
4. i really WANT him to visit.
5. i like lists.
i mean obvs i didn't say this to him that would have been awkward but i was kind of like um haha okay.. then he was all gotta study bye.
and i was like um okay bye. love you etc etc.
and then we hung up and i just told my dad that it was SUPER weird that he called. and my youngest brother was in the room and i told him that Greg had asked about my profile picture too and my youngest brother was like I WIN BEST BROTHER I ASKED YOU ABOUT IT FIRST!!
and i was like uh woah.haha
but i'm kinda glad to see them looking out for me.
i mean i was bit worried they didn't care.
last time i dated they never questioned it or him at all. and i wish they would have.
so yes.
thats pretty much it.
it's past midnight and i legit have to wake up at like 7:40 am for work in the morning.
sad.times.

on the bright side i love T.Swift's new songs. SUPER stoked for her album
amazon has it for like 8 dollars at the moment well 10.98 with shipping. still a pretty sweet deal. i was all over that one. haha
also i still need Sel's new album, and the CR2 album....slacking majorly here.
if you wanna share...i would love you forever :)
aah.
okay goodnight loves. thanks for listening to my rantings?

Happy Singles Awareness/Valentines Day

oh how i hate this holiday lol. it's really a lame holiday, i mean if you love someone you should tell them EVERYDAY not just once a year. you know? plus it's Hallmarks way of making more money. THOSE LOSERS.
lol but on a side note Happy Valentines Day to my Valentine B :) love you!
haha.
besides this is how i feel:



right there. states it all.
Anyways went to see Confessions of A Shopaholic. it was hilarious and amazing. and made me feel depressed since it's a romantic comedy and i hate seeing movies like that on this horrible day lol. but it was still amazing and i loved it and i highly recommend it to anyone who wants to see it :)
then afterwards got ice cream, i went with two friends. it was fun. lol idk what else to say i'm really thirsty right now, my throat is so dry. so i guess i'm going to go eat dinner, get something to drink then go to church and watch Jonas on SNL tonight
LOVE YOU ALL EVERYDAY OF THE YEAR <3

Darn it Rob. why are you so adorable.

seriously. why.
gah.
him on Ellen

bam.
so adorable. and the underwear.
BITE ME
bhaha.
and his car.
and his parents
and him
i need help.
i love this kid a bit too much for my own good.
oh hey Rob if you ever read this. umm your adorable and hilarious. and lets get married k?
hahah
just kidding.
no i'm not.
hah
and then this interview
http://www.kiddnation.com/video/video/show?id=2083456%3AVideo%3A513357
teehee
uh yeah. i think that's it besides the fact i bought three magazines today just for the pictures of Rob...
good thing i have a job. all my loves really make me broke. what's going to happen when i go away next year and might not find a job. :O
oh my gosh. that will be bad....
must look at pictures to make me feel better...




PS> in case you haven't noticed i write about Rob and twilight alot now. but just so you know i still love Jonas. it's just they are on break so it's kind of like i'm on break too.. haha .

What Is Love?

Love is Patient;
Love is kind;
Love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on it's own way;
it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice in wrongdoing,
but rejoices in the truth.
It bears all things,
believes all things,
hopes all things,
endures all things.
Love never ends.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

I Love You Guys too

Today I got the saynow Message from the Jonas Brothers :)
It was so adorable and it legit almost made me cry
i will write down everything they said.
Ready:
"Hey everybody it's us the Jonas Brothers and we just wanted to say a quick little message to you guys this is Kevin and we absolutely love you guys
hey everybody this is Joe i love you... alot
what's up guys this is Nick just wanted to say hello and say that we are doing well and we miss all of you very much and can't wait to come see you all very soon and we love you with all of our hearts"

:D
Tell me that doesn't make you want to cry with happiness. it was so nice i just listened to it like 20 times to make sure i wrote it down correctly lol. I even made my Mom listen to it. and she was making fun of me
she was like so next time someone asks you if a guy ever said they love you, you can say yes and it was some guy who wasnt in your family!
i was like hahah so funny mom. Whatever.
but legit i think it was really nice of them and it had been awhile since they told us that they loved us. well except Kevin he says it every time lol but that's cause he's awesome. :)
yeah. sigh. love them so much <3

Inseperable

okay so yesterday someone offered to set me up on a blind date. In which i would go on this date with this kid i don't know and with two other girls that i am friends with and their boyfriends. Can you say mad awkward.
I mean for realz! So i've never have had a boyfriend...which leads to i have never even been on a first date. So the a-ha moment is this would be my first date EVER.
now can you see my dilemma.
If not then stop reading. and start all over
So anyways. It's not like i don't think he will be a nice kid, i mean apparently he is "perfect for me" or so says the person trying to set me up.
It's just i have extremely high expectations. you know. and i really would rather not have to lower them. Cause that would bug me forever and ever.
These expectations have always been there. seriously like since i started liking boys...
and i really will not accept changing them at all.
Sigh
why does it have to be so hard to find the right guy and get a happily ever after.
:(
yes i do believe in happily ever after. As i do believe in love at first sight. although neither of those things have happened to me yet
obviously
lol
You know i can tell you that these high expectations come from watching all those Disney Movies as a child...when they all get their Princes and get married and dance the night away and live happily ever after.
the end
You Know?
but it's also personal.
I am a Christian and i have a relationship with God. So i have standards that i really want to keep. I wont go into details ...maybe a later post i will bore you to death with all my standards.
but for now that's all you need to you.
and this is a need to know basis
okay well i am off to work

I'm right your wrong Move on...

Okay sooooooooooo apparently yesterday my youngest brother's girlfriend broke up with him... now this i find hilarious cause they are young-ins. oh man. i seriously almost burst out laughing when i heard they broke up! But you know he was in the room so i didn't want to seem inconsiderate. hahah
oh maaaaaannnnnnnnnnnn

oh young love...

yup i haven't even had a boyfriend yet....
and both of my younger brothers have had several...
questionable at how that happens. but whatevs.
yup yup
okay well i think that's all for now
oh right 1 hour and 30 minutes til Living the Dream
sweeeeeeeeet!

soo

So recently i have become addicted to this thing they call facebook discussion boards...and well actually it's for a fan club facebook group hah in their discussion boards..and today the people the fan club is about came on and surprise surprise they left a message on the discussions boards...soooooooooooooo awesome!
It's amazing. everyone pretty much just freaked out and we were all like oh hey man well hey men ahah it's great.. fans so dedicated yeah they are so nice. so i figured you people who actually read this hah should read their response :)

"So for all you people who think Kevin is the "underdog," well, hes not.
I wrote this letter to him a week ago, just because it had all happened and I felt he needed to know what he's done for me.
If anyone knows any possible way for me to get this to him please please please tell me!
thanks!
Kevin Jonas is my lifesaver...

PS--this whole thing is 100% true

Dear Kevin,

First off, let me say that you are amazing; there really are no words to describe what you mean to me. You truly are the most incredible guy to me. My friends all think I’m just crazy in love with you, but they don’t know the half of it, actually, they don’t know anything. I just started high school this year and things were going great. I liked all my teachers, me and my friends were inseparable and we had all made a ton of new friends. My older bother had just started his freshman year at Columbia University, and was having the time of his life, so everything was good. I’m not a prefect student, I get mostly A’s, some B’s, but I do alright in school, and I always though as long as I tried y best that’s what counts. In my family, apparently its not. My brother got straight A’s all throughout high school, was the editor-in-chief of the school newspaper, got named Best Journalist in Massachusetts, took all honors classes, and every teacher always loved him. Not to mention he went to the junior semi-formal and the senior prom each 3 times in 3 years. Needless to say I feel like he’s got it all.
So anyways, I try my best and over achieve anytime I can to try to live up to him. My parents always tell me that I’m my own person, and it’s okay that I’m not as smart as he is, but I can feel the pressure of his achievements on my back at all times. Even though my parents don’t come out and say it to me, the pressure’s always there. One night I was having trouble on my homework so I asked my dad for help. He tried his best but I still didn’t get it. Later that night I walked by my parents bedroom door and heard them talking. I only heard part of their conversation but that was all I needed to hear. I caught “why can’t Leah just be like her brother He’s so perfect, and she’s so…not.” So much for my theory about trying my best. From that point on I knew nothing I did would meet their expectations, so I stopped over achieving.
I was still getting A’s and B’s, but just barely. School became the lesser priority while you guys rose to the top. I would bolt home from school and sprint to the computer, check your Myspace and then go right to your Facebook page and stay on the discussion boards for up to 7 hours at a time. I knew, no matter what kind of day I’d had,
that my Jonas family would cheer me up in a matter or seconds.
One day I had just had enough. Life was way too stressful, nothing was going my way, and I just wanted out. I couldn’t deal with the pressure for any longer and I wanted it to be over and gone. I came straight home from school knowing I would never actually go through with my wish, went straight up to my room and laid down on my bed. I started at your poster for 5 straight hours. I never once took my eyes off yours and listened to Hold On and Take A Breath over and over again.
Basically what I’m trying to say is that without you, Kevin Jonas, I would not be alive today. You re my hero, my lifesaver. You taught me to hold on, and to never give up. Even though I’ve never met you, I know there’s no possible way for me to repay you for what you’ve done for me.
On March 20th I got to go to your VIP sound check and sit 2nd row for the actual concert. When you stepped out on stage I burst into tears. Seeing you standing there, a mere 5 feet away from me, made me think of how thankful I am that you are who you are. That night was the best night of my life, and to top it all off I got your guitar pick. The whole night I never took my eyes off you, no matter what crazy flip Nick was doing. That guitar pick I got now hangs on a chain around my neck. I will never take it off as long as I live because it reminds me of you; Kevin Jonas you are my hero and nothing will ever change that. You saved my life without even saying one single word. Just the fact that I know I can always count on coming home to your prefect face plastered all over my walls, and your deep, gorgeous voice is the reason I get up in the morning. Whereas most people listen to Nick and Joe’s beautiful singing voices, I listen more carefully, always blocking out their voices to hear yours in the background. That voice is what I live for.
I would give anything at all to have just ten minutes with you to tell you what an impact you’ve had on my life. I’d give what you saved; I would give my life in order for you to know how truly incredible you are.
Kevin Jonas, without you I would not be writing this letter right now. You are the soul reason I am alive today, and for that I am eternally grateful.
Not a single day passes when I don’t thank God you are who you are. Not a single hour goes by without me mentioning your name. Not a single minute goes by without me wishing for you to please be mine. Not a second goes by without me thinking about you.
Kevin Jonas, you are my hero, you are my lifesaver. I hope with all my heart that I will one day get to tell you this in person.

I love you more than anything in the world.
Thank you for making me hold on.
You truly are incredible.

Love,
Leah Cotton"


so that's the girl who wrote the letter and here is their response :)

Leah,
Every fan who's life is changed from our music, is another reminder that this is why we do what we do. Thank you, for taking the time to write this and you can be assured that we are very grateful that you kept holding on even after eveything you went through. Life always throws things your way to try and direct you away from your goals. Dont let life's speedbumps slow you down. I guess its my turn to say, we'll always be there for any fan that needs our music. Thanks again for the support, we love you all!

-Kevin J, with help from Joe and Nick :)


yup yup so cool
she is such a lucky girl :)
well peace out peeps