I'm going crazy.

Pretty much shocked out my mind right now.
CAN'T BE TAMED

that would be the reason why.
i'm like confused by it. i mean i understand what's happening and i get that she did that to tell a story about the song but i'm still like what just happened.
i feel really weird about it.
mostly because i can't imagine any of her younger fans watching that and being okay with it. I mean if i was a parent i would not let my child watch that, i know there are worse things out there (but i wouldn't be letting them watch those either) but it's just she was like half naked, and it was well shocking.
ahha i hate that i keep using shocking as my describer but that's all i can think of to describe what i'm thinking and feeling...


anyways enough about that.
soo i'm getting a blister on my finger from carving my stone so much.
which sounds ridiculous because it's on my middle finger on my middle knuckle. have no idea why i'm getting a blister there.
well i mean i do since i pry hold the thing i'm using really weird. but still i'm like for real a blister!? gross.
also saw Chad for a bit today.
He's been coughing a lot lately, and it's really bad since they are like these hacking coughs that make me think he is going to like cough up his lung which would be so sad. since obviously i have a crush on him.
i was kind of lame today. because i was working on my stone carving (AGAIN) and Sam and Kristin were there (again also haha) and they were like it's looking more like a heart and Chad like turned around from where he was standing and like stared at it from where he was. which he could only see the back of it which the back looks really bad. so that was interesting.
then he told one of the other girls there that he was leaving and he took an abnormally long time to leave. he legit took like ten minutes to leave. i was like alright... then when he actually left he like looked back to where i was sitting, but i'm really slow so i like didn't even look up until after he already looked away.
i dont know what my problem is. it's like i want to date him/ become friends with him. oh i don't know MARRY him ahah. but at the same time i like sabotage myself.
i'm so weird. I guess i'm kind of in the mindset that God will make it happen if it's meant to be.
i just don't know because he is the only one who actually talks to me well now.
shb never talked to me (well except that one time he was here and i freaked out)
Wedding boy hasn't sent me a message since Easter. idk what is up with that.
and well Chad talks to me all the time and smiles at me, and melts my heart basically.
but i really don't know that much about him, besides the fact that his name is EPIC.
for some reason i adore the name Chad, i had a crush on this kid who was a year younger than me and his name was Chad, granted it was Chadwick which i thought was epic, and this Chad's name is Chadston, which i love.
so yeah. what to do what to do.
I don't know he's going to graduate and then I might not ever see him again, which if that happens then it probably wasn't meant right?
this just makes me sad.
I'm going to spend everyday in the sculpture room, now until i leave, Chad and I...we are going to be really good friends by the end of this semester.
the one week that is left that is :(((((
bahhh.
also i'm wearing my favorite shorts tomorrow, that will make me happy, they always make me happy, then i'll smile a lot, and he will see me and be like yeah she seems cool.
ahha.
oh man i'm so weird.

SO ANYWAYS.
i sent my toms back TWO WEEKS AGO, and they emailed me today telling me they got the exchange information >:I not happy. I'm hoping that they will ship them out abnormally fast and i'll get them like mONDAY. but with my luck they will arrive oh next friday. WHEN I AM AT HOME. and the school will have to ship them to me which WILL TAKE LONGER!!!!!
GAHHH.
i just want them now. *cries*
i'm sorry i'm in a ridiculous mood right now.
i think it's from
1. Kickboxing. John was there. we didnt' do abs. we did a lot of squats (WHICH I HATE) and used weights and worked on our arms (which MINE ALREADY HURT FROM STONE CARVING)
2. Chad. he makes me happy and sad. since he's leaving.
3. i'm Ridiculous.
4. I had cake and lemonade today in theology through film class while watching The Fisher King, it was cool.
5. it was sunny out and it rained for like 15 seconds while my friends and i were sitting in the Dell today. it was weird.
6. Finals make me crazy.
7. Quiero mis Toms. :/
8. It's almost 1 in the morning YAY FOR NO GREEK !

so uh yeah.
that really should be it. i should sleep. i'm obviously going crazy.
hahaha.
good night